How to deal with a lying boyfriend

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

Sounds familiar? Then read on- we have some easy tips for exactly what to do when your boyfriend lies to your face.

1. Give him the benefit of the doubt

Do you know for sure he’s lying? If not, assume that he is telling the truth. No one likes to be scrutinized all the time. Many men actually lie to their wives and girlfriends because they believe that their women do not believe in them, no matter what. So unless he has done something wrong, and unless you have proof, you should believe he is telling the truth. If you do have proof, gather the evidence, present it to him and ask him to explain.

2. Stay calm

The next time you feel the words “what’s wrong?” coming out of your lips, take a deep breath, pop a chewing gum, and bite your tongue instead. There is no point in screaming and shouting as you are more likely to get the truth out when you are calm and open to discussions.

3. Respond constructively

If your boyfriend expects you to get angry and start yelling, he will be even more inclined to lie again and again. The only way to deal with lies in a relationship is to stay calm and focused and look for solutions. This way, he will be more likely to be honest moving forward.

4. Acknowledge his honesty

If your boyfriend does admit his mistake or says he has lied to you, then you must acknowledge his honesty and appreciate him for it. Make sure he knows that you are pleased that he had to courage to tell the truth. You might be tempted to retaliate by having a screaming match or even lying or cheating on him as a ‘tit for tat’. But doing these things will not solve anything. Giving him the cold shoulder or silent treatment would only encourage him to be dishonest about future mistakes.

5. Don’t ignore the behavior

Many women believe that if they ignore a compulsive liar’s behavior, things would be okay. Letting a lying or cheating behavior go unchallenged will give him the impression that you are okay with it. This might make him even more skilled at telling bigger lies. If your boyfriend’s compulsive lying is causing problems socially, you need to intervene for sure.

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

6. Is it a fantasy or a white lie?

Some men never grow up and cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. You need to gently show him the difference and not treat his fantasies as lies. The same is the case with white lies-may be he lied to protect you.

7. Never over-react

Being lied to is no fun and it can cause the calmest of people to get angry and over-react. Although you must confront the lie as soon as possible, you have to do so calmly. Let your boyfriend know you are disappointed and hurt and that you will not know whether to trust him again. Avoid criticism, and most definitely avoid conducting an inquisition. This will only cause you to give more attention to the issue than it is worth. The result could be that he might add even more lie to it or feel encouraged to lie again and again.

8. Is there an underlying emotional need?

Lying is often an indication that there is an unfulfilled emotional need in the liar. Is he lying about his achievements? Chances are that he feels insecure or is seeking attention. Somewhere deep down, he may be trying to convey something important such as need for greater acceptance. You also need to take a closer look at your relationship. Perhaps he is afraid of telling you what is on his mind. This could also be a sign than you are not meant to be. This is an important step for dealing with lies in a romantic relationship.

9. Talk it out

Ignoring the underlying issues or sweeping them under the proverbial rug won’t help solve problems. In fact; he might continue to lie. Talk to him in a gentle manner, and show him that you wish to help. If needed, seek couple counseling. Make him see that his lying does not make the problem go away but is making things worse. A gentle talk is more effective than taking a punitive action.

10. Know that some lies are unforgiveable

If your boyfriend has cheated on you, it is a warning sign that this relationship is not meant to be. You cannot trust him; most cheaters continue cheating. You need to take a close look at underlying issues in your relationship. Perhaps he is afraid of breaking up with you, hurting you. As a next step, you need to take a call whether you wish to forgive or leave him. See how he reacts to your decision; it can give you an insight into whether he has remorse for his actions. Take the next steps calmly. If needed, spend some time apart to analyze your feelings for each other. A short separation may be just the thing needed to help each of you see your feelings for the other.

Being lied to is no fun but we hope this brief guide helps you deal with lies in your relationship.

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How to deal with a lying boyfriend

Marriages are based on open communication, trust, and a common goal.

Love, romance, and other sweet unicorns and rainbows lose their novelty after the first few years and are eventually replaced by security and comfort.

But If your partner is always lying to you , then that foundation of comfort and security is replaced with doubt.

Communication is worthless, and there is no trust.

Lying in marriage cracks the bond that makes the marriage whole. It’s not easy to figure out how to deal with a liar.

Most would deny it even in the face of insurmountable evidence.

Why partners lie in marriages

There are white lies and blatant lies.

They are both detrimental to relationships. Some women do not want to hear some words from their husbands, such as they gained weight, or they are no longer as desirable as they once were. They feel hurt and offended. They would rather hear white lies than face the truth that their husbands are starting to notice little things that come with age.

A lot of men who lie in relationships do it to prevent a fight.

They eventually develop the impression that women are not interested in the truth. They would rather live in their perfect world than be told that their breasts are no longer perky, and their stretch marks are unsightly.

So they lie for the sake of world peace.

But there are consequences of lying in a relationship. Even little white lies designed to save peace on earth. The first and most important reason is, husbands or partners in general, start to believe that it is better to lie than point out an ugly truth. They eventually begin to lie about other things.

Women would answer and say they would rather know that their husbands went to a “company dinner” with an attractive coworker than not know about it and find out later.

But if you gave your husband/partner the impression that letting them know things that would offend you from their mouths always start a huge argument, most people would rather avoid saying it and save the trouble altogether.

They would argue that a “meeting” with a blonde bombshell and their weight are two different things. It is not. Men are conceptual and not object-specific. If you establish the concept of “tell me shit, and I’ll give you shit.” They will use that pattern in everything.

Also watch:

How to deal with liars

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

When your spouse lies, the objective is always the same. They do not want you to know to avoid an argument. This is true whether they are talking about your new hairstyle or another woman. They want to save themselves the trouble of having to deal with you and your reaction to the truth.

So before you consider yourself a victim of being lied to in a relationship, think first if you have brought it upon yourself . If you are the type to go ballistic over every little thing, then your partner will react by lying to your face.

They feel that you and your “moods” are not worth the trouble, and it’s best that you do not know and save the entire family the additional stress.

If your partner is blatantly lying to your face and you have done nothing to assure them that telling the truth will only start a World War, then there is another problem.

Dealing with lying in a relationship is a complicated matter.

A lying spouse is either saving you the trouble of a fight or really messing up with your head.

The first is respect. If you want to stop lying in a relationship, then you would also need to respect their opinion. Even their opinion is offensive to you, such as your choice of clothing makes you look like trashy or your mother’s meatloaf taste like salted rubber, then you would need to make changes.

If you are serious about how to stop lying in a relationship, then you need to be ready for the truth, irrespective of its magnitude. Before you figure out how to confront a lying spouse, you should prepare for what they say, when they actually tell you the truth.

How to fix a relationship after lying

Now that you know the truth, your husband no longer finds you attractive or is flirting with the babysitter next door, what next? Divorce? Pack and leave? Is that what you really want?

A majority of the time, how to deal with a lying husband is not really a problem. Learning the truth is the real reason why people lie. They want to avoid the difficulties that would arise if their partners learn the truth, they would rather lie than expose themselves.

Liars are aware of the consequences of their partners finding out the truth.

The question is, are you?

A lot of women are coerced by feminism and other equality mumbo-jumbo that catching a lying husband/partner is a win for womankind.

Idealists would say that they are ready to face the music if their partner is honest with them, marriage is about challenging the hardships of the world together.

What if your husband lies because your sister or a close friend consistently hit on your husband? Can you face it together? Would you be able to? Leaving a cheating loser like that is a good thing, but would it be the best option for your children? Will you and your family be able to face the gossip and embarrassment?

If you want to know how to deal with being lied to in a relationship, then decide if you are the type who would rather have a lying spouse and convince yourself everything is fine, or would you rather know that your partner is actually gay , and he only stays married to you because he wants to stick to the societal norms.

Pathological liars aside, there’s one common reason why you may have a lying spouse. They believe you are not equipped to know the truth . They want to save everyone the trouble of going through hell on earth from what you would do if you find out things about them (or you) that would turn your world upside down.

Lying is a bad solution to an underlying problem. Here's how to break the cycle.

Since they became exclusive, Jack has consistently told Kara that his long-term relationship with his ex-girlfriend is over and that he never talks to her. But one Saturday, when Jack’s phone is laying on the coffee table, Kara spies a text message on the screen. She sees it is from his ex and then opens his messages to find a long trail of texts between them. She is furious, and when Jack walks back into the room, she begins interrogating him about what she’s discovered.

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

Obviously, Jack has been lying.

Lying can destroy a relationship, but all lying is not created equally. Some liars use their fabrications to be manipulative — think of the worst salesperson in the world, the most seductive person trying to woo you, or the classic narcissist pumping up his own image. These individuals use others as objects, or in the case of pathological liars, do what they do because that is what they do: There’s a personality disorder involved.

But in most everyday relationships, lying is situational. This is what Kara is dealing with. She believes in her heart that Jack is a good guy, not ethically shady or a sociopath. But this stuff with the ex drives her crazy. This is less about Kara and more about Jack’s coping mechanisms.

Problems as Bad Solutions

In most of these situations, someone like Jack lies because he is anxious and afraid. No doubt he has done this before, probably way back in childhood, when it sometimes worked, sometimes didn’t, but more often than not it was effective enough to keep him out of trouble.

The problem here is not the ex, but his own anxiety about Kara’s reaction. He lies to avoid those little-kid, getting-in-trouble feelings, as well as “parental” anger and possibly punishment. So he contacts his ex but doesn’t tell Kara because he is already wired to fear blowback.

The Cycle

What now happens is the setting up of a dysfunctional cycle. Kara may have her own above-average sensitivity to trust and honesty from her childhood or previous, possibly unfaithful boyfriends — it may now be part of her mental DNA. Going into her relationship with Jack, she is already a bit hyper-alert. She does her best to not be overly intrusive and to take him at his word. But now her worst fears have come to the fore, and she explodes.

When this happens, it triggers Jack’s worst fears. His brain is telling him that he was right all along: Telling the truth is not safe, and he actually needs to get better at being secretive and withholding.

The couple could fight this battle for . forever, with Kara getting hurt, getting angry, and trying to get Jack to change, and Jack ducking and weaving to keep Kara off his back and avoid conflict.

The cycle is this:

  • Kara gets hurt, leading to anger, leading to attack, leading to Jack lying; or:
  • Jack anticipates Kara’s reaction and lies, leading to Kara getting angry, leading to confirming Jack’s fears, leading to Kara’s fears being validated.

Breaking the Pattern

Again, this is not all about the state of a couple’s relationship, but about their long-established coping skills. What to do? Jack needs to stop being the little kid, and speak up and tell the truth. Kara needs to not react so strongly to Jack’s evasive behavior.

The problem is that they each get stuck in their thinking.

Jack thinks that the only way out of this dynamic is to get her to be less angry. Kara thinks that the only way out is to get him to be more open and honest. Each is trying to solve the problem by getting the other person to change. That won’t work, because it becomes a power struggle with each pressuring the other to do what they want.

Solving the Problems

The key to breaking dysfunctional patterns is both sides changing their reactions.

This means Kara doing her best to not get angry: When her fear and hurt are triggered, she needs to calmly talk to Jack — about her feelings, rather than his actions — and show him evidence of his lying, so he doesn’t just blow it off. She doesn’t want to explode, but she also doesn’t want to be lured into the weeds of content (interrogating Jack about the texts and their dates and times, etc.). This goes nowhere, because “anxious-Jack” will then start arguing about exactly that — the content: She texted me first, and I was just trying to be courteous, etc. That is not the point. The point is that he has not been honest. Kara needs to put this clearly on the table: I’m not upset about your ex, but that you lied; it hurts my feelings, and I cannot accept that in a relationship.

For his part, Jack obviously needs to do his best to step up and be honest, behaviorally overriding his little-kid, anxious brain yelling at him to keep quiet. He needs to keep his eyes on the prize — learning to stop being so afraid, learning to be an adult, learning to confront and emotionally manage someone else’s strong reactions. And he needs to step up in this way even in those times when Kara’s anger gets the best of her.

He also may need, if he firmly believes it, to be more assertive about his ex and his view of relationships. He needs to calmly make his case that while he is aware that his texting bothers Kara, it is part of his values not to cut people off; his contact with his ex doesn’t mean that he still is in love with her or that he loves Kara less. This may be hard for her to swallow, but if she can try this thinking out, it may help her heal her old wounds. If she can’t, they both are fulfilling the purpose of dating — taking the risk of being honest in order to discover whether their values are compatible.

Bottom Lines

Both partners try to do the best they can. Kara puts her head down and focuses on containing her feelings because she wants to help Jack learn to step up and be honest. Jack does his best to step up and speak up, even though he internally fears Kara’s wrath, to help her learn to trust him. They do their best to break the cycle, doing the constant voice-over that “This is more about me than them, and I’m doing this because I don’t want to hurt the person I care about.”

And what if Jack never quite buys into this plan? Kara can, if she is willing, still work her side of the equation as best she can. Her changes may alter the climate and that, in turn, may motivate Jack to change his behavior. (Or vice versa, of course.)

But to ensure that the couple not get caught in this cycle forever, it helps to have a bottom line about time. They need to put their heads down, resist the urge to keep score, and then look up after three or six months and see where they are at. If little progress has been made, they can ramp it up by trying couples therapy — or they can call it quits.

Obviously all this not only takes awareness and responsibility, but also courage.

Is your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend a compulsive/pathological liar or a sociopath?

To begin with, it may help to understand the difference between a pathological or compulsive liar and a sociopath (see types of liars).

Ultimately, making this type of distinction may not be that useful. Because in either case, the outcome is typically the same: dealing with a compulsive or pathological liar is very difficult to do. And unfortunately, sociopaths cannot be changed (see lovefraud).

A compulsive liar will resort to telling lies, regardless of the situation. Again, everyone lies from time to time (see when lovers lie), but for a compulsive liar, telling lies is routine. It becomes a habit—a way of life.

Simply put, for a compulsive liar, lying becomes second nature.

Not only do compulsive liars bend the truth about issues large and small, they take comfort in it. Lying feels right to a compulsive liar. Telling the truth, on the other hand, is difficult and uncomfortable.

And like any behavior which provides comfort and an escape from discomfort (i.e., alcohol, drugs, sex), lying can become addictive and hard to stop. For the compulsive liar, lying feels safe and this fuels the desire to lie even more.

Making matters even more complicated, compulsive lying is often a symptom of a much larger personality disorder, which only makes the problem more difficult to resolve (see narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder).

Unfortunately, compulsive lying is hard for the person involved to see, but it hurts those who are around it. Compulsive lying, if not addressed, can easily ruin one’s reputation and his or her relationships (for example see why does my partner need to lie).

Compulsive lying can be dealt with through counseling or therapy. But, like any addictive behavior (and/or personality disorder), getting someone to admit they have a problem with lying is the difficult part. Sadly enough, getting someone to recognize that he or she has a problem usually requires hitting rock bottom first.

How can you confront a compulsive liar?

Take a look at several viewers’ different attempts to deal with a compulsive liar (see how I confronted a compulsive liar).

For recent research on the topic of lying, visit our blog.

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

Being accused of lying can have as much impact as a physical blow to the body, especially when the accusation is false. Although your first inclination after the accusation may be to be aggressive in defending your good name, being assertive instead is a better approach. Similarly, avoiding confrontation with the individual who accuses you of lying can leave you feeling frustrated, particularly because the underlying inaccuracy remains active. Not saying anything and hoping the accusation will simply go away usually has the opposite effect and can lead to additional accusations.

Step 1

Evaluate the accusation with an objective eye. Don’t assume the reasons why the other person is accusing you of being a liar, but consider the possibilities. Consider if the other person is feeling slighted by you, by something you’ve said or your role at work or in the family. Ask other people who know you and the person making the accusations about their perspectives on the accusation. You may not recognize something you’ve said or done that may have led to the accusation. This allows you to see a perspective that is less wrought with defensiveness.

Step 2

Confront your accuser with an assertive stance. Assertiveness, in contrast to aggressiveness, is a means of defending your point of view without trespassing on the perspective of another person. It’s a way of agreeing to disagree and levels the playing field to facilitate better communication. One of the primary ways to be more assertive is to preface your statements to your accuser with the pronoun “I.” Instead of saying, “You’re accusing me of lying,” an assertive statement would sound more like, “I don’t agree with your accusation that I am a liar.” Assertiveness places you in a position for negotiation and better understanding and is less likely to place your accuser in a defensive position.

Step 3

Ask questions of your accuser to identify the reasons why he believes you are a liar. Open-ended questions such as, “How did you come to the conclusion that I lied?” can give you a better idea of how your accuser came up with his belief. Accurate or not, it’s unlikely that a simple statement of disagreement will convince your accuser that you aren’t a liar. Asking questions to get the underlying story, however, will give you information that you can clarify to your accuser to make your case against the accusation. As difficult as it may seem when defending a false accusation, it’s important to remain diplomatic in discussing the issue.

Step 4

Identify to your accuser what resolution or consequence you would like administered as a result of the accusation. You may never be able to convince the other person that you are not a liar, however, you do have the right to assert your point of view and request a negotiation of perspectives. For example, state, “I would appreciate it if you would ask me first, before accusing me of lying about making that phone call you requested.” This provides the recipient with a consequence for his accusations.

recognize and survive a relationship with a narcissist, a sociopath, a con man, a pathological predatory user

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

If you’re Googling for answers.
…and confused or uneasy
about someone you’re dating,
…if you’ve started wondering what’s wrong
it’s likely you’re dating a sociopath…dating a narcissist.

I’m going to get right into it here. There are very specific traits every sociopath shares. If you call this person a “narcissist” and see these traits, maybe pull back a bit on what you feel you know, and plug in a stricter view of them with parameters that fit a sociopath… I know that’s a big and scary word. Paradoxically, it can make things simpler. So, how do we know if we’re dating a sociopath?

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

Know the truth. Know how amazing you are.

Dating a Sociopath Only Has One Outcome

Things can only go from bad to worse to much, much worse. They’re nice, then harsh then not as nice, then harsher. Call you names and some pull out the violence. They take anyone they can get their hooks into through five stages of true love scam…always and only.

Why? Why can’t they just be normal? – Connectors between segments in their brains are missing so that they can’t feel or process emotions as we do. Sociopaths – psychopaths – don’t feel the emotions we feel. They have a very limited set of emotions, none of which are comparable to ours. They don’t understand our emotions and never will.

There are lots of differences in our brains and in how they see the world compared to hoe we see the world because of this missing but. They’re missing care and connection, and so they’re missing a conscience. We have a conscience because we care. They have other differences, for example, in dating a sociopath or dating a what you’ve been calling a narcissist, you might notice that they don’t process the meanings of words the way we do. They even lie when they don’t need to.

Here’s a very detailed YouTube video with Dr. Hare, a leader
in research and studies on the antisocial psychopath.

We End the Damage They Can Bring to Our Lives

If you’re on this website wondering if you’re dating a sociopath, please don’t wait looking for proof from them…you’re here because you already know. Trust your gut.

Your suspicion, your fear, confusion, and self-doubt is proof. We already know. Please, embrace your own life. Protect yourself. Find out how to leave them. Go no contact.

I t’s been about 12 weeks since I saw the awful texts that confirmed my suspicions that you were being unfaithful. For two years I had been questioning whether you loved me as I felt so unloved – so much so that I occasionally asked if you were having an affair. And I felt you were avoiding me. You assured me every time that you did love me and were not having an affair, which made me feel happy that things were fine again, for a while.

However, I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right but because you were reassuring me, I began to question my own sanity. I became ill, had panic attacks and anxiety. Our children wondered why you were going out so much and not spending much time with me or with us as a family. But you carried on being selfish.

Originally, when I confronted you about the texts on that awful day, you were adamant it had only been a one-night stand. Although the familiarity in the tone of those texts did not ring true for just a one-night stand, when I asked you, yet again you reassured me.

You arranged for me to go to a Relate appointment with you the very next day, to which I’d agreed. Five minutes before we were due to go in for our session, you broke the devastating news that you had indeed been having an affair – for 18 months.

My world fell apart. I was utterly distraught. You were my world – my friend, my only lover – and you had completely betrayed and hurt me to a degree beyond my comprehension.

After a week or so, you twisted the knife yet again and admitted the affair had really been going on for two years.

You had also spent some of our family money on this woman and taken her away for weekends. You said you had purchased several bottles of wine every time you met her, as you put it, to help you “do the deed” as it was “just drunken sex”.

You bought her flowers, a photographic memory book with pictures of you together and a necklace for her birthday. You took her away to several concerts, including the V festival. You took her for a night in a hotel the day after Valentine’s day, which was also a couple of days before her birthday. And all that time you were lying to me about who you were seeing and what you were doing. I was so trusting.

The woman is a work colleague and you obviously still see her every day, even though you have said you are no longer “seeing” her. I am not sure that I believe you after so many lies for so long. Unfortunately, I will never know whether you are still seeing her, as you can just do as you please now because you are no longer with me. You fooled me so well.

You continue to treat me despicably. You do not show any remorse or regret for what you have done, nor do you show any emotions or feelings towards me or my wellbeing – you act as if nothing has happened and not once have you cried.

You have told me that you hadn’t loved me properly for quite some time, which I am extremely upset about as you never brought up the problems in our relationship so that we could have tried to work them out. We had been together 28 years and that’s a lot of memories to throw away.

Everything is so hurtful. I am devastated that you decided that our relationship was over and was going to end in such a horrible way, and that you made that awful, emotionless woman part of our marriage.

You do say you are sorry, but that really is an empty word for the immense pain that you have caused me and our children. I have lost my husband and my best friend and I am not sure I will ever fully recover from the heartache you have caused me.

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

It is a shock to realize that you have gotten into a manipulative and controlling relationship–most relationships do not begin this way. We all have stars in our eyes, things are great, and there are lots of promises that are made in the interest of landing a desirable mate.

Once the dust has settled, you may realize that you’ve gotten involved with a manipulative partner. What now? Has your relationship become more rocky than solid? Here are some clear signs that your partner has manipulative and controlling tendencies:

Your Partner Is Dr. Jekyll And Mr./Ms. Hyde

One minute you are the recipient of such sweet treatment it’s enough to give you a toothache, and the next minute you feel like you’re dealing with the wicked witch of the West. The worst part about this up and down treatment is that it’s unpredictable; you never know what you’re going to get. This is an exhausting cycle to ride with a partner; speaking up for yourself and refusing to put up with such treatment will give you a good idea whether your relationship can weather these changes.

You Are The Victim Of Passive Aggressive Behavior

Does your partner deliberately sabotage your happiness and success? Do they display jealousy over other relationships that you have in your life? Do they attempt to control your actions, attitudes, thoughts, and even physical location? If you are the unfortunate victim of any of these situations, you have a manipulative partner. Maybe it’s time to teach that partner that you care about that there is a different, healthier way of relating to you.

Are You Stressed Out By Your Relationship?

If your partner’s behavior, antics, words and actions cause you stress and emotional pain, you are in manipulative relationship. We all make mistakes, and we all have bad days, but our partners should be the ones that we run to, not run from, as life throws its curveballs at us. If you find it easier to be away from your partner than with them, you are likely in a controlling relationship.

What Do I Do Now? How Do I Deal With This?

Regardless of how long you’ve been in this relationship, it’s how you respond to this behavior and attempts at controlling that will determine whether you are a victim. If you are willing to accept them on their terms and not stand up for yourself, then you can expect the behavior to continue and possibly worsen. Many times, relationships that begin as mildly manipulative and controlling evolve into more abusive situations where one or both partners eventually leaves battered, bruised, and disillusioned about relationships. Something must be done before it comes to fisticuffs.

Common Tactics Of Manipulative Partners

Partners with this way of relating to people “never do wrong”. They may use distraction in conversations and situations to divert attention away from their undesirable behavior. They may issue direct or indirect threats as a means of controlling your response to them. When these tactics are ineffective, they may resort to periods of time where they are deliberately charming, attentive, and deceitful in an attempt to woo you and win back your good graces. This honeymoon period always ends, however, when they perceive that you have done or said something that is unacceptable to them. Don’t fall for it, it’s yet another in a long line of behaviors designed to try to control your behavior.

How to deal with a lying boyfriend

What You Can Do About It

Perhaps the biggest decision you need to make is whether or not staying in the relationship is worth your time and effort. Quite often, if the partner is not willing to change or look at his/her own behavior, it’s a lost cause, and you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartbreak and pain if you choose to stay.

Should you choose to try to work on your relationship, here are some things you could do to combat their manipulative behavior:

  • Be aware of what is happening: take a rational look at your situation
  • Set boundaries as early and often as possible: let them know how they must treat you
  • Keep them responsible for their actions; have them reflectively look at their actions and behavior
  • Accept no excuses for unacceptable behavior
  • Stand your ground, and be willing to accept the consequences of your own behavior
  • Get support from others around you to help you deal with your situation objectively
  • Act as quickly as possible to send a message that you are focused on change and working on your relationship
  • If nothing is working, then by all means, get out!

No one deserves a relationship that is a stressor in their life. While you must ultimately deal with the consequences of your choices, remember that you DO have a choice. You don’t have to stay if the situation has become unbearable. Stand up for yourself, believe that you deserve more, and be willing to work together to improve your relationship. If your bond is strong enough to weather the changes, you will both come out better on the other side.