How to pretend to be in love with someone

Have you ever come across manipulative people who pretend to be nice? I have.

I once had a friend that was the sweetest, kindest person you could ever want to meet. She’d had a terrible childhood. Her mother had died of brain cancer when she was young and she had nursed her until her death. Her father was abusive so she left home at an early age. But she never complained about any of it.

She was helpful and caring and funny, and over time, we became best friends. The problem was, I didn’t know that she was just pretending to be nice. In fact, it turned out she was one of the most manipulative people I’d ever come across in my life.

Our friendship ended when I found out that everything she’d told me about her life was a lie. Her mother was still very much alive. Her father never laid a hand on her and she left home in her late twenties. After I confronted her with the truth, she threw a kitchen knife at me. She flew into a rage screaming, “Everyone leaves me!

So how did I get so sucked in by this person? Why did my so-called ‘friend’ pretend to be sweet and kind? What is it about a manipulative person who pretends to be nice? How can they fool others so easily?

I thought about her behavior for a long time. In the end, I identified six key factors; six traits and behaviors of manipulative people who pretend to be nice so that they can take advantage of you.

6 traits and behaviors of manipulative people who pretend to be nice

They play the victim

This is certainly the case with my friend. Actually, she became so synonymous with lying that we called her BS Sally. Every single thing out of her mouth was a blatant lie. And I believed her.

The thing was, my other friends certainly didn’t. They tried to tell me, but I didn’t listen. I couldn’t believe someone would lie about such important stuff. You see, my mum had also died of cancer. What sort of person lies about stuff like that?

I’ll tell you. A person that wants to control you. A person that needs you to feel sorry for them. A person that doesn’t have a personality, so instead, they need something else to draw people closer to them. Having multiple sob stories and playing the victim is one way of doing it.

Love-bombing

This is a classic technique from manipulative people who pretend to be nice. Love-bombing is where a person bombards you with love and affection within a very short time.

They will declare their undying love within days or weeks. They might shower you with expensive gifts, tell you that you are their soul mate and that they can’t live without you.

They’ll make you feel like you are living in a fairy-tale and that you’ve met the person of your dreams. But this whirlwind romance can’t last. The moment you show interest in something other than them they’ll fly into a rage and it’s all over.

‘I was only joking’

Has someone ever said a hurtful or rude comment about you and when you’ve reacted told you it was ‘just a joke’? They’ve then made out that you are over-reacting and have no sense of humor?

An ex-boyfriend of mine would do that all the time. He would say things that were just on the edge of being nasty. Then, when I would accuse him of saying rude things to me, he’d moan that I was being too sensitive and I should ‘chill out’.

This is their ‘get away with bad behavior’ card. Don’t let them play it. You will have a gut feeling whether their nasty comments are real and intended or not. And don’t forget, you can always ask them to stop if it upsets you.

Anyone who loves their partner will not want to intentionally hurt them.

They use your weaknesses against you

Ever had a work colleague that you confided in about a project or an aspect of your work you were worried about? They offered to help you or they gave you advice on how to proceed? Then you find out they went behind your back and told your supervisor you were struggling?

When you confronted them about it, they told you that they’d done it because they were worried about you? That’s some devious tactics right there. Do you berate them or thank them? It depends on their motives and the outcome of their discussion with your boss.

However, if they really did have your best interests at heart, they should have approached you first with their suggestions.

They make you feel guilty

One effective tactic of a manipulator is to make you feel guilty for not helping or believing them. I once had a housemate who always paid his share of the rent late. I ended up paying his share so we were not late paying it to the landlord. He would then owe it to me.

I would have to ask him for the money several times over the course of the next few weeks until it got to the following month when the next lot of rent was due. He would accuse me of ‘harassing’ him all the time. He would never offer me the rent money. I always had to chase him up on it.

It would always end in him storming out, slamming doors, him getting aggressive and angry. He would make me feel as if I was in the wrong for bringing up the subject in the first place. This is what manipulative people who pretend to be nice do.

They pretend to like the same things you do

One way a manipulator can get inside your head is to pretend to have the same interests as you do. They’ll do their research on you first. They’ll look through your social media posts and see which movies, books, or bands you love.

Then they’ll let slip that they share the same interests as you do and an instant connection is formed. This is because we love talking about the things we love. We feel connected to those who share our passions. And manipulators know this, so they use it against us.

Final thoughts

It can be easy to get sucked in by the behaviors of manipulative people who pretend to be nice. Hopefully, by being aware of the above traits we can be on our guard against those who want to control and take advantage of us.

References:

  • Author
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How to pretend to be in love with someone

It’s easy to pretend that your relationship is going well, even if you don’t actually believe it. When you love someone and you’ve been with them for so long, you likely won’t want to do anything that can hurt them. But when you’re pretending to be happier in your relationship than you actually are, faking it can only last so long. According to experts say, it will show.

People stay in relationships where they’re unhappy for a number of reasons. “Some people really struggle with change and the simple thought of splitting their lives apart really unsettles them,” Jenna Birch, CEO of Plum dating app and author of The Love Gap, tells Bustle. Some may also stay due to attachment issues or social pressures (i.e. all their friends are in relationships and they don’t want to be the only single one).

According to Birch, “The challenging part of relationships is that a lot of people think that if they’re ‘not bad,’ they must be pretty good.” This of course, isn’t necessarily true. “There should always be new reasons to invest in your partner all the time, and an evolving relationship will make you happy and excited,” she says.

If it doesn’t, you’ll be stuck pretending that you’re happy and experts say you may end up doing the following things in your relationship.

Posting About How “Amazing” Your Relationship Is On Social Media

There’s nothing wrong with tagging your posts with #RelationshipGoals. But as Amica Graber, relationship expert with TruthFinder, tells Bustle, be careful that you’re not trying to convince yourself that you’re actually happy in your relationship by posting about it on social media. “A recent study from Northwestern University found that those who post frequently about their relationship on social media are actually insecure about it,” Graber says. “If you’re experiencing problems in your relationship, it’s possible that you start looking for outside validation in the form of ‘likes’ to make up for something missing.”

Constantly Bickering With Each Other Over Small Things

You and your partner may not have huge fights all the time. But if you’re bickering over seemingly little issues like forgetting to take out the trash or being ten minutes late to a date, Birch says, you might be pretending to be happy. Although these may not seem like big relationship-ending fights, they do create blockages to intimacy. When you’re bickering with each other all the time, you’re only pushing each other away.

Going Along With Everything Your Partner Says For The Sake Of It

Alternatively, if a “once-assertive partner” starts agreeing with everything the other says, that’s not a good sign. According to Birch, they’ve likely stopped expressing their needs and the things that bother them because they’ve checked out. When passion for the relationship is lost, the will to fight tends to go with it.

Forgetting To Celebrate Important Dates

Birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays are worth remembering and celebrating. But if you have no desire to celebrate these days with your partner or if your partner keeps forgetting important dates, Birch says your relationship may not be as happy as you think it is. Remembering your anniversary or your partner’s birthday shows that you care. If you and your partner don’t make it a point to celebrate these dates when you used to before, it’s time to check in with yourself and your partner about what you want.

Living Vicariously Through Your Single Friends

When you’re not as content in your relationship as you feel like you should be, you might find yourself longing for a different situation. According to Birch, you may jump at the chance to hear your single friends talk about their dating experiences because a part of you wants that “freedom to explore” again. Even if you don’t voice it, you may even experience pangs of jealousy. Hearing all about your friends’ adventures in dating might provide you with an escape from the reality of your relationship now.

Comparing Your Relationship With Others

When you’re secretly unhappy in your relationship, you may find yourself comparing your relationship or your partner to other people. According to Birch, you may start thinking about what you really want in a relationship and realize that your partner doesn’t match up. “When a friend tells you about something special they did with their partner or something their partner did for them, you may feel sad that you and your partner doesn’t have that same passion or connection anymore,” she says. This sadness doesn’t come from jealousy. Instead, it comes from a realization that your relationship may not be the right one for you.

Moving The Relationship At A Super Fast Pace

“A relationship that moves at a supernatural speed should raise a few red flags,” Graber says. “There is no need to rush anything in a healthy relationship.” If you feel the need to jump from one major relationship milestone to the next in a very short period of time, you may need to take a step back and ask yourself why. If you’re really looking to spend forever together, what’s the rush? “Over-commitment in the first few months of a relationship (like moving in together or getting engaged) [can be] a sign that you’re trying to compensate for something lacking in your relationship,” she says. More often than not, relationships that move fast in a short period of time end up burning out just as fast.

When you love someone, it’s easy to pretend that things are going fine when they’re not. But both you and your partner deserve to be happy. When you realize that you’re just pretending to be happy in your relationship, the next step is to talk to your partner about it. Your relationship isn’t doomed to fail if you both put in the effort to turn things around. According to Birch, make suggestions about ways to “reinvigorate the spark.” Think about what’s going right and what needs improvement. If you and your partner are committed to making things last, you will make the changes necessary to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever come across manipulative people who pretend to be nice? I have.

I once had a friend that was the sweetest, kindest person you could ever want to meet. She’d had a terrible childhood. Her mother had died of brain cancer when she was young and she had nursed her until her death. Her father was abusive so she left home at an early age. But she never complained about any of it.

She was helpful and caring and funny, and over time, we became best friends. The problem was, I didn’t know that she was just pretending to be nice. In fact, it turned out she was one of the most manipulative people I’d ever come across in my life.

Our friendship ended when I found out that everything she’d told me about her life was a lie. Her mother was still very much alive. Her father never laid a hand on her and she left home in her late twenties. After I confronted her with the truth, she threw a kitchen knife at me. She flew into a rage screaming, “Everyone leaves me!

So how did I get so sucked in by this person? Why did my so-called ‘friend’ pretend to be sweet and kind? What is it about a manipulative person who pretends to be nice? How can they fool others so easily?

I thought about her behavior for a long time. In the end, I identified six key factors; six traits and behaviors of manipulative people who pretend to be nice so that they can take advantage of you.

6 traits and behaviors of manipulative people who pretend to be nice

They play the victim

This is certainly the case with my friend. Actually, she became so synonymous with lying that we called her BS Sally. Every single thing out of her mouth was a blatant lie. And I believed her.

The thing was, my other friends certainly didn’t. They tried to tell me, but I didn’t listen. I couldn’t believe someone would lie about such important stuff. You see, my mum had also died of cancer. What sort of person lies about stuff like that?

I’ll tell you. A person that wants to control you. A person that needs you to feel sorry for them. A person that doesn’t have a personality, so instead, they need something else to draw people closer to them. Having multiple sob stories and playing the victim is one way of doing it.

Love-bombing

This is a classic technique from manipulative people who pretend to be nice. Love-bombing is where a person bombards you with love and affection within a very short time.

They will declare their undying love within days or weeks. They might shower you with expensive gifts, tell you that you are their soul mate and that they can’t live without you.

They’ll make you feel like you are living in a fairy-tale and that you’ve met the person of your dreams. But this whirlwind romance can’t last. The moment you show interest in something other than them they’ll fly into a rage and it’s all over.

‘I was only joking’

Has someone ever said a hurtful or rude comment about you and when you’ve reacted told you it was ‘just a joke’? They’ve then made out that you are over-reacting and have no sense of humor?

An ex-boyfriend of mine would do that all the time. He would say things that were just on the edge of being nasty. Then, when I would accuse him of saying rude things to me, he’d moan that I was being too sensitive and I should ‘chill out’.

This is their ‘get away with bad behavior’ card. Don’t let them play it. You will have a gut feeling whether their nasty comments are real and intended or not. And don’t forget, you can always ask them to stop if it upsets you.

Anyone who loves their partner will not want to intentionally hurt them.

They use your weaknesses against you

Ever had a work colleague that you confided in about a project or an aspect of your work you were worried about? They offered to help you or they gave you advice on how to proceed? Then you find out they went behind your back and told your supervisor you were struggling?

When you confronted them about it, they told you that they’d done it because they were worried about you? That’s some devious tactics right there. Do you berate them or thank them? It depends on their motives and the outcome of their discussion with your boss.

However, if they really did have your best interests at heart, they should have approached you first with their suggestions.

They make you feel guilty

One effective tactic of a manipulator is to make you feel guilty for not helping or believing them. I once had a housemate who always paid his share of the rent late. I ended up paying his share so we were not late paying it to the landlord. He would then owe it to me.

I would have to ask him for the money several times over the course of the next few weeks until it got to the following month when the next lot of rent was due. He would accuse me of ‘harassing’ him all the time. He would never offer me the rent money. I always had to chase him up on it.

It would always end in him storming out, slamming doors, him getting aggressive and angry. He would make me feel as if I was in the wrong for bringing up the subject in the first place. This is what manipulative people who pretend to be nice do.

They pretend to like the same things you do

One way a manipulator can get inside your head is to pretend to have the same interests as you do. They’ll do their research on you first. They’ll look through your social media posts and see which movies, books, or bands you love.

Then they’ll let slip that they share the same interests as you do and an instant connection is formed. This is because we love talking about the things we love. We feel connected to those who share our passions. And manipulators know this, so they use it against us.

Final thoughts

It can be easy to get sucked in by the behaviors of manipulative people who pretend to be nice. Hopefully, by being aware of the above traits we can be on our guard against those who want to control and take advantage of us.

References:

  • Author
  • Recent Posts
  • 11 Science-Backed Communication Techniques to Instantly Connect with Anyone – March 28, 2021
  • Polyvagal Theory: 7 Techniques to Override Anxiety & Phobias – March 19, 2021
  • Epicureanism vs Stoicism: Two Different Approaches to Happiness – March 12, 2021

Having a crush on someone is never easy. Honestly, it’s one of the most frustrating things you can imagine. However, it’s also full of fun, exciting times with someone you’re mad for. Just because it’s a little complicated doesn’t mean you can’t learn ways to make it easier.

One thing we all do when we have a crush on someone is imagine what it would be like to be with them. Isn’t that what we all want with our crushes? That means we have to do different things in order to get them to fall for us. Like ignoring them.

Why You Should Ignore Them

This doesn’t exactly sound like it makes sense, I know. But the truth is that by ignoring someone, you’re playing hard to get. And we all know that playing hard to get almost always works in attracting someone you like – especially your crush.

But you can’t just completely ignore them and leave it at that. That will make them think you don’t even like them at all. You have to do it the right way if you want to ignore someone you like. You have to pretend to ignore someone you have a crush on and here’s how.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

  1. Stare sidelong at them.

The best thing you can to do make sure they know you’re ignoring them is to acknowledge their presence with a sidelong glance, and then look forward again. What this does is make them intrigued because they realize you see them and hear them, but you’re not replying. They’ll want to make you listen and will try even harder. The best way to do this is just to look at them with your eyes only – not moving your head – and just not reply at all. You can even smirk so they know you’re really listening.

  1. Be short with them.

Instead of all out ignoring them, you can just be really short with them. This means you can still reply to them, but keep your comments short and uninterested. What this does is make them want to try even harder to get you to be nicer and open up to them more. They’ll sit and probe you for answers and when you barely give them anything, they’ll just want more.

  1. Don’t answer their questions.

When you start ignoring someone, they’ll start asking many questions. Why are you ignoring them? Are you mad? What’s wrong? Now, this may seem temping, but just ignore them. And if they’re only talking to you for the first time, ignoring their questions about you can make you seem mysterious and alluring. They’ll want to continue probing you for answers and it’ll be just what you want: their attention.

  1. Be formal with them only.

If you want to ignore them in a different way, you can ignore your friendship with them. Instead of talking like friends, pretend that they’re someone you’ve just met. Pretend you only know them in a formal way. Be polite. Be kind to them, but don’t talk to them like you’ve known them for a while. This can make them take a step back to reassess your relationship. They’ll want to get you to open up and warm up to them and they’ll try extra hard.

  1. Allow others to communicate to them for you.

You can even take it in a different direction and make other people talk to them for you if you still want to communicate with them while ignoring them at the same time. This is a really entertaining technique to use because you can still have conversations, but it’ll frustrate them and make them want to see and talk to you even more. Make sure you don’t make your messages very clear when you tell other people what to tell them because that’ll make it all the more frustrating and fun.

  1. Every once in a while, don’t ignore them.

You can’t solidly ignore someone for such a long period of time. Something that works even better to get their attention is to stop ignoring them from time to time. You can go from ignoring them one day to enjoying a hearty conversation where they’ll be trailing on your every word. This hot and cold behavior is what really hooks someone. And if you want to make them like you, then this is the way you have to ignore them.

  1. Make sure they know you heard them.

Acknowledging that you can hear what they’re saying and then deliberately not responding will drive them NUTS. If you want to get your crush to notice you by ignoring them, then this is definitely going to work. They’ll not only be confused, but they’ll want to know why you’re ignoring them. This will cause them to give you all kinds of attention in an attempt to make you respond to them. You’ll definitely have success with this method.

  1. Don’t tell them why you’re ignoring them.

Never give in. When you’re ignoring your crush, you never want to tell them why. It’ll get rid of all the mysteriousness that you’re putting out there. Instead, just pretend that you have no idea what they’re talking about. By acting like you’re not even ignoring them at all, it’ll drive them nuts and they’ll want to figure out why you act differently toward them and not other people. They’ll keep wondering and it’ll make you happy to have their attention.

  1. Have your friends ignore them too.

If you really want to take it to the next level, have your friends ignore them too! They’ll be flabbergasted as to why nobody is talking to them. It’ll make them talk to you way more and be even nicer. They’ll try to suck up to get on your good side and to get on your friends’ good side. This is always really fun to watch and they’ll definitely start thinking about you more and more.

  1. Stop ignoring them when you’ve won.

You can’t ignore someone you have a crush on forever. Not if you want to eventually date them, at least. You can only play hard to get for so long before people begin to lose interest. So once you’ve done it for a while and they’re completely hooked on you, stop ignoring them and work your magic. It’s time for you to engage with them and make sure their attention is on no one but you.

Ignoring someone you have a crush on isn’t a wise move, but pretending to ignore them is a great way to make them like you back. Practice these tips and they’ll be falling for you in no time.

“I love you” is one of the most used words globally, very easy to say, but only a few mean it. The word love means so many different things, depending on the context and the person using it. It’s often used in a new relationship and even after the relationship is no more. That she constantly reminds you of how much she loves you, doesn’t mean she is into you. How will you know when she is pretending to love you? Her actions don’t match her words; this is just one out of the many signals.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

Some ladies are very tricky, they show you all the signals they want a relationship with you, but in a real sense, they have interior motives. If you have ever come across such a lady, you can be in a relationship with her, but your instincts tell you something is wrong somewhere. At this stage, watch out what she does than the things she says to you. These are some of the ways to clear your doubts. See more ideas below.

Table of Contents

She is very secretive

When a lady falls in love, she enjoys every bit of your conversation and feels like telling you every aspect of your life. She wants you to know some crucial things about her, including her likes and hates. This way, you will know how to please her. Most guys do miss out from this aspect in their relationship; she isn’t telling you about her day just for the fun of it; she only wants you to be part of her heart. On the contrary, when she refrains from discussing things that involve her, refuse to answer some private questions, it’s a sign she is pretending to love you.

Not willing to sacrifices anything for your relationship

Making sacrifices even when it is not convenient, is next to effective communication in a relationship. Without it, I doubt if any relationship can stand the test of time. When you are in love with a man, you must sacrifice certain things for him, the same way he sacrifices for you, else your love is one-sided.

Some women find it difficult to make sacrifices with their time because they are busy pursuing their dream careers. But they sacrifice every other thing to make their partner happy. When you are in a relationship where she refuses to sacrifices anything for you, it’s obvious she is pretending to love you.

She doesn’t admire you

Ladies stick to men for different reasons. Some ladies are good at falling for men just because of physical appearance; others lust after a guy who looks charming; they find it difficult to fall in love with such guys. Women only respect the men they genuinely love. As it is today in most marriages, some women have lost total control for their husbands. It’s not because he wronged them, but somewhere along the line, she noticed he was the poor choice she made.

In such situations, her love was quick to fade. If she admires something around you, rather than your personality, then she never loved you.

She has no regard for your family

This is the height of it. When you are into a relationship, and something goes wrong, she will be careful enough for your family members not to hear about it. I’m not sure any man can stand a quarrelling moment between his mom and spouse. They always try to maintain peace and happiness. Every mum or family deserves some level of respect from the woman married into the family. A woman who truly loves you will treat your mom with so much respect, if not for any reason, for the fact she is your mom.

There are times she is not in total agreement with your mother’s decisions, but she won’t argue. She will do her best to respect her personality. This is to show she understands the boundaries; she will let specific issues die down because she is in love with you. On the other hand, a lady who has no regard for your family won’t respect you. It is a sign she is not into you, but she is pretending to love you.

She puts her friends before you

Keeping friends requires quality and quantity time together; they want you around to help them fix one or two things. Or someone they can easily rely on when things go wrong. When a lady is in love, she loose two-third of her friends, to spend more time with you.

No doubt, the two parties in their relationship need to maintain their individuality at times, but her friends should come second after your relationship. When you notice she talks more about her friends, shows more care, prefers to go out with them, Put them first in everything she does, then I think its time to ask if she really loves you, or she is only pretending to love you.

She is not active in the relationship

Did you notice you are the one who starts every conversation, shows affection, cares for her, and does almost everything to make the relationship work? If she is genuinely in love with you, she won’t watch you do all this stuff by yourself. She is your partner and not a co-staff, so if she doesn’t support the relationship in any way, I think she never loved you.

She is emotionally disconnected

You can be in love with someone and be playing dice with their emotions at the same time. Being in a relationship involves the connection between two hearts. It is not a lady who pretends to love you but never constant. Today she showers you with so much love, and tomorrow you are not sure of your relationship status. Move on, bro. She is pretending to love you when she doesn’t even like you.

In the early stage of every relationship, a lady is very much attached to her man. You will be surprised how fast things tend to work for you two. This may be the temporary nature of your friendship. Later on, when she is to decide if to stay or quit the relationship. Her words and actions towards you during this period will tell if she is pretending to love you.

Let’s hear your questions and contributions on this topic in our comment session below.

If you want to be in a relationship, odds are you’re also looking for a partner who is (at minimum) kind, respectful, and a good fit for you, and to be in a relationship that builds you up and makes you happy. But you also can’t really plan who you’ll fall in love with, and sometimes, it’s hard to tell when someone you’re dating is being genuine. Unfortunately, that means that you might end up in a situation where you love someone who isn’t good for you. It’s not your fault, and we’ve all been there at some point or another.

Maybe you have your doubts, but if you’re not really sure if the person you’re dating or in love with is good for you or not, there are some things to look out for — and most of it is about how they make you feel.

“Someone isn’t good for you when you don’t feel like the best version of yourself in the relationship,” Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, tells Elite Daily. “Oftentimes, when you’re with the wrong person it will feel out of balance, with you giving more than you’re receiving. In a healthy relationship, there should be an equal effort invested by both partners. You can tell if someone isn’t good for you if you’re regularly feeling on edge, anxious, insecure, needy, argumentative, jealous, sad, or crying frequently.”

And perhaps unsurprisingly, being in a relationship with someone who isn’t good for you can have quite the impact on your life and your self-esteem. I asked Burns to weigh in on what happens when you’re in love with a person who isn’t good for you, and here’s what she had to share.

You might alienate yourself from your support system.

“When you’re in love with someone who isn’t good for you, your other relationships take the back burner, or you alienate yourself from your support system,” Burns explains. “When you’re first dating someone and falling in love, you go through that honeymoon phase where you’re obsessed with spending a lot of time with your new partner, but it takes an unhealthy turn where you stop investing time and energy into nurturing your other friendships.”

Sometimes, that happens just because you’re distracted by new love — and you can fix that by putting in the effort to reprioritize — but it can also be the result of a controlling partner.

“If your partner is controlling, they may ask or force you to stop going out with your friends, or talk poorly about your family, slowly and manipulatively isolating you from others,” Burns says.

If anyone you’re dating asks you to stop spending time with your other loved ones, that’s a major red flag.

It can make you feel needy all the time.

As Burns points out, we all have needs — and we all need things at different levels. All of that is totally normal, too.

“Everyone has needs, and some have more than others, which isn’t a bad thing and you shouldn’t let someone make you feel belittled or judged for wanting more,” Burns says.

If you’re feeling needy all the time, however, that can be a sign that you’re with someone who isn’t good for you.

“We tend to only feel needy when our partners aren’t meeting our emotional needs,” Burns says. “When you’re with the right partner, you’ll be able to openly talk about both of your needs and ways you can help meet each other’s.”

What you want to watch out for is a partner who doesn’t seem to understand or care about your needs.

“When you’re with the wrong person, they will ignore or refuse to help you or change their behavior. There’s an overwhelming sense of disconnection, and one or both of you don’t speak each other’s love language, which is the way in which you make each other feel most loved,” Burns explains.

It diminishes your self worth.

Being in a relationship with someone who isn’t good for you — and thus, doesn’t make you feel good about yourself — can also pose a problem for your own self-esteem and make future relationships feel more difficult for you.

“Dating someone who isn’t good for you slowly diminishes your self-worth, and you begin to believe that you’re not worthy or deserving of a loving, fulfilling relationship,” Burns says. “You pick at your flaws and mentally beat yourself up.”

As a result, Burns says you might start to settle for less than you deserve. “You feel desperate for love and connection, so you lower your standards for anyone who shows you attention because you don’t think that you’re worth more,” she says.

Your partner might be emotionally abusive.

Something to keep in mind is that a partner who isn’t good for you may also be emotionally abusive, so it’s important to watch out for signs like gaslighting, too.

“Someone who isn’t good for you may also engage in a manipulative form of emotional abuse called gaslighting, in which they deny and invalidate your emotional experiences,” Burns explains.

Gaslighting can make you start to focus more on your partner’s feelings than your own, and make you feel like you’re always wrong even when you’re not.

“They don’t take accountability for their wrongdoing, blame you, and somehow even when you know you’re in the right, you wind up apologizing just to smooth things over because you’re uncomfortable with the tension,” Burns says. “You then start to tiptoe around conflict and worry more about their feelings than you’re own.”

If you feel like you can’t ever bring up anything that’s bothering you because your partner will just blame you, that’s a major red flag.

So, how do you move on?

If you’re trying to move on from a relationship in which you were in love with someone who wasn’t good for you, Burns has some advice.

“Spend time rebuilding your self-concept and identity by working toward new goals in your personal and professional life,” she suggests. “Engage in new hobbies, whether it’s signing up for your first 5K, learning to play the guitar, or planning an international vacation, and surround yourself with quality friends who build you up.”

Along with finding new hobbies, cultivating your friendships, and building your identity back up again, it’s important to spend time learning to really value yourself.

“You need to reclaim your power and rebuild your worth,” Burns says. “A healthy, secure relationship develops when you value, respect, and love yourself first. The relationship you have with yourself impacts all other relationships in your life, so you need to get to a place where you know you’re a catch and someone will be lucky to have you.”

And remember, you can absolutely be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship while you’re still working on these things — as long as you’re taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. You deserve a partner who does the same — a partner who’s good for you — and you deserve to be in a supportive relationship where you can both grow together.

This article was originally published on May 31, 2018

How to pretend to be in love with someone

Nov 24, 2016 · 5 min read

How to pretend to be in love with someone

Before you read on and earn a PhD in the field of blessed ignorance, tell me if you’ve ever been in a situation where you wanted to ignore someone you feel oodles of fondness for? It can get quite complicated and painful, right?

First of all, we all have reasons to ignore that someone. It could be due to their behavior, a rough argument or mere rejection. And we don’t always need a reason, do we? Lack of attention can trigger it too; mostly that’s what happens in my case by the way.

If yes, then I feel you bro. It’s one of the most annoying feelings in the world. We have that person added on our social media and we need to ignore them, but sadly, Snapchat keeps us updated about their fun night with the squad, Instagram tells us about their late night fancy dinner date and WhatsApp keeps showing their status. And it’s not like you can shut them all. So, what are we supposed to do? We so want their attention, but due to our recent grudge, we can’t even text because well, ego and that sense of self-respect.

And while we keep overthinking, this social media keeps reminding us of them. We cannot delete them either, because it’ll be “too wanna be” and child-like. Plus, we always want the best of both worlds –get all updates and, at the same time, stay at peace.

Here are some tips to cast that spell of ignorance right.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

How to pretend to be in love with someone

I know you love them and as they say, when it’s love nothing else should matter. You must explain things and even go an extra mile to fix things up, but if the person just doesn’t understand then may be it’s time to back off a little and stand your ground. No body should be taking you for granted, ever. Stick to this and don’t get carried away. No more running after them. Acceptance is key here.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

If you really wish to ignore them on the Internet, there’re quick changes you can make in the settings. Starting with WhatsApp, put the chat in Archives (no opening it). For Facebook, un-follow them so their updates don’t appear on your timeline. On Snapchat just don’t click on their story or even better, remove them for a while, no one gets any notification anyway. This way you’ll have them added but at the same time, there won’t be much access to their updates, and trust me, this will only make your life easier.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

The best way to not think about someone is by keeping yourself busy. Go out with friends, work on yourself, read books, eat good things and make them jealous. Trust me, if they really care about you, they’ll be burning up inside when they see you have fun with other people (especially common friends) and not them. Slow clap to our double standards.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

Did he/she just text you? Don’t get excited. Wait a while, may be for few hours or even a day? Just don’t revert within a second. Show them you have other things on your mind too. At least we can pretend we have priorities. And don’t try to make conversation in the very first place. Act formal, no “What’s up?” but a “How are you?” Start using their name to make it sound more legit (Hi Rajnikanth!). And a tiny disclaimer, increase the usage of words like hmmm, no idea, ya and ok. Short, dry replies act like a bomb.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

Perhaps everything about them is perfect but I am sure there would be something you never really appreciated about them. May be how they make those weird noises while eating or that weird obsession with poop jokes. Try to think about why you fought or whatever led you to behave in this manner. This will only help you to keep your will strong to ignore the lad.

Follow these tips for a few days and trust me they will come running to you. And when that happens, don’t shower all your love at once. Have a stiff, casual embrace and they’ll surely be yours forever because then they won’t take you for granted. There’ll be that fear of losing you. And if even after a few days they don’t realise your absence, then I am sure your existence didn’t matter much to them anyway. Either way, let’s move on!

Sometimes, a person right in front of you may be in love with you, but you don’t realize it. Perhaps you’re friends who hang out a lot and you even tell others that nothing’s going on — you’re “just friends.” However, little do you know that the person is harboring secret feelings for you .

Or maybe you are dating, but get mixed signals from them — though they’re not saying “I love you,” they are showing you through their subtle actions. Yes, they rescued you when you got stranded in the middle of the freeway when you ran out of gas, but isn’t that what friends do?

To get the scoop, Business Insider spoke to two relationship experts, including Dr. Suzana E. Flores , clinical psychologist and author of “ Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives .” “While there is no guaranteed way to know if a person is truly in love with you , there are a few signs someone can show to reveal how they really feel,” Dr. Flores told Business Insider.

1. They have fun with you even if the task at hand is not fun, per se

The saying, “It’s not what you do, but who you’re with” is popular for a reason — because it’s true. Pay attention to the person who’s always there for you, even when the task at hand is not outwardly a fun one, like helping you move. “A sign someone may be in love with you includes their ability to have fun with you even during mundane tasks,” Dr. Flores said. “If they are happy to see you, no matter what the two of you are doing, it may be love.”

Kailen Rosenberg, elite matchmaker and founder of The Lodge Social Club , a dating application with a three-step vetting process that launched earlier this month, agrees. “The person will often go the ‘extra mile’ to help you with something — a project, a need, an errand, etc.,” she told Business Insider. “Bottom line, they want to be near you, thought of by you, and assist you.”

2. They look at you . a lot

The next time you’re with the person in question, note how often they look at you. Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found a correlation between eye contact and love. In his study, couples deeply in love look at one another 75% of the time while talking, while people engaged in conversation only look at each other about 30-60% of the time.

“When someone is in love with you, they will stare at your eyes more directly and for a longer period of time; they want to be completely present with you,” Dr. Flores said. “This is why it’s so important to interact with a love interest in person versus just through digital connection — we need to connect emotionally through eye contact.”

3. They pay more attention to you

Everyone is busy, right? But people also make time for things — and others — that are important to them. “Someone may be in love when they begin to focus a lot of their attention on you, especially in one-on-one settings,” Dr. Flores said. Rosenberg agrees. “They’re just like the boy on the playground who used to pull your hair or tease you when you were a kid,” she said.

4. They show empathy — in good times and bad

When someone is not only sympathetic when something happens to you, but also empathetic, it may be another sign that they are in love with you . In other words, your happiness is their happiness, and your pain is their pain.

“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being,” Dr. Flores said. “If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back, but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”

5. They remember the little things

When it comes to reading signs to see if someone loves you, pay attention to the little things — because they’ll do them. You two may go to the movies and they’ll mix your popcorn with Raisinettes because you once mentioned you liked that salty and sweet combination.

“Someone in love will remember your birthday, your favorite color, and favorite meal, so the little things they remember and do for you are also meaningful,” Dr. Flores said.

6. They introduce you to the important people in their lives

The more people they introduce you to, especially those important to them, such as their family and best friends, the more likely it is they want to be closer to you emotionally.

“They’ll also go out of their way to connect you with their own friends and connections to help make your life or work easier,” Rosenberg said.

7. They often mention the future

How does the person act when it comes to talking about the future? Do they talk in more “we” language or “me” language? After all, you don’t talk about upcoming and faraway events with just anybody, unless you definitely want them in your life and by your side.

“Notice how the person behaves around you,” Dr. Flores said. “If they suddenly start speaking about a possible future with you, it’s a sign that they are falling in love or are already in love with you.”