How to catch someone lying

You'll Never Catch Them All, But You Can Learn to Catch More

How to catch someone lying

You might be shocked to learn that more than 80 percent of lies go undetected. However, when you think back to being a young child, it shouldn’t surprise you that lying is such a prevalent behavior. When quizzed about eating a piece of candy before dinner, most kids are guaranteed a chiding if they admit to the transgression, while lying provides a much lower probability of a punishment—that is, if they don’t get caught.

This opportunity-cost process that children go through to avoid getting in trouble sets the foundation for a pattern of lying in the future.

While people will always get away with lying, most lies are pretty easy to spot if you know how to read the signs. Here are a few techniques to determine if someone is telling the truth or not.

1. Start by asking neutral questions.

By asking someone basic, nonthreatening questions, you are able to observe a response baseline. Ask them about the weather, their plans for the weekend, or anything that would elicit a normal, comfortable response. When they respond, observe their body language and eye movement—you want to know how they act when they are telling the truth. Do they shift stance? Glance in one direction or the other? Or look you dead in the eye? Make sure you ask enough questions to observe a pattern.

2. Find the hot spot.

Once you move from neutral territory to the “lie zone,” you should be able to observe a change in body language, facial expressions, eye movement, and sentence structure. Everyone will give different subconscious clues when telling a lie, which is why it’s important to observe a normal baseline prior to entering the lie zone.

3. Watch body language.

Liars often pull their body inward when lying to make themselves feel smaller and less noticeable. Many people will become squirmy and sometimes conceal their hands to subconsciously hide fidgety fingers. You might also observe shoulder shrugging.

4. Observe micro-facial expressions.

People will often give away a lie in their facial expression, but some of these facial expressions are subtle and difficult to spot. Some people will change their facial coloration to a slighter shade of pink, others will flare their nostrils slightly, bite their lip, perspire slightly, or blink rapidly. Each of these changes in facial expression signifies an increase in brain activity as lying begins.

5. Listen to tone, cadence, and sentence structures.

Often when a person is lying they will slightly change the tone and cadence of their speech. They might start speaking more quickly or slowly, and with either a higher or lower tone. Often, the sentences they use become more complex as their brain works on overdrive to keep up with their tale.

6. Watch for when they stop talking about themselves.

People who are lying will also sometimes start removing themselves from their story, and start directing the focus on other people. You will hear fewer me’s and I’s as liars try to psychologically distance themselves from the lie that they’re weaving.

Remember: Everyone has different “lying behavior” so there is no one guaranteed lie-detection method. It’s most important to be able to compare a liar’s baseline behavior to the body movement, facial expressions, eye movement, and verbal cues that they use when they are telling a lie.

I wanted to believe my kids when they told me what they did or who they were with. But sometimes I suspected that they were not being completely honest. Like many adults, teenagers tell the truth when they know people would approve of their activities, and become evasive or even outright lie when they know people would disapprove.

Fortunately, most of the time, most if us tell the truth. The time to worry is when people become evasive or deceptive, because they know they have done something wrong.

A Volatile Conundrum is a sophisticated technique that puts liars in a position wherein they are forced to make snap decisions. Truthful people have little difficulty handling Volatile Conundrums. But the technique allows parents, for example, to test the truthfulness of teens without their kids knowing their veracity is being tested. The beauty is that the questioner is not put in the awkward position of calling someone a liar or even suggesting that they are suspected of being less that truthful. Accusing people of lying, or even suggesting that they’ve been deceptive, can damage a relationship, especially if the person actually did tell the truth.

I typically used this technique with my kids when I lacked sufficient indicators of deception to make direct accusations, but had a gut feeling that they were not telling me the whole truth. Here’s an example:

I wanted to know what my son did the previous evening. But when I asked him, his answer was tentative and evasive, so I presented him with a Volatile Conundrum.

Me: Where did you go last night?

Him: I just hung out with the guys.

Me: What did you guys do?

Him: Ah…we went to see a James Bond movie and then we just hung out at Mark’s house.

Me: What time did the movie start?

Him: Around 7.

Me: That’s interesting. I was listening to the police scanner at about 8 o’clock last night and heard that someone pulled the fire alarm at the theater. The police and firefighters evacuated the theater and when they discovered that there was no fire, they let everyone back in, I would have been pretty angry if I were watching a movie and had to leave half-way through.

If my son did not go to the movie as he claimed, he faced a Volatile Conundrum, and had to make a snap decision. Does he acknowledge that the fire alarm went off, or does he dispute the fact? If he acknowledges that the fire alarm went off and, in reality, it did not, he will be caught in a lie. If he disputes the fact that the alarm went off and, in reality, it did, he will be caught in a lie. Only the truthful person would know for sure if the fire alarm went off. This is quite a Volatile Conundrum for a teen to face. Let’s return to my conversation and see if he was lying or not:

Me: . . . I would have been pretty angry if I were watching a movie and had to leave half-way through.

Him: What? (Inquisitive Look) There was no fire alarm.

Me: Oh, maybe I heard it wrong. I wasn’t really paying attention. So, what are you up to today? (Escape clause)

Escape Clause

Based on my son’s response and nonverbal cues, I determined that he was telling the truth. Since I did not want him to know that I doubted his veracity, I employed the Escape Clause, “Oh, maybe I heard it wrong,” to refocus the conversation. Then, unless I told my son what I had done, he would never have known that I had tested his veracity.

The following exchange illustrates how my son might have responded had he been lying.

Me: . . . I would have been pretty angry if I were watching a movie and had to leave half-way through.

Him: Ah…it didn’t bother me. I had to go to the bathroom anyway.

His acknowledgement that the fire alarm went off and the theater was evacuated clearly demonstrated that my son was lying about his night out. At his point, I would be faced with a dilemma of my own: Do I immediately confront him about his deception or do I let some time pass first?

My first reaction would have been to call him a liar on the spot. This would have been personally satisfying but nonproductive, for several reasons:

  1. I would have revealed the Volatile Conundrum technique making it difficult to use it on future occasions.
  2. My son could have gone on the offensive and accused me of having used deception to trick him.
  3. My son would have probably engaged his defense mechanisms making the truth more difficult to discover.

The best option is to call the liar out at a later time. At least, I would have known that he was lying and was probably doing something that I would not have approved. From that point on, I would have begun monitoring his activities very closely to learn what he was really up to.

The Volatile Conundrum is a powerful technique to test veracity and should be used sparingly so as not to alert others to the technique. Volatile Conundrums should be carefully designed to ensure the possible deceiver faces a true dilemmas if they are lying. More important, all Volatile Conundrums should have escape clauses in the event the person did tell the truth. Escape clauses allow you hopefully to use this technique undetected and prevent a potential loss of trust.

Additional techniques to test the veracity of your kids can be found in Fibs to Facts: A Parental Guide to Effective Communication.

It’s a hard fact to accept, but your friends and coworkers lie to you regularly. The real challenge lies in how you respond once you catch someone in the act.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Even though most people lie a lot—roughly two to three times during a ten-minute conversation, studies show—you don’t catch them nearly as often as you might think. Researchers from the University of California analyzed the results of 253 studies and found that we only spot about half the lies we’re told (53% to be exact). In other words, we’re about as likely to identify a lie as we are to win a coin toss.

The scary thing is that people who are trained in detecting deception — judges, customs agents, law enforcement officers, and even CIA agents — don’t fare much better. They can only spot a lie about 60% of the time.

When you do catch someone lying to you, it’s usually a real whopper. These are the kinds of lies that are so insulting to be the recipient that it’s hard to think straight. In these moments, you want to keep the conversation constructive, without letting the liar off the hook, which is a difficult thing to pull off.

And what about the times when you have a nagging sense that you’re being lied to but aren’t certain and don’t want to come across as paranoid or accusatory? While too much skepticism is never healthy, a small dose can be a very good thing, especially since we’re so poor at recognizing lies.

The question always becomes, what do you do with a lie? If you think someone is lying to you, do you call them on it? Do you tell someone else? Or do you just go along to get along?

There are actually several things you can do, and the right one, or the right combination, depends on the situation.

First, make certain you understand the rules

Before you decide what course of action to take, check the employee handbook and consider the recent history of similar situations. If you’re going to call someone out, you need to know what you’re getting yourself and the liar into.

Know the severity of the consequences for lying, and make certain you follow proper protocol for addressing it, or the entire thing could backfire on you.

Option #1: Do nothing

Nobody likes being lied to, and the natural reaction is to call the liar out, but that’s not always the smartest thing to do, especially at work. Before you do anything, ask yourself, ‘What’s at stake besides my ego?’ Carefully weigh the pros and cons before you take action.

Consider who, if anyone, should know about the lie and the implications it has for the company. Sometimes, the animosity you avoid by staying silent is worth more than the satisfaction you receive from speaking out. Other times, the lie is serious enough that people have to know.

Option #2: Deflect with humor

Some lies are too big to ignore completely, yet too small to make a big deal out of. When this happens, you can always make a joke of it. Playful comments that acknowledge the lie will usually do the trick. Whether it’s “Hey, I think I just saw your nose grow a little bit” or “I need to get my prescription checked.

When I looked at the scorecard, it said you shot 112,” this strategy gives the liar a chance to admit their slip-up without fear of reprisal. The key to making this tactic work is to give the impression that the other person was kidding around or intentionally exaggerating and never expected to be believed.

Option #3: Play dumb

Another way to let someone save face — and this is particularly appropriate for group settings — is to play dumb. Pretend you suddenly suffered a memory lapse or are confused about the facts. Ask lots of follow-up questions.

The more details you request, the more likely it is that the truth will come out. Drawing it out gives the liar a chance to admit that they “misspoke” and correct themselves without being called a liar.

Option #4: Call them on it

In situations where doing nothing isn’t a good option, you can always call the liar out. You just need to think carefully about the best way to do this, and impulsively bashing them is never a smart move. You may choose to have a conversation with the liar in private or with others whom the lie affects.

In either case, it’s important you have evidence that backs up your claim, or you very well may be called a liar yourself. Just make certain you are honest and direct with the person who lied. Don’t go to others with the lie when you know it’s better handled privately between you and the liar.

There are many times when reporting a lie is the right thing to do, both ethically and practically. Sometimes, not reporting a lie can cost you your job. However, there are a few things you need to think about before you take that step. First, question your motives.

Are you thinking of telling someone about the lie out of concern that either another employee or the company could be harmed, or are you just mad? If it’s the latter, you run the risk of making yourself look petty; if it’s the former, stick to the facts. Don’t offer any hypotheses about why the person may be lying because that’s just supposition on your part. Stick to what the person said, what the truth is, and any proof you have collected.

Not optional: Protect yourself

Whether you decide to call a lie or to let it go, once you know you’re dealing with a liar, it’s critical to take steps to protect yourself. One way to do that is to have a witness attest to what the liar said. Failing this, interact with the liar via email or text, both of which create a written record. Though if you’re dealing with a particularly savvy liar, they’re not going to commit to anything in writing.

In that case, document the conversation yourself: who, what, when, where, etc., and cap it off by sending your lying colleague an e-mail summarizing the conversation. That’s not as good as having proof in the other person’s words, but at least you’ll be able to make the argument that your colleague had the opportunity to correct you.

Bringing it all together

Some people tell infrequent lies to make themselves look good or to protect themselves. Others are pros. They’ve been doing it their whole careers, they’re good at it, and they’ve learned how to avoid getting caught. That’s why there’s no single solution that works in every situation. The best thing to do is to carefully consider your options, thinking through the pros and cons of each course of action.

This article originally appeared on LinkedIn.

There’s a pretty good chance you aren’t Perry Mason, Denny Crane or even Saul Goodman, which means that it isn’t usually in your best interests to try to convince any type of court that someone is lying with your own self-represented monologue, no matter how impassioned, truthful or TV-ready that monologue may be. While your lawyer will lead the charge as always (that’s why you hired her), you can help fight courthouse lies by packing your mental quiver full of knowledge about the standard procedures American courts have in place to fight all manner of untruths.

It Starts With Testimony

Hearing someone knowingly lie on the stand can be infuriating, but the simplest way to catch a witness lying is to provide a contrary testimony that calls those lies into dispute. This, of course, can be done in criminal, civil, commercial, family or probate cases. While it remains up to the court to hear and evaluate both sides of the story, a conflicting testimony that strongly calls the lie into question may cause the judge to determine that the untruthful witness is adverse or hostile. At the very least, it can call the lying witness’ credibility into question, which is a step in the right direction for your case.

Similarly, if you observe lies in a witness testimony, you can ask your attorney to cross-examine the witness on a specific point. Let your lawyer know which part of the testimony you believe to be a lie and he can focus the cross-examination on questions that reveal inconsistencies in that part of the testimony. Oftentimes, the trick to this is honing in on highly specific details, which a lying witness may not be able to readily provide. With these inconsistencies or missing details revealed to the court, the jury may decide to discard the witness’ testimony in whole or in part.

The Power of Evidence

When it comes to testimony, it’s ultimately up to the jury to decide who and what to believe, often leading to he-said-she-said situations. Evidence, on the other hand, is a much more definitive tool for disproving lies in the courtroom.

Though it’s not always available, you may be able to swat down witness fibs with hard, objective proof. Pairing surveillance footage, photos, hard-copy records or audio recordings with a conflicting witness’ testimony is often enough to turn the court in your favor. In cases of bodily violence, for instance, you may obtain a physical examination from a doctor to collect proof of specific instances of abuse. Other forms of evidence to consider include social media, emails, bank statements and transaction records.

More to Know

In some cases, you may request that the judge give the jury instruction in regards to specific evidence or testimony that you find lacks credibility. This instruction enables the jury to give each piece of evidence presented its own “weight” in regards to credibility when making their decision.

While lying under oath is legally defined as the punishable crime of perjury, when perjury occurs in non-criminal court, a prosecutor must take an interest in the case to try the accused of perjury. As you might guess, this is an exceedingly rare situation. The unfortunate reality is that – while false testimony, evasion and withholding evidence can cause a witness to be held in contempt of court – most perjury goes unpunished (and in the very rare cases that one is tried, the sentence is often a light one, such as the probation sentence given as punishment in California’s People v. Berry case of 1991). As such, it’s often more effective to rely on testimony and evidence to disprove lies rather than pursue or file perjury charges.

Trust the time-tested legal system and rely on methods such as testimony, evidence and examination to disprove lies in a court of law.

If you are texting people you need to know how to tell if someone is lying over text. There are 5 red flags to look for.

These days we are texting more and more and you never know when you might come across a text lie.

These lying red flags are also important to spot in emails and chat.

In an age where technology is rapidly shaping the online world and how we communicate, and for many businesses that work exclusively through the virtual world (sending emails, communicating remotely) it is easy to wonder if the person on the other end of that text message or email is lying.

How many emails do you get every day?

A recent study showed that an office worker receives on average 121 emails a day. That is a staggering amount of emails that could potentially contain a lie. It has also been said that we are lied to as many as 200 times per day, and that we can accurately detect only about 54% of those lies.

The majority of the population genuinely wants to tell the truth, which is why the limbic system in our brain will leak out clues when we tell a lie. Think of it this way: just like in the movie “Liar, Liar”, Jim Carrey’s character (Fletcher Reede) tried to trick himself that the “blue” pen in his office was red, but every time he would utter the word red, the truth would leak out that the pen was blue.

These clues that leak out are what we call red flags, and I am here to help you increase your detection radar. So, here are 5 Red Flags to help you know how to tell if someone is lying to you in text or email:

Lack of First-person Pronouns

It is known that when a person is being truthful, they will refer to themselves in first-person and subtly proclaim ownership of a statement. So when you are reading an email, look to see if the sender is verbally distancing themselves by using less frequent singular pronouns like “I”, “me”, or “my”. Verbal distancing is the same as nonverbal distancing– “standing back” from the lie that does not represent their true attitude or experience. Examples of these might look like:

“Leaving the bank’s safe unlocked is not what a responsible person would do.”

“I left the safe in the bank unlocked”

Past Tensing

A deceptive person may refer to historical events from the past, in the present. The reason for this might be because the deceiver is making up the story from their imagination. Like in the 1994 case of Susan Smith, she used past tense words like “My children wanted me. They needed me. And know I can’t help them.” These keywords suggested to the investigator that Susan already knew that her kids were no longer alive. Many truth-tellers that believe their missing family member is alive, would use their words in the present tense.

Concrete Vs. Abstract

Because a liar is generating a story from their imagination, some of their cognitive resources are being used to create a believable story. This suggests a lower amount of cognitive complexity being used, which allows a liar to easily access concrete descriptions than abstract evaluations or judgements. This might look like:

  • “I walked to the store”
  • “ Usually, I take bus #12 to work, but since it was a beautiful day, I decided to walk to the store”.

The Unanswered Question

Like I mentioned above, people generally don’t like to lie, so before their brain leaks the truth, they will generally ask a question within a question to talk about something unrelated. This is a common go-to method for people who want to dodge the truth. If you go back and watch Anthony Weiner’s first sex scandal, you find him many times deflecting the hard questions with another question or by changing the topic completely.

Swear Oathing

Another sign of deception is known as the “oath”. This is when a person will try to convince they are not guilty by adding in verbal expressions such as: “I swear”, “cross my heart…”, or “To be honest”. Truth-tellers are more confident in their words and feel that the facts will speak for themselves without having to back their statement up with a swearing aa If the email in question feels a bit off, circle back around and ask questions that can take the topic a bit deeper, this will help with any misunderstandings. Before you leave us, remember:

How to catch someone lyingAgain, people have a very difficult time spotting deception with a complete stranger. All the research shows that people are no better than tossing a coin when trying to detect deception by someone they do not know (see nonverbal cues).

A reasonable person might think that it would be easier to tell if a spouse or lover is lying. After all, people are more intimate with their romantic partners. People know their husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, and how they typically behave.

It should be easy to catch a spouse or lover in a lie by watching their body language. This makes a lot of sense, but unfortunately, the opposite is more likely to be true.

Love is blind. Love makes it difficult to see a partner’s negative behaviors and flaws (see oxytocin may induce blindness).

When people are in love, they place a lot of trust in their romantic partners and think they know them well. While this trust provides people with a sense of security and comfort, it creates an opportunity for deception. How to catch someone lying

Every study conducted shows that lovers have a very difficult time actually telling when their partners are lying. Even though detecting deception is difficult with complete strangers, lovers manage to take this skill to a new low (see Levine & McCornack; McCornack & Parks; Millar & Millar; Stiff; Kim & Ramesh; Cole).

This finding is called the "truth-bias" and it is one of the best documented findings when it comes to deception, love and romance. As people become more intimate and more emotionally involved they also become less accurate at detecting their partner’s deception. People are too willing to give their romantic partners the benefit of the doubt.

The "truth-bias" helps explain why deception is almost always discovered by accident (see discovering deception). More often than not, people have a difficult time imagining that their partner could be lying.

Perhaps the easiest way to see the "truth-bias" is not in your own relationship, but a friend’s relationship. Have you ever had a friend, who was in love with someone, but your friend could not see how his or her lover might be lying? Of course, it is always much easier for other people to see the truth.

When we become emotionally involved with someone it is much harder to spot their lies—seeing the truth would simply cause too much pain, especially when it comes to serious issues such as infidelity.

Ironically, while we have a difficult time spotting our lover’s lies, we do not realize it. Most people think they are really good at telling when their partner is lying, but research shows that thinking you are good at detecting deception does not make it so (see detection confidence).

We think we can detect deception because we trust our "gut reaction"—our instinct, if you will. And while we occasionally catch a lover lying, we probably only catch about 1-5% of the lies we are told. So, based on these few successes, we assume we can detect deception better than we can.

Taken together, an interesting pattern begins to emerge.

As intimacy increases:

  • People’s confidence at detecting deception increases.
  • People’s actual ability to detect deception declines.
  • Partners have more reasons to lie (see expectations and lying).

What does this mean?

More often than not, people place the most trust in the person who is most likely to deceive them.

And unfortunately people are the most likely to deceive the person who loves and trusts them the most.

There is nothing quite like that sinking feeling in your stomach followed by the flash of anger and hurt that comes when your partner lies to you. Obviously, some lies are bigger and more devastating than others, but even small little white lies that accumulate over time can feel like a thousand punches. What I’m saying is that being lied to by the person you love just plain sucks — and while you shouldn’t have to put up with it, knowing what to do when your boyfriend lies to your face can determine whether your relationship survives dishonesty or will be doomed by it.

Doing the "right" thing in the moment is especially hard, because being betrayed, even in small ways, might bring up a lot of feelings. Your instincts may be to lash out in defense, but if what you want is actual resolution and for the behavior to stop, following those instincts may not be the most effective path. So, to help find out what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship, I consulted the experts. Here is how they say to respond if you are ever in a situation where you’ve caught your SO in a straight-up lie.

First thing’s first: When your partner lies to you, it’s time to call them out on it. The key to doing this correctly, NYC relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily, is to do so calmly. It can be really hard not to lash out in the moment, but try to resist the urge. “If you catch your partner lying, calmly call them out. Take a beat. Don’t speak. This puts the ball back in their court and forces them to answer,” says Winter. “Let them speak without your reactivity [and] refrain from commentary until they’re fully expressed themselves.”

If your boyfriend or girlfriend lies to your face, it can be helpful to address that in real time, so you’re not bubbling up with resentment or anger days later. But if you are concerned that you won’t be able to confront them calmly in the moment, then relationship and etiquette expert April Masini suggests taking a step back. “Sometimes you’re so hurt and flustered, that you’re not focused and composed and you can’t bring it up in the moment,” she previously told Elite Daily. “Don’t worry. Later is often better because it gives you time to compose your feelings and what you want to say."

The antidote to anger is empathy, so if you want to avoid escalating the argument, Laurel House, celebrity dating and relationship coach and host of the Man Whisperer podcast, suggests that rather than leaning into your (justifiable) anger, you try and understand the reason why your SO lied.

“People often lie for a reason: insecurity, fear, shame, or because historically this was their way to survive and manage other past relationships — which obviously doesn’t work with you,” she says. While that doesn’t justify the lie or mean you don’t have every right to be upset, trying to understand their perspective can help calm your own emotions and allow you to decide how best to proceed.

Just because you are coming from a place of empathy and calmness does not mean that you have to put up with the behavior. You don’t. This is why House says the next step is to set clear boundaries around honesty. “Once [they come] clean, explain how important a foundation of honesty is for you,” she says. “And if you do choose to continue in the relationship, you have now established that lying is not part of your relationship, no matter how insecure, ashamed, or awkward [they] feel.”

By coming forward with your expectations, you can be clear with your partner that you would always rather them be honest than lie in an attempt to protect your feelings or their own dignity.

How to catch someone lying

What a wonderful world it would be if everyone made a collective commitment to be completely truthful and trustworthy with each other. We can all hope that day will one day arrive.

But in the meantime, we must resign ourselves to the fact that there are people who choose to be deceitful and devious. Even if understand how to tell if someone is lying, it can still be devastating when you catch someone not telling the truth.

What should you do if you discover that someone — a co-worker, a roommate, or especially a loved one — has been dishonest with you?

1. Resist the urge to let it slide.

Ignoring devious behavior will only perpetuate unhealthy patterns. Staying silent will not honor yourself and won’t do anything to help the disingenuous person.

2. Weigh the impact.

Ask yourself how the dishonest behavior has affected you. Every deceitful “transaction” costs you something. What was it?

3. Ponder your wisest approach.

Before you move into action (or fly off the handle), take a deep breath and consider your options. A knee-jerk response may inflame an already heated situation.

4. Address the behavior.

It’s best to stay focused on the actions — what was done and how it affected you. Finger-pointing and accusing, even if deserved, will put the person on the defensive and stifle any constructive conversation.

5. Ask direct questions.

If you suspect someone has lied or manipulated, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t drop the matter until you are satisfied with the answers.

6. Reject “minimalism.”

Some people try to minimize dishonest behavior by trying to pass it off as a little white lie, a fib, or insisting it’s no big deal. Deceitful actions ARE a big deal and shouldn’t be shrugged off.

7. Determine if the person is willing to come clean.

When confronted, lots of people try to cover it up with another lie, and then another. Damaged trust can be restored only when the person takes responsibility for his/her actions.

8. Get a second opinion.

Those who traffic in untruths are masters of misdirection and misperception, leaving you thoroughly confused. Ask a trusted friend or counselor for a reality check so you can separate lies from truth.

9. Honor your instincts.

Give yourself permission to respond in the way you feel is best. If you have doubts and misgivings about someone’s trustworthiness, listen closely to what your heart and head are telling you.

10. Refuse to be the scapegoat.

Dishonest people will sometimes try to turn the tables and make you out to be the one with the problem, saying that you’re overreacting and reading into things. Don’t play along with that kind of manipulation.

11. Make your boundaries clear and hold to them.

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12. Understand that dishonesty is usually not a one-time thing.

Often, a person who will deceive you once will deceive you again.

13. Don’t become enmeshed.

This means becoming over-involved or overly responsible for the other person. You might be tempted to try to “fix” the situation. But you can only control your own actions.

14. Tell yourself the truth.

Sometimes the best way to deal with a dishonest person is to make sure YOU are completely honest. Even if the other person does not know or care about your dedication to truthfulness, you will know and be proud of your integrity.

15. If all else fails, distance yourself from the deceiver.

When you realize the other person is not willing to shoot straight with you and won’t take responsibility, there’s little chance trust can be regained. So walk away.

If this means ending a relationship, so be it. There are too many good, honest people in the world to get yourself tangled up with someone who is dishonest with you.

This article was originally published at eHarmony. Reprinted with permission from the author.