Do you remember the very first moment when you fall in love with your best friend? Some people do. They call it a magical experience. Maybe it’s a touch, a look, or something that he says.
Or maybe the opposite is true. You can’t pinpoint a moment when it happened, but it just sort of sneaks up on you and you’re not sure what to make of your feelings. You might not even be sure if you are in love with him, in lust with him, or maybe just confusing friendship for romantic love.
It’s true – there is a difference between romantic love and friendship. Some people today seem to think that you can’t be friends with the opposite sex because eventually, you will develop romantic feelings for each other.
However, for most relationships, this is simply not true. You don’t fall in lust with every one of your friends! Usually, they just stay your friend. Likewise then, if a guy friend-zones you (or if you friend-zone a guy) it’s actually very difficult to change his mind. Once we lose romantic attraction for someone we don’t just turn it on or off like a switch.
The reason we’re talking about this is because confessing to your friend that you have feelings for him is risky business. It will change the dynamic of the relationship. If you tell him and he doesn’t know what to do with your confession, it might even ruin the friendship. Don’t conclude that these scenarios usually end “happily” – with him reciprocating. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way we hope.
A better approach is to first consider some signs that you’re falling in love with your friend. If you’re confused, or suspect you might have a crush on him but are not sure, then read over these signs and try to determine where those feelings are coming from.
1. You begin treating him as your “partner” in life, confiding everything.
He’s become a life partner to you, whether he knows it or not. He’s always the first one you want to talk and run ideas by, because you value his opinion over everyone else. Whenever big news hits, good news or terrible news, you always go to him first. You need to hear his voice and his thoughts in order to process what you feel. This is usually beyond regular friendship. You don’t want there to be any secrets. That’s how intense the relationship has become.
2. You are extremely jealous of his romantic life.
The more oblivious he seems about dating you, the more depressed you feel. The very idea of him dating someone else makes you angry. You may start to find faults with his dates or girlfriend, figuring you would make him much happier.
3. You have no desire to date anyone else not even as a curiosity – only him.
Why not date someone else? Your friend doesn’t seem to care. It might do you good to get out and meet new people just for curiosity’s sake. One problem though – it feels wrong! He is the only man you’re interested in. Your heart is just not in dating anyone else and so you can’t do it or do it begrudgingly.
4. You think about him constantly and want to be around him as often as you can.
If he’s constantly popping into your thoughts and you find yourself missing him more often, you may have already fallen for him. You sense something special in him and now your brain is preparing itself for the idea of dating him. This feels like a full-blown obsession!
5. People start to assume you two are a couple.
The fact of the matter is, you are always around him, always talking about him, and always giving him “girlfriend” vibes. No wonder people see you two together and assume you must be a couple!
6. You are always trying to make him happy.
You sacrifice your own comfort trying to reach him, trying to please him, or getting him to notice you. If you’re making him your number one priority in life it’s more than a crush. You’re falling for him and he might know it by now. Maybe you’ve even dropped hints or left gifts for him, just to gauge his reaction. And if he smiles, it’s worth the effort, right?
7. You always find a reason to text or call him.
He’s not really the one pursuing a closer friendship, you are. You find reasons to text him or call him. You making more demands on his time, hoping he notices the effort and enjoys the closer communication. But it’s a gamble if you don’t know for sure!
8. You think about a future with him.
Finally, the true tell of a romantic heart is how you see yourself and him in the near future. Is it one of those complicated futures? Do you have trouble imagining how it could end happily ever after? Are you more interested in planning a future in the real world or just following your emotions to where they lead you? Planning a future is a sign of falling love.
If you see the signs and realize you’re fallen for a friend, try to take a more cautious approach, at least in the beginning. Try to work out in your mind if your feelings are logical and consistent. Ask questions like is he available? Has he said anything that would indicate he’s interested in you? Why do you think there would be a mutual attraction? Is it based on lifestyle similarities or opinions you both share?
What about eye contact or body language? Does he seem more respectful and platonic when you interact? Once you determine how he feels, based on signs he’s given, you can determine when it’s best to tell him how you feel – or maybe direct your attention elsewhere, if you know the relationship is a bad idea.
Just remember that friendship, even a platonic one, is a wonderful thing to have in life and not everyone has it. Through honest communication, maybe you can tell the truth but save the friendship.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
There are situations in which the wisest thing that a person can consider is to stop being in love. This happens when you are in an unhappy relationship. When you have spent years trying to forget an ex. Or when you have a platonic love in front of you.
Falling in love with your best friend can become a complex situation, which often awakens very intense feelings. In this context, maturity is the key to managing the situation when you don’t want to lose friendship and affection. Knowing how to make a wise decision will determine the smooth running of the relationship in the future. Whether as friends or as a couple. Far from romantic ideals, sometimes killing love in a conscious way is the best option.
A lot to gain and a lot to lose
There are many stories of friendship that have been broken because love has appeared between two inseparable companions. But stories and love adventures have also been written that have arisen from the unique connection that a couple of good friends have felt.
The line between friendship and romantic love is fragile. That is why many individuals believe that it isn’t possible to cherish friendly feelings between two people of the opposite sex who have learned to love each other as brothers without being family. And it is that when a true friend connects deeply with us and our needs, something more than a simple friendship can arise.
In these cases, the question arises whether it is worth risking everything and losing that person so important to us.
Surely you ask yourself: “And what can I do in these cases?” You will find the answer to this question if you keep reading the following lines. Here you will delve into a series of tips to overcome impossible love. So pay attention, because your emotional stability is at stake.
In any process of lovelessness, if it is what you want to forget, it is necessary to stop having contact with your love object. Every time you see that person (or remember him/her) your brain circuit of the reinforcement is activated. That elicits again the neurochemical cascade of falling in love.
Actually, love acts almost like a drug. That means that it makes us all the time tend to detect aspects of the present that remind us of that person. Although apparently, they have nothing to do with it. Many things that we perceive refer us to those memories, based on real or imagined events. And in this way, we begin to be frustrated by not being able to return to those times when we didn’t experience the pain of loss. So, you have to fight against this vicious circle by avoiding “exposure” to that person.
That doesn’t mean that you cannot see her again. But, it is necessary that the brain circuit weakens. And for this, it is necessary that a more or less long time passes until it happens. The time required depends on many factors: your self-esteem, the social support you have, the past experiences you have had, etc. So be patient, because it can go long, although the degree of serenity that is achieved makes it compensate.
This kind of love is, as the name suggests, impossible. It is not easy to accept, but although this affirmation sounds hard, this is part of life. Surely you cannot avoid that impossible love hurts you, but what does depend on you is your attitude towards this phenomenon and the time you want to remain anchored to suffering. To continue and overcome it, you have to accept it; otherwise, you will only be avoiding reality.
If you feel that you are having difficulty in overcoming it and that the pain has taken over your life, you don’t have to guard it for yourself. Obviously, you shouldn’t go telling it to everyone. You can say it to someone in your family to give you his support and be there for you in the most delicate moments. This will help you release some of the pain and allow you to have someone to trust.
Go on with your life and love yourself
It is important that you don’t obsess and paralyze. To overcome this situation, it is necessary that you continue with your life. You set goals that fit your own desires and fight to achieve your goals. You must make sense of your life because if you aren’t happy with yourself and you don’t fight to be happy, you can hardly overcome it.
For this, it is even better for you to do things that you don’t want but that you know will work well in the long run. Like socializing more, exercising, etc. The idea is to keep you going.
Seek psychological help
In some cases, the person who feels an impossible love sinks, coming to experience situations that are truly paralyzing and problematic for their own health and quality of life. Maybe, for example, there is a problem with self-esteem. Or a deficit of social skills in the background, which doesn’t allow you to get out of this emotionally fatiguing situation.
If you have tried to overcome it on your own and you see that you aren’t moving forward, perhaps you should go to psychological therapy. A mental health professional will give you the chance to know and develop different tools to improve your well-being.
It’s a long story so I will try to keep it short and precise. I’ve been in love with my married best friend for about 3 years now, and I’m finding it really hard to fall out of love with him because he is also my manager at work. Neither of us can change job because we work in a very niche field and currently work at the best company for this field in the world (or at least in the UK). Although I’m fairly certain he would have feelings for me if he weren’t married, I’m certainly not interested in ruining his happy marriage. The reason I am so attached to him is because I rely on him stupendously with my mental health issues, and I have never found a friend who is so receptive to it (believe me I’ve tried and am still trying). So my question is, how do I fall out of love with him without leaving my job or losing a best friend? I’ve tried everything but it all hurts.
Firstly, sorry for your pain. This is indeed not an easy situation to be in and the complexity is aggravated when you say that both of you cannot move away. I have two things I want to say to you right at the start. Firstly, you’ve got to be willing to do something scary and new at this point. If you continue practising the same old behaviors with him, you will keep getting the same results of not being able to get away from him. Secondly, most women tend to stay in such disempowered situations and accept being the “other woman” because we feel like we have no choices. Hence, I want to lovingly remind you that you always have a choice, no matter what and you don´t have to continue being in this painful space with this man.
Below is my 5 step “diva plan” for you.
1) If your goal is to truly heal from this affair, then moving away, even if it means re-location with the same company in some other part of the world, should be a possibility that I´d like you to entertain.
You don´t have to do it but it is a possibility. Yes, it will be cumbersome but if it empowers you and helps you move on with your life, it should be considered.
2) It is important that this man stops being the primary source of your emotional support, so that you can gradually break away from the intensity of this relationship.
If you´re struggling with mental health issues, I recommend finding a professional therapist or coach to help you during these challenging times and stop turning to this man for this kind of intimate emotional support. Your workplace may even be able to provide you with this support if you speak to your HR department, and a trained professional will be able to give you some solid tools and skills to navigate this. Here´s why this is important – continuing to have him as your only emotional aid will not only hurt his marriage (which we know you don´t want to do) but it will also make it hard for you to heal because the connection will stay alive. At this point, you want to be able to train yourself to slowly let go of him, in baby steps, as a professional takes his place.
3) Cut off any social life with him.
At the start this may feel extreme, but if it triggers your anxiety and activates chemistry, avoid spending any time with him, outside of work. The less you see him, the healthier, for both of you.
4) Ask him to cooperate with you.
If he´s a true friend, he would want to see you be happy and succeed with your life. I encourage you to let him know that you´d like to put an end to this and you need his help in doing this. He should cooperate if he cares, both for you and his own marriage.
5) Reconnect with your worth
You don´t deserve to play second fiddle. You deserve to be the queen of a man´s heart. You may want to do some reflection on why you´ve been settling for a married man and why you don´t believe you can have something much better – an amazing man just for you, to love and to commit to. The truth is that there´s plenty of fish in the sea, if you can step out of your fears and look at the world of romance and men with fresh eyes
Falling out with your best friend is the last thing you want to happen. When you’re so close to someone it seems inconceivable that you could ever have a serious argument with them. But sometimes things get out of hand and even the best of friends can have a major disagreement. Here’s what to do if you experience falling out with your best friend вЂ¦
Table of contents:
1 Admit You Were Wrong
If the reason for falling out with your best friend is something that you said or did, be honest and admit that it was your fault. Apologise to them. We often find it difficult to say sorry, but a sincere apology should be accepted. If it isn’t, either you messed up big time, or the friendship wasn’t as deep as you thought it was.
2 Don’t Wait
The longer you wait to try to smooth things over, the greater the risk that you’ll stay mad at each other. Don’t leave it too long. And call your friend rather than send a message. The written word can easily be misunderstood and lacks the tone and emotion of the voice.
3 Talk Honestly
If you’re such good friends, you should be able to talk completely honestly with each other. If there’s a genuine problem that caused the falling out, discuss it and try to reach a solution. So if you’re upset that she has no time for you since she started dating her new boyfriend, you should try to understand each other’s point of view, and look for a way to both be happy.
4 Don’t Use Intermediaries
After falling out with your friend, you should talk to her yourself. Don’t ask another friend to intervene; you need to solve the problem directly. Trying to use an intermediary makes it seem as though you don’t have the courage to deal with issues yourself, or that it doesn’t matter enough for you to make the effort.
5 Tell Them You Care
Whatever’s caused the disagreement, your friend may think that you don’t care about them any more. So tell them that isn’t the case, and tell them how much you value the friendship. Once close friendships have fractured over seemingly trivial reasons, so don’t let that happen in your case. Your friend may need to know how much you love them.
6 Be Civil
Arguments with close friends can be pretty brutal, especially among teenage girls. But even if you are angry, try to be civil when you see your friend. Above all, don’t bitch about her behind her back. She may well hear about it, and then you’ll stand no chance of regaining the friendship. You’ll also look like a nasty gossip or someone who’s trying to manipulate people into taking sides.
7 Expiry Date
In the worst cases, it may be that the friendship has run its course, however close you once were. Someone may have been your best friend in your teens or twenties, but as your lives change so can your friendships. Once you have children you may no longer have much in common with your party-loving best friend. Some friendships survive these changes; others don’t.
Most arguments and disagreements with your best friend are repairable. If they really are your best friend, then both of you will want to put things right. Sometimes this means you have to make the first move. Have you ever fallen out with a friend over something silly?
Falling out with a mate can be upsetting, but doesn’t have to be the end of your friendship.
It’s a fact of life that people (of all ages and in all walks of life) fall out! Sometimes you make up, sometimes you don’t. Friends can come and go out of our lives. This is your chance to work out how you will cope with what can be really upsetting situations.
It helps to talk to someone if you’re feeling down. Don’t feel bad about yourself, concentrate on things you enjoy, and don’t bottle things up.
Falling out with a friend
People of all ages fall out for a number of reasons. Most people will make up, but some might not. If you value the friendship then it is worth trying to make up with the person.
When the argument has settled down, try talking to them and figuring out why you are both annoyed with each other.
Compromising with each other is key to making up. You have probably said some horrible things to each other and are both at fault, but you must get over this to move on
How Can I Fix It?
There’s no magic cure for arguments between friends, but there are a bunch of things you can try:
Try and imagine it from the other side
When we argue, we’re usually blinded by our own view of things. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? Would you see things the same way as you do now?
Find a peacemaker
Ask someone who friend is friends with the both of you or an adult who wasn’t involved to help get you talking. Don’t expect them to take sides though – it won’t help and isn’t fair on them.
Pay careful attention to what they say. It’ll help you understand why they feel the way they do and make them more likely to listen to your point of view. By listening you’ll understand why they have a different viewpoint.
Tell them how you feel
This is really important to helping them understand why you feel the way you do but don’t go back over what you think they did wrong – it might re-start the argument.
Tell them how you feel in a calm and non-aggressive way. Even if you are right they won’t listen to you if they don’t like the way they are being spoken to.
Have a laugh
Was there a funny side to what happened? Being able to laugh about it together – particularly about yourself and how you reacted – can help heal the hurt.
Accept that you might both have been right
Being able to agree to disagree is an important part of being friends in the long term. In any case, what’s more important – ‘winning’ an argument or keeping a mate?
Sitting in the window of a café in east London, I watched a lost-looking woman talking on the phone. On the other side of the glass, her two friends stood beside me. “Look to your right! We’re behind you,” yelled one, and peals of laughter ensued. The bewildered friend bobbed her head around, looking literally everywhere but at her tickled pals. Eventually she turned, and all three of them burst into laughter.
I couldn’t help but chuckle too. But as I barely concealed my smile, I felt tears welling in my eyes. They reminded me of my own friend. With that realisation came a pang of longing that I’d been trying to suppress. I missed her.
She was a big part of my life. Until one day she was not.
I felt my friend pulling away from me long before it actually happened. It was imperceptible at first, just the odd unanswered text. She was newly in love and I was excited for her. I tried to convince myself that it was just a temporary glitch, that she’ll be back. Slowly but surely, as summer faded and the leaves turned brown, the phone calls dried up. Texts sat without reply. Our meet-ups ceased to exist.
For a long time, my mind raked over things I might have said or done to upset my friend. I overthought everything I’d done throughout the preceding months. I dwelt on my own most negative traits and convinced myself of the plausibility of this theory: that my friend had just cause to cut me out.
I might’ve been able to mitigate the chasmic sense of loss I felt had two of my other friends not also distanced themselves after finding love. But the void left by these three close friends was significant. My social calendar emptied. My weekends became utterly devoid of brunch or drinks plans. I spent a lot of time on my own.
A few weeks ago, I couldn’t bear the weight of the sadness any longer. I stood in the street outside my office building and voice-noted a friend. “It’s just really fucking lonely,” I whispered into my phone, blinking back unexpected tears. I’d kept my loneliness to myself like a closely guarded secret. It was a relief to say it out loud.
But, as to what I should do about it, I was none the wiser. My friend provided words of comfort, that she knew what it felt like, but that it’s also natural, that we’re at the point in our lives when we’re all “forming units” of our own. But I wasn’t doing that. Instead, my friendship units were crumbling. I had served my purpose in their lives and my presence was no longer required.
I couldn’t find much online about this quite specific friendship issue on the internet, so I decided to research the topic to find ways to ease the pain for others going through the same thing.
Know that it’s not personal. It’s actually human nature.
The first thing I learned was this: it’s nothing personal. Kate Leaver, author of The Friendship Cure, told me, “Romantic love has a way of making people temporarily (or sometimes permanently) neglect and forget their mates.”
“It’s just the way we’ve been programmed, really; to think of that sort of love as superior and therefore extremely important,” said Leaver. “According to some lovely research done by Oxford university evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar, we lose an average of two friends every time we get into a new relationship. Oof, it’s a rough statistic.”
“Romantic love has a way of making people temporarily neglect and forget their mates.”
I asked Dunbar, the author of the study and the aforementioned “rough statistic”, why people pull away from their friends when they’re in love. “The issue is simply time,” he said. “People become so focussed on the new romantic interest and devote so much time to them that they don’t have as much time for all their old close friends.”
“It’s not so much that they don’t give them any time at all as that they give them less, so they get bumped down from the category of being intimate friends to the category of good friends,” Dunbar added.
In short, it’s a question of changing priorities. But where does that leave you?
Invest in other friendships
While your friend is off on cloud nine, you should spend time with other friends who treat you like you’re a priority, not just an option. Keah Brown, author of The Pretty One, told me one of her best friends since high school drifted away from her after falling in love. Her friend went from hanging out with her every week to no longer texting or wanting to hang out.
“At first, I was angry and then sad but now I genuinely wish her the best and appreciate our friendship for what it was and what it is now,” said Brown. “But I initially felt like I was not good enough for her to stick around before coming to the realisation that the change in our friendship wasn’t about me. It’s just what happens when some people can’t juggle both.” Brown made peace with the change in her friendship by spending time with other friends and “reminding myself that she wasn’t the only one I had.”
Leaver also advised hanging out with friends who might have more time to give to you. “While you’re waiting for your mate to start paying you attention again, it’s a good time to reconnect with other friends,” she said. “See your single friends or spend time with people who’ve been in love long enough to know they still need their friends around.”
Hot tip for couples: you might need your friends if your relationship doesn’t work out. Just sayin’.
Be patient and persistent
While we might want our friends to be cognisant of how their actions are affecting us, making them feel guilty might not be the most effective way of restoring the friendship to its former glory. Leaver suggested patience and persistence for the friend coping with being forgotten.
“I think we can afford to give our new love birds a short period in which they forget us, in favour of going on dates and staring into one another’s eyes all the time,” she said. “You can forgive your friend for having a little time to be besotted and think of nothing else; it’s part of the loveliness of love.”
But if, after a few weeks, they’re still not returning your texts or making room for you in their life, it might be time to act.
“I think you can be very open about it and say, listen, babe, you’ve had your time to get totally preoccupied with love, may I remind you that I exist and I require your attention?” advised Leaver. “You don’t perhaps need to go as far as saying ‘who is going to be there for you when you break up with this person?’ but it is entirely acceptable and in fact sensible to say ‘I would like to see you’ and insist on taking up space in that person’s life.”
Two things can be true at once: I want my friend to be happy and in love. I don’t want my friend to leave my life. However you choose to cope with your friend distancing themselves from you, know that it’s nothing personal.
A dear friend of mine passed on some wise words regarding this particular friendship predicament: “Eventually they come back to you.” I’ll be there for my friend when she does.
The first thing you need to know is that some of the most beautiful love stories came from true friendships. So there is no reason to give up immediately at the start because of the fear that he/she doesn’t feel the same, and that you will lose both friend and crush. Telling him/her “I fell in love with you” is very stressful because it can lead to unwanted consequences. Still, remember that you can also accomplish all your fantasies. To find out whether he/she feels the same, you will have to accumulate courage and acknowledge what you feel.
Think about your feelings to make sure that this is love and not a passing phase. Even if you feel it, there is no guarantee that your relationship will last. You will need to work on that relationship as well as on any other.
Watch for his/her signals
Does he/she let you know that enjoys spending time with you? He/she touch you often? Does it pay attention to other girls/boys? These and many other signs will give you how he/she feels. Perhaps he/she also fears that with its recognition will destroy your friendship, but sends you some more subtle signals and examines the terrain to find out if you are ready to respond to his/her feelings.
Gather courage and flirt
This is an excellent way to find out the feelings of your friend. If you have not tried to deceive him/her so far, this is the ideal moment. From his/her reactions you will find out a lot and you can come up with a justification that it’s just a friendly joke.
If you think he/she feels something more than friendship to you, honestly acknowledge your feelings. Make sure to be alone with him/her and prepare yourself for all possible outcomes. Warn him/her to be honest too, and that you don’t want to destroy your friendship, but you think you fell in love. He/she will probably be confused in the beginning, no matter what you feel, but if you are true friends, everything will come to your own.
Even if he/she is not in love with you, your friendship doesn’t have to be condemned to failure. Be sincere, confess to him/her all the love you feel for him/her, tell him/her everything you’ve thought before setting yourself the courage to do this, but do not expect anything in return, because if you do that and the negative answer you will only suffer. You have to take the risk.
Observe the context
If he/she has a partner or something much worse, if you have a partner, think about it very, very well before doing it. Imagine that he/she has a girlfriend/boyfriend and put yourself in his/her place, would you like your boyfriend’s/girlfriend´s friend to confess his/her love without caring and respecting the relationship that he/she currently has? Of course not, right? Then, as the saying goes: “DON´T DO WHAT YOU DON´T WANT TO BE DONE TO YOU”
Now imagine that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, it doesn’t matter how long you have been together. What you really feel for your best friend is so strong to kick the relationship and risk or a new relationship.
If you confessed your love and everything was great, well, congratulations. You see, you’ve already realized that everything is possible and you just have to take the risk to make or achieve what you long for.
On the other hand, if the result was not what you expected, quiet, everything will be fine. Maybe now you don’t have any relationship, but remember that true friendship sooner or later reappears. Just remember that you have been sincere and your conscience is free of all remorse. Anyway, there is someone waiting for you, someone who expects you to approach him to be happy together.
So, I’m sitting God knows how many thousands of feet in the air on my way back to London, waking up to a beautiful sunrise, listening to some Ed Sheeran. An aching feeling in the middle of my chest suddenly makes an appearance as I’m watching the sun flare up the sky to my right.
You know that feeling of realization that just hits so close to home? You feel like you’re about to start crying but 1) you don’t cry (and by “you,” I mean me), and 2) if you absolutely had to, it wouldn’t be on a flight filled with strangers.
You’re all familiar with this story: You meet someone, friendshipВ develops, years go by and they become your person. However, we don’t choose when, how and who we love. We don’t control how it enters our lives orВ when it leaves. And to be honest, I don’t think love conquers all. There are other elements that work with love in order to make something last. However, the chemistry in these connections is undeniable.
I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. I love love, but I feel like society has ruined it for me. I really don’t care about the bouquets of flowers and dinners (although, all of that is great), I don’t care for someone to claim me as their #WCE on Instagram. I’m a romantic in the sense that there is someone out there who’s soul is the other half to yours. Someone who is compatible with you, even when you can’t explain it. I believe in a bond that is very unique in the way it develops, how long it lasts and the impact that it has on our lives.
Call it your soulmate, your missing piece, your beau вЂ¦ I’m a Pisces, and I am a natural dreamer. So, to believe that this exists is not far-fetched in my mind. However, since we live in the age of Tinder and “Netflix and chill,” I will not be holding my breath for handwritten love letters across continents anytime soon.
Let me tell you, when you have that “oh, sh*t” moment and realize you’re in way too deep andВ have been lying to yourself all along,В that’s whenВ you start seeing everything a lot clearer. It’s like a “diamonds in the sky” type of revelation. Let’s just say falling for a close friend will always go through a weird period of readjustment, especially when you’ve both confessed feelings for one another and don’t know if you’re going toВ move forward with it or not.
Emotions and vulnerability are messy, ladies and gentlemen. I love it, though. If you’re self-aware and introspective by nature, being in tune with how you feel is just what you do, but the other party at hand may run for the hills when sh*t gets a bit too real for them. Finding your person can be scary.
After a year of being ghosted, my friend and I reconnected and it was as if nothing ever happened. Maybe we’re good at sweeping things under the rug and moving on, or maybe it’s because 10 years of friendship and a real bond doesn’t just disappear overnight. But whatever the reason, I realized a few things about how we love people, how we react to getting hurt and how we let go:
1. We’re all romantics at heart.
You may be theВ person in your squad who will never be caught tearing up when watching a heartfelt movie (me too bro, me too), but no matter what your exterior shows, we are creatures that yearn for affection. We want someone to notice those little things about us, to notice when we’re not ourselves. We ultimately want someone who will be our life partner, through thick and thin. A lover and a best friend.
2. We forget humans are flawed.
You live and you learn, and one of the most important things I’ve learned is we all mess up. It’s so easy to be wronged and to flip the switch and go off. To be honest, for any of us to expect the people we care about to neverВ mess up is holding them to a standard we can’t even fulfill. The way we approach situations can be different, and how we exchange words could be wiser. Basically, we just need to handle situations better, people.
3. People come and go.
The people in our lives are not ours. We do not control their movements in our lives. And ultimately, they should be there to add to your life. You are not any less of a person if someone decides to leave, and it doesn’t have to be all bad after they do. I see it like this:
When I care about people, it’s an all or nothing type of love. I think I have a good read on people and I choose carefully, so I don’t get a bitter taste in my mouth when they do leave because 1) you have to let things be, and 2) the good memories will always outweigh the bad.
4. What flaws?
The friend I mentioned earlier always jokes that I put up with a lot of his shenanigans. But quite frankly, although I know what he’s talking about, I still don’t see it that way. The only way he can be this person I love is with everything that makes him, him. Flaws and all.
I have my vices and so do you, so how can we judge someone else for theirs and not look at our own first? However, if they’re indulging in activities that are a detriment to their lives and we truly care about them, then we help them the best we can.
5. We all have that person.
The person whoВ pops up in the back of our minds, the one we’re so comfortable with that we can be vulnerable and not fear getting hurt or rejected.В We have a person who may be the complete opposite from us, but may get to usВ better than most. These people are the ones whoВ will never leave our hearts, and thatВ can be both a tragedyВ or a fairytale. Either way, c’est la vie.
I guess what I’m trying to say is we have no control, and the sooner we realize that about ourselves, the easier it becomes to have some faith and let go. Don’t overcomplicate something so special. We all experience loveВ differently.
I may or may not be over someone I thought I had forgotten about, and he may or may not read this (let’s not talk about this, if you do). Through myВ early 20s, I’m learning that adulting is a mind-f*ck, and love is indeed a mother f*cker.