How to learn the art of seduction

This article was co-authored by Laura Bilotta. Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of date coaching experience, Laura specializes in dating etiquette, relationships, and human behavior. She is the host of the Dating and Relationship Radio Talk Show on AM640 and on Apple Podcasts. She is also the author of “Single in the City: From Hookups & Heartbreaks To Love & Lifemates, Tales & Tips To Attract Your Perfect Match.”

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Are you tired of chasing the opposite sex? Do you want to turn the tables and have them chasing you instead? With a little practice, it’s easy to master the art of seduction. A little confidence and playfulness may be all it takes.

How to learn the art of seduction

How to learn the art of seduction

How to learn the art of seduction

How to learn the art of seduction

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020. Have fun with this person. Enjoy the game.

  • Studies have found that a playful attitude makes people more attractive. Playfulness in males signals non-aggression, while in females it signals youth and fertility.
  • Humor, too, is another crucial aspect of your personality that plays a role in attractiveness. A study has found that women are more likely to give their phone number to men who use humor [3] X Research source , while men too perceive humor as being an attractive trait in women. [4] X Research source
  • Be able to make fun of yourself. People generally don’t like other people who can’t take a joke or get offended when anything bad about them gets said. Don’t be that person. Be able to take criticism in stride. Hey, if you dish it out to other people (and you should; playfulness is attractive) you should also be able to take it.

How to learn the art of seduction

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.

  • On some occasions, if a person asks you for a date, don’t immediately agree. Say you’ll check your calendar first, and then agree. Even if you have nothing going on, play it cool. That way, your social appearance will be enhanced by a simple trick.
  • That being said, fill your calendar with real events and real people. There’s no substitute for the real thing. You’ll actually be happier and feel more fulfilled if you’re out and about than if you’re sitting at home twiddling your thumbs.

Make an effective use of body language. Move confidently. Most people are not attracted to wallflowers, but to people who are sure of themselves. Don’t forget to smile and, if possible, make body contact when appropriate and not intrusive.

    Use your body language to flirt. If you’re not Shakespeare-skilled with words, don’t fret. You can send subtle signals to people you want to attract, depending on the social situation. Don’t be afraid to touch someone’s arm or shoulder lightly when you’re talking to them. [6] X Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020. Physical contact by men actually increases the temperature of women, sometimes by a whole degree Celsius. [7] X Research source
Use eye contact to flirt. Eyes are incredibly powerful tools, so use them wisely. Lock eyes with your date when you’re talking; there’s nothing that screams confidence like a good look into someone’s eyes. If you’re using eye contact to flirt, however, don’t scan the room staring at every person. [8] X Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020. People want to feel special, so learn to locate a few candidates and shower them with your eye-attention.

Once you learn what is the art of seduction and what’s at the heart of it, you’ll be making strides with women in no time.

You know… I get this question a lot:

“Marni, what’s the CORE of dating and seduction?”

And to be honest, there isn’t just ONE core.

What’s the core of dating and seduction?

There’s a ton of stuff that goes into creating attraction in a relationship between two people.

Some of it is in your control and…

Some of it isn’t.

But the question has got me thinking.

If I could teach one CORE concept to the guys I work with…

What would it be?

What would take them from “0” to 50% of the way there?

And once I got to thinking about it, you know what happened?

I was sort of shocked.

I thought that it would be something mindset-related.

But then I got to thinking.

How to learn the art of seduction

Working on mindset stuff in a VACUUM by yourself will only get you so far.

The way to get your mindset in the right place is to get out there and bumping around.

And I’m not talking about talking to dozens of women a week.

I’m talking about even small interactions.

Interactions that you could build on.

And not only put what I teach you into practice BUT:

Learn about yourself.

What your fears are.

Why you think the way you do.

And becoming comfortable in your own skin.

So with that being said… what would be a great FIRST STEP? What is the art of seduction and what’s at its core?

Here’s what I came up with:

The best first step to take in learning attraction and seduction is the one we underestimate the MOST.

It’s something you’ve been doing since you were a kid on the playground when you pulled on little Suzie’s shirt ‘cus you liked her.

I’m talking about FLIRTING.

How to learn the art of seduction

Flirting

Marni… this is beginner stuff.

Mastering the art of flirting is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

1. It allows you to BEGIN interactions with women. You’ll KNOW what to say. You’ll know how to be charming and smooth.

Once you learn the art of flirting the worst thing that can happen is that you had a great conversation with a fellow human being.

This is HUGE when it comes to dating.

So many guys get looked over, not considered, or FRIEND-ZONED because they don’t know how to properly show intent.

And this stuff applies to ONLINE dating too.

It’s all one and the same.

So if you want something that’s going to take you half of the way to where you want to be…

You’ll want to check out my F-Formula program:

It’s a step-by-step blueprint for becoming a MASTER at flirting in every situation.

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How to learn the art of seduction

Want to learn the ideas in Art of Seduction better than ever? Read the world’s #1 book summary of Art of Seduction by Robert Greene here.

Read a brief 1-Page Summary or watch video summaries curated by our expert team. Note: this book guide is not affiliated with or endorsed by the publisher or author, and we always encourage you to purchase and read the full book.

Table of Contents

We’ve scoured the Internet for the very best videos on Art of Seduction, from high-quality videos summaries to interviews or commentary by Robert Greene.

Overview

The Art of Seduction (2001) by Robert Greene is a self-help book about manipulating people for personal gain. It’s not just about sex; it can be used to sell things, get political power, or persuade others in general to achieve one’s goals. With close psychological analysis and careful planning, seducers can tear down victims’ defenses so they’ll do what the seducer wants.

Seduction is a skill that anyone can learn. The first step to seducing someone is understanding yourself and the other person. There are nine different types of seducers, but people tend to naturally gravitate towards one type over another.

Sirens are the most overt seducers, and rakes are aggressive. Sirens have an outpouring of dramatic sexual energy that lures victims and their attention spans are short. Rakes like pursuit but can be fickle with their attentions.

There are three types of people who don’t come across as overtly sexual. Ideal lovers convey a sense of high romance, naturals enjoy the innocence of children, and charmers rely on their social skills to charm others.

Dandies are people who don’t follow the rules of society, such as wearing certain clothes or acting a certain way. They appeal to people’s repressed desires and flaunt societal norms. Coquettes are emotionally withdrawn and maintain a degree of remove from their targets. They’re inscrutable and aloof, which is often attractive because it makes them mysterious. The last two types of seducer, charismatics and stars, have widespread appeal because they’re confident (charismatic) or dreamlike (star).

How to learn the art of seduction

Generally speaking, seduction requires focus on the victim’s psychological makeup. The best seducers get what they want by understanding other people and controlling them. They’re not self-absorbed, but rather outwardly focused. Anti-seducers are too self-absorbed in that inward focus; other people find them repellent because of it.

There are different types of people who can be victims. All victims have one thing in common: they’re missing something important in their lives. The seducer’s job is to analyze the victim and figure out what the victim needs, then give it to them. Seduction is a strategic process that involves breaking down defenses by gaining trust without giving away too much information about oneself or revealing too many personal details. It requires some flattery to gain trust and make someone feel good about themselves, but not so much as to become overly familiar with them. Ideally, the target will find you fascinating enough that they won’t want you to leave their life when you’re done using them for your own purposes.

Not everyone is good at seduction, but with careful planning and analysis, anyone can succeed.

Key Point 1: Seducers must enhance their natural charisma to make themselves as appealing to victims as possible.

Charisma exists on a spectrum, and can be improved with practice. In the past, people believed that charisma was something you were born with. However, more recent research suggests otherwise – that it can be developed over time.

Researchers have linked charisma to characteristics that are fixed and beyond a person’s control, like height. For example, in one study, tall managers were better liked by their subordinates than shorter ones. On the other hand, charisma can be linked to personal qualities that people can change on a daily basis. For example, research suggests that well-rested people are more charismatic than tired people.

Simple tweaks to body language and speaking habits can improve one’s charisma. These behaviors are controllable, even though they usually exist outside of conscious awareness. Seducers can try pausing for a few seconds before taking their turn in a conversation as an easy way to boost their charisma quotient. Another tactic is demonstrating one’s full and attentive presence over the course of a conversation instead of being distracted by, say, a cell phone. Mindfulness meditation helps seducers develop conspicuous listening skills that will make them more charismatic.

How to learn the art of seduction

How to get guys to like you can be a mystery to most women. The idea of getting a guy to like you has always been one of the biggest questions for women. Women are interested in finding someone who will treat them well, provide them with a sense of security and even provide them with a challenge. There are many ways that a woman can play the game of dating but there are only certain rules that apply. When it comes to the question of how to get a man to like you, there are some definite answers. There is only one problem with all of this though.

Men are not that easy to get and they take time to open up to. There are some common mistakes that women make when they are thinking about how to get guys to like you. If you were to take the time and make an effort to learn the basics then you would find that it is not as hard as it seems.

You may think that getting guys to like you is going to be an easy task but this simply is not true. A man’s interest can be easily swayed by the woman in his life. This is why learning how to get someone to like you starts and ends with you. There are some common mistakes that women make when it comes to how to get them to see that you have everything they need in your life.

You need to be self-assured and confident. Self-assurance comes with familiarity and the knowledge that things are going well with a man. If a man feels like a woman, he is with is self-aware of things going on in his life, then he will feel more comfortable. Men want a woman that can make them feel secure and safe.

It is important to make men feel as if the world is moving along just fine without them. If you are always worried about what is going around you and how things can possibly work out for you, then you are only pushing things away. The easiest thing to do is to let go of any expectations that you may have about how things should turn out.

This is a mistake that many women make when it comes to getting a guy to like them. If you expect too much or think that you know what a man wants then you are going to disappoint him. Men really do not like women who sit there and wait for them to come to them. If you are too passive then you will not be exciting him as much as you could be.

You also want to remember that men want a woman that will make them feel good about themselves. One way to do this is to find a great sense of humor. Many times, men find women who can make them laugh, and that makes them feel good. Try to find ways to get a guy to laugh with you and this is one way how to get a guy to like you.

Another great quality that men want with a woman is, to be honest. Men can tell when a woman is being dishonest and this is a huge turnoff. If you want to learn how to get men to like you then you need to hold yourself accountable. Honesty is something that is extremely attractive to men so if you want to learn how to get guys to like you then you need to hold yourself accountable to the people that you value the most.

By Farah
Post date

To learn how to seduce with words, either in written or in oral form, you must learn to get outside yourself. Words are not there only so they you can express what you want and your opinions, they can be used to evoke emotion. Master the use of speech, learn how to be poetic but not pretentious, expressive but not annoying, and you will conquer the heart that you desire.

The word “diabolic” means to separate, to throw things apart. The more you can get people to focus on your sweet-sounding language, the more you can inspire fantasies and illusions in their minds, the more you remove them from reality. You can take them to the clouds, where truth and untruth look indistinguishable. Keep your words ambiguous, so people can never be sure what you mean. The more they are taken by this illusion, the easier your seduction becomes.

If you cannot master the use of language, then at least know when to stop talking. Most importantly, do not argue, nothing is more anti seductive than that. It is better to use words to flatter, but keep in mind that not any kind of flattery will work, you should know your target well. If they are someone endowed with beauty, it would not be smart to compliment them about their beauty, you must find their insecurity. The thing that they do not feel confident about. If they are successful architects but like to dabble in music, then you must compliment their musical skills.

Otherwise, understand what they want to hear. Perhaps it is a certain opinion that is expressed that resembles their own.

Usually, we use language instinctively, we don’t think before we talk, because we are self-absorbed. Nothing interests us more than ourselves, but in the game of seduction, this can be limiting.

The key to seductive language is not the words you utter, or your seductive tone of voice; it is a radical shift in perspective and habit. You have to stop saying the first thing that comes to your mind—you have to control the urge to prattle and vent your opinions. The key is to see words as a tool not for communicating true thoughts and feelings but for confusing, delighting, and intoxicating.

By Farah
Post date

Table of Contents

In The Art of Seduction, Greene demystifies seduction down to its component parts. By understanding the principles of seduction, and of anti-seduction, you will have a framework with which you can adjust your behavior, so that you are not only more seductive to the opposite sex, but to your customers and business partners.

Seduction, we learn, is not a cheap trick to get people to do what they don’t want to do, it’s a staple of human nature. To resonate with others, to interact with them and have relationships with them, you have no choice, but to be seductive.

Some of us want to be manipulated and seduced, there is something deeply satisfying when it comes to surrendering. But there is also joy in the pursuit, in understanding how to get your target to fall for your traps, and it is often the case that the more difficult the challenge, the more worthwhile it is.

In the first part of the book, Greene gives you a taxonomy of seducer types. Once you become aware of the different seducer types, you will be able to identify them in your own life, and you will figure out where your own seduction style fits in – that is, which combination of types you naturally embody, and to become a better, more refined seducer.

The second part of the book outlines a series of strategies to implement. In outlines the phases of seduction and gives you tactics to use for each phase.

Here is a summary of each chapter.

Part 1

The siren is the first type of seducer. In history, we can see her personified in figures such as Marilyn Monroe and Cleopatra. The siren is sexual, she is not afraid of presenting an exaggerated feminine appearance through the way she dresses and the makeup she wears.

In the same way that the Siren fulfills the male desire to forget about his social responsibilities, the Rake does the same for women.

Most people have broken dreams, ideas about people or reality that they had in their youth that could not be satisfied.

The world traps us into roles that we must play. Those who are more fluid and ambiguous, who create their own persona, excite us.

We think of childhood as a golden paradise, and we consciously or unconsciously try to re-recreate it

The ultimate art in seduction is delaying pleasure. Coquettes are masters at waiting, orchestrating constant movement between hope and frustration.

The Charmer is a type that plays on people’s vanity and insecurity to gain their affection.

The Charismatic seducer is the type that enters a room and steals the attention.

The Star is a fetishized object. Most people are too complex, reactive, and moody to let us see them as object.

Greene explains to us what the anti-seducer is, the qualities that repel people away from us. The first has to do with attention.

Everyone is a potential victim of seduction, but you must first identify the type of victim you are dealing with to know how to approach them. There are eighteen types.

Part 2

Don’t waste your time chasing after someone who is too difficult to be seduced, but don’t go for easy targets either.

Never be obvious with your intensions. If you are a friends with someone you want to seduce, do not panic, friendship can lead to deep knowledge of the person.

We find contradictions fascinating. Send mixed signals to others, make it hard for them to figure you out.

Create love triangles to seduce.

We put on a brave face and we act self-assured and confident, but in truth, we are all somewhat discontent with our lives.

The most devilish seductive tactic is to enter someone’s spirit. It gives your victim the feeling that they are seducing you since you are indulging and imitating them.

Barriers are a key to seducing through temptation. It used to be the case that social obstacles such as class, race, marriage, or religion would keep people apart. Today, these barriers must be psychological.

You should not approach seduction like it is a job, you should have fun with it. You are creating drama, so be creative!

To learn how to seduce with words, either in written or in oral form, you must learn to get outside yourself.

As children, we were more highly influenced by our senses. Spectacles like a circus or the colors of a new toy could fascinate us.

Familiarity destroys seduction. This happens after your target has gotten to know you, and has discovered that you were not who they thought you were.

If you are constantly maneuvering, and over aggressive, you will drive your targets away. By appearing bashful, fragile, you can get them to fall for you.

The uncanny is what is familiar but what is ultimately not real.

People around you may seem strong and in control, but that is a façade.

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist you, it is because you have not gone far enough to prove the depth of your feelings, and the honesty of your motives.

The oedipal regression strategy must be tailored to your target. If you know that were attached to their parent of the opposite sex but only partially negative, then the strategy may be effective.

Society always imposes limits on individuals. These limits are always changing, but there are always limits – to what kind of behavior is acceptable

People are insecure about their bodies and their real lives. To seduce them, transport them somewhere else

Your seduction should never follow a simple path towards pleasure. The climax that comes too soon is weak.

The strategic retreat works in two phases. The first is when you are pursuing your target, and the second is after they have fallen for you. In the second case, they will panic. and fear you are losing interest.

If the person you are trying to seduce has an active mind, then be careful, they may become doubtful about your manipulations.

Vanity plays a large role in seduction. If you seem impatient, eager for sex, then you signal that your interest is purely libidinal and has nothing to do with the target’s charms.

There is danger after successful seduction. After emotions peak, they swing the other way – towards disappointment.

If you want to practice the art of seduction you need to know what women want. The good news is that what women want is a lot simpler than what you might think. The challenge lies in walking the walk as well as talking the talk. Once you learn what women want, it’s question of living your life in accordance with the art of seduction: But truly, there is no better way to live.

How to learn the art of seductionMen With Confidence

There’s a reason that confidence tops every list of what women want in women’s magazines. It’s integral to the art of seduction, because confidence is part and parcel of what it means to be a man. You can start projecting confidence by walking tall and speaking with confidence. You might have trouble truly feeling confident at first, but the more that you cultivate these habits the more a genuine confidence is going to resonate from your core.

Men Who Pay Attention to Their Needs

One of the main keys to the art of seduction is paying attention to her needs. These can be the woman’s sexual needs in the bedroom, or it can be her emotional needs. It doesn’t really matter which. Just showing that you’re interested in meeting her needs, with your actions, not your words, is going to go a long way toward being the man that she wants in her life. Paying special attention to her needs is going to put you head and shoulders above other men in the game of seduction.

Men Who Make Them Feel Special

If there’s one thing that women want, it’s to feel special. Fewer things are going to execute the art of seduction more than making a woman feel special. How do you do that? In addition to being attentive to her needs, you remember the little things about her. Is there a special perfume or meal that she likes? If you can pay attention to, notice and remember all the small things about her, she’s going to notice that and she’s going to feel like she’s special to you.

Men Who Show Interest

A lot of men are under the mistaken impression that if they show interest in a woman that they’re not using the art of seduction in their favor. In fact, women want a man who shows interest, but they want a man who shows interest in the right way. What’s the right way to show interest? Do it very directly and very simply. Just tell her “I dig you” or “You seem pretty cool” after you’ve been talking for a bit out at the bar. Or if you’re out on a date, once or twice during particularly high points during the date, let her know that you’re having a good time. This is a way to be seductive by showing interest without being clingy.

Men Who Are Interesting

Be interesting and don’t bore her. At the end of the day, that’s what all women are looking for when they go out on a date. Master the fine art of back and forth when it comes to conversation. Listen to her and share things that are related to what she’s talking about. Keep your eyes peeled for when you look like you’re losing her and she’s maybe a little bored.

AJ Harbinger – author of 1166 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born. View all posts by AJ Harbinger →

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