How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

We all find our soulmate, are successful in our chosen field, fulfill our dreams, and live happily ever after, right? No so much. Occasionally life is a bed of roses, but often it’s a briar patch. What to do when life inevitably lets you down? Savvy Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen offers 5 ways to deal with life’s disappointments.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

Sometimes you look up and wonder what happened. This isn’t how life was supposed to turn out, was it? We weren’t supposed to have a chronic health condition, a job we hate but can’t leave, a messy divorce, or a complacent adult child living in the basement.

Sometimes we’re disappointed in ourselves: why did we let opportunity slip through our fingers? Why didn’t we follow through when it counted? Why didn’t we try harder? Or, we simply look up and wonder, “Is this all there is?”

Disappointment is a mix of sadness, regret, and anger. It surfaces whenever life doesn’t meet our expectations.

So what to do? Well, in dealing with disappointment, you have two buckets of tools at your disposal: change and acceptance.

Change is self-explanatory: with change tools, you try to improve your situation. You switch tactics, file an appeal, turn over a new leaf, or otherwise keep trying.

Acceptance, however, requires some explanation. Acceptance is different than resignation. Resignation is giving up and passively resigning ourselves to our situation. Acceptance, on the other hand, is working with life as it is, not as we wish it to be, even if we don’t approve of life as it is right now.

With that, by request this week we’ll offer 5 tips on how both to change and accept life’s disappointments.

5 Ways to Handle Life’s Disappointments

  1. It’s cliche, but say “yes” more often.
  2. Play the long game.
  3. Get away with having a good time.
  4. Pay attention to everything.
  5. Try mental contrasting.

Let’s explore each a little further.

Tip #1: It’s cliche, but say “yes” more often.

We’ll start with the change bucket. The things we regret in life morph and change as the years go by. In the moment, we regret our actions—the business we launched that failed, the summer fling that spiraled into a bad romance.

But a classic 1995 paper in the prestigious journal Psychological Review showed that, over the long run, we experience more disappointment in our inactions. When we look back, we regret the path not taken—the crush we never asked out, the dream job we passed up, never seeing the Eiffel Tower.

The moral? To lessen the chance of regret as years go by, do more. To quote innumerable bloggers, internet gurus, and romantic comedy plot resolutions, “Say yes to life” more often. It’s cliche, but it’s a cliche backed by science.

Tip #2: Play the long game.

Ask any boxer, soldier, or tennis player, and they’ll tell you what it means to lose the round, the battle, or the set. It’s not desirable, to be sure, but it’s not the end of the story.

Approach your setbacks with a similar mindset. Thinking about a disappointment as the end of the road makes it seem final and unchangeable, and therefore hopeless. But reframing it as a temporary stopover retains room for hope, change, and moving on to crush it in the next round.

Tip #3: Get away with having a good time.

The last tip from the change bucket is to create and revel in found pockets of happiness despite being stuck in a situation you don’t like.

These can be small: licking quickly melting ice cream cones with your kids, breathing deep the smell of fresh-washed laundry, making yourself a really good sandwich, or lying on the couch with a purring cat on your chest.

But they can be as big as your budget and imagination can handle. The point is to interrupt whatever disappointment you’re experiencing with contentment, satisfaction, and peace. Once savored, those moments can never be taken away from you.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

“If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.”

Sometimes it feels as if you are completely in control of your life, but when it comes to relationships there’s always the other person.

In a relationship, you can’t be the puppeteer. People have their own emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are their own person.

How often have you wanted a relationship to be something that it was not?

How many times have you said a certain word or phrase in order to spark a specific reaction?

How much do you expect from this person? Do they fail you each and every time?

In healthy relationships there are certain expectations, like being treated well or being respected. Yet sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that don’t mirror what we anticipate to happen. We may feel hurt or used.

We cannot expect other people to treat us as we would treat them. We cannot assume anything or force change upon someone who clearly demonstrates he or she is stuck in his or her own way.

With eyes full of clarity, I am capable of changing the relationships in my life by adjusting my point of view.

I call my father a sperm donor. He gave me life but never showed up in my life.

My friends at school never knew I had a father because they never saw him. He missed all of the concerts and sports games. For the majority of my life, we didn’t talk. He didn’t acknowledge me—no birthday calls. I had no idea where my dad lived. Some days I was not sure he was still alive.

In high school, my dad limped back into my life. I could stop by his apartment and visit him when I wanted to. If I called him, he would pick up the phone. Things were changing between us.

Blindingly bright, his true colors revealed themselves the night before my high school graduation when I called to make sure he was coming. He said he couldn’t attend because he had to drive a friend to the airport. Cabs exist. His friend could have used one. I was angry, sad, and most of all, hurt.

Rejection from my father has been the hardest thing for me to accept. It is not easy to grasp the idea that someone who once loved me, adored me, gave life to me could turn his back and walk away so easily.

I could no longer take the feelings of disappointment.

These feelings were a direct result of what I was expecting from him:

  • Assuming he would respond to things as I would.
  • Assuming he would care like I do.
  • Assuming he thinks in a similar way as I do.

I was living in a fantasyland of my hopes, dreams, ideas, beliefs, expectations, and assumptions.

I was hurting myself most.

For the protection of my emotional body, I changed my perception from what I hoped would happen to being open to experience whatever actually happens.

This shift didn’t occur immediately, but by following the five steps listed below I was able to come to peace with the type of relationship I have with my father.

1. Be aware of reality.

Acknowledge the other person’s behaviors. Look at patterns and how they regularly treat you. Remember the feelings you had in the past. Don’t be fooled into believing things are different from how they are.

2. Stop manipulating situations.

Many times we yearn for specific responses, like validation and approval. When we do not receive what we want, we may speak or behave in certain ways to try to elicit the desired reaction.

This type of behavior leaves us feeling empty when the other person does not react the way we hope they would. Remember, you cannot change anyone; it is up to them to change.

3. Let go.

Throw expectations and assumptions out the door. Release the hopes, wishes, and dreams that things will change by detaching from the ideas.

Get out of the fantasy world by not hooking into the thoughts of what could be. Keep your mind from running into the future. Remain open to all possibilities by staying in the present moment.

4. Focus on those who love you.

It will be easier to follow the third step if you remind yourself of those who are there for you. They continue to be there because they care about you. Focus on people who make you feel loved, connected, cared for, and worthy. Reach out to them and reconnect.

5. Learn to love yourself.

Provide yourself with what you are yearning for (compliments, compassion, or encouragement). Only you know what you truly need.

Realize each moment you are being the best you at that time. Build self-confidence and strive to eliminate any doubts you have about yourself. When you feel shaky or alone, look in your eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Nurture yourself. Feel the love you have inside of yourself.

Let go of your expectations of people and see how your relationships change. And if you don’t feel differently about it or if it’s not benefiting you, you can always walk away. Your emotional state matters most. You cannot control other people, but you can make yourself happy.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

We all have hopes and expectations in life.

I have certain expectations in my marriage, in my friendships, and even at work.

There have been times I’ve been disappointed in each of the three areas I’ve mentioned above.

I’ve been disappointed in certain situations that have happened. Disappointed in other people AND even disappointed in myself.

The key is to understand why we get disappointed and what we can do about it.

Simple Example:

I expect the last person out of bed, makes the bed. My husband knows this is important to me and makes the bed when he’s the last one up.

But, there are days I come home and the bed isn’t made. ugh.

I’m disappointed in the fact the bed isn’t made. Even more frustrated that my husband didn’t take the effort to make it. Especially since he knows this is important to me.

Complicated Example:

For some reason “date nights” rarely work out for us. I’m not sure if it’s because there’s too much pressure to connect with one another.

When we plan a date night something always seems to go wrong.

One of us has a bad day at work or one of us isn’t feeling well. We don’t seem to jive on date night — of all nights. Sometimes we end up in an argument about nothing and our date night goes down the tubes.

I know we are both disappointed when this happens. (One reason we try to avoid calling these nights “date nights”)

In relationships, there are two main reasons we get disappointed.

  1. We set the bar too high for the people we love. Our expectations for people far exceeds the reality of human behaviour.
  2. We depend on other people’s actions to make us happy.

In all the disappointments I’ve experienced in life, I’ve learned at least one life lesson from them.

Now, I’m seeing disappointments as a “learning opportunity”

About myself: Why am I disappointed? Why is this important to me? Could I have done something differently? Did I communicate my expectations clearly or did I assume the other person knew how I felt?

About the other person: How is this person doing? Are they stressed/overwhelmed? Are they tired?

About our relationship: Am I setting the bar too high? How important is this issue to our relationship? Is this a battle I want to pursue? Are there other issues more important? Am I relying on this person to make me happy?

The final question I ask myself is:

What does it matter in light of eternity?

When I ask this final question to ANY disappointment I experience, the answer is 100% of the time “it doesn’t matter”

If my husband doesn’t make the bed one morning:

  • Normally he makes the bed, so why didn’t he make it this particular morning? Is he stressed? Tired? Ran out of time? Does he need my help with something?
  • How important is this to our relationship? Is this a battle I want to pursue? Are there other important issues happening in our lives?
  • Not making the bed one morning → what does it matter in light of eternity?

Taking the time to ask these questions puts things into perspective. It helps me learn much more about myself and how I react to certain disappointments.

It encourages grace and forgiveness when people disappointment me. Which they will — because they are human.

It has also improved my communication. I don’t react negatively now when someone disappoints me. I sit back and ask questions about what really is happening, why it’s bothering me and how can I communicate better.

The truth is we will continue to be disappointed by things and people so many more times in our lives.

The question remains: What are we going to do about it?

Are we going to get angry, frustrated and think badly about the situation? Think badly about other people? Recognizing no one is perfect — including us.

Are we going to realize disappointment is a GAP that happens when the reality didn’t meet our expectation?

Are we going to remember this GAP does not define our happiness? Only we are responsible for our happiness.

Let’s ask ourselves the next time we are disappointment — what does it matter in light of eternity? What’s your answer?

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In an ideal world, all of our relationships would be balanced, fulfilling, and we would never be disappointed.

After all, it feels awful to be disappointed in someone you love!

Whether the person is a parent, child, friend, partner, or even yourself — no matter what type of relationship — the reality is that you will encounter disappointment at some point with them.

And that can make abandoning the relationship — or distancing yourself emotionally — very tempting.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship
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But just because there are disappointments, doesn’t mean you should give up!

After all, disappointment doesn’t come from animosity, or even from a lack of love, but from expectations not being met.

The damage happens when you allow disappointment to fester, slowly poisoning your relationships.

We asked a group of fantastic relationship Experts for advice on how to manage disappointments, to help you move on to healthier, happier times in your life.

The responses from our team of Experts — Carolyn Mein, John Gray, Hans Stahlschmidt, and Debra Dupree — offer seriously powerful advice to help you process and move past your disappointment BEFORE it ruins your relationships.

Follow these four steps for a fresh perspective and an opportunity to grow closer to the people you love:

The opposite of disappointment is appreciation.

So, to get past the disappointment, the first step is to appreciate yourself and others.

The easiest way to start is to appreciate what was done, rather than focusing on what didn’t happen.

For example, imagine you asked your partner to clean up from dinner and come down to find all the dishes nicely in the sink and the table cleaned.

Instead of focusing on how your spouse didn’t fully wash the dishes, focus on how they did clean the table and put the food away.

By looking for the positive, you’ll notice all the things that your partner did to help, many of which were steps towards getting what you really wanted.

In other words, it’s not all bad. By managing your expectations in this way, you will begin to appreciate your partner more and feel happier about the relationship.

2. Lower your expectations.

Lower them — but don’t give them up entirely!

One trap people fall into is having the lowest of expectations of someone they love, in order to avoid feeling any disappointment.

But it’s just as bad to have ridiculously high and unrealistic expectations.

An easy way to balance this is by focusing on “what is”, not on “what should be” — or what you wish it could be, someday.

If you focus on reality (instead of what the reality could be), you’ll find you are less disappointed in life, without expecting bad or irresponsible behavior from someone you love. That doesn’t help anybody.

Ask yourself honestly: did you communicate exactly what you were expecting? Were you clear? Did they hear you and understand? Did they agree to do or give you want you asked for?

Very often, disappointment boils down a misunderstanding.

If you asked your child to clean his room and all he did was straighten up, you feel like he/she took the lazy route and did the bare minimum.

In reality, your child had no way of knowing that when you said clean you meant to dust the furniture and organize the books.

If you articulate your expectations well, you’ll find it much easier for the people in your life to meet them.

4. Understand that everyone isn’t exactly like you.

This is perhaps the most important step. Very often, we expect something to be done exactly how we would do it.

But the truth is, just because you can do something well doesn’t mean the other person can and vice versa.

You might be able to plan the perfect day with your best friend weeks in advance, but your friend might be more of a plan-as-you-go kind of person.

Everyone has their own strengths. It’s important to understand that they aren’t the same for everyone.

To expect from them what you would do if you were in the same situation is only setting yourself up for disappointment.

The truth is we can’t be rid of disappointments. They are a normal part of life.

But the key to having a happier life and healthy relationships is to manage your expectations, so disappointments don’t swallow you whole.

If you need help managing your expectations, processing your disappointment, or are having other troubles in any of your relationships, please visit the websites of our Experts and contact Carolyn, John, Hans, and Debra directly. They’re here to help.

Disappointment can be profound.

In a previous post, I wrote about the concept of “sad love.” But the emotion of sadness can be felt in many other situations as well, and it is particularly profound in the experience of disappointment.

First, let’s consider sadness in general. When sadness is triggered, a heavy emptiness or longing is felt because your brain’s appraisal system has determined that you have experienced a lasting loss. You may want to have someone or something that is unattainable or to bring back what was lost, even if what caused your sadness has to do with finally recognizing something that you had subsequently denied.

Sadness is a painful emotion of disconnection from someone or something that you value or had wanted to value. It differs qualitatively and temporally from grief, which may have a greater impact on your perception of the world and is longer lasting.

Sadness helps you to remember, rather than forget, what it is or was that you desired. It promotes personal reflection following a loss that is important to you and turns your attention inward in a way that can promote resignation and acceptance (Lazarus, 1991). Thus, the emotion of sadness attempts to assist you by giving you an opportunity to consider the impact of your loss and the necessity of revising your objectives and strategies for the future.

One study found that sadness tends to decrease one’s confidence in first impressions (Schwartz, 1990). Another found that the experience of sadness leads one to struggle with the painful, existential question of “Who am I?” (Henretty, Levitt, & Mathews, 2008).

If sadness can help you to remember and accept reality, achieve insight that can realign your goals, alert you to be cautious before making decisions, and create an opportunity for you to observe yourself, then perhaps its adaptive purpose is evident: Like all emotions, sadness, in spite of how it makes you feel, is simply trying to protect you.

Disappointment is a profound way in which sadness is experienced. People seem to do whatever they can to avoid recognizing that they are disappointed and will twist their thinking every which way to not recognize a true disappointment.

You may be disappointed in a parent, your child, your spouse, a lover, an employer or job, an event, or in yourself. In any case, disappointment is the experience of sadness involving unfulfilled hopes or expectations. When you consider what might have been, in contrast to what exists in the present, you may experience disappointment.

In my psychotherapy practice, I have found that people avoid disappointment far more than many other emotional experiences. Disappointment comes with finality–the recognition that you don’t have, didn’t get, or will never achieve whatever it is that you wanted.

You might experience being angry with a parent, spouse, relative, employer, or friend, and that is far easier to feel than your disappointment in the relationship. Disappointment forces you to admit that you did not get what you wished to have, and it is actually easier for you to protest with anger than it is to encounter your sadness about the course of events.

In an obstinate way, anger will allow you to continue idealizing what could have been while consciously denigrating it, and you will hang onto it only because it’s what you needed at the time. Disappointment accepts reality.

There is one more aspect of the sadness triggered with disappointment that is worthy of mention. Usually, it is assumed that people who value happiness are able to hold on to positive feelings and may be resilient, if not immune, to the negative effects of disappointing experiences. But this may not always be the case, according to the findings of a recent study.

Under certain circumstances, valuing happiness may be self-defeating and result in disappointment, depending upon how people evaluate their progress toward that goal (Mauss, Tamir, Anderson, & Savino, 2011). The researchers found that valuing happiness can set people up for disappointment, especially if they compare themselves to an ideal.

So perhaps the way in which to foster resilience is to construct realistic appraisals of what you need, avoid idealizing what could be, and come to terms with what you have.

This post is in no way intended as a substitute for medical or psychological counseling. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Henretty, J., Levitt, H. & Mathews, S. (2008). Clients’ experiences of moments of sadness in psychotherapy: A grounded theory analysis. Psychotherapy Research, 18(3), 243-255.

This is part 2 of a 4-part series on how to deal with disappointment.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

How do you normally deal with disappointment? Do you block them out of your life? Do you sleep them off and hope that you will feel better when you wake up?

How You Should NOT Deal with Disappointment

Many people are caught like fish out of water when they face disappointment. Because they are not taught to properly deal with disappointment in school or in life, they deal with it in a destructive way instead. Do you deal with disappointments with any of these methods?

1. Numb yourself with other activities

The first negative way is to drown out your disappointment with random activities. Party, eat, sleep, go shopping, or play games. For some people, they turn to sex, alcohol, or even drugs. The goal here is to dive into random, mindless activities, to avoid being alone with disappointment.

While it’s okay to play games or sleep to shake off negative feelings, the problem comes when you use them excessively to deal with unhappiness, rather than face the problem head on.

Rebound relationships work on the same basis. The person tries to get over their previous partner by jumping into a new relationship, to avoid dealing with the pain of breakup.

While distracting yourself with other activities make you feel happy in the short run, they do not resolve the issue. Soon, you face another situation which leads to disappointment again. Instead of resolving the problem, you turn to more distractions. This results in a downward spiral.

2. Deny your goals

The second way is to block out your goals, pretending they don’t exist. On the outside, you pretend you don’t care. But deep down, you do care. You condition yourself not to set any expectation, since disappointment will not happen when there are no expectations.

For example, people who have been scarred by negative relationships tend to develop barriers to love. On the outside, they appear aloof and uninterested in love. On the inside though, they long to find their special someone. Because they fear getting hurt, they deny their desire for a relationship and refuse to let others into their lives. This denial catches up with them down the road and creates a backlash effect. Have you met such people before? They look like they don’t care, but on the inside, they do care. As they block out their desires, they become more miserable in the long run instead.

3. Give up on your goals

The third way is to give up on your goals. This is perhaps the worst of all 3 methods. While you long for your goals, you resign yourself to a fate that you will never reach them. You self-depreciate, devaluing your worth and thinking that you are not meant to achieve anything. You spend each day trying to convince yourself and others around you that you cannot achieve your goals, when they are fully within your reach.

What Happens When You Deal With Disappointments Destructively

If you have dealt with disappointments in the above manner, you are not properly dealing with them.

In part 1, I shared that one of the reasons why disappointment is good is because it represents passion for a cause. The greater your disappointment, the stronger your passion.

Whenever you try to drown out your disappointment, deny your goals, or even give up on them, you are rejecting who you are on the inside. You are denying your goals, your desires, your dreams, your vision, your real self – everything. These desires came about for a reason — and the reason is not for them to be denied. To quote Esther and Jerry Hicks from the book Ask And It Is Given, “If you have the ability to imagine it, or even to think about it, this Universe has the ability and the resources to deliver it fully unto you.”

When you deny your goals, you hollow yourself from inside out. You can try to pretend that everything is fine and lead your everyday life, but you cannot fool your subconsciousness. Every day, living feels like an empty act. Over time, you find yourself sinking from a state of disappointment to apathy. You live every day in a zombie-like manner, with no passion or zest. You become shriveled up on the inside: everything seems barren and empty.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. You are not alone in your disappointment. Everyone has faced disappointment at some point — your friends, family, teachers, managers, co-workers, and bosses. I have faced disappointments before as well, be it in love, health, relationships, or work.

Disappointment is not something exclusive to you. Even though disappointment is an emotion triggered without your conscious control, you can deal with it in a conscious manner. As long as you learn to address your disappointments properly and pick up from here, you can lead your life the way it is meant to be led — in alignment with your true passion and desires.

In the next part, I will share how to deal with disappointments constructively. Read Part 3: How to Deal With Disappointment

This is part 2 of a 4-part series on how to deal with disappointment.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

When you are in a relationship, there is always the possibility of disagreements, setbacks and disappointments. These happen naturally because each person is a unique individual with their own expectations of the relationship. Even when two people are on the same page with many aspects of their life, problems always have a way of developing if left unchecked. It is how we handle those setbacks and disappointment that determine what happens next in our relationships.

It is very important that you don’t lay blame at the feet of other people for the problem in the relationship. It is equally important that you don’t take all of the blame yourself. Any psychologist will tell you that in most cases, it takes both parties to create a problem in a relationship.

What you need to do is step back and to examine the situation from a different perspective. Consider everything you enjoy and appreciate about the relationship, and focus on the positives before you consider breaking up over the negatives – which may only be temporary, after all.

Although this isn’t always easy to do, it’s a great idea to sit down with a piece of paper and a pen. Draw a line down the middle of the page. One one side, try to write down exactly what parts of your relationship you’re disappointed in. On the other side, opposite each point, try to think of a practical solution to fix your disappointment. It’s a great way to understand the nature of the problem and how it affects your relationship with the other person in your life.

If the problem is severe and is causing daily arguments and distress to you both, take a break from being together (not necessarily from the relationship – make that very clear to your partner!) to sort through the problem. Once you have some time alone to examine the situation, you can more easily determine if you want to pursue a relationship with the person. Being away from the source of them problem may also make you appreciate the positives more, and you may find that the things you miss about the other person make you feel worse than the things you were arguing about.

You have to remember that just because you’ve had a disappointment or setback in your relationship, it doesn’t mean that it is over. If talking doesn’t fix things, invest in a relationship councilor or some personal therapy, so you can talk things out with a neutral third party. Learn from the mistakes that caused the setback to the relationship and vow never to repeat them.

This is part 2 of a 4-part series on how to deal with disappointment.

How to deal with disappointment in a relationship

How do you normally deal with disappointment? Do you block them out of your life? Do you sleep them off and hope that you will feel better when you wake up?

How You Should NOT Deal with Disappointment

Many people are caught like fish out of water when they face disappointment. Because they are not taught to properly deal with disappointment in school or in life, they deal with it in a destructive way instead. Do you deal with disappointments with any of these methods?

1. Numb yourself with other activities

The first negative way is to drown out your disappointment with random activities. Party, eat, sleep, go shopping, or play games. For some people, they turn to sex, alcohol, or even drugs. The goal here is to dive into random, mindless activities, to avoid being alone with disappointment.

While it’s okay to play games or sleep to shake off negative feelings, the problem comes when you use them excessively to deal with unhappiness, rather than face the problem head on.

Rebound relationships work on the same basis. The person tries to get over their previous partner by jumping into a new relationship, to avoid dealing with the pain of breakup.

While distracting yourself with other activities make you feel happy in the short run, they do not resolve the issue. Soon, you face another situation which leads to disappointment again. Instead of resolving the problem, you turn to more distractions. This results in a downward spiral.

2. Deny your goals

The second way is to block out your goals, pretending they don’t exist. On the outside, you pretend you don’t care. But deep down, you do care. You condition yourself not to set any expectation, since disappointment will not happen when there are no expectations.

For example, people who have been scarred by negative relationships tend to develop barriers to love. On the outside, they appear aloof and uninterested in love. On the inside though, they long to find their special someone. Because they fear getting hurt, they deny their desire for a relationship and refuse to let others into their lives. This denial catches up with them down the road and creates a backlash effect. Have you met such people before? They look like they don’t care, but on the inside, they do care. As they block out their desires, they become more miserable in the long run instead.

3. Give up on your goals

The third way is to give up on your goals. This is perhaps the worst of all 3 methods. While you long for your goals, you resign yourself to a fate that you will never reach them. You self-depreciate, devaluing your worth and thinking that you are not meant to achieve anything. You spend each day trying to convince yourself and others around you that you cannot achieve your goals, when they are fully within your reach.

What Happens When You Deal With Disappointments Destructively

If you have dealt with disappointments in the above manner, you are not properly dealing with them.

In part 1, I shared that one of the reasons why disappointment is good is because it represents passion for a cause. The greater your disappointment, the stronger your passion.

Whenever you try to drown out your disappointment, deny your goals, or even give up on them, you are rejecting who you are on the inside. You are denying your goals, your desires, your dreams, your vision, your real self – everything. These desires came about for a reason — and the reason is not for them to be denied. To quote Esther and Jerry Hicks from the book Ask And It Is Given, “If you have the ability to imagine it, or even to think about it, this Universe has the ability and the resources to deliver it fully unto you.”

When you deny your goals, you hollow yourself from inside out. You can try to pretend that everything is fine and lead your everyday life, but you cannot fool your subconsciousness. Every day, living feels like an empty act. Over time, you find yourself sinking from a state of disappointment to apathy. You live every day in a zombie-like manner, with no passion or zest. You become shriveled up on the inside: everything seems barren and empty.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. You are not alone in your disappointment. Everyone has faced disappointment at some point — your friends, family, teachers, managers, co-workers, and bosses. I have faced disappointments before as well, be it in love, health, relationships, or work.

Disappointment is not something exclusive to you. Even though disappointment is an emotion triggered without your conscious control, you can deal with it in a conscious manner. As long as you learn to address your disappointments properly and pick up from here, you can lead your life the way it is meant to be led — in alignment with your true passion and desires.

In the next part, I will share how to deal with disappointments constructively. Read Part 3: How to Deal With Disappointment

This is part 2 of a 4-part series on how to deal with disappointment.