How to get over a celebrity obsession

How to get over a celebrity obsession

Mar 30, 2018 · 5 min read

I was obsessed with Benedict Cumberbatch when I was 24 years old.

Nearly a decade ago, I became so obsessed with Benedict Cumberbatch, I didn’t dare proclaim it on Facebook. Not for fear of ridicule but because I didn’t want him to find out after we were married. I wasn’t trying to be creepy.

It started a few years after college. I had just quit my dream job in disgust and didn’t know what to do with my life and I felt truly, deeply, madly inadequate.

I was lost. So I turned to Netflix.

I star t ed watching BBC’s “Sherlock” because of the critical and audience acclaim and by the very first episode, I was hooked.

My Cumberbatch obsession went in this order:

  1. Voice
  2. Acting ability
  3. Eyes
  4. His entire being

And I spent about two months being completely obsessed with him.

I watched everything he’d ever been in, including The Fifth Estate on opening night. I expected it to be packed and was genuinely surprised it was only me and five other people.

I even re-watched movies I’d seen but didn’t realize he was in. To me, Cumberbatch was sophisticatedly handsome, and I attributed his great acting ability to the fact I had previously thought he was ugly in Atonement.

Cumberbatch could do no wrong in my eyes. Even when he was slightly embarrassing during interviews or kept mispronouncing “meme,” I would shake my head and think, “That’s just Ben.”

I knew it was insane. But that somehow gave me permission to keep going. Insane people don’t know they’re insane. So if I know I’m insane, then I can keep obsessing because technically I’m not insane.

If people came close to finding out, I told them I was really into Sherlock Holmes. No one knew I cyber stalked Cumberbatch or read every interview he had. I never had his photo anywhere because I grew giddy looking at his face and I needed to function enough to get through the day.

Even though I was able to hide it, my obsession was pretty bad.

I was convinced I was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. I had serious conversations with myself about if I could be happy raising kids while he was on location. I imagined the fights we’d get into about it. Then I’d imagine the fun signs the kids and I would make to welcome him home at the airport. I imagined the discussion he and I would have about boarding school and the funny stories he’d tell about me on talk shows. The one problem I saw with this future is that I wanted Benedict to marry me for me and not for future children. I mean, what if I couldn’t get pregnant? How would we cope?

How to get over a celebrity obsession

I altered my beliefs and dreams for this fantasy of a perfect life. I didn’t actually want children back then. And yet for two months I fantasized about having two or three kids and spending my days at home with them while Ben worked. I’d have dinner ready when he got home and we’d spend the evening listening to him recite poetry. Um, that’s not what a 24 year old Kelly really wanted.

I spent a lot of time since then trying to figure out what happened.

My life was a mess and here was a man who had everything figured out. He was successful and people loved him. I wanted that.

But I didn’t know how to do it except to attach myself to someone who already had it. He had ready-made life. Just add one me and stir to combine.

Suddenly those “crazy fans” made sense.

People don’t question when “nerds” lose themselves in comic books or an online fantasy world. They don’t fit in to this world so they spend as much time as they can in another.

Hard-core super fans do the same thing when they lose themselves in a fantasy world of famous celebrities; the only difference being they want to fit into this world.

And what better role model than the celebrities their peers love?

I had seen Cumberbatch in movies before but didn’t notice him. It was only after hearing how everyone loved him that I miraculously came to the same conclusion.

Yes, he is a talented actor, but that’s not why I became obsessed with him. I became obsessed because others loved him. Just as I wanted to be loved by others.

I got over my obsession very quickly: I saw a picture of Cumberbatch kissing a Russian model after she had stated in an interview that she was in a serious relationship with someone else. (This was before Cumberbatch got married.)

Suddenly I realized that Benedict Cumberbatch is just trying to figure it all out like the rest of us and I should start doing the same.

Just like that, my fantasy crumbled and I woke up surrounded by reality.

That’s why I know it wasn’t love. Love doesn’t disappear that fast.

I still admire the man; he is a great actor and loves his fans but he is no longer an object of worship, just admiration.

If you know someone who is seriously obsessed with a celebrity, the last thing they need is ridicule because they will only dig their heels in deeper.

Please try to realize they are only looking for love and value.

  • Talk them up.
  • Make them want to be their own hero.
  • Show them people who dealt with the same insecurities as they do on their way to being successful.
  • Teach them the value of hard work, perseverance, and grit.
  • Make them the object of their own fantasy life.

These famous celebrities don’t have all the answers either. In fact, I recommend Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert for proof of that fact.

How to get over obsession of a celebrity!

At some point or another, many people will develop a celebrity crush. It’s fairly common, but the more involved you get, the more this one-sided relationship will come to replace your real-life feelings and experiences. When it comes time to get over your celebrity crush, it won’t be easy or fun, but realizing your independence and worth can help you find fulfilling relationships in your real life.

Here are four ways to get over a celebrity obsession:

1. Identify the level of your obsession

If you’ve been honest with yourself to this point, then you can probably determine the degree to which you are obsessed. It is beneficial to know in which category you would place yourself. The more aware you are of your own behaviors, the more likely it is that you are ready to make a change in your thoughts and interpretations.

2. Meet new people by joining groups, volunteering, or working

It is possible for you to find people who will meet your needs that are willing and able to form real relationships with you. There are hundreds of opportunities to help others, and everyone knows you feel good when you do. If you want to cope better with the stress of trying to make personal change, then serve others.

3. Do something else that you like to do

If you are having intense thoughts about this celebrity, an engaging but calming activity can help get your mind off of it.

4. Replace daydreams about them with thoughts about goals you have for your own life

Concrete goals that focus on the bigger picture, like how you can improve yourself or do something nice for someone else, will help you far more than dwelling on an unlikely possibility. Make sure your goals are reasonable and attainable.


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A brief psychological overview

Celebrity worship syndrome has been described as an obsessive-addictive disorder where an individual becomes overly involved and interested (i.e., completely obsessed) with the details of the personal life of a celebrity. Any person who is “in the public eye” can be the object of a person’s obsession (e.g., authors, politicians, journalists), but research and criminal prosecutions suggest they are more likely to be someone from the world of television, film and/or pop music.

Among academic researchers, the term celebrity worship (CW) is a term that was first coined by Lynn McCutcheon and her research colleagues in the early 2000s. However, it is commonly believed that the first use of the term Celebrity Worship Syndrome (CWS) was in a Daily Mail article by the journalist James Chapman who was reporting on a study published by John Maltby and colleagues in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease entitled A Clinical Interpretation of Attitudes and Behaviors Associated with Celebrity Worship.” CWS was actually an acronym for the Celebrity Worship Scale used in the study. Chapman also called the behavior exhibited by such people Mad Icon Disease (obviously a play on Mad Cow Disease that was high on the news agenda in the UK at the time).

Despite the (presumably) accidental misnomer, the condition may in fact be indicative of a syndrome (i.e., a cluster of abnormal or unusual symptoms indicating the presence of an unwanted condition). US research carried out on a small sample in the early 2000s by Lynn McCutcheon’s team using the Celebrity Attitudes Scale suggested a single “celebrity worship” dimension. However, subsequent research on much bigger samples by Maltby and his team identified three independent dimensions of celebrity worship. These were on a continuum and named (i) entertainment-social, (ii) intense-personal, and (iii) borderline pathological.

• The entertainment-social dimension relates to attitudes where individuals are attracted to a celebrity because of their perceived ability to entertain and to become a social focus of conversation with likeminded others.

• The intense-personal dimension relates to individuals that have intensive and compulsive feelings about a celebrity.

• The borderline-pathological dimension relates to individuals who display uncontrollable behaviors and fantasies relating to a celebrity.

Maltby and colleagues have now published numerous papers on celebrity worship and have found that there is a correlation between the pathological aspects of CWS and poor mental health in UK participants (i.e., high anxiety, more depression, high stress levels, increased illness, poorer body image). Most of these studies have been carried out on adults. However, studies relating to body image have also included adolescents, and have found that among females aged 14 to 16 there is a relationship between intense-personal celebrity worship and body image (i.e., those teenage girls who identify with celebrities have much poorer body image compared to other groups studied). Maltby’s team’s research also seems to indicate that the most celebrity-obsessed individuals often suffer high levels of dissociation and fantasy-proneness.

Maltby summarized his team’s research in an interview with the BBC. He said:

“Data from 3,000 people showed only around 1% demonstrate obsessional tendencies. Around 10% (who tend to be neurotic, tense, emotional and moody) displayed intense interest in celebrities. Around 14% said they would make a special effort to read about their favorite celebrity and to socialize with people who shared their interest. The other 75% of the population do not take any interest in celebrities’ lives. Generally, the vast majority of people will identify a favorite celebrity, but don’t say they read about them or think about them all the time. Like most things, its fine as long as it doesn’t take over your life.”

The same article sought other scientific views from a biological angle. They reported:

“Evolutionary biologists say it is natural for humans to look up to individuals who receive attention because they have succeeded in a society. In prehistoric times, this would have meant respecting good hunters and elders. But as hunting is not now an essential skill and longevity is more widely achievable, these qualities are no longer revered. Instead, we look to celebrities, whose fame and fortune we want to emulate. Evolutionary anthropologist Francesco Gill-White from the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia told New Scientist: ‘It makes sense for you to rank individuals according to how successful they are at the behaviors you are trying to copy, because whoever is getting more of what everybody wants is probably using above-average methods’. But Dr Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Liverpool, said following celebrities did not necessarily mean they were seen as role models. ’We’re fascinated even when we don’t go out of our way to copy them’. He said people watched how celebrities behaved because they received a great deal of wealth from society and people wanted to ensure it was invested properly.”

Maltby and colleagues’ research also shows that CW is not just the remit of adolescent females but affects over a quarter of the people they surveyed (across the three levels mentioned earlier). Their paper reported that CW had both positive and negative consequences. People who worshipped celebrities for entertainment and social reasons were more optimistic, outgoing, and happy. Those who worshipped celebrities for personal reasons or were more obsessive were more depressed, more anxious, more solitary, more impulsive, more anti-social and more troublesome.

How to make an obsession function positively.

“He was just—” my patient groped for the right words, “—pretty great.”

She was talking about her boyfriend—or rather, her ex-boyfriend. He’d recently ended their relationship, and she’d come to me now, several months later, unable to shake herself out of the funk in which she’d been left by his leaving.

Surprisingly, she harbored no ill feelings toward him for breaking up with her. “I understand why he left,” she told me. “He said I just wasn’t the right one for him. I get it. I wish I was, but I’ve felt the same way about plenty of men myself. He’s not in control of how he feels about me anymore than I’m in control about how I still feel about him.”

And how she still felt about him, I realized after our conversation in which she described thinking about him all the time, deliberately visiting places she knew he frequented, and constantly struggling not to pick up the phone to call him, could most easily be summed up in one word: obsessed.

THE DOWNSIDE OF OBSESSION

At its worst, obsession is an iron mask that permits us to gaze in only one direction at one thing—or, to use another metaphor, a giant tidal wave that crashes through our minds and washes away all other concerns. We may become obsessed with a person, a place, a goal, a subject—but obsession amounts to the same thing in all cases: addiction.

At first, like all addictions, obsession is intoxicating. It fills us up, and what a relief that feeling is (especially if we felt empty before). But even if we didn’t feel empty, obsession makes us feel potent, capable, and purposeful.

But also like all addictions, with time obsession unbalances us. We often begin to neglect parts of our lives we shouldn’t. If allowed to become too consuming, obsession causes us to devalue important dimensions of our lives and tolerate their atrophy and even their collapse. But even if our lives remain in balance, if the object of our obsession is taken from us, as my patient’s was from her, we find ourselves devastated, often convinced we’ve lost our last chance at happiness.

THE UPSIDE OF OBSESSION

But this belief is a delusion. Our happiness never depends on any one thing, no matter how important that one thing may seem.

Further, we have to acknowledge that it’s hard, if not often impossible, to achieve something great without being just a little bit obsessed with it. In fact, when properly harnessed, the increased energy, drive, determination, and resiliency obsession brings can be highly adaptive. Obsession, when made to serve us, can bring out our most capable selves, motivating us to find the creativity and ingenuity to solve incredibly difficult problems. Obsession, in short, can lead us to greatness.

HOW TO CONTROL AN OBSESSION

The challenge then is to make our obsessions function positively, controlling them so they don’t control us, extracting the benefit of obsession without succumbing to its detriments. To do this, the following strategies may be helpful:

  1. Distract yourself at varying intervals. Using force of will to tame an obsession is like fighting to overcome anxiety by denying it exists: rarely does it do anything but make it worse. Instead, find something attractive and pleasurable to distract you from your obsession, to provide you a break from thinking about it. This will help remind you on an emotional level that other things in life are still important. Read a gripping novel, watch an entertaining movie, help a friend in distress. Do something that takes you out of your own head.
  2. Accomplish a task that helps put your obsession behind you. Sometimes an obsession holds us in its power and refuses to let us go because we simply haven’t finished with it. Perhaps we haven’t revised a book chapter, haven’t planned the last details of a trip, haven’t asked out someone on whom we have a crush. Tell yourself that once you’ve reached the next milestone, you’re going to take a break. Often taking a solid step forward in some way frees you to walk away from an obsession temporarily to recharge your batteries. And when you do, turn back to something else in your life you’ve been neglecting.
  3. Focus on your greater mission. As I wrote in an earlier post, The Importance Of Having A Mission, finding and embracing a mission in life will defend you against the sense your life is meaningless. And if you’re able to care about a mission that in some way brings joy to or removes suffering from others, you’ll find yourself more firmly anchored, upright, and balanced when a wave of obsessive thoughts threatens to carry you away.
  4. Adopt a practice that grounds you. Chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Meditate. Take up karate. Or dancing. Do something physical in different surroundings to engage a different part of your mind that’s interested in other things besides your obsession.5. Allow time to pass. With time, many obsessions gradually lose their flavor.
  5. Listen to what others tell you. If your close friends and family express concern over your being obsessed, they’re probably right. Be open to these messages.

I’m not arguing here that we should seek to extinguish obsession; I’m arguing we should seek to control it. Our ability to bend our emotions to our will is poor, but not our ability to manage them. We can make our obsessions work for us rather than work us over. And we can learn to let them go when the time comes.

Like my patient did with her obsession with her boyfriend. Early on, she failed in her attempts to tear her thoughts away from him. So she allowed herself to indulge in fantasies in which they reconciled, but always reminded herself they were exactly that: fantasies. She practiced distracting herself with other things she found genuinely interesting. Gradually she was able to distract herself for longer and longer periods without thinking about him, reminding herself that though he still felt like the most important thing in her life, he clearly wasn’t. She knew intellectually that at some point in the future she’d look back over her time with him fondly, without pain. She only needed her emotions to catch up with her intellect. And eventually, she reported almost twelve months later, they did.

Celebrity crushes can make you feel like you ‘ re on top of the world, but they don ‘ t last forever.

If you ‘ re afraid that your biggest crush on a famous person has run its course, you might want to check out these eight signs you ‘ ve already moved on.

You ‘ ve Stopped Devoting Time to Appreciating Them

If you ‘ re barely spending any time lurking on your celeb crush ‘ s social media or consuming their content, your crush may be waning. When you used to spend all day thinking about them and rewatching your favorite interview over and over, you ‘ ve found yourself less interested in those activities. And since crushing hard usually kept you so busy in the past, you may find that you suddenly have a lot of free time.

You Unfollow Fan Accounts

You ‘ ll know your feelings are dwindling when you no longer feel like following other fan accounts for your famous crush. While you couldn ‘ t get enough of this person during the peak of your infatuation, you ‘ re now getting kind of sick of seeing them everywhere, all the time. You might spend less and less time with your online community, or even stop talking to them entirely, and the friendships you do maintain are based on other shared interests and camaraderie, rather than a mutual obsession with your crush.

How to get over a celebrity obsession

(via Unsplash)

You ‘ re Not Totally Caught Up With the Latest News

Have you heard all about your celebrity crush ‘ s next awesome project? Nope. Checking every news source for the latest news on your crush used to be part of your daily routine, but you ‘ ve let it slip as you ‘ ve lost interest. You ‘ re no longer concerned with being the authority on them, and you actually don ‘ t care that much what they ‘ re doing next.

You ‘ ve Stopped Trying to Get a Social Media Response From Them

At the height of your obsession, you probably kept tabs on your star crush ‘ s social media activity, getting a general sense of what time and dates they usually posted to increase their chances of seeing your comments. Now, you can ‘ t believe you used to stress about their posting habits so much. Even when you see their latest update, you don ‘ t even feel compelled to like it, let alone spill your soul in hopes they ‘ ll notice.

Dating Rumors Have Stopped Bugging You

Remember that pit in your stomach you ‘ d get every time you used to hear that your celeb crush was dating someone new? That feeling is entirely gone. In fact, you ‘ re not finding out about the gossip days later, and you feel apathetic about it—or even happy for them.

You Pass Up Opportunities to See Them

At one point, you probably would have emptied your bank account or waited in a line for days for the chance to spot your celeb crush in person. Now, when the opportunity presents itself, it just doesn ‘ t seem worth it. You have other priorities when it comes to spending your time and money, and you don ‘ t think you ‘ ll even regret passing up the chance.

They ‘ ve Stopped Seeming Perfect

When we ‘ re crushing hard on a celebrity, it ‘ s easy to totally forget that they ‘ re real human beings with flaws. Crushes can seem like the ideal person, and you might feel like defending them to the end of the earth. When the honeymoon is over and that crush dies down, you can start seeing the things that would have bugged you if you weren ‘ t so enamored. Maybe they didn ‘ t actually look that cute that time, or that one thing they said in an interview was totally not cool. Nobody ‘ s perfect.

How to get over a celebrity obsession

(We Bare Bears via Cartoon Network)

You ‘ re Investing All Your Time in Another Crush

One of the biggest signs you ‘ ve moved on from your celeb crush is that another crush has totally taken over your life. The time you used to dedicate to them is now committed to someone else. You may even feel a little guilty that you ‘ ve abandoned your fave celebrity for another star, or even the cutie at school, but you shouldn ‘ t feel bad. It happens to the best of us.

Staying updated on the daily occurrences of celebrities has never been so easy. From Lady Gaga revealing she almost quit her music career to Gigi Hadid breaking up with Joe Jonas only to be photographed holding hands with Zayn Malik, it’s clear that one story guaranteed to make headlines is anything having to do with celebrities.

Every week without fail, news outlets produce a story involving either an overpaid actress or an overhyped reality star–and no one can escape it. Yet despite the never ending barrage of talk shows, trending articles, and tabloids devoted to sharing the latest insights gleaned from the Kardashian clan, here’s the interesting thing: the American public is fine with it. In fact, our consumption of all things celebrity is the very reason for the constant reporting on these very creatures.

It’s time we talk about America’s infatuation with the celebrity, that elusive class of elite superhumans, powered by glamor, glitz, and lots of cash. These mythical creatures have been bestowed an almighty status–indeed, viewed as an elite, separate species of their own–that have become a fixture in our society. We can’t get enough of them! We want to know not only what they wore to their movie premiere, but also what they wore taking out the trash that same morning. We want to know about their weight issues, what they look like without make-up, the details of their latest breakup, their holiday recipes, and how we can look like them. Welcome to America: land of the free, home of the famous.

The celebrity serves as both an object of worship and of disgust, simultaneously representing what we strive to be and yet what we dislike most about ourselves and, by extension, society. Secluded in their bubble of wealth and beauty, the celebrity is most certainly not one of us–they don’t even occupy the same realm. From this safe distance, we dissect this foreign species, gleefully pointing out their flaws: examining weight-gain, critiquing the bathing-suit pictures, ignoring the fact that we–the common American, peering in at this warped fantasy land from our own ordinary lives–could never stand such endless scrutiny and pressure. Yet we persist, as though the harsh criticism and body shaming endured by these celebrities (who, by the way, are almost always women) could result in some illusion of satisfaction or, perhaps, even superiority. In the public critiquing of such creatures, the American public is able to indulge in its disgruntled adoration–a mixture of jealous and disgust–of the celebrity, hating them for their perceived perfection, beauty and trim bodies, and the endless attention, money, and elegant clothing they receive–yet all the while wishing we were just like them.

Which brings me to my next point: the pursuit for fame. This rampant celebrity craze has manifested itself through technological devices and media, corrupting previously innocent youth to fixate on one omnipotent desire: to be famous. It is no longer unusual for young children, when asked what they want to be when they grow up, to respond with wishes for fame and fortune. What these children want to be famous for is unimportant; they simply want to be famous for it. And they are in luck: in today’s society, being famous has never been so easy. With the help of social media, fame can be found through YouTube, Vine, and Instagram (and if that doesn’t work, try the old fashioned way and leak a sex tape!). The higher number of subscribers, the higher likelihood for fame–except being Internet famous can quickly transform into real-world famous. Many a YouTube star has successfully evolved their Internet popularity into a mainstream-media takeover by appearing on popular magazine covers, designing clothing lines, staring on Dancing with the Stars, and even interviewing Barack Obama.

However, the side effects of this celebrity-obsessed culture leave much to be desired. With everyone intent on achieving their own fame–from fixating over the amount of Facebook likes to the reality shows filming rather average, albeit amusing, people–narcissism and self-importance is rampant. The “look at me” culture–best embodied by the infamous selfie–promotes an unhealthy way of life. Exhibitionism and extreme behavior, all in the name of fame, can be harmful and dangerous. Yet regardless of the cost, the fascination with feeling important and being at the center of attention continues to swell in our society, showing no sign of stopping. Buckle up–it’s a long road ahead.

Crushes are great, aren ‘ t they?

Your stomach is full of butterflies when you see your crush in the halls, you practice your best cursive while looping their name with yours, you think about them day and night and tape pictures of their face all over your walls—

Beginning to suspect that your crush is turning into, well, an obsession?

We spoke with The Love Doctor, Terri Orbuch, who shared tips on how to spot an unhealthy obsession, beginning with what defines the term.

” An obsession is when someone or a relationship takes over your life and you are not able to function or do your regular activities, ” Terri said. ” We know that everyone, when they first fall in love [or start crushing], becomes a little bit obsessed—but if it continues and it begins to take over your life, it ‘ s an obsession. “

If you think you or a friend may be headed in an unhealthy direction, keep reading to spot the signs of obsession:

1. Using the Crush to Avoid Personal Insecurities

Terri tells us that we tend to turn obsessive with a crush when we ‘ re feeling self-conscious.

” I think psychologically sometimes it means that you need others to define who you are, ” she said. ” So I think if people are feeling insecure, people are not confident, people have an issue in some part of their life, then this person or this relationship replaces that. So if I don ‘ t feel good about myself, I use you as a boyfriend to define who I am, to tell me I ‘ m a good person, a pretty person, a smart person. I think often times it ‘ s because we become dependent on others to define us. “

How to get over a celebrity obsession

(via Shutterstock)

While obsessions can occur with an S.O., insecurities can also influence a person we ‘ re crushing on in private. Even though this crush might not be providing us with confidence, we may still use them to avoid our problems.

” That crush keeps time away from me defining myself, me figuring out who I am, me being real with real people, ” Terri explained. ” So sometimes we fall in love and are obsessed with someone and they have no idea that we even exist (like a celebrity), and I think what that does is takes us away from who and what we need to do for ourselves. If I ‘ m not feeling good about myself and I have this crush, I don ‘ t need to deal, I don ‘ t have to manage my real friends or interact with my real family or figure out why I ‘ m sad on a Saturday afternoon. “

Basically, using this obsession as an avoidance technique is your first red flag.

2. The Honeymoon Phase Doesn ‘ t Fade Out

As we noted at the beginning of this post, almost every instance of love begins with obsession. We just can ‘ t help it! But as time passes by and we begin to find some flaws or have some arguments, that phase should naturally fade away to some extent. And if it doesn ‘ t, there ‘ s a problem.

Terri says we ” physically can ‘ t handle and we cannot continue with [being entirely consumed with a person] because it invades and overwhelms our life, and we ‘ re not able to make good decisions. We ‘ re not able to go back to normal life. We ‘ re not able to take our exams or go with our friends to the movies or talk to our mom. If that continues, then it isn ‘ t good. “

3. You Consistently Bail On Your Friends

” I think one of the most common and easy-to-see signs is that your friendships are suffering, ” Terri said. ” You bail on plans with your other friends because this person might call, they might ask you out, they might come over. You begin to withdraw from your friends and family. “

She goes on to say that with an obsession, these broken plans aren ‘ t just happening on occasion.

” I don ‘ t mean just like, I don ‘ t see my friends as much anymore except at school or I used to go out on Saturday nights with my girlfriends and now I go out with him, ” she said. ” I mean you totally bail on your friends consistently, you ‘ re rude to them, and it ‘ s not because you ‘ re going to go out, it ‘ s because he might call you, he might text you. “

How to get over a celebrity obsession

(via Shutterstock)

4. You Never Ever Miss a Text or Call

Prioritizing your S.O. is one thing, but dropping everything else in your life to answer a form of their communication is another thing entirely.

” You never miss a call from them, you pick up after the first ring, you always have your phone next to you, ” Terri explained. ” It doesn ‘ t matter if you ‘ re in the middle of something with friends, you stop doing whatever it is and you answer the call. You run out of a movie theater, you stop talking to a friend. I think all of that is a sign that this person is invading your life. “

5. You Accept Last Minute Invites

Every once in a while, this is fine to do, as spontaneity can be a great thing—but eventually last minute invites are indicative of something else.

” If invites consistently occur at the last minute, and you drop everything else and accept them, that means that this person is invading and overwhelming your life, ” Terri said.

6. You Never Get Upset With Them, Even When You Should

” I think disagreements and being upset are very common parts of a relationship, ” Terri explained. ” There are always going to be times when you say I wish you ‘ d do this or I ‘ m upset when you do this. Those are natural things in a relationship. But never getting mad, never getting upset, never saying that this person has been disrespectful, means that you ‘ re swallowing your emotions. “

How to get over a celebrity obsession

(via Shutterstock)

7. You ‘ re Constantly Obsessing Over Their Happiness

While many of these warning signs affect your other personal relationships, this sign points inward.

” It ‘ s almost like you feel guilty when you ‘ re busy and they call and you can ‘ t do something with them, ” Terri said. ” You feel responsible for making sure they ‘ re okay and they have something to do and that they have friends. It ‘ s not empathy, it ‘ s more like feeling responsible totally for who and what they are as well. So if they call at the last minute, you feel guilty because you ‘ re going out with your friends or you ‘ re constantly thinking about their happiness. “

This may sound like something a ” good ” S.O. would have on their mind, but it goes further.

” Again, it ‘ s not helping them deal with life obstacles, it ‘ s them invading your thoughts so you ‘ re obsessed with them in your thoughts, ” she said. ” Their well being, their happiness, time, schedule, everything. I think it ‘ s important to remember that you can ‘ t be the only one for them, that they still have to have other friends and activities, and they can ‘ t be the only person for you either. “

Realizing you have an unhealthy relationship or crush can be devastating. If you ‘ re in need of some coping advice, click HERE to learn how to handle feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

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