How to be a lesbian

How to be a lesbian

How To Be A Lesbian

By Kayla Parker

November 10, 2021 at 7:30 pm

Workshop Presentation is free and performed at Synchronicity Theatre.

Reservations are required.

Synchronicity Theatre
Midtown’s Peachtree Pointe Complex
1545 Peachtree St NE
Atlanta, GA 30309

November 10, 2021

A Stripped Bare Workshop Performance

How to Be A Lesbian is a one-act comedy about a queer Black woman who realizes, after coming out of the closet, that there is much more to being a lesbian than she anticipated. Led by a seemingly omniscient male voice, the protagonist is thrust into different sectors of lesbian culture, trying to figure out where she fits in.

Creating new plays takes time, open hearts, and dedicated space to nurture ideas. It takes a commitment to investing in artists and helping to discover and grow new voices. And it demands resources focused on process, artistic exploration, and room to risk. Our Stripped Bare Arts Incubator Project provides research and development time to at least four new projects per season – bolstering new artists, forms, and voices. A Stripped Bare project is not about sets, lights, props, and costumes. It is about actors, words, passion, movement, and ideas.

COVID-19 safety protocols will be in place.

Learn more about Stripped Bare Arts Incubator Project HERE.

MEET THE ARTISTS

Kayla Parker (she/her) is a writer, director, and actor. After receiving a B.F.A in acting from Howard University, she moved to Atlanta, GA excited to get involved in the bustling theatre community. Parker began her Atlanta career as an acting and directing intern at Actor’s Express during the 2019-2020 season. This year, Parker is excited to have produced her short piece, “On Being Born” as a DK Fellow with True Colors Theatre Company as well as being a writer for the serialized podcast drama, Crossroads, produced by Actor’s Express. Her latest project, Maschood, is a documentary film that was commissioned as part of the Alliance Theatre’s Spotlight Studio. Parker is ecstatic to be sharing, How To Be A Lesbian on the Synchronicity stage.

Special "Thank you!" to Synchronicity Theatre, Jennifer Kimball, Jessenia Ingram, Salondia Aveni, The Southwest Arts Center, Amber Michelle Parker, Marcia Cunning, Kaja Brielle, Jalease Turner, Shekayla Jones and Angelica Trumer.

How to be a lesbian

It is normal to wonder about sexuality at a young age. Sexuality at times seems to be confusing when you are in your teenage or older than that. Gender is all about how an individual feels inside and expresses himself or herself to the world outside. Experts say that there are around 72 kinds of genders identified globally. Your sexual preference might change with age, and you might discover your actual sexuality at a later stage of your life. If you have any kind of confusing feelings about yourself, you can take the “am I lesbian quiz.”

Lesbians are women who get sexually attracted to other women, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. They treat men as friends, not as potential partners. This term comes from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos, where the poet Sappho lived. She is credited with worshiping women. Before you take the am I lesbian quiz, it would be worth familiarizing yourself with the most common signals that can reveal if you are a lesbian.

Signs that reveal that you are a lesbian

It has been observed that sexual orientation develops and evolves within a person with time. You will gradually be able to understand your sexual preference with some specific signs. We have mentioned a few of those common signs below that would help you to identify yourself.

When you are dating a guy, you think about your female friend

If you are a lesbian, you will not enjoy the time because you would be waiting to finish it and meet your female best friend. You would so want to meet her even when you are with some guy. You desperately would want to listen to her voice, see her and ask her how her day was.

You love to read lesbian love stories

When you read a lesbian love story or watch a lesbian romantic movie, you can get those tingly feelings in you. If the lesbian romantic movie or novel you experience some deep feelings, it implies that you are a lesbian. When you see a lesbian couple kissing each other, you would imagine yourself in a similar situation with your female best friend.

You admire the women in the movies

Women generally get attracted to the well-built heroes of the movies. However, if your eyes are drawn towards the female leads instead of the male figure, you can be a lesbian. When you are watching movies, you would be enticed by the lead actress’s beauty and watch the movie again and again just to catch a glimpse of her. You would fantasize about kissing her on her slightly parted lips.

Most of your friends are female

Everyone has their preference for friendship. However, people are comfortable with individuals of the same sex or the other sex as well. If you are lesbian, you would feel more comfortable with a group of female friends. You would have a comfort zone with only women and some gay men. Automatically you would seek women or girls for friendship, endless conversations, and stern support.

Am I Lesbian Quiz – How to Play?

Apart from these signs, you may also use the quizzes that use scientific findings and personality questions to determine whether you are a lesbian – the am I lesbian quiz is one of them. The results might not be accurate, but you will get an insight into what you want and what your sexual preference is. It will even help to erase all the confusion that you may have within you.

We’ll ask you a few simple questions about how you behave in specific situations and about your personality and other preferences. Once you’ve answered all of them, you’ll more or less find out if you’re a lesbian. However, online quizzes should not be taken seriously as they are mainly for fun and learning, not making diagnoses.

How to be a lesbian

As a bisexual woman, I spend a lot of time considering the positive and negative qualities of both men and women. Each group has their pros and cons, but there are definitely some days when guys become such a hassle that I think, “Screw it, it’s girls only for me from now on.”

If we’re being honest, all of us women have those days. When we’ve been burned one time to many by men and we’ve said, maybe even jokingly, how much easier it would be to become a lesbian and never have to deal with them again.

You might be thinking, but wait! It doesn’t work that way! You’re either gay or straight, and as Lady Gaga famously sang, you were Born That Way. But a recent study from the Essex University psychology department said that while straight men are straight, no question, heterosexual women — whatever we ourselves might think — are always secretly attracted to their own sex, too.

That’s right! According to the study, all women are either gay or bisexual, but NEVER straight.

So without further ado, here at the 10 reasons giving up on men and becoming a lesbian isn’t such a bad idea.

1. Guys can be absolutely exhausting.

Guys call women high-maintenance, and a great many of us are, but we aren’t the only ones who take a lot of work. And frankly, it’s easier for us to put up with another woman’s needs than a man’s, largely because we understand them better.

2. Guys don’t know a woman’s body as well as another woman does.

Understandable, considering they are of the opposite sex and all, but still, sometimes it’s nice to be with someone who knows the owner’s manual.

3. Guys aren’t as complex as us.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that men are stupid. Far from it. But emotionally, women are much more complicated creatures, and we understand each other better than a man does.

4. Guys think it’s okay to send texts like these:

How to be a lesbian

5. Guys can be super gross.

A lot of men don’t seem to comprehend how much women like cleanliness. (Hint: WE LOVE IT. ). So clean those damn ears and put on a fresh shirt, or we’re all gonna go play for the other team. Added bonus of being with a woman? No facial hairs coating the bathroom sink. Yuck.

6. Guys can totally knock us up.

No one wants a surprise pregnancy. No one. And with a woman, there is zero chance of our lives being suddenly and drastically altered.

7. Guys are useless in the fashion department.

We can’t take you shopping, you don’t know designers, and you have no idea about trends. Besides, if a girl looks fat in something, a woman will find a sweet, gentle way to tell you, and then propose an alternate outfit. Win!

8. Guys have genitals that are a serious hassle.

There is literally no way we can choke on a woman’s nether regions. Penises, on the other hand, are a whole other ball game. We never know when they are gonna explode in our faces or jolt down our throats. And don’t even get me started on how little we want to handle your balls.

9. Guys don’t look nearly as cute as girls on the dance floor.

This one’s just science, really. Girls are one thousand times cuter when we’re gyrating and writhing around. I know you fellas are giving it your all, but it’s much more fun to watch a girl dance. I think we can all agree on that one.

Actually, I’ve written quite a bit about the subject for Boundless, because readers ask about it so often. If you use the Boundless “search” feature, in two shakes of a lamb’s tail you can find everything we’ve got in the archives about it. If you click over to the Pure Intimacy website, you can read a brief article I’ve written about God’s plan for human sexuality.

In the meantime, let me offer some advice for talking with your friend. Here are the three most important points to bear in mind:

1. Homosexual behavior is against the design of human nature. Men and women are indispensable to each other; they aren’t interchangeable blocks.

2. The tree of homosexuality bears bad fruits. Sodomitical acts have not only external consequences like death, disease, and childlessness, but internal ones. Some of the internal consequences are psychological, like loneliness and compulsive behavior. Others are moral, for we cannot violate the human design yet expect things to go on as they were; “that road leads down and down.”

3. To refuse limits on sexual desire is to make an idol of lust. In our day the most popular false gods aren’t cats and crocodiles, but youth, beauty, money, fame, and sex. When a person pursues sexual desire even against the design of human nature — even at the risk of protracted and agonizing death; even when to do so she must overcome shame and disgust over her own acts — then it’s a pretty safe bet that sexual desire has become her idol.

Now let me prepare you for the objections your friend is most likely to make:

1. “You shouldn’t impose your morality on other people.” Who is imposing what on whom? These days you can’t even see a Calvin Klein commercial without being bombarded with homosexual imagery. Pedophile organizations regularly march in Gay Pride parades. If you tell your dormitory authorities that you don’t want a roommate who digs your body, you may be required to attend pro-homosexuality re-education sessions.

2. “Gays aren’t hurting anybody.” It may make an impression on your friend that they are hurting each other. Does your friend know that the rate of syphilis among women who practice lesbianism is 19 times what it is among other women?

3. “God made them that way.” If God made them that way, how is it that thousands have been able to escape the homosexual life?

4. “What if it’s a loving, committed relationship?” The idea behind this objection is that same-sex mating is just like marriage — except that it’s with the same sex. It isn’t. Research by Alan R. Bell and Martin S. Weinberg shows that “close-coupled” homosexuals don’t stop cruising, they just cruise less. Homosexual activist Andrew Sullivan say that heterosexuals should learn from the homosexual example to get over their hang-up about marital faithfulness. The committed homosexual relationship is a myth.

5. “You hate people like me.” Your friend should already know that you love her. If loving enough to tell the truth gently sounds like hatred to those who don’t want to hear it, you have done all you can; the Lord will understand.

How to be a lesbian

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to [email protected] Now, onto today’s topic: how to meet other women if you’re a femme lesbian.

Q: “I need some dating advice. I’m a lesbian. I present as pretty average cis-gender white girl, and I’m on the femme side. I don’t offer a lot of visual cues to anyone who may be interested that I am indeed a lesbian. I have mostly met women online, where it is easy to make my orientation obvious. I’m fine with online dating, but I want to be able to meet women in person too. How do I make it clear that I’m a lesbian looking for sex and relationships with women? How do I find other lesbian women?”

A: Thanks for the question! This is an issue that many femme lesbians identify with. It’s frustrating to know that people constantly assume that you’re straight. Plus, trying to find another woman to date can feel like an even more frustrating numbers game at times. Here are nine tips for femme lesbians who are tired of feeling invisible.

You’re Not Alone

I hope you can take some small comfort in knowing that you’re not alone! Queer invisibility is one of the most common frustrations that femme lesbians complain about. Even women who think they present as obviously gay still feel invisible at times. The unfortunate reality about dating, and really the world in general, is that we all have the tendency to make assumptions about other people. And we make a lot of assumptions too — about a person’s race, their gender, their socioeconomic status, their sexual orientation, their sexual interests, and so on. We all want to be seen for who we are, but sometimes that can feel practically impossible.

Don’t Change Yourself

You didn’t mention this in your question, but I hope you’re not feeling any sort of pressure to change your appearance. One of the realities of being femme is that more people will make assumptions that you’re straight. But being femme is also an integral part of what makes you, you. Don’t change that! And keep in mind that even women who seem “obviously” lesbian have a different set of assumptions made about them that they have to deal with.

Ask Questions

Assumption-making is so prevalent that I can guarantee you you’ve done it too. There have definitely been other femme lesbians you’ve met that you assumed were straight, and probably even some not-so-femme ones too. One way you can purposefully combat your own sexual orientation assumption-making is to try to ask questions. This also sends cues to other people to check their own assumptions. If you strike up a conversation with a woman you’re attracted to, come out and ask her, “People always makes assumptions about me, so I’m trying not to make assumptions about others. Are you into women?”

Bring It Up In Conversations

You can also bring up your sexual orientation in more subtle ways, by working it into the conversation. You can say something like, “I went on a few dates with a girl who [fill in the blank].” You can adapt that sentence to fit almost any conversation, especially if you’re fine with telling little white lies. “You like the Cavaliers? Damn, I can’t seem to escape Cavaliers fans. I just went on a date with a woman who was one of the most obsessed fans I’ve ever met.” Or you can ask a woman if she’s ever been to a well-known lesbian bar or event in your area. Try to come up with a few ideas that you can always keep in your back pocket. It might feel kinda silly to try to work lesbian “clues” into the conversation, but it will pay off when you talk to a woman who responds, “Oh wow, you’re into women too? I thought I was the only one here.”

Turn To Your Friends

Your friends can be great support systems in finding new romantic interests. Ask your gay and straight friends if they know any cute lesbian girls they could set you up with. If you have lesbian friends, ask them how they meet women in your area. Pair up with your lesbian friends and serve as each other’s wing women. At the very least, having a little more understanding and support can feel very comforting.

Go To Gay Bars

OK, here’s an obvious tip — go hang out at your nearest lesbian or LGBTQ bar. It can be such a big relief to know that the numbers game is stacked much more in your favor. Even if you don’t meet someone you’re attracted to, you can still meet new friends. It’s always good to expand your social circle, and a new friend can help you meet new women or just help you feel more supported in your quest.

Look For Events

Invisibility is a pretty big issue in the lesbian community, and there are a lot of women who feel the exact same way you do. See if you can find a lesbian specific dating event in your community. LGBTQ bars are always good places to turn to, but you can also look at community centers, local LGBTQ magazines or newsletters, or MeetUp.com.

Or Organize One

If you can’t find an event in your community, why not organize one? It could be a great way to meet new women, make new friends, and give back to your community, all in one.

Don’t Write Off Online Dating

Realistically, online dating is probably going to be one of your best bets right now. Online dating is so popular, and a lot of people feel more comfortable putting themselves out there online as opposed to in person. You may even find it refreshing at times to fully put yourself out there. You can definitely make more of an effort to meet women in real life, but don’t write off online dating altogether. You can even write on your profile that you’re looking to move things into the real world as soon as possible, and only using online dating to try to meet women.

How to be a lesbian

Gay and lesbian people are unique individuals, just like everyone else.

Gay is an adjective that describe people who are physically, romantically, emotionally and/or spiritually attracted to other people of the same gender. In the past, “gay” specifically referred to men who are attracted to men. Now, it is common for “gay” to be used by anyone who is attracted to their same gender. It’s all up to you and which word fits you the best.

Example: “I’ve always known that I am gay.” / “I totally support my gay sister.”

Avoid saying: “That person is a gay.” (This uses “gay” as a noun, which doesn’t work.)

Lesbian is a noun that describes women who are predominantly attracted to other women. It can also be used as an adjective. Some lesbian women prefer to identify as “gay,” and that’s ok.

Example (Noun): “After school, I came out to my parents as a lesbian.”
Example (Adjective): “After coming out, I researched lesbian women from our history.”

No one knows for sure what makes a person straight, gay, lesbian, or even bisexual or transgender. There are many theories (biology, environment, personal experiences, etc.) but we know that there isn’t just one cause. Whatever the reason may be, it’s important to know that all orientations and identities are normal. They’re just a part of who we are!

Question:
1. Is it true that I have to have sex with someone of the same gender to know that I’m gay?

Answer:Absolutely not! A person doesn’t need to have a physical experience with someone else to understand who they’re attracted to. In fact, sexual orientation describes way more than physical attraction – it includes our romantic, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual attraction to other people, too. Think about the crushes you’ve had, and who you fantasize about being with: girls, boys, both, or maybe other genders or sexes. Your feelings may or may not change as time goes by and you experience new things, and that is completely okay. Whatever you decide is true for you! No one besides you can decide how you identify.

Question:
2. Are all gay men are effeminate and are all lesbian women masculine?

Answer:
Our sexual orientation is actually very different from our gender expression. The first one has to do with who we’re attracted to, and the second has to do with how we express our gender (like being feminine or masculine, or somewhere in between). Although it can sometimes seem like one type of gay person is shown over and over again in the media or on TV, gay people aren’t automatically effeminate, and lesbian women aren’t automatically masculine – in fact, those stereotypes leave out a lot of other personalities and characteristics. Gay and lesbian people are unique individuals, just like everyone else, and can express themselves in an infinite number of ways! There’s no wrong way to be gay or lesbian. To learn more about gender identity and gender expression, please visit our Trans* and Gender Identity page.

Question:
3. I feel like gay and lesbian people only work in certain types of professions. Is that true?

Answer:
Actually, you can find gay and lesbian people in all different types of professions! Certain stereotypes offer a limited view on what gay and lesbian people do for work. For example, not all gay men are interested in fashion, theatre, or the arts. Likewise, not all lesbian women are interested in teaching sports, doing construction work, or becoming an athlete. While there may be some jobs that tend to have more gay or lesbian people in them than others, it often has to do with the cultural acceptance they might find in that particular field. Everyone wants to work at an accepting place, and some professions are just ahead of the curve. As society becomes more open and accepting, hopefully people will feel more freedom to follow their interests and explore a wider range of employment possibilities.

Question:
4. Can gay people have stable romantic relationships?

Answer:
Absolutely! There is no inherent reason why gay or lesbian couples would be unable to have a stable romantic relationship. Just like straight couples, people in same-sex relationships have ups-and-downs, break-ups, and make-ups. However, since marriage is still illegal for same-sex couples in many states, gay and lesbian relationships have less support from society. With that said, some LGBTQ people reject the idea of marriage, since it is historically tied to heterosexual (straight) couples, and choose to construct their own values and relationship styles. Whatever makes you feel happy and fulfilled is the best way to go!

Resources

Through The Trevor Support Center you are able to link to other websites which are not under the control of The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project does not review or ensure the accuracy of the content on other sites.

A series of apps sponsored by a non-denominational ministry called Setting Captives Free claim to cure you of any sins through faith and prayer alone. They have apps for depression and alcoholism and gambling, but by far the most popular one, called "Door of Hope," will fully cure that pesky moral disease called homosexuality.

In only 60 days, no less!

Disregarding all evidence that the ex-gay movement is incredibly damaging to more than 90% of those who undergo "treatment" (because they clearly just didn’t believe in God enough), Setting Captives Free wants you to know that you were not "born this way." Homosexuality is a sin that you need to purge from your system, and the only way to do it is to follow their three-parts-a-day program.

While the app is only downloadable from Google Play (iTunes and the 69,822+ people who petitioned them don’t believe in conversion therapy for some reason), there is an abridged version available on the ministry’s website. I skimmed through 10 days’ worth of their cure, and this is what I learned you need to do to heal thyself:

1. But Honest About Your Sin (But Not TOO Honest):

Admit that you have homosexual tendencies, but don’t say anything else about it. Anything "graphic or overly detailed" is just giving attention to Satan.

We don’t want you to actually think about your experiences or emotions, we just want to hear you say that you’re wrong and you need help.

2. Stop Calling Your Homosexuality an "Alternative Lifestyle": It’s "Wicked," "Evil," and a "Sin":

These are the only things you should ever call it from now on, preferably in hushed tones. Even better, feel free to refer to your homosexuality with water-based metaphors: It’s a "broken cistern" that will never satisfy your thirst. It’s also "like drinking out of a sewer and expecting to take in cool, clear spring water." Is that what you what?

3. Change For the Right Reasons (the Glory Of God):

After all, homosexuality is nothing but "lust, porn, and sexual immorality," sins that are applicable only to gay people and never to straight ones. But don’t change to make others happy or to save your family. Change only because we (a group of random people) are telling you that that’s the only way for you to "become normal, and acceptable to God."

4. Always Read Scripture, But Only the Parts We Tell You to:

Who knew curing homosexuality could be so much like doing high school homework? We’ll provide you with a few carefully-selected verses every day and follow it up with our interpretation. Read only this over and over until you have fully embraced our reading of the Bible.

5. Remove Yourself From Anything Even Remotely Gay:

Don’t watch porn (again, it’s only a gay thing), don’t go on gay websites, and most of all, certainly don’t associate with gay people. Any of those things might make you feel like your homosexuality is a natural part of your identity and can be accepted by those around you.

6. Realize That Being Homosexual Makes You Feel Alone

Forget that we told you to shut yourself away from most of the world, and ignore the idea that maybe gay people feel so alone because of the discriminatory and hateful attitudes that they face, helped by people like us. Feeling alone? Try not being so gay.

7. Reconcile With Those Who Tried to Help You Stop Being Gay:

All those people who called you "faggot" and told you that you were going to Hell? They really had your best interests at heart. Apologize profusely.

8. Always Remember:

Because this phrase hasn’t been overused at all.

9. Imagine Yourself as "Broken":

Only when you are "utterly broken" will you find God and freedom. Ignore the fact that 90% of people leave conversion therapy feeling broken in a very real, psychologically damaging way, or that many attempt suicide. Reduce yourself to nothing so we can shape you how we want.

10. Know That You Will Be Saved If You Believe

This is the most important lesson of all. If you truly believe in God and want to change your sinful ways, God will remove all homosexual urges from your mind. But if at the end of this 60-day therapy, you still have homosexual tendencies, then you didn’t really believe and you didn’t really want to change. Rinse and repeat.

A Mom Proves She’s OK With Her Lesbian Daughter in Becks Clip

In an exclusive clip, Lena Hall’s Becks laments her shattered love life while her mom, played by Christine Lahti, proves she’s been to Pride.

A Tony winner for her transformative turn as Yitzhak in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway, Lena Hall stars as the titular character Becks in this indie about a folk-rock musician who follows her girlfriend (Hayley Kiyoko) from Brooklyn to Los Angeles only to be dumped in the opening scenes of the film. Heartbroken and aimless,

Becks drives back east to St. Louis to crash with her mom (Christine Lahti), a former Catholic nun only tenuously OK with her daughter’s sexuality. There, Becks gigs out at a dive bar where she falls for the wife of an old high school rival played with lovely openness by Mena Suvari. For those unfamiliar with the mind-blowing range of Hall’s vocal gymnastics, Becks offers up plenty of the sweeter side of her instrument with original songs from Alyssa Robbins. In this beautifully affecting film, Hall is poised to pull some heartstrings with an entirely new fan base. Liz Rohrbaugh and Daniel Powell directed the film, with Rebecca Drysdale joining them on the writing team.

In the clip above, Becks has just arrived at her mother’s house, where she explains how her life has essentially just fallen apart as her mom tries to prove how fine she is with having a lesbian daughter.