Knowing how to kiss is the most useful tool to have in your dating arsenal. But once you’ve got that mastered, how do you actually pluck up the courage to make the damn move? Being the one to initiate the first kiss with someone new is often a little bit daunting.
If you’re like me and second guess yourself 24/7 and never really believe someone could actually fancy you enough to, y’know, make out with you, it can be a living nightmare. Sometimes though, you just have to get over than self-doubt, embrace the nerves and just kiss them FFS.
Here, women who’ve initiated the first kiss explain how they did it.
1. “After kissing him on the cheek three days prior, and telling him I wanted to go further, I asked him if he wanted to kiss me, and he responded yes. And it happened.” [via]
2. “I surprised my girlfriend by taking initiative for the first kiss. We talked beforehand about what would happen if we made out, and we both agreed that it was a bad idea and we shouldn’t do it. as we didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Then about 30 minutes later, I just went for it and she was really happy that I did, as I knew she wanted to. I wouldn’t normally recommend that approach, but somehow it worked out for us.” [via]
3. “As me and my SO are both women one of us had to take charge. We had been friends beforehand, but sort of started dating after mutual friends told us that we both had feelings for each other. Anyway, we were cuddled up on the sofa watching a movie. She just looked so pretty, and I had the urge that I wanted to kiss her. So I just went and kissed her on the cheek. She then turned to me and kissed me on the lips. Find a moment when you’re together, and it feels right, and go for it. And if you’re not sure about kissing them on the lips, go for the cheek or if they’re being a bit dense just tell them, ‘kiss me you dummy’.” [via]
4. “It was the end of our first date and we were saying goodbye at the door. I just asked him if I could kiss him, and he said yes. Then we kissed!” [via]
5. “If you’re already holding hands while walking around – which is lovely – at some point if the urge to kiss them bubbles up, give them a kiss on the back of their hand holding your hand. Or on their cheek. No one says you have to start with lips.” [via]
6. “Honestly, just wait until you’re kinda cuddled up, and go for it. I guarantee that will break the ice. Just a small kiss. Lean in, kiss him/her softly, and only make it last two seconds or so. Then take it from there. But seriously, after the first one, it’s all gravy from there.” [via]
7. “I said, ‘you should kiss me’ or, ‘we should kiss now‘.” [via]
8. “I just leaned in and did it. I almost head-butted him. My SO just informed me that I definitely hit him with my teeth. I was just excited.” [via]
9. “You cuddle, get close, maybe interlace your hands or something. Then look at them, make good eye contact, and then lean your face in and tilt your face up towards their lips. They’ll go for it, I promise.” [via]
So, you’ve been going out for a while now. You’re really feeling this guy and you can tell there’s a mutual attraction. The vibes. my God, the vibes. He drops you off at your door, smiles that little smile, says he had a great time and leaves. No kiss. Ugh!
Is it your breath? Do you have a cold sore? Well. why won’t he kiss you?
It all depends upon the makeup of your guy. Some men are dorky and geeky — shy, awkward little devils. They can be so shy, in fact, that they have to be lured in to kissing you, while others are macho and bold and will kiss you on the first date.
You could have a shy soul who wants to kiss you, but is awkward in the skills department. Not to worry, there are always ways to get a guy to kiss you. But before we begin, make sure your lips are kissable. There is nothing as uninviting as cracked, crusty lips. And make certain you’re not wearing bright red lipstick. While it may be fashion-forward, he doesn’t necessarily want to drown his lips in it.
So, here we go. Find out how to get a guy to kiss you using the following methods:
1. Light Touches.
Touch him throughout your conversation. Don’t place your hand on his knee and start rubbing it. That is so obvious. But, do touch him ever so slightly now and then on his arm or touch his hands from time to time. Create a warm, cozy intimate atmosphere for the two of you.
Lean in and smile. However, not just any kind of smile. We’re talking about a “come hither” smile; the kind that subtly invites a man in with your mouth and eyes in synchronicity. Do not, repeat DO NOT start batting your eyes like windshield wipers. While your mouth curls ever so slightly, your eyes speak volumes like, “I want to feel those soft, puffy little pillows on mine.” Sounds corny, I know. but it works.
3. The “Old Stare Trick.”
Hold your head to the side in rapt attention and stare straight at his lips. Then, go back to his eyes. Don’t go overboard on this, like some desperate lech. Just do it naturally. Unless this guy is an intergalactic space alien, he’ll know what you’re doing and why.
4. Work it into a conversation.
Ask him what he likes about you. He’ll say blah, blah, blah, whatever he likes about you. When he asks what you like about him, tell him his lips and how soft they look. Say it with the warmest of smiles. First of all, he’ll be flattered and next he’ll probably blush and hopefully let you test that out.
5. “I’m so cold.”
Still no kiss? Then try the old stand-by — you are just so cold. Rub your arms up and down as though you have shivers, which should prompt him to either wrap his arms around you or offer you his jacket, if he’s wearing one. If he does neither, move closer to him while still rubbing your arms.
6. Take initiative.
Finally, if this guy still hasn’t kissed you, turn the tables and kiss him. Don’t jump on top of him and devour him like some blood-starved vampiress. Just lean in quietly and give him a nice short smooch. Draw back and keep talking, as though kissing him was the most natural thing to do at that time.
Feeling unsure about that first time kiss? Here’s some tips.
Every now and then, we get questions sent in from visitors of the blog on various dating topics. Here’s one that perhaps you can relate to?
I’ve been spending time with this girl for the past few weeks. After meeting through mutual friends, we started chatting on Facebook. We seem compatible on many levels.
So, here’s the problem. Recently, she started hinting around about “the first kiss”.
What’s freaking me a bit is that I’ve been losing my confidence in this area. I’m worried that if I do it the wrong way, she might move on.
Any tips for a first kiss? Just need some practical advice-
Hi, Nervous kisser.
Right off the bat, you need to know that feeling anxious about that all important first kiss is very normal. If you ask most women, they’ll tell you that how a first kiss goes is key to anything else happening.
For what it’s worth – a lot of guys feel this way too.
But my sense is your question isn’t really about the mechanics making out. Instead, it seems like you need help on the self-confidence front.
Let’s be real. If you want to learn how to execute the first kiss, there are tons of resources on this. But just in case, I’m going to include a video below as a walk-through.
Kissing and confidence
As mentioned earlier, before executing any kiss, you’ve got to feel confident inside. And that’s exactly what I’m going to help you do – feel stronger so that you can give her a kiss blows her doors off.
All of this begins with spending time in mindful meditation. No need make it an all-day event. I’m talking 10 minutes tops. If you’ve never meditated before, it might help to start off with something easy, like a body scan.
Kissing and the mind
What a lot of guys (and gals) don’t know is that much of the “magic” that happens with a first kiss occurs on the psychological level.
In other words, the instant bond two people share upon locking is largely based in the mind.
For some folks, tapping into that connection is all that’s needed to empower the moment. But for other people, initiating intimacy is problematic.
You may be wondering why?
I’ll be straight up with you. Because some guys struggle with self-esteem, they often don’t see themselves as attractive. In turn, they choke when it comes time to step up to the plate.
To make matters worse, this lack of confidence begins to feed on itself, paradoxically robbing the man of his ability to do other things (hint).
Want to hear something sad?
I’ve actually known guys who are able to get passed the first kiss (and do well at it). But because of deeply entrenched self-confidence problems, they won’t allow themselves to do more.
Yes – I am talking about sexy-time.
It’s all related. Maybe this is true for you, too?
So, before you do anything else, you’ve got to start working on your self-esteem. This means believing that you are handsome. On top of that, you’ve also got to trust that she finds you physically attractive.
Make sense? So, the first bit of wisdom I’ll impart is this:
Give yourself permission to believe you are a good-looking man.
Now I’m going to help connect all the dots so that words transform into beliefs – followed by action. All I ask is that you read what follows with an open mind.
When you are ready, find a quiet place in your home. Close your eyes. Let go of any thoughts that may be present. Keep doing this until you see nothing but darkness.
Once this happens, project a point of red light into the blackness. As you focus your awareness on this dot, allow it to transform into the image of the girl you are interested in.
Stay with that imagery for a few moments. Allow yourself to become aware of her physical presence.
As you see her in the distance, ask yourself, what am I aware of? What color is her hair? What does her skin look like? Can I smell her perfume?
I want her to surround all of your senses. As you do this, repeat the following in your mind.
I am an attractive man. She wants me. I’m going to kiss her like a pro.
Repeat this several times – even if you have trouble believing it at first.
Once you are ready, envision yourself walking up to her. Then, place your hands on her shoulders. Slowly lean into her while slightly tilting your head.
When the moment feels right, kiss her.
If a surge of passion rushes through your body, don’t fight it. Allow yourself to feel the moment; meaning her body pressing against hers.
Let your mind take you to what follows next. This could be cupping her chin, engaging in open mouth or gentle petting. The important thing is to go with whatever unfolds.
Now, repeat the first part of the mantra.
I am an attractive man.
At the end of the kiss, allow yourself to step back from her. Pause for a moment. Then, slowly move back until her image begins to fade. At some point, her body will transform back into a red beam of light.
Once you have opened your eyes and acclimate yourself back to reality, take a deep breath and collect your thoughts. This may take a few moments.
I can’t tell you how many times you will need to conduct the guided imagery exercise above. Each person is different. What I can say is that by changing out the negative tape that plays in your mind to something more positive, it can go a long way with creating meaningful change.
As an aside, here are a couple of other quick points about a first kiss that needs to be stated. None of these have to do with confidence mind you. Instead, it’s just bro-talk.
Take it for what it’s worth.
First, don’t say “thanks” after making out. It just comes off as silly. Second, no matter how bad she kisses, always compliment her. A simple: Wow, you are a great kisser will do just fine.
To keep it real, nobody wants to hear they are a lousy kisser (even if they are). Know what I mean?
The last point of wisdom I’ll leave you with is this: Two people either have chemistry or they don’t. Just because a duo shares a mutual attraction (even a strong one), it doesn’t always mean they will “click”.
If it turns out like this, don’t get down on yourself. Otherwise, you are just damaging your self-esteem by blaming yourself for something that’s simply not meant to be.
Sometimes dating can get so much frustrating as there are so many rules involved.
A guy has to text you first, you have to text him first, you can’t text him at night, you shouldn’t be sending multiple texts and so on.
But all this changes once you learn how to get a guy to text you first.
How To Make Him Text You First
The hard truth is that that some guys don’t care to text you first or they try to play hard to get.
And if he is not texting you first no matter what you do, well, he may be not even interested in you in the first place.
So, you should only invest your energy on a guy who is actually into you. If he trying to connect with you then you will know that he really likes you.
However, there could be many reasons why he could be waiting for you to text him first.
Some guys love to text while others hate it. If a guy is interested in you and you want to make him text you first, let me give you a few tips that can help you.
Don’t Be Always Available
Get a life if you don’t have one. If you are always available to him then there are less chances that he will text you first.
Also if you dedicate all your time to him and text him all the time, then he will think you will do it all the time.
So, stop being free for him all the time. That doesn’t mean that you have to avoid him or anything.
Get busy with your own life. When he starts missing you, he will text you.
Give Him A Reason
Why would anyone text anybody without a reason? Vague texts are not interesting in a relationship and won’t work for long time.
So try to come up with reasons that he can use to text you. One good tip is to share something online that he is interested in.
This will get his interest and he might probably be eager to talk to you about it.
Find Out If He Likes Texting
As I said earlier some guys don’t like to text. Such guys like to talk in person and not spend hours infront of a phone.
He might text you once in a while but if he is not into texting then he might less likely text you first.
If he always keeps his texts short or insists in talking in person, it is a sign that he doesn’t like to text.
If you have found such a guy then there is nothing much that you can do. What you can do is remind yourself about this fact and also remind him once in a while to text you whenever he is free.
Telling him to text you might also help in some cases.
Don’t Text Him
If are trying to learn how to make a guy text you first, then the first thing you need to do is to make him miss you.
And to achieve that you have to stop texting him. You can also stop texting him when a conversation starts to get interesting.
The point here is to make him talk to you more. So leave him wanting for more.
Have Fun With Him
Do you like being with a guy who is fun to be around with? I know you said yes. Similarly even guy likes to be around a girl who is fun to be with.
So enjoy whenever you are with him and this will make him want you more.
So, whenever you are with him, have lots of fun. Crack jokes, tease him, flirt with him and enjoy. The moment you leave him, he will start missing you and will immediately text you.
Make Him Remember You
Whenever you meet him, you should give him such an impression that he will remember you even after he gets home.
If you want him to text you first he should be thinking of you throughout the day.
You can do his by having a good sense of humor, joking with him, laughing at him jokes and even having positive vibes whenever you are with him.
When he has lots of fun with you, he will remember you more.
Meet His Friends
If you still haven’t met his friends, then tell him that you would love to meet his friends. Nowadays guys are bringing their girl around their friends to check if his girl fits in or not.
The more you fit in and get along with his friends, the more he will like you and text you more. Even his friends will give him a thumbs up to hang out with you.
Let Him Know
Sometimes guy won’t be aware of what they are doing and they forget to text you.
As I said earlier, if you are always texting him first he will not make the effort to text you since he knows that he will get a text from you.
Just ask him directly why he is not texting you. Tell him how much you love getting a text from him.
Even though you love texting him, you don’t really know when he will be busy or if you could be disturbing him. He might realize his mistake and correct it.
Tell Him To Text You When He Gets Free
This might be kind of annoying to keep telling him, but do it anyways. This can also be a good way to make a guy text you first.
Just tell him to text you when he gets free as you have something to talk with him.
Just make sure that you actually have something to talk to him. This works really well since it will keep him wondering what you actually have to tell him.
Accept The Fact
If you have done everything to get him to text you first but he is still not doing it, then either he is not into texting or he is not interested in you.
And if he is not interested in you just have to accept the fact and stop texting him.
It may not make him text you first but if he is not really interested in you, then you may never get to hear from him again.
If you have anything more to add on how to get a guy to text you first, share with us in the comments below.
Kissing fears can arise because you are feeling nervous or unsure. You might not have a lot of experience kissing and worry about getting it right — or you might just worry you are not doing it with the right person. Though you can calm your nerves enough to get through that kiss, only you will know if it is better to wait for someone else to come along.
Explore this article
1 Learn Kissing Basics
If your fears are founded on a lack of experience, spend some time learning about what is involved in kissing. Kisses usually break the tension that has built up between you and someone else — eventually you find yourself wanting to kiss that person. One of you leans in, both of you close your eyes, tilt your heads and lock lips for a few seconds, as described in the Teen Health Source article, “Kissing 101.” French kissing, with an open mouth, usually comes later — when the two of you have gotten more comfortable with each other.
2 Breathe and Relax
If nerves are what hold you back from that kiss, practice some relaxation strategies to help calm your racing heart and sweaty palms. An easy breathing exercise can slow down your heart and relax your body, according to physician Robin Berzin, in the MindBodyGreen.com article, “A Simple Breathing Exercise to Calm Your Mind & Body.” Practice inhaling for two counts through your nose, holding for one count and then releasing the air through your mouth for four counts. Do this when you feel the butterflies coming — and you should soon feel less tense.
3 Wait It Out
It could be that you are just not ready for that kiss, or that you haven’t met the right person with whom to share that special moment. In these instances, it’s better to hold back until it feels right, says dating advice columnist Rich Santos in the “Marie Claire” article, “11 Ingredients for a Good Kiss.” Though it is normal to feel some anxiety before a kiss, strong feelings of fear could indicate that you don’t feel ready or that you aren’t comfortable with the other person.
4 Share Your Fears
If you really do want to kiss someone, but your fears are still holding you back, consider letting her know about your feelings of apprehension. You might find that she is feeling the same way and the two of you can give it some time. Talking about it openly may also help to reduce some of the tension, and a kiss could follow naturally. Having an open and honest discussion will also help you to feel closer to the other person.