How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

She has dominated her childrens’ lives with little concern for anyones’ feeling but her own. She is now in a wonderful assisted living and her dementia (I think) has illuminated her personality into a person who I can no longer bear to be around. She has again managed to alienate everyone around her with her insults and insensitivity. She is nasty and uncooperative with the aids (who are wonderful) And complains, complains, complains about everyone, everything and blames my sister and myself for the air she breathes. I am sick of her and I don’t want to visit her anymore and don’t feel that my adult children need to be manipulated like I was and be around her negative attitude anymore. I hate feeling obligated to have her at my house as I have every holiday of our lives and force my children to “tolerate” her for my sake. The guilt is unbearable but I feel that now being 60 years old I would like to feel that this person does not dominate my whole life. I would like to have a happy holiday for a change and have my children WANT to come home (without Grandma always there)
There has never been any pleasing her before and now she sends me into bouts of depression that I have a hard time shaking. Am I alone? I feel like a selfish person but I don’t like her now and never did before. The guilt is killing me.

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I would suggest some books on boundaries but those are difficult when dealing with dementia. Thus, I suggest reading the book, Running on Empty, for some healing insights. No you are not alone.

Does your insurance cover you for online counseling? That is available through some.

Thanks Chriscat and NotrydoYoda!
even just the awknowlwdgement helps to know I’m not alone. I definitely have skeletons in the closet that I need help in resolving. I have been in talks with my doctor about seeing a psychologist but they are unfortunately very scarce at the moment with the pandemic. I called and they said they had a 6mth wait and that the one that my doctor had recommended was not available for new people. It really sux putting your hand up for help but feeling like you are just left hanging. But I do understand the current climate. The feelings are overwhelming at the moment and it helps to just talk about it. I don’t have anyone else in my life. Mum never wanted to keep in touch with the extended family and after all I’m in a different country. That’s another thing I find that I resent Mum for, the fact that I have no other person to lean on family wise, she’s cut ties with them all apart from a couple that I don’t have any kind of relationship with. I’ve lost touch with the few good friends I had because well. my life is only work, caring for Mum & sleep.

I’m also suffering from the 2019 passing of my beloved brother who I had a very very close bond with. That alone has its own ptsd, the initial shock as well as seeing the spot (which had not been cleaned up) when the real estate handed me my brothers keys to enter his apartment. He had passed alone and was discovered 4 days after. His passing is what initially caused mums downward spiral.

Welcome to the club of us who have childhood memories that are painful to come right when that parent is declining. Please find yourself a trauma therapist who has heard of complex PTSD. It is the kind of trauma that some people grow up with like us. Your painful memories are not your fault. You can and must for your own well-being find freedom from them. I have tried a regular therapist but they are limited. If you are on Facebook there is a private group for survivors of childhood trauma. They are great. I wish you the best in your journey to freedom.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Older workers are still suffering in the aftermath of the Great Recession. More than half the people aged 50 and older who participated in a recent AARP survey said they had either experienced or witnessed age discrimination in the workplace. Yet four out of five Americans over 50 say that they are going to have to delay their retirement plans and work well into their golden years. These two factors together have created a crisis for baby boomers.

Companies looking to ditch older employees can be creative in the ways they try to avoid age discrimination claims. Here are 11 of their sneakiest ploys.

1. Job elimination. One of the most common excuses used to get rid of older employees is “job elimination.” However, that may just be an excuse for what is really age discrimination. If the company is not really eliminating the job, just changing the title and putting someone younger is your former position, you may have an age discrimination claim.

2. Layoff. The company is supposed to attach to a layoff notice a list of other employees included and excluded from the layoff, along with their ages. Employers can be sneaky about the way they put together these reports. Some will show only select departments or specific job titles, which don’t give the whole picture. More often, they’ll include a few under-40 employees to make the bloodletting look less like age discrimination.

Still, if you are selected for layoff and younger, less-qualified employees at your level are not, you might have an age discrimination claim. If you’re part of a one-person or small “layoff” and you can show that younger people are not being included, then you may be able to prove age discrimination.

3. Suddenly stupid. If, after years of great performance reviews, you’re getting reprimanded for things everyone does, or being nitpicked for things the company didn’t care about before, it’s possible that the company is gearing up for what I call the “suddenly stupid defense.” They’re building a case to get rid of you for poor performance – trying to show a “legitimate reason” other than age for firing you. If you’re being targeted for write-ups when younger employees do the same things and aren’t written up, you may have an age discrimination claim.

4. Threatening your pension. I’ve seen cases where the company threatened that if the employee didn’t retire right away, it would look for ways to go after that worker’s pension. That’s a scary threat, but it may be a hollow one. First of all, few people have what would be considered a “pension” (a lump sum paid out every month). Most people have 401(k)s or similar savings plans that your employer can’t touch.

Your employer may claim that you can lose your right to your vested pension if you’re fired “for cause,” but it’s not that easy. You have appeal rights if they deny your benefits, and you can sue if you aren’t satisfied with the administrator’s decision. If you’re being threatened, it’s time to run speedy-quick to an employment lawyer in your state who handles claims under the Employee Retirement Income Security Act or ERISA – the law governing employee pension plans and other employee benefits.

5. Early retirement. One way employers get rid of older employees is offering a package that includes incentives to take early retirement. Some of these packages are too good to pass up on, so if you are offered one, consider it carefully. If you turn it down, remember you can still be fired at will. However, if the company only fires the older folks, you might have an age discrimination claim. If the early retirement is involuntary, such as when the only alternative offered is being fired, then it probably violates age discrimination laws.

6. Mandatory retirement age. If your employer still has a mandatory retirement age, it’s probably breaking the law. There are exceptions for firefighters and law enforcement. There is also a very limited exemption for employees who are at least 65 years old, who were bona fide executives or high-level policy-makers for their last two years, and who received an immediate nonforfeitable retirement benefit of at least $44,000.

7. Cutting job duties. One way to force older employees out is to cut job duties, limiting your authority and humiliating you with low-level tasks. You may have age an discrimination claim if this happens. So don’t just quit in disgust. (See “Is It Better To Quit Or Get Fired?”)

8. Isolation. Cutting you out of meetings, excluding you from lunches, and sticking you in a cubicle far from the action is another way employers try to get older employees to quit. If only younger employees are being included in activities from which you are excluded, this is evidence of age discrimination.

9. Denying promotions or opportunities for advancement. It’s illegal for an employer to deny you a promotion just because they think you’ll retire soon. Cutting job duties and isolating you are sneaky ways for them to claim you don’t have the experience or qualifications to get a promotion or to advance in the company. If your opportunities are limited after you hit one of those age milestones, it’s time to document what is happening and see whether they are also targeting younger employees for similar treatment.

10. Cutting hours. Another way to put senior employees under duress is to cut hours to the bone. Starving you to death is a way to force you to quit. Here, too, look around and see if older employees are being targeted.

11. Harassment. Cutting hours and job duties, isolating you and assigning menial tasks are all forms of harassment. Other examples of age-based harassment are: calling you the “old man,” or “old lady”; constantly asking when you’re going to retire; saying you’re senile; or making other comments related to age.

Follow the company’s policy for reporting harassment. I suggest you do that in writing. Title this document, “Formal Complaint of Age-Based Harassment and Discrimination.” Describe how you’re being singled out for treatment different than younger coworkers. Note any ageist comments that have been made to you; any other older employees being targeted; and whether there are any witnesses or evidence. Give the company a chance to investigate. If they don’t remedy the situation or if the harassment continues, it might be time to contact an employment lawyer.

If there are signs at work that you’re being targeted because of your age, make sure you document everything. Take steps to protect yourself before it’s too late.

A therapist shares tips for coping if people around you don’t agree on what’s safe as the country slowly reopens.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Discussing concerns about COVID-19 safety with parents can be stressful.

As more people get vaccinated and the country slowly reopens, everyone’s idea of “being COVID-19 -safe” could look different. When it comes to COVID-19 safety , in an ideal world, everyone in your life would be on the same page. But, sadly, that is often not the case. You may feel like you’re safe because you and your friends or family are vaccinated, but what happens when you bring other, unvaccinated people into the mix? Things can get messy, depending on your comfort level.

You might be butting heads with people in the same household because you don’t see eye to eye on face masks , social distancing , vaccines or other issues. Or maybe you have friends and family pressuring you to travel or go to events when that doesn’t feel safe for you.

Either way, in the current state of the world you’re bound to have someone in your life who is just not taking the virus (and the precautions necessary to slow the spread of it) seriously. And while you might feel like you have to avoid them or cut them out of your life until the pandemic is over, there are a few things you can try before resorting to more extreme measures.

Since this is a problem all too many of us (myself included) are dealing with, I asked psychologist and integrative mental health expert Roseann Capanna-Hodge for advice on how to manage this stressful dynamic. Keep reading for her tips on what to do when people around you are not taking the virus seriously.

I went to the hair salon to find out what your next visit might be like

Set boundaries

Especially if you live with people who have disagreements on COVID-19 safety , setting boundaries is essential for your mental and physical well-being. You can set boundaries for what you will talk about and engage with, and what you are willing to physically do with someone who is not taking things seriously.

“Setting a boundary with family members may feel uncomfortable at first, but it is a healthy way to let others know what they can expect from you. When it comes to safety measures, let family members know what your expectations are at your home and when they are around you,” Capanna-Hodge says.

When you let friends and family members know your expectations, it’s likely they will feel confused or even upset at first. But it’s important to communicate your needs and expectations in a way that is respectful but firm.

If you don’t want to spend time around people who don’t want to get the vaccine or don’t wear masks in public, tell that person that you really value them in your life and want to spend time with them, but in order to continue doing that you either need them to wear a mask or you’ll only connect with them over Zoom call if they won’t. Or, if you live with family members who aren’t wearing masks in public, tell them you will keep your distance from them (to the extent you can) while you are both at home.

“You can only control yourself. you can’t control others, so establishing those boundaries helps to protect your mental health and reduce your stress. You don’t have to take responsibility for educating family members on safety measures, and you can take that energy and time and use it for self-care activities such as exercise, breath work, meditation, etc.,” Capanna-Hodge says.

Try to avoid getting angry or using critical language when you bring up concerns.

Leave out the criticism in your conversations

Again, it’s not your responsibility to educate your family members, friends or roommates on safety measures. But if you do want to share information with them or discuss safety measures, you can do so in a way that communicates your concern without criticism.

“When speaking with a loved family member about concerns such as COVID-19, their blood pressure, exercise regime or any health-related topic, it is always best to start from a place of love and support. Ask what you can do to help instead of criticize,” Capanna-Hodge says. When was the last time you felt like doing something someone asked you to if it was delivered in a tone that was condescending or negative?

“Your mom hearing, ‘Mom, would you like me to get you a bunch of disposable masks or a few cloth ones?’ feels a lot better than, ‘You’re going to die if you don’t wear a mask,'” she says.

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It’s also helpful to use “I” statements when talking to friends and family so they understand where you’re coming from. For instance, saying, “Dad, I am worried about your health and so I don’t want to potentially expose you to the virus if I come over,” or, “Hey, I’d love to come to your baby shower, but I don’t want to take the risk that I might get you or someone else sick.”

Remember that some people, especially older people, are resistant to change. So know when it’s time to stop pushing them. “It isn’t your job to preach to others about what they should be doing; you can only control what you are doing,” Capanna-Hodge says. With that in mind, if you still are not comfortable with how your family or friends are dealing with things, you can respectfully decline to spend time with them physically until things are better.

Let them know what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and if that means holding a Zoom call instead of an in-person dinner party, tell them. If they really respect you and want to spend time with you, they will do what it takes to see you — even if it’s not IRL.

The information contained in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as health or medical advice. Always consult a physician or other qualified health provider regarding any questions you may have about a medical condition or health objectives.

If I asked you to identify the biggest asshole in your life right now, how quickly would you be able to come up with a name? Some of us might be able to list three or four assholes with whom we interact on a daily basis, plus all of the anonymous assholes who cut us off in traffic, cut in front of us in line, and otherwise make our lives miserable.

I interviewed Robert Sutton, Stanford business professor and author of The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt, to learn how to identify an asshole, how to deal with assholes, and how to get rid of assholes when necessary.

How to identify an asshole

Want to know how to identify the assholes in your life? Start with your own emotional responses. “You have an asshole problem if you are dealing with somebody who leaves you feeling demeaned, de-energized, disrespected,” Sutton says. “Somebody who makes you feel like dirt.”

The problem is that sometimes our feelings can play tricks on us, and the meta-emotions surrounding issues of workplace and family hierarchy mean that we might be too quick to ascribe assholery to what might otherwise be called assertiveness or boundary-setting. (No, your kids aren’t assholes for not enthusiastically responding to your “how was your day?” interrogation every time they return from school—even though their unwillingness to talk might make you feel like dirt.)

Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day

Don’t ask your kid what happened at school that day. Just don’t.

If you want to be sure that you’re dealing with a true asshole, look for clearly obnoxious behaviors, especially those that are intentionally demeaning or rude. Another good way to tell if someone is an asshole is to ask other people for confirmation: are they interpreting this person’s behavior in the same way you are?

Keep in mind that there’s a difference between a person who occasionally exhibits asshole behavior and a certified asshole. As Sutton explains: “All of us, under the wrong conditions, can be temporary assholes. Certified assholes are people who consistently make people feel like dirt over time.”

There’s also one more reason you might feel like you’re surrounded by assholes: you’re actually the asshole. “You’re treating people like dirt and they’re throwing the shit back,” says Sutton.

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How to deal with assholes

There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy for dealing with assholes. If the assholery is run-of-the-mill, non-abusive stuff (think line cutters, interrupters, those people who make every conversation about themselves or feel obligated to comment on every little thing you do), you might have to grin and bear it—literally.

“Reframe the situation,” Sutton advises, “so it doesn’t touch your soul and it doesn’t upset you quite so much.”

Sutton suggests taking one of five strategies:

  • Don’t take it personally.
  • Decide that you’re going to find the asshole hilarious. (It’s best to keep your amusement to yourself—which is also part of the fun.)
  • Create physical or emotional distance between yourself and the asshole. If you’re sharing a conference room with an asshole, sit as far away from them as possible. If one of your relatives is an asshole on social media, mute or unfollow them so you no longer see (or emotionally respond to) their posts.
  • Tell yourself you’re conducting a psychological study of assholery. Keep a tally of how many times your coworker interrupts someone, or how often your friend’s new significant other dominates the conversation.
  • Be nice to the asshole—as pleasant and unruffled as possible. Don’t react to or otherwise encourage their behavior.
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How to get rid of an asshole

If an asshole is abusive, or if they’re making so many people feel like dirt that it’s causing significant problems, it might be time to get rid of the asshole.

The first step in getting rid of an asshole, Sutton advises, is to consider how much power you have over them. Do you have the power to fire them? Can you stop inviting them to group events or family gatherings? Sometimes it’s relatively easy to remove an asshole from a situation—although it’s never easy to tell someone that they’re being laid off.

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How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Instagram is one of the most popular social networks for lovers of photography and quality images, but it has also become a tool used to remain in contact with our friends and to follow celebrities or topics in which we are interested.

Adding someone in Instagram is very easy; we just have to find the user we’re interested in and follow them so that their posts appear in our feeds. But how to find someone in Instagram? If you do not know where to start, this detailed oneHOWTO article will help.

Finding someone on Instagram is very easy and fast, so it will not take more than a few seconds to find the contact you want to follow. To begin with, you must log in to your Instagram account using your username and password.

Once inside, you must press on the magnifying glass icon to begin searching for users or accounts that you want to follow.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

In the search bar there are different sections. You can choose between people – the right choice when we are trying find someone in Instagramtags – perfect for finding images within your wider interests – and places.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

By tapping on “People” you can then access another search bar where you must type the full name of the person or account you are trying to locate. Because there are so many people with the same or similar names and surnames, the easiest way to find someone in Instagram is through their username. If you know their username, then, do not hesitate to type it as we have done in the image below – all together and in lower case.

If you do not know the username then type the name of the person you are looking for, trying to write it correctly for greater accuracy. Once you have found the right person you can start to follow them.

Note that many people have a Private Instagram profile, so once you start following them the request will be pending until the other person approves it. When they approve it you will receive a notification and you will then be able to access the user profile.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Another way to search for someone on Instagram is through other social networks or by synchronizing our phone contacts, an ideal choice if you are new to Instagram and want to add your friends without the need to search for them one by one.

To do this you must log into your Instagram account and then press the three dots icon in the lower right corner that leads to your profile page. Once there, press the top three dots in an Android phone or the nut on the iPhone to access your profile menu.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

The first three options in your profile settings will allow you to find your friends on Instagram through automated means:

  • Invite Facebook Friends: lets you locate your Facebook contacts with an account on Instagram and follow those who you want to follow.
  • Invite Friends: allows you to send out a direct invitation through WhatsApp, email, etc., to whatever contacts you want.
  • Find Contacts: synchronizes with contacts you have on your phone and tells you who has accounts on Instagram so you can follow them if you wish to.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Don’t have any details of the person you want to find on Instagram at all? You have several options in this case.

Do you know people whom that person may follow on Instagram? Go to their profile and check for any picture’s likes. If the person you want to find is a fan of that account, he/she will probably like many of the pictures. There, you will be able to recognize the person’s picture and username. You can click on it and voilà! Unless the person has a private account you will be able to view their account.

Similarly, if you know what type of hashtags the person tends to use when posting on Instagram, you can browse that particular hashtag to find a picture that person may have posted to find their account.

You can also check out everything there is to know about how to know who visits your Instagram too!

Now that you know how to find someone in Instagram surely you will want to know other tricks that this social network offers, so we invite you to read our articles:

If you want to read similar articles to How to Find Someone in Instagram, we recommend you visit our Internet category.

If your previously sweet little boy has hit his ninth birthday and turned into a raging emotional mess, complete with temper tantrums, back talk and snotty behavior, you might be wondering where you’ve gone wrong. While much of this behavior goes with the age, you certainly can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away. Instead, determine what’s causing the behavior problems and develop a few strategies that motivate your son to use appropriate manners and tone of voice, as well as follow the rules. It’ll take some time, but consistent discipline will most likely get him back on track.

Behavior Problems

The type of behavior problems your 9-year-old displays depend largely on your house rules, but most boys this age display a set of behaviors that are universal. Your son isn’t the only one acting up. Nine-year-old boys thrive on obnoxious behavior, which can include crude talk and potty humor, as well as screaming, yelling and stomping off in a huff. They also dislike not getting their way, which can lead to belligerent behavior back talk. If your 9-year-old isn’t behaving the way you want, getting to the bottom of the cause is the first step in getting rid of the offending behaviors.

Causes

Boys this age are starting to become more independent from their parents, according to Louise Bates Ames and Carol Chase Haber, authors of “Your Nine Year Old: Thoughtful and Mysterious.” That means they naturally assume they should have more freedom to do whatever they want 2. In less common instances, an underlying medical or mental disorder, such as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, can lead to bad behavior, according to MayoClinic.com 3. For example, boys with attention deficit disorder often lack the self-control necessary to rein in disruptive and impulsive behavior. If your son has a hard time seeing the board, he might act up at school because he doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to be doing. If you suspect a medical problem, speak with your son’s doctor to determine what could be behind his behavior.

Solution

Once you’ve pinpointed what’s causing your 9-year-old to misbehave, create a discipline plan that will help him change the way he acts. Sit your son down and explicitly explain your rules. Let him ask questions and make suggestions. If he feels that he’s part of the process, he’s far more likely to follow the rules. Outline consequences, too. Your son needs to know what will happen if he chooses to break the rules, the KidsHealth website reports 1. Come up with an incentive plan, as well. You might award him points when he makes good choices and allow him to cash in his points for special privileges, such as an extra few minutes of television or a trip to a nearby skate park. Praise his good behavior, too. When you focus on what he’s doing right, he’ll enjoy the positive attention and strive to keep impressing you.

Tips and Considerations

The key to seeing good behavior is consistency, according to Ames and Haber. When you consistently reinforce the rules, your son will begin to realize that you mean business. Make the consequences unpleasant, as well, to really drive that message home. For example, if you son adores video games, take them away as a consequence. When the consequence hurts, your son is more likely to change his behavior. Hand down the consequence as soon as your son gets into trouble, as well, because that’s when it’ll mean the most, Ames and Haber suggest. If your son’s behavior won’t change no matter what you try, set up an appointment with his doctor. His pediatrician has the resources to help you develop a new plan, as well as to run certain tests that could explain why your son isn’t behaving.

Avoid cultural conflict by avoiding stereotypes when negotiating across cultures

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How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

After losing an important deal in India, a business negotiator learned that her counterpart felt as if she had been rushing through the talks. The business negotiator thought she was being efficient with their time. Their cultures have different views on how to conduct negotiations, and in this case, the barrier prevented a successful outcome. In this useful cross cultural conflict negotiation example, we explore what this negotiator could have done differently to improve her negotiation skills.

Research shows that dealmaking across cultures tends to lead to worse outcomes as compared with negotiations conducted within the same culture. The reason is primarily that cultures are characterized by different behaviors, communication styles, and norms. As a result, when negotiating across cultures, we bring different perspectives to the bargaining table, which in turn may result in potential misunderstandings. Misunderstandings can lead to a lower likelihood of exploring and discovering integrative, or value-creating, solutions. Let’s talk about the main causes of cross cultural negotiation failure.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Claim your FREE copy: The New Conflict Management

In our FREE special report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School – The New Conflict Management: Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies to Avoid Litigation – renowned negotiation experts uncover unconventional approaches to conflict management that can turn adversaries into partners.

Cultural conflict in negotiations tends to occur for two main reasons. First, it’s fairly common when confronting cultural differences, for people to rely on stereotypes. Stereotypes are often pejorative (for example Italians always run late), and they can lead to distorted expectations about your counterpart’s behavior as well as potentially costly misinterpretations. You should never assume cultural stereotypes going into a negotiation.

Instead of relying on stereotypes, you should try to focus on prototypes—cultural averages on dimensions of behavior or values. There is a big difference between stereotypes and prototypes.

For example, it is commonly understood that Japanese negotiators tend to have more silent periods during their talks than, say, Brazilians. That said, there is still a great deal of variability within each culture—meaning that some Brazilians speak less than some Japanese do.

Thus, it would be a mistake to expect a Japanese negotiator you have never met to be reserved. But if it turns out that a negotiator is especially quiet, you might better understand her behavior and change your negotiating approach in light of the prototype. In addition, awareness of your own cultural prototypes can help you anticipate how your counterpart might interpret your bargaining behavior. It’s not just about being aware of their culture, but also how yours might be viewed.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Claim your FREE copy: The New Conflict Management

In our FREE special report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School – The New Conflict Management: Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies to Avoid Litigation – renowned negotiation experts uncover unconventional approaches to conflict management that can turn adversaries into partners.

A second common reason for cross-cultural misunderstandings is that we tend to interpret others’ behaviors, values, and beliefs through the lens of our own culture. To overcome this tendency, it is important to learn as much as you can about the other party’s culture. This means not only researching the customs and behaviors of different cultures but also by understanding why people follow these customs and exhibit these behaviors in the first place.

Just as important, not only do countries have unique cultures, but teams and organizations do, too. Before partaking in any negotiation, you should take the time to study the context and the person on the other side of the bargaining table, including the various cultures to which he belongs—whether the culture of France, the culture of engineering, or his particular company’s corporate culture. The more you know about the client, the better off you will do in any negotiation.

In this cross cultural conflict negotiation example, we see that the negotiator has learned after the fact that her Indian counterpart would have appreciated a slower pace with more opportunities for relationship building. She seems to have run into the second issue: Using time efficiently in the course of negotiations is generally valued in the United States, but in India, there is often a greater focus on building relationships early in the process. By doing research on the clients cultural prototypes, they can adjust their negotiation strategy and give themselves a better chance at creating a valuable negotiation experience for both themselves and their counterpart.

As this business negotiator has observed, cultural differences can represent barriers to reaching an agreement in negotiation. But remember that differences also can be opportunities to create valuable agreements. This suggests that cross-cultural conflict negotiations may be particularly rife with opportunities for counterparts to capitalize on different preferences, priorities, beliefs, and values.

Related Article: Dealing with Difficult People – The Right Way to Regulate Emotion – Knowing how to correctly project emotion at the bargaining table is a negotiation skill that the best negotiators have mastered. How do emotions change negotiation strategy and what negotiating skills and negotiation tactics can bargainers use involving emotions at the negotiation table? This article offers some negotiation skills advice and bargaining tips based on negotiation research.

Do you have any advice on how to solve cultural conflict? What experiences have you had that might help our other readers? We would love to hear from you.

Adapted from “Dear Negotiation Coach: Crossing Cultures in Negotiation,” by Francesca Gino (Associate Professor, Harvard Business School), first published in the Negotiation newsletter, September 2013.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

Claim your FREE copy: The New Conflict Management

In our FREE special report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School – The New Conflict Management: Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies to Avoid Litigation – renowned negotiation experts uncover unconventional approaches to conflict management that can turn adversaries into partners.

How to handle older relatives who have lost their filter

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably dealt with your fair share of tantrums, meltdowns and freak-outs. Emotional regulation is a skill we all have to learn, and some kids take longer to master self-control than others. But how do you know when your child’s aggressive or violent behavior is not just part of their learning curve, but is getting out of hand? And what can you do to help?

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Do most kids act out like this?

It’s all about knowing what’s developmentally appropriate. “We generally expect toddlers to experience some aggressive behaviors,” says pediatric psychologist Emily Mudd, PhD.

“At this stage, kids tend to resort to physical expressions of their frustration, simply because they don’t yet have the language skills to express themselves. For example, pushing a peer on the playground could be considered typical. We wouldn’t necessarily call that aggression unless it was part of a pattern.”

How do you recognize true aggression?

By the time a child is old enough to have the verbal skills to communicate his or her feelings — around age 7 — physical expressions of aggression should taper off, she says.

If that’s not happening, it’s time to be concerned, especially if your child is putting himself or others in danger, or is regularly damaging property.

Watch for warning signs that your child’s behavior is having a negative impact:

  • Struggling academically.
  • Having difficulty relating to peers.
  • Frequently causing disruptions at home.

“These warning signs are cause for concern and should not be ignored,” she says.

Your child’s behavior may have an underlying cause that needs attention. ADHD, anxiety, undiagnosed learning disabilities and autism can all create problems with aggressive behavior.

“Whatever the cause, if aggressive behavior impacts your child’s day-to-day functioning, it’s time to seek help,” Dr. Mudd says.

Start by talking with your pediatrician. If necessary, he or she can refer you to a mental health professional to diagnose and treat problems that may cause aggression.

What can parents do to help their child?

Dr. Mudd recommends these strategies for helping your child tame his or her aggression:

  1. Stay calm. “When a child is expressing a lot of emotion, and the parents meet that with more emotion, it can increase the child’s aggression,” she says. Instead, try to model emotional regulation for your child.
  2. Don’t give in to tantrums or aggressive behavior. For example, if your child is having a tantrum at the grocery store because she wants a particular cereal, don’t give in and buy it. This is rewarding, and reinforces the inappropriate behavior.
  3. Catch your child being good. Reward good behavior, even when your child isn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. If dinnertime is problem-free, say, “I really like how you acted at dinner.” Treats and prizes aren’t necessary. Recognition and praise are powerful all on their own.
  4. Help kids learn to express themselves by naming emotions. For example, you may say “I can tell you’re really angry right now.” This validates what your child is feeling and encourages verbal, instead of physical, expression.
  5. Know your child’s patterns and identify triggers. Do tantrums happen every morning before school? Work on structuring your morning routine. Break down tasks into simple steps, and give time warnings, such as “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” Set goals, such as making it to school on time four days out of five. Then reward your child when he or she meets those goals.
  6. Find appropriate rewards. Don’t focus on financial or material goals. Instead, try rewards like half an hour of special time with mom or dad, choosing what the family eats for dinner, or selecting what the family watches for movie night.

If your child is struggling with self-control, incorporating these strategies into your parenting should help you rein in those behaviors.

If the situation seems unmanageable, remember that you’re not the only one struggling with your child’s behavior. Pediatric psychologists are adept at helping children and families solve emotional and behavioral problems. Ask your pediatrician for the names of mental health professionals in your area.