Every parent wants their child to grow up to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted, but it can also be difficult seeing your kids grow and change. You will want to help them on their journey so that they are well-prepared for adult life without doing too much to harm their development. So, what are the best ways to prepare your child for adult life?
Be a Good Role Model
Children tend to adopt the behaviours, attitudes and habits of their parents, so being a good role model is one of the best things that you can do for both yourself and your child.
It is always best to be open and communicate with teenagers when there are problems within the family. Obviously, you may not want them to be aware of every problem, but being open and honest will help them to mature and understand the importance of family for support. Additionally, encourage them to come ford with any problems that they have as opposed to bottling up their feelings.
Involve Them With Errands
You do not want your child constantly asking you questions when they move out, which is why it is a good idea to involve them with errands so that you can show them basic life skills. This might include things like grocery shopping, laundry, paying bills and basic household maintenance.
Develop Key Skills
Leading on from this, you should also make sure that they develop key life skills from a young age so that they can adapt to adult life when they go to university or move out. This should include cooking, doing their own laundry and tidying the entire house.
Teach Them About Money
One of the most important steps to take that could make a huge difference to their entire life is to teach them about money. This is not taught in school, so you should make the effort to teach them about personal finance. It is worth encouraging them to take on a part-time job and to give them a prepaid debit card so that they can start learning how to budget their own money. In addition to this, you should teach them about things like savings, debt, mortgages and inflation.
Hopefully, the information in this post will come in useful and help you to prepare your child for adult life. You will want to do all that you can to help without overdoing it and the above are the key areas to focus on.
TechnologyHQ is a platform about business insights, tech, 4IR, digital transformation, AI, Blockchain, Cybersecurity, and social media for businesses.
We manage social media groups with more than 200,000 members with almost 100% engagement.
Some of the questions you might be asking are, “Should I be freaking out about COVID-19?” and “Why can’t I hang out with my friends in person?”. You may be feeling worried, bored, or frustrated. COVID-19 is frightening, and you are not the only one feeling stressed.
While anyone can catch the virus that causes COVID-19 and people of all ages and backgrounds can get severely ill, most people have a mild illness and are able to recover at home. But regardless of your personal risk, it is natural to be concerned for your friends and family or about uncertainty and changes in your daily routine.
There are things you can do to manage your stress.
. Knowing the facts and stopping the spread of rumors about COVID-19 can help you feel more in control of what is happening. by washing your hands often with soap and water, covering coughs and sneezes, and avoiding close contact with other people – even your friends. COVID-19 may be spread by people who do not have symptoms. These actions will keep you from getting sick and spreading the virus to other people you care about.
- If you are not fully vaccinated and aged 2 or older, you should wear a mask in indoor public places.
- In general, you do not need to wear a mask in outdoor settings.
- In areas with high numbers of COVID-19 cases, consider wearing a mask in crowded outdoor settings and for activities with close contact with others who are not fully vaccinated.
- If you are fully vaccinated, see When You’ve Been Fully Vaccinated.
- You can be social, but do it from a distance, such as reaching out to friends by phone, text, video chat, and social media.
- Find ways to relax. Take deep breaths, stretch, or meditate external icon . Try to do activities you enjoy, like exercising, gaming, reading or other hobbies.
- Keep to a schedule. Plan times for doing school work, relaxing, and connecting with friends.
- Avoid alcohol and drugs. These substances can weaken your body’s ability to fight infections and increase the risk of certain complications associated with COVID-19.
- Talk with someone you trust about your thoughts and feelings.
- You may be feeling loss or distress over the changes in your life during this time. There are steps you can take to cope with your grief.
Problems with relationships at home and at school, a family history of substance abuse, mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, or a history of sexual abuse can increase your risk for a substance use disorder. Stress, anxiety, and depression caused by isolation and other changes to your way of life during the COVID-19 pandemic can also increase your risk for a substance use disorder. Because of the pandemic, you may be dealing with fear, anxiety, or loss and separation from friends and loved ones.
Early treatment for a substance use disorder can help prevent serious health issues or death. People with substance use disorders are also at increased risk for severe illness from COVID-19. When a substance use disorder is left untreated, the risk for drug overdose or suicide becomes higher.
If you or someone you know may be at risk for a substance use disorder, talk to a trained professional external icon . You can still get support for a substance use disorder during the COVID-19 pandemic. Don’t delay getting help because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Ask for help external icon now.
Everyone 12 years of age and older should get a COVID –19 vaccination as soon as possible.
Different life experiences may affect the risk for suicide. For example, suicide risk is higher for those who have experienced violence, including child abuse, bullying, or sexual violence. Feelings of isolation, depression, anxiety, and other emotional or financial stresses are known to raise the risk for suicide. You may be more likely to experience these feelings during a crisis like a pandemic.
You may be particularly overwhelmed when stress is connected to a traumatic event—like a natural disaster or pandemic. Parents and educators can provide stability and support to help you feel better.
There are ways to protect against suicidal thoughts and behaviors. For example, support from family and community, or feeling connected. Reach out to others online, through social media, video chat, or by phone. Having access to in-person or virtual counseling or therapy can help with suicidal thoughts and behavior, particularly during a crisis like the COVID-19 pandemic.
This article was originally published on Houzz well before COVID-19, but with so many adult children living at home during the pandemic, we think these tips are timely right now.
The New York Times reported that for the first time in history, adults ages 18 to 34 are more likely to live with a parent than with a romantic partner. At 33, I’m surprised by the number of friends I have who are comfortable living back at home with their parents (yes, they manage to have dating lives, too).
There are lots of reasons why 20- and 30-somethings might migrate back to the nest. Those reasons may be a big factor in how that living arrangement is handled. That being said, regardless of whether the adult children return home due to necessity, transition or preference, here are some things you should be sure to discuss.
It’s really important to discuss how long this living arrangement is expected to last. Is it indefinite? Six months? Two years? Until Pete gets a job? Once the house is built? What is the length of time the adult child is thinking he or she will need, and what can the parents handle?
It will be different for each family, but think about it realistically. For example, if an adult daughter moves home with her new husband because their house is being built, add to the time frame an extra month or two since large house projects can go on longer than expected.
Some families may be in a position where the parents can and are happy to cover the costs of having their kids back at home. If so, lucky kids! But that isn’t the case for most families.
While I think it’s best if the suggestion comes from the adult child who is moving back in (shows a proactive approach!), parents may need to outline what’s expected financially before Junior moves back home. Each situation will be different, but here are some suggestions for what he or she contributes:
- A flat rate meant for food, mortgage, wear and tear, etc.
- A flat rate for bills and rent, with the expectation that the adult child purchases communal and personal food items
- A rate based on a percentage of the adult child’s income
- A rate that is supposed to go up to a certain point once the adult child finds a job (or another condition that makes sense for the situation)
- No rent, but contributes to bills and food
- No rent, but with the expectation that certain projects and chores will be done by the adult child
As with any living situation, you are going to want to set clear expectations around the ins and outs of living together. It will be important to set clear boundaries. Here are areas to think about:
Whether you set up a cleaning schedule, chore wheel or (as my mom did) put up little signs that indicate what’s expected in that room (things such as: put away toiletries, wipe sink and counter, put clothes in hamper, hang towels on hooks or racks), it’s important to communicate what is expected in terms of cleaning. For some, all you’ll need to say is, “Clean up after yourself and help out with weekly chores.” For others, you’ll need to spell out what’s expected on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Be clear and specific.
Adult children shouldn’t be made to feel like teenagers again with curfews, but Mom and Dad shouldn’t feel as though their house has turned into a college dormitory with people coming and going all the time either. Take time to think and talk about what’s going to work — you may have to experiment here to see what feels right for your family.
Things to think about: How frequently can guests come over? Is it okay to have a significant other stay the night? What about when Mom and Dad are out of town? Is there an area of the house that’s better suited for late-night hangouts — a finished basement room, guesthouse, in-law apartment or finished garage attic? What about people just dropping by? Start with some general rules and adjust them as needed. Remember, it’s always okay to check in with each other and see how the arrangement is working.
At 30, it can be hard to think of your parents having a say or even an opinion about how you should be structuring your day or going about your business. But parents are parents, and they are going to have opinions and thoughts about your life. It would be good to talk about things like sleeping late or taking a lazy day to curl up on the couch and veg out. This conversation isn’t reserved for rest. It could be a workout routine, eating habits, or personal choices around drinking or smoking that come into the mix.
No matter what it is, this can be territory where parents and adult children can clash, and it’s important to discuss things and voice concerns, but also keep age in mind. Parents and children may always have that dynamic, but finding language for how to talk about these issues is a good idea.
Some sample language
1. Adult child: “Hey guys, I could really use a day to sleep in. Would it be all right if this Saturday you held off on cleaning until after 10 a.m.?”
2. Parent: “Chris, we are happy to have you here, but as your mom, I’m not able to condone the smoking. I’m going to ask that you not smoke in or around the house.”
3. Adult child: “Dad, I appreciate you wanting to help me find a job, but I’m feeling a lot of pressure when you ask me about it daily. How about we do a once-a-week check-in?”
4. Parent: “Libby, we are glad you’re staying with us, but it’s important to me that your ongoing projects get put away when you’re not working on them.”
Every family is going to have different issues and different successes when adult children come home again. Hopefully, you’ll be proactive and try to have as many expectations in place ahead of time. For those moments when issues do arise, remember to speak from a place of respect and understanding.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published by Houzz and ParentMap in 2016, and updated in June 2020.
We should always aim to respect their opinions, ideas and boundaries with the goal of understanding what they’re going through and being sensitive to their new, shifting needs. Being overbearing and failing to respect boundaries is actually one of THE ACTIVE TIMES ® IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF TRIBUNE PUBLISHING. For parents, this can be a hard pill to swallow, but what we’ll find is that like so many parts of So much of how we treat our adolescents and teenagers has more to do with us than with them. 6 Telltale Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior How to Cope When Your Teen Wants to Move in With Your Ex. Know that you’re still Keeping in touch is important, but you don’t want to suffocate them. If your ex-spouse still harbors ill will, he may be working behind the scenes to convince your child to move out from your home. Leaving home can be difficult for a young adult, but it can be even harder for the parents they leave behind. A dog, for instance, might be more of a time commitment than a lizard or fish, Yes, you’ve said your goodbyes, but know it’s not forever. Think about all Until you’ve adjusted, it’s best not to make any drastic or irreversible decisions. By creating natural, realistic boundaries, we can keep them feeling secure, while offering them the space and respect they need to develop.The more our kids feel like what they think and feel will be accepted by us, the better. All kids need more and more independence as they grow older.
“So, if your child smokes (or vapes) and you don’t like it, you have every right to set limits. I want to be a master mechanic; maybe open up my own auto-repair shop someday.” . They’re also smothering any incentive for moving up, not to mention moving out. Are you feeling ready to ask for a promotion? If you aren’t physically able to help with tasks that require manual labor, there are other ways to get involved.
“She is … Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC If we’re worried …
But these decisions are best made after you’ve adapted and feel more secure.This can start small, with something as low-effort as hanging up a few new family photos. But in the back of your mind, you wonder if your child’s disrespect, acting out, and destructive behavior is normal.
You may not talk as often as you used to, but make a mutual plan to Empty nest syndrome, a condition characterized by a period of immense grief after a child leaves home, is more common than you might think. At its best, this evolution can be yet another rich, rewarding lesson in what it means to love a growing human over time. How do you know if your child is going through an adolescent phase, or if his out-of-control behavior is here to stay? Don’t be afraid to seek out support if you need it, either from friends, family or a professional counselor.When a child leaves home, some parents find themselves feeling resistant to toss any of their belongings, even if these items are mostly meaningless clutter. Moving to a smaller home or changing career paths might be in your best interest, but give it a few months before you make the leap. There is lots of false or misleading information online that leads youth to believe they can move out legally at 17 without a parent’s permission. This Vitamin Could Enhance Immunity During COVID You might want to try playing a new sport, for instance, or take up an instrument.
We can offer them the space they need to feel what they feel and get through their feelings with strength and When we start assuming our kids will make bad choices, we may implement restrictions that make them feel punished simply for coming into adulthood. What are your plans for the future now that your child has moved out?
Coping with that isn’t easy. Empty rooms can be depressing and serve only to remind you of a life you no longer have. Even if we ask that they follow certain rules, our kids should never be made to feel bad, disappointing or dirty for their natural curiosities and evolving interests. Donate old clothes, You’re about to have a lot more time and energy at your disposal. When we label a lot of their natural, developmental behaviors as bad or unacceptable, we teach our kids to sneak around and hide from us. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
Allow yourself the time and space to process your new situation, and Just because your child has left home doesn’t mean your relationship has to leave with them. Save yourself the grief (and some money) by downsizing to a smaller home.Taking care of kids can take up a ton of your time and attention.
Now that you have the time, it can be a useful and fulfilling practice to revive Channel your caretaking skills into another kind of relationship by adopting a new pet for your family. It’s likely that home maintenance, at some point, fell through the cracks. By Susannah Snider , …
There is no shortage of animals that need a loving home; head to your local shelter and find your new best friend! Reporting Rape is Scary; New Laws May Make it Harder If your young adult child is moving back home, don’t assume he will be a loser the rest of his life.
Most people move out of the family home and set up their own place during their late teens to late 20s. Whether or not leaving goes smoothly depends on the reasons you are moving out and the nature of the relationship you have with your family.
Reasons to move out of home
You may decide to leave home for many different reasons, including:
- wishing to live independently
- needing to live closer to your place of work or study
- choosing to live with your partner
- conflict with your parents
- being asked to leave by your parents.
Issues to consider when moving out of home
It’s common to be a little unsure when you make a decision like leaving home. Think about:
- whether this is your choice, and if you feel ready, or if you are feeling pressured to move out by other people
- whether you have somewhere safe to live – if you are under 18 you might find it difficult to rent a house or sign a lease.
- whether you have enough money to support yourself – ask someone to help you draw up a budget to be sure that you can afford to cover the essentials like rent, bills and groceries. You could also use the Centrelink How to budget page
You may choose to move, but find that you face problems you didn’t anticipate, such as:
- not being ready – you may find you are not ready to handle all the responsibilities
- money worries – the cost of living independently may surprise you, especially if you are used to your parents providing for everything. Debt may become an issue
- flatmate problems – issues such as paying bills on time, sharing housework equally, friends who never pay board, but stay anyway, and lifestyle incompatibilities (such as a non-drug-user flatting with a drug user) may result in hostilities and arguments.
Moving out of home – worried parents
Think about how your parents may be feeling and talk with them if they are worried about you. Most parents want their children to be happy and independent, but they might be concerned about a lot of different things. For example, they may:
- worry that you are not ready
- be sad because they will miss you
- think you shouldn’t leave home until you are married or have bought a house
- be concerned about the people you have chosen to live with.
Reassure your parents that you will keep in touch and visit regularly. Try to leave on a positive note.
If your family home does not provide support
Not everyone who leaves home can return home or ask their parents for help in times of trouble. If you have been thrown out of home or left home to escape abuse or conflict, you may be too young or unprepared to cope.
If you are living in a foster family, you will have to leave the state care system when you turn 18, but you may not be ready to make the sudden transition to independence.
If you need support, help is available from a range of community and government organisations. Assistance includes emergency accommodation and food vouchers. If you can’t call your parents or foster parents, call one of the associations below for information, advice and assistance.
Some of us moms have a problem with our attachment to our children, to the point where the bond can become unhealthy.
Can we love our children but not let their choices or behavior make us crazy? Is some detachment actually a good idea?
The idea of detaching from a person can seem terrifying. But is there a way to practice healthy detachment?
Another way of thinking about it is this – when we live detached, we are not placing a wall between us and others. Instead, we are examining our own expectations and dependencies.
With those in perspective, we are freer to love another person because the focus is shifted to them and is not solely on us.
With our adult children, though we love them unconditionally, we try to satisfy unmet needs in us:
- Our need to be needed.
- Our desire to nurture someone.
- Our desire to see that our work and love produces an effect – a child who loves us back.
What we often do is keep a picture in our minds of our child and how they will fulfill these needs and desires for us. What happens when that child rejects us? In my case, and for many other moms, we completely freak out!
When we are ‘good mothers,’ we begin to define ourselves by our mothering. While this can be positive and can encourage us to fulfill our role responsibly, by totally adopting that definition we can forget all the other aspects of ‘me.’
When we are our role, when that role is challenging, or when that role is over, what is left of ‘us’?
In dealing with estranged children, we still tend to look within ourselves. We ask ourselves what we did wrong. We obsess over every interaction and question whether we could have responded differently.
This Monday-morning quarterbacking neglects some basic facts about humans:
You can’t control other people
We surely have influence over our children, but we do not mold them like clay. When they don’t turn out the way we planned, we neglect this fundamental truth.
You can’t rely on your children for your happiness
We may have looked ahead to our golden years and seen ourselves surrounded by loving grandchildren. This neglects another fundamental truth: People change. If we rely on other people for our happiness, we may be disappointed.
My source of joy and happiness is an inside job, not dependent on the actions of others.
Your emptiness is yours to fill up
Your adult children don’t exist solely to fill the void of your unmet needs. Do you need the love and admiration of children and grandchildren to be happy? Perhaps meeting your own needs by loving yourself sufficiently will bring more peace and satisfaction.
I remember well the first time my young daughter gushed about a new boyfriend, saying, “He completes me!” We had many long talks deep into the night discussing how love can be real and true only when two people who are complete within themselves come together.
True love rejects the notion that the other exists solely to please you. True love is therefore not threatened when the other displeases you, because the love is not dependent on the other fulfilling your needs.
Having the other person conform to our desires so we will love them is manipulation, not love. Focusing on “what’s in it for me” is a death knell for true love.
Yet, as mothers, we sometimes forget that in our relating to our adult children. When we can view them with some detachment, when our reactions to them are no longer based on expectations or being dependent on them, we are then able to love them fully and freely.
Do not look at your adult child as completing you, giving you a fulfilled life, or meeting your needs. When you set those aside, you begin to understand love.
If you are a hurting mama, laid low in the dust by the estrangement of an adult child, what should you do now?
- Examine your feelings and thoughts. What does it feel like when attachment hurts? What thoughts are you thinking at the time? Can you begin to think differently?
- Be with others and love them, but don’t look to them as your source of happiness.
- Learn to be alone, not lonely. Loving ourselves enough that we can be our best companions is healthy.
- Quit blaming yourself for the state of the relationship. You didn’t and couldn’t control the outcome. Why beat yourself up?
When we are not attached to any outcome in our relationships, then we can be free and happy. When the state of our internal life is more important than our external circumstances – there lies peace.
Do you still find it hard to let go of your adult children? Or, do you still worry about them and take care of them more than you think you should? Please join the conversation below.
Are you intimidated by the “failure to launch” syndrome for your young adult with autism spectrum disorder (ASD)? For most parents, the term translates into a fear factor, restraining them from helping their young adults with Asperger’s syndrome to transition into the adult world.
As a parent, your support and perception of your child’s ability matter most during this transition. Here’s how you can help your child unleash his/her innate gifts and form a special bond with a social circle, while successfully managing comorbidities for a successful and stress-free life ahead:
1. Overcome your own fears
Asperger’s might carry with it challenging conditions, including anxiety. However, this should not interfere with the ability to perform daily chores, go shopping, meet with friends, and travel by public buses or trains. As parents, we must try our best to build hope, happiness, and meaningful connections in children’s hearts.
Download your FREE guide on
How to Transition Your Young Adult with Asperger’s Into the World
Understanding the unique abilities of your child through a non-judgmental approach will help you think about the right strategies that will benefit your child the most. Different strategies work with different people. As a parent, your connection with your child is deep and profound. Therefore, you are in the best position to design a plan which includes the required elements of clinical, cognitive, or behavioral therapy, training, and discussion to bring about the required level of independence in your young adult.
For most parents, working through the whole process can be challenging if the appropriate time factor is not attached to it. Sometimes, young adults with autism might start showing results later rather than sooner but always will if given time and support. Mindfulness, tolerance, and persistence have positive impacts on your child in the long run. It enhances the confidence level and belief in his/her abilities.
2. Teach strategies
It’s important to assist your young adult in learning to deal with some of the aspects of Asperger’s syndrome. Here are some strategies to help:
Manage comorbid conditions
Your young adult might be affected by several psychiatric comorbidities like anxiety and depression. Parents can help formulate strategies to manage associated conditions effectively, so they do not become obstacles to social life. As a parent, you might want to make several plans including medication compliance, physician liaison, and contingency plans for crisis situations.
Limit electronic media exposure
One of the most important aspects to foster healthy social interaction is limiting media exposure. While television and video games are educative and relaxing, your young adult might find comfort in spending more time with electronic media in isolation. Setting healthy limits can help considerably during the transition and beyond as your prior planning will give him/her more structure and foster creative thinking.
Get help from support programs
Several professional programs aim to help parents and children make a smooth transition and will ensure your child will achieve the right level of independence. Most programs are professionally drafted and delivered within physical and emotional safety limits.
Focus on the right nutrition
A holistic healing diet with brain healing foods at the core can bring about physiological changes to manage your child’s conditions. Detoxification of the system in a holistic style, triggered by the right foods and super foods, can help enhance cognitive abilities and promote a sense of well-being. Your child will enjoy the wellness feeling as he/she becomes more responsive and involved in his/her surroundings.
3. Help the child form social partnerships by leveraging unique gifts
Young adults with autism have to be cared for and loved. Sometimes, however, behavior can trigger negative reactions. Therefore, as a parent, you must prepare your child accordingly. A few common aspects include:
- How to get your point across to ensure you are well understood.
- When to accept criticism without losing confidence.
- How to start and hold a conversation.
- How to respond to sensitive and political topics.
- How to make sense of visual cues and body language and act accordingly.
- Ways to keep in touch and form and nurture relationships through the use of verbal communication, written communication, and art of communicating feelings.
Since autism is an often hidden syndrome, most parents might misunderstand their own children and show tough love. Adverse reactions from parents usually happen when a child with autism is not able to make his/her point, or when he/she is not able to meet the expectations set by the parent.
On the flip side, your young adult might possess exceptional gifts and be able to perform feats, unlike most people. As a parent, nurturing these unique gifts helps your child strike a balance and develop the skills required to interface socially with his/her peer group.
Setting expectations must be an iterative process, evaluating your child’s performance against the expected outcomes on a periodic basis. Here are few questions you can ask yourself:
- Does my child possess the required capabilities to meet my expectations in the stipulated time frame? Are my expectations reasonable?
- What is my child’s opinion about the expectations set by me? Did I understand his/her opinion and incorporate it into the structure?
- Is my child happy doing the task, or is he/she reluctant? What motivates him/her?
- Does my child understand the purpose of the expectation set by me? Does he/she believe in the objectives, just as much as I do?
- Is it possible to come to a consensus in the case of a difference of opinion?
All these questions will help you evaluate the nature of your expectations and give enough insight for further reflection. Before starting the transition process, it’s important to evaluate whether it would be prudent to move forward with your current objectives, or restate them and redesign your expectations.
Young adults (18-29 years of age) typically experience many changes such as moving out on their own, finding their first job and building relationships with significant others. For those living with a mood disorder, this time of life can be particularly difficult. DBSA has put together this section of our website to help support young adults through these challenges as well as help them connect to other young adult peers.
Online Support Groups
DBSA’s weekly young adult online support group provides young adults (between the ages of 18-29) living with depression and bipolar disorder a place to share experiences, discuss coping skills, and offer hope to one another.
Hosted by members of the DBSA Young Adult Council, this podcast series is focused on the unique challenges facing young adults living with a mood disorder.
Ask a Peer
Members of the DBSA Young Adult Council offer their perspectives on questions posed by young adults about living with a mood disorder. See questions and perhaps ask one of your own!
Resources for Young Adults
DBSA Young Adult Council
The charter of the DBSA Young Adult Council is to assist in developing outreach and specialized programming to help young adults as they transition from family support to independence. If you are a young adult (between the ages of 18-29) and would like to get more involved with the DBSA Young Adult Council, please email [email protected]
Being diagnosed with a mood disorder as a teen can feel like a life sentence. Without success stories, it’s easy to think you will always feel this way and you won’t be able to have the life you had hoped for. Perhaps you remember this feeling when you were first diagnosed. Did life get better for you? Share your journey with teens experiencing mood disorders to give others hope because—you’re living proof!