How to get over jealousy

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples’ relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book “Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids” and also wrote “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband”. Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

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Everyone feels a little jealous once in a while—maybe someone was acting a little flirty with your partner, or maybe your best friend has been having a lot of fun with a new coworker. However, if jealous thoughts become really intrusive, it can actually drive a wedge between you and the person you want to be closest to. To save the relationship and get some peace of mind, take some time to sort through your feelings before you act on them.

How to get over jealousy

There’s a very good reason why jealousy is known as the green eyed monster.
It can cause perfectly rational people to suddenly turn into raging creatures of anger and hate. In seconds, it can destroy what should be a happy celebration as well as permanently destroy relationships between family, friends, co-workers and even your neighbours.

I had a good reminder of how quickly jealousy can rear it’s ugly head the other day when a friend called to tell me she’d gotten engaged. I could hear the happiness in her voice and I was thrilled for her. She’d been waiting for this for a long time. I knew it was a good match for her and it would bring great joy to her.

So, what does this have to do with jealousy? Well, I asked her two questions, “Did you get a nice ring?” and “Was it a romantic proposal?” The second I asked them I knew I was only hurting myself but her response made me just want to lash out at her. What was her answer? A very simple, “Of course”.

So, now you’re completely confused. How could that possibly set off an episode of jealousy in anyone? Well, jealousy is all about a deep internal hurt within the person feeling that emotion. And for me, the hurt has to do with the fact that I always wanted a romantic proposal and an engagement ring but I never got them when I got engaged. It just didn’t work out that way. So, until I figured out what was going on, whenever someone spoke about this subject, I sometimes got very jealous.

I’m very glad that I didn’t lash out at my friend for if I had I would have ruined a very special time in her life as well as quite possibly a good friendship. And for what? Just because I was hurting? Definitely no need to hurt someone else because something wonderful has happened for them. And, I truly was happy for my friend. It just almost didn’t come out that way initially. That is why jealousy is such a monster. Your own pain overwhelms you so much that you’ll hurt even a good friend.

A far better solution than simply allowing the emotion of jealousy to overtake you is to realize:

It’s All About You
I once had a boss who would wear a t-shirt sometimes that said, “It’s all about me” which is absolutely true when it comes to jealousy. As soon as you feel the familiar emotion of jealousy, you know there’s something deep inside you that needs to be healed. It’s all about you, not the other person. They are just the emotional trigger. Take the time to figure out what it is about the situation that is causing you to react so violently.

You Need to Heal Yourself
With jealousy, the very first thing you want to do is to strike out in anger and to push away the person who has stirred up your emotions. If you hurt them back or belittle their accomplishment then you don’t have to deal with your own pain and suffering. This is why some relationships are destroyed. People go with the initial feelings and don’t take it as a sign that something needs to be healed. Other times you might just stuff the emotion down. This isn’t good either. A part of you needs your attention and you need to free yourself from this negative emotion. If you don’t, you’re going to find that it appears again and again until you take the time to figure it out.

It’s a very draining emotion and it’s also a tough one to let go once the anger has been stirred up. It’s far better to face it head on and just deal with it. You’ll be so glad you did.

The Other Person Doesn’t Know
Usually, when you react with jealousy, the other person won’t even know why you’re behaving the way you are. They don’t know what event has happened in your past to make you feel this way. All they know is that you’re not being very nice with their happy news. It will cause confusion and hurt within the other person.

In my situation, it all comes down to the reason why I wanted the proposal so much which my friend had absolutely no way of knowing. I spent a huge chunk of my childhood dreaming about the day that the handsome prince was going to arrive on my doorstep, take my hands, look deep into my eyes and tell me how special I was and that he loved me truly, madly, deeply. Then he’d rescue me from all my current problems and we’d ride off into a gorgeous sunset to live happily ever after. Of course such a fairytale could never come true but I still wanted the romantic proposal when I got engaged. I would sometimes imagine what it would be like, how amazing it would be. To me, the proposal would symbolize that someone telling me how special I was. So, after all that dreaming, I was disappointed and frustrated that I didn’t get one when my turn finally did come. It’s just something that I needed to accept and then move on. Along with accepting this fact I needed to truly believe that I am special with or without that romantic proposal. The original hurt needed to be dealt with which I think it now has been.

By being aware of where your feelings are coming from will go a long way towards healing past events.

Use Jealousy To Your Advantage
It is possible to use jealousy to your advantage. Whenever you feel the emotion, take a look at what it is you’re jealous over. Is this something you really want in your life? If it is, then be grateful for this experience because it has made you realize how much you do want something. Now, that you have a clearer idea of what you want, you can start to focus on the steps you need to take in order to achieve this goal. If you hadn’t gone through this experience, you might not have been made aware of what you truly desire.

If what you’re jealous over isn’t something you really want then you know that you’re dealing with more internal emotions like not feeling you’re good enough or having limiting beliefs like nothing good ever happens to you. You can heal that aspect of yourself and become a much stronger and centered person for it.

Either way, you can use jealousy to your advantage.

It Just Is
Here’s one more thought to consider about jealousy. You may feel like the “grass is greener” for everyone else but really the situation “just is”. If you can learn not to compare yourself to others with what they have or what they’re doing, but instead just look at things as “just is” without judgment, you’ll never end up feeling like you’re not good enough or that you don’t have enough. Yes, they might have something you’d like and that’s great for them. Be happy for them. Share in their joy. It doesn’t change who you are though. Focus on what you want to achieve with your life and follow your own path.

The important thing to remember is to use jealousy as a sign to heal yourself or as a sign that you need to start working towards a certain goal.

Don’t allow yourself to hurt other people simply because you have a wound that needs your attention and care. If you’re still feeling jealous then you know you’re focusing on the wrong thing. You just need to turn it around and start focusing on what you do want. Jealousy truly can be a valuable emotion if you let it.

To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self
Joan Didion

How to get over jealousy

We’ve compiled a list of 10 Dos and Don’ts in order to help you overcome jealousy and let your relationship blossom harmoniously.

Overcoming jealousy: The Dos

DO recognize you have an issue

The first step to overcoming something irrational is, as always, to acknowledge that you have an issue. Awareness will enable you to accept that your jealousy is most likely unjustified and therefore easier to conquer. It is how you deal with your jealousy that dictates how the relationship will continue. Recognizing your irrationality towards normal situations will stand you in good stead to control your emotions.

DO actually trust them

Many people who are actually happy in their relationship, still get really jealous. But ultimately you have to ask yourself if you trust them – have they ever given you any reason to doubt their faithfulness in the past? Most likely they haven’t and it’s all in your mind. Remember the saying ‘innocent until proven guilty’? Give them the benefit of the doubt and actually trust them – there are still plenty of good people out there who value monogamy.

DO keep yourself busy

The best way of dealing with irrational doubts is to keep yourself busy so that you don’t indulge your mind and let it run wild with jealous thoughts. While it’s easy to allow your mind to come up with ridiculous scenarios that you imagine your partner to be in, you’ll have more control over your thoughts if you surround yourself with people. Throwing yourself into projects or keeping your mind occupied by spending time with friends will help you with overcoming jealousy.

DO improve your self-esteem

When trying to overcome jealousy, it might be worth also taking a look at yourself and considering perhaps why you become green-eyed easily. Often it’s down to a lack of self-esteem. Most likely, you have no reason not to trust your partner and the jealousy is coming from you being treated badly in the past or feeling like you’re not worthy of them. Stop this! Your insecurities are not your partner’s fault and if you’re not careful you will scare them away. Have some faith in yourself – you’re great and your partner is lucky to be with you!

DO communicate properly with your partner

Jealousy often arises from miscommunication and misunderstandings. It’s best to clear this up instantly by ensuring your communication with your partner is solid. Obviously don’t behave like a crazy, jealous person with too many questions, but clarifying certain things to give you peace of mind is no bad thing. This is better than letting your mind run wild with irrational thoughts that could easily be reined in. DO this within reason though; if it’s irrational and likely to offend your partner, don’t ask them.

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Overcoming jealousy; The Don’ts

DON’T compare yourself to others

One of the best ways to deal with overcoming jealousy is to stop comparing yourselves to others. It’s easy to become jealous of your partner’s friends or colleagues if you’re constantly finding fault in yourself and focusing on other people’s better qualities. But it’s this kind of thinking that will encourage jealous thoughts. Of course there are always people in the world who are better looking or more intelligent than you, but you will have great qualities that others don’t! That’s probably what attracted your partner to you in the first place.

DON’T play games

Many jealous people in relationships think the answer is to play games. Perhaps you want to make your partner feel how you’re feeling? Whatever the reasoning, this is not the answer. Playing games will only makes things worse and ruin the trust between you. Fight your instinct when you feel like you want to make them feel bad or anxious and treat them fairly.

DON’T try to make them jealous

Likewise overcoming jealousy is not done by creating more jealousy. This is a very dangerous path to go down and will end up causing more problems in your relationship. Many people think that by putting their partner through the same jealousy they’re feeling, they’re taking back the power somehow. Actually this doesn’t work. It will probably result in your partner having trust issues with you too and cause arguments and even more distance between you.

DON’T let your imagination overpower reality

This is perhaps the most fundamental point when overcoming jealousy. The problem with jealousy is, predominantly, that it’s all in your head. It’s often based on unfounded irrational thoughts and you need to let your rational mind overpower them. As Robert L. Leahy Ph.D. suggests on PsychologyToday, ‘Recognize that jealous thoughts are not the same thing as a REALITY. You may think that your partner is interested in someone else, but that doesn’t mean that he really is. Thinking and reality are different.‘ It is very important then to decipher between the two and keep your rational side intact. Control your mind and you’ll make your life a lot easier.

DON’T get swept up in the online world

With technology becoming all the more significant, it’s difficult not to obsessively check social media and various contact platforms you have with your partner. It is easy to misinterpret pictures or messages online and many people jump to absurd conclusions. One of the best ways of overcoming jealousy is to remove yourself from the online world as much as possible.

These are some of our tips to help with overcoming jealousy but ultimately it comes down to trust. The feeling of uncertainty is natural but it’s all about how you deal with it. As Robert L. Leahy Ph.D. suggests on PsychologyToday, ‘But uncertainty is part of life and we have to learn how to accept it. Uncertainty is one of those limitations that we can’t really do anything about. You can never know for sure that your partner won’t reject you. But if you accuse, demand and punish, you might create a self-fulfilling prophecy.’

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How to get over jealousy

1. Recognize when you are being a jealous weirdo. A lot of the time when you feel jealous, you’ll start little arguments or say passive-aggressive things rather than talking about what’s actually bothering you. (For me, it’s responding to everything he says with, “Yeah, you would do that.” I don’t know why.) If you can acknowledge, “Oh, I’m really jealous right now because you were talking to a girl at the bar last night and it made me feel weird,” that’s an important first step.

2. Try to look at your relationship from the perspective of one of your friends. If you were your friend and you heard about your situation, how would you react to it? Would you be freaked out by it, or would you think it sounded totally normal and probably fine? Putting some distance between you and your relationship always helps you to see it more clearly and will potentially stop you from having a panic attack inside an H&M for no reason.

3. Focus on how great your relationship actually is. So you saw what looked like your boyfriend flirting with one of his female friends. OK. But keep in mind, you guys have an entire history between you two and a pretty unmatched closeness. Everyone flirts, sometimes without even really being conscious of it. It doesn’t always mean they want to act on it. I think I flirted with the guy at my deli the other day and I could not tell you why. I think I was just tired and out of it. I really need to get more sleep, you guys.

4. Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean anything is actually going to happen. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been so afraid of something that might happen that it already seemed like it had happened and I was already mourning the loss. And most of those times, that thing I was so scared of never even came close to happening. So just because you have a hunch your boyfriend might be into someone else, that doesn’t mean they’re already sleeping together and he’s already bought her a ring and will be proposing this weekend and dumping you immediately after inside a Taco Bell. If you have no proof of this, don’t sweat it until you do. And if you’re really worried about it, talk to him about it directly. He’ll either put you at ease or be kind of weird about it, but either way, you can stop wondering and move on.

5. Figure out if there’s any underlying reason why you’re jealous. Sometimes, when we’re having feeling of jealousy toward our partner, it’s actually just because we’re pissed at them for something else entirely. Maybe they forgot your birthday or they haven’t been that supportive of you lately, and instead of just talking to them about it, it’s easier to suddenly become suspicious of everything they’re doing. Granted, that might not be totally conscious, but it happens.

6. Accept that you’re jealous and don’t immediately react to it. Just because you have a feeling doesn’t mean you have to act on it. If you’re feeling angry, it doesn’t mean you need to throw stuff or yell at the nearest person in your coffee shop. You can just realize, “Oh, I’m feeling angry right now,” and see if it passes. Same goes for jealousy.

7. Let go of any old relationship garbage that has nothing to do with your guy. Maybe you’re worried about him cheating because your ex-boyfriend cheated on you or your dad cheated on your mom, but that situation isn’t the same one you’re in now (hopefully). Your current partner has no ties to anything that came before, so putting them in the same league as people who hurt you or the people you loved in the past isn’t fair to either of you. There’s a reason why your old relationships didn’t last and this one did.

8. Believe with all your cute little heart that you deserve to have someone love you. A lot of the time when we’re jealous, it’s because some part of us believes that we’re unlovable and that our partner could do better, so obviously they would and will. But it just isn’t true. You, right now, with all your flaws and shortcomings and struggles, are super, crazy lovable and worthy of having a committed partner, which is why you currently have one! Don’t let some pointless belief that you’re not as good as the hot girl he talked to at lunch mess with your head. ‘Cause honestly, she might be gay anyway. You never know.

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This article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.”

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Occasional jealousy is natural and can even be motivating. But if you find yourself getting upset when seeing Instagram photos of clothes, jobs, or cars that you envy, you might need to work through this issue. Or maybe your jealousy is making you paranoid and causing problems with you and your significant other. Curbing these emotions can be difficult, but it’s often necessary to move forward and feel secure and confident. Work through your jealousy by addressing it, finding a new focus, and improving yourself. You got this!

How to get over jealousy

If you are in a relationship, it is natural to feel a little jealous at times, especially if you have very strong feelings for your partner. Occasional jealousy is okay and may even add a little excitement and zest to the relationship. But what to do when this jealousy becomes more frequent and intense and even overwhelming?

Why Do People Get Jealous?

The common evolutionary explanation for jealousy is that men fear sexual infidelity as they want to be absolutely certain that their offspring is actually theirs. Women, are more concerned with emotional infidelity, because they are concerned with their children’s survival and want to make sure that their partner supports their children, provide and protect them.

Today more than ever before, people are afraid of being rejected, not accepted, not being loved and worry about losing people they care for. These feelings of loss are natural. Yet, again, when thought and feelings of jealousy are extreme, they stem partially as a result of insecurities. When fear lessens, so does jealousy. If you experience jealousy very frequently, here are some strategies that will help you out:

1. Don’t Act On Your Feelings

It is hard not to act the way you are feeling. The feeling of jealousy or any other feelings is not the problem, the real trouble starts when you start acting on that jealousy and let it consume you. You can feel the feeling, but do not have to act on it. Remember that your better half is a human being that is actively interacting with the world around him/her. That world contains people of gender that they sexually prefer but that does not mean that they will cheat on you with them. There is a reason why they are in an intimate relationship with you. If they wanted to date other people, they would have done so. So, the next time you feel jealous, accept the feelings, yet change the way you think about the situation and be reasonable and wise.

2. Calm Down and Stay Vulnerable

To love is to be vulnerable. George R.R. Martin said it best “The more people you love, the weaker you are.” What you need to do is to open your heart to your partner, trust whatever comes and keep calm. Yes, it is not easy, but you need to be willing to accept what is beyond your control and trust yourself to deal with the unknown. Remember, you are in the relationship, because you decide to love. It is a choice you make to love your partner and at the same time accept the risks without any qualms or jealousy.

3. Express Your Jealousy in A Soft Way

If you feel that your partner is doing something that is making you jealous, you can express how you feel and talk to them in a mature way. You can also communicate it with humor, diplomacy or directly as long as it is respectful. If you are humorous, you can joke about how insanely jealous you are when your partner pays attention to someone else. Laugh with them as you say this, because it will take the pressure off the topic and will get the message across. When you are diplomatic, you can let them know that you love them a lot and know that they will never cheat on you. And if you are direct, just tell them that you trust them, yet cannot control your feelings and want them to consider how you feel.

4. Appreciate Yourself

One of the main reasons why people get jealous is that they have low self-esteem and insecurity issues. They tend to think that they are not good enough, their partner will realize this, and will leave them for someone else. You need to know that there is a reason why your partner liked you in the first place and got together with you. If you need some reaffirmation or appreciation, don’t hesitate to ask for that too (within reason of-course). The next time you feel jealous, remember that your partner is with you because they want to be with you because of your positive qualities.

5. Heal Your Wounds

People tend to act jealous because of previous relationships too. You might have been hurt before and they might have cheated on you. You have to move beyond your past and realize that you are out of that relationship and in a new one. The person that you are with is not your ex-partner. Understanding the roots, triggers and reasons for your jealousy is an important part of personal growth and maintaining a healthy relationship. Whenever you start feeling jealous, make a conscious effort to heal your old wounds, be more resilient so that your past does not affect your present and future.

6. Trust Your Partner

You must trust your partner, because you have no other option if you want to have a happy and successful relationship. No one can control your partner and you have to let jealousy go. Having some control is not a bad thing, yet trying to control somebody for things over which you have no control, is problematic. Act in a loving manner in spite of feelings of jealousy you experience.

7. Trust Yourself

The best thing that you can do is trust yourself. Trust yourself that you can love deeply and without any regrets. Trust yourself that your love will act like the anchor that will prevent your relationship from floating away. This is not easy, but ultimately when you trust yourself, you trust whatever comes. You feel confidence that you will be able to manage even the most difficult situation, including a breakup or rejection.

In conclusion, jealousy may be destructive and serves as a poison in intimate relationships. If you follow the above suggestions and strategies when feeling jealous, you will be in a better position to build your relationship and deepen the trust.

When you look closely at the word jealousy there’s something vital that stands out. The feeling of jealousy makes you feel lousy! Karen Wolff of Christian-Books-for-Women.com considers the causes of jealousy and then describes simple, practical steps for overcoming jealousy.

How Do You Define Jealousy?

The word “jealously” in Webster’s dictionary is defined as “zealous vigilance.” Somehow this definition doesn’t seem to carry the powerful force of emotion in jealousy. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:4, “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” (NIV)

That seems to give a little more meaning to the word.

Jealousy – An Ancient Emotion

Whatever happened to the days when people were genuinely happy for one another? Do you remember those days when nobody ever wanted something that someone else had? Oh, wait! Those days never existed.

Jealousy is probably one of the world's oldest emotions. It's been around since the beginning of time. Look at Cain and Abel. Now there's a prime example of jealousy run amok.

What causes jealousy? Why does it start and how do we overcome jealousy?

Common Causes of Jealousy:

  • Unmet expectations. Many times we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and the people around us. Often times we feel things should come easier and faster to us. Then if things don't happen when we think they should, we inevitably run into someone who already has what we want. All of a sudden, we feel this surge of ugly, green emotion called jealousy.
  • A sense of entitlement. For some reason, we have this ingrained attitude that we are entitled to things. Kids leaving the nest for the first time believe their own standard of living should be the same as their parents. They don't consider that their parents have worked for years and years. Many times people with financial problems feel "entitled" to buy things on credit, even though they know it's a bad idea. Having the nicest car and the newest toys seem more important than getting out of debt.
  • Insecurity. It is so easy to look at other people and wish we had what they have. And so many times it doesn't stop there. We start berating ourselves for not having what they have. Then we begin to believe negative junk ourselves. The next thing we know, we've developed insecurities in our relationships.

Is There a Cure for Jealousy?

So what can we do about jealousy?

Now, after reading about all the stuff that can cause feelings of jealousy, we may feel like we're doomed. We may think we'll always come up short in some area of life. But that surely isn't the case.

Overcoming Jealousy

Here's some good news! There are a few things we can do to stop the jealousy ball from rolling right over us.

How to Overcome Jealousy:

  • Stop comparing yourself to other people. You were created as a very unique and special person. God had a plan for you long before you took your first breath. Relish that thought. Love the fact that you're special. What God has in mind for you isn't the same as for someone else. So you don't have to feel bad that you don't have all the qualities, features, money, or anything else that someone else has. Your journey is just that — yours.
  • Stop worrying about you all the time. Find a way to be a blessing to someone else. When you change your focus away from yourself, all of a sudden your self-image improves. You get to experience the feeling of satisfaction that only comes when you're a blessing to someone else. Your priorities start changing, and one day you realize that the things that used to make you so jealous and so nuts, don't bother you so much anymore.
  • Stop wanting what other people have if you're not willing to go through what they did to get it. When you see a person who is physically fit and looks positively great, it's easy to feel really jealous. But are you willing to work out every day? Are you willing to eat healthy and look for ways to be healthy? If you're not, then there really is no reason to feel jealous, is there?
  • Start focusing on all that's positive in your life. God has given you so many wonderful gifts that many other people don't have. Focus on using those gifts to help someone else. Since your mind can only consciously think about one thing at a time, doesn't it make sense to make sure that "one thing" is positive and is moving you toward the really great things in life?

Breaking free from jealousy starts with your thoughts. When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel and act. The easiest way to change your focus is to begin by helping others. It will definitely be time well spent. Or better yet, thoughts well spent.

How to get over jealousyPhoto by Ernie Land

Have you ever felt yourself resenting another person just because of their perceived success? Do you hear yourself justifying their success with some trivial reason so that you can easily dismiss them (and consequently feel good about yourself)? Through my experiences, I have come to learn that this instinctive emotion is merely trying to protect our ego, by burying our inadequacies and insecurities. Our mind is at work protecting us in the comforts of our little cocoon shell. But to what benefit does it serve?

Not only is the feeling of jealousy not conducive for relationship building and effective communication, but it just doesn’t us feel very good. Can you relate? That uncomfortable tightness in your stomach? Why do we put ourselves through it?

In relationships, this emotion is so pervasive and instantaneous that people fail to take time, step back and evaluate it. It breaks communication, compassion and damages relationships. I know that I have been jealous and I am intimately aware of the impact it can have on a relationship. When we are in a state of jealousy, we are operating in a state of instinctual survival mode. We are acting out of scarcity. In this state, we are irrational and the only thing we can think about is ourselves. We fail to consider the feelings and impact of our behavior on other people. But when we operate from a place of abundance, we unleash the human spirit, think compassionately towards others. We can free ourselves from negative emotions.

In a workplace, jealousy can be the fear of disrespect from our peers (“if she is better than me, then I will be replaced.”); thus unloved. In a business, the fear of loss in market-share, sales, customers and bankruptcy; thus unloved.

I learned that my jealousy was very much driven from my ego’s cry for attention. Deep down inside, I was just a little child, arms wrapped around myself, scared and wanting to be loved.

The following are methods to help reduce and eliminate this negative thought pattern:

  • Fully Experience the Feeling – By telling yourself not to feel jealous, you will never be able to get out of it. “What we resist persists”. But if we bring awareness into the equation and deeply understand the situation, we’ll start to eliminate the negative emotions. Allow yourself to fully feel the feeling of jealousy. By facing the emotion directly and fully experiencing it, you’ll see that the feeling will start to diminish. I have also found this experience to work with anger towards another, and fear of a situation.Find a place alone where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes, and start to feel the jealousy. Observe where that feeling is coming from? How is it reflecting in your body? Does your throat feel tight? Is it your stomach? Does your heart ache? Become the observer. It’s important to fully allow the feeling to surface. Recognize that it isn’t you, but your ego’s crave for attention in the name of survival. Keep observing, and in a few seconds you’ll see that the feeling will slowly disperse. By practicing this, “you can move beyond the ego’s perspective and see reality from the perspective of a higher consciousness.””To overcome jealousy, just see how the jealousy came into your system, just analyze the sequence of thoughts and emotions in your system and then undo it by reasoning out the whole process with your intelligence.”
    — Swamiji Nithyananda
  • Stop Comparing – Nithyananda said, “Comparison is the seed and jealousy is the fruit!”. Comparison leads to jealousy, and both are mind-created states. “Our mind is so caught up in comparison that it misses the actual quality of what it sees. We need to drop the comparing attitude to be able to see things as they are.” (Nithyananda). Start by appreciating the differences. See the benefits of you uniqueness.It is helpful to be reminded that there is no end to comparison, because there is no end to our expectations. Remember the last time you fulfilled a desired goal? Or received something you wanted? What happened to it 4 weeks later? Did you still appreciate it as much?”Mind is that Illusion which shows a tiny mustard seed to be a huge mountain until it is attained, and a mountain to be as insignificant as a mustard seed once it has been attained!
    — Raman Maharshi
  • Find What’s Threatening You? – Ask yourself and see what is it about yourself that you feel is being threatened? What are you insecure about? What are you afraid to lose? What is it that you believe you deserve? Once you understand what this is, decide to overcome this insecurity with a rough plan. See how you can see the situation from a place of abundance rather than scarcity?
  • Write It Out – I’ve always found it helpful to think on paper. By writing down your thoughts, it gives you an opportunity to express yourself, but also lays your options out clearly on paper. It’s like seeing the city from an airplane, you have a clearer vision of the big-picture. Ask yourself “Why do I feel this way?” Write out all your reasons out on paper. Write without editing, jot down anything that comes to mind. You can organize the information later. Once you have all your reasons, write beside each one what you can do about it. Dig deep within yourself, find insight from your uncertainty.
  • Be Realistic – Ask yourself,
    • Is the person really a threat to you? To your relationship? To your business?
    • Is what you are feeling or doing creating any benefits for anyone involved? If it doesn’t feel very good and it’s not helping you, then does it make sense to continue feeling this way?
    • Is there a lesson I can learn here? What is the inspiration I can gain from this situation?

    How do you handle Jealousy? Share your experiences and insights in the comments.