How to talk to a boy you admire from afar

When a man looks for you, it is because something attracts him to you. The love between two people always begins with a look. Attraction is one reason why a man looks at a woman from afar. If that man does not speak to you, it may be because of insecurity or because he is not sure what he wants.

The eyes express a lot of what we feel and when we see something that we like we immediately look at it. He’s curious about you, that’s the main reason a man stares at you over and over again.

Not all a man’s looks are the same and not all of them express the same thing. But if you look at the whole of his body language you can see more clearly what encourages him to look at you.

Let’s see why a man looks at you so much, what he wants, what it means, and why he doesn’t talk to you.

1.- What a man’s gaze really says is expressed by his body language

Look at their body gestures to know what it means when a boy you don’t know looks at you a lot from afar. If you only focus on his gaze, you can be fooled. See if he stands with his feet apart, if he fixes himself, etc.

To find out why a man looks at a woman from afar, observe the unconscious gestures of her body. If he smiles every time you appear, if his body turns towards you, etc., it is very likely that he likes you.

2.- To know why a man stares at you, observe his way of speaking

How do you feel his voice when he speaks to you? It can be aggressive, warm, cold, or distant. That man looks at you and talks to you in a way and you can feel if he is interested in you or not. Be very objective at this point, don’t get your hopes up.

If that boy makes you curious, give him the opportunity to talk to you so that he can express the true reason for his looks. Maybe you need a little more confidence to express yourself without being betrayed by nerves.

3.- To know what it means when a boy looks you in the eyes a lot …

See if her emotional state changes when you approach or talk to her. If he likes you, he can get nervous. If he is speaking with several people, when speaking to you he changes his gesture and tone of voice.

Nerves can give away because a man looks at a woman from a distance. You have to be a good observer. Obviously all this you are going to do only if you like that man.

4.- One reason why he only looks at you from afar maybe just curiosity

It may be that he likes you, but not so much that he will come over and start a conversation. Or it may be someone with little confidence and lack of confidence. If you like it, be kind to your look, smile.

If he is a stranger and only looks at your eyes, it may be just curiosity. But if he repeatedly looks at other parts of your body it is obvious that he is interested in you as a woman.

5.- When a man looks at you a lot, thinking that you don’t realize it

When a man looks you up and down while you are not looking directly at him, he likes you. He likes you if he does it repeatedly. And if you like it too, don’t expect him to take the initiative.

Another reason why a man looks at a woman from afar is that he likes her but is not confident. Not all men have enough confidence or practice to approach a girl they like.

6.- How a man looks at you when he likes you: He is very persistent

Wherever there is a woman there will always be men watching. But only when a man looks persistently can you tell that he is attracted. Besides, that look has to be something stupid.

When a man feels that a woman is the one he looks at her as hypnotized, he has a silly look. All it takes is a bit of confidence for him to speak to you.

7.- A man’s glances at a woman can be intermittent

Not all men fall in love with a girl just by looking at her. Many need to know you, to know your tastes and values. If they sometimes look at you and sometimes they don’t, they like your beauty, but not so much.

8.- It can be your best friend in love staring you in the eyes

Many love relationships begin with a great friendship. Sometimes your best friend can be in love and not realize it. But if you catch him looking at you with obvious tenderness, he obviously loves you.

9.- If a man stares at you from afar without looking away …

The love of your life is not necessarily going to be brave and enterprising. Another reason why a man looks at a woman from afar without looking away is that he is attracted to you. He is attracted by your beauty and looks for an opportunity.

10.- Because a man does not look a woman in the eye: He is very insecure

There are men who look at a woman from afar, but not exactly in the eyes. Even when you give them confidence and they are close they do not look you in the eye. He may be an insecure man or lacking insincerity.

11.- There are men who look at a girl from afar and get very serious

The seriousness in a man when he looks at a girl is due to the difficulty of managing his emotions. Those emotions can be to like but feel short, or they can be to dislike. Look for other signs to know exactly what you want.

12.- A man looks you in the eye from afar and always with a smile

Another reason why a man looks at a woman from afar and smiles at her is that he likes her a lot. He may feel in love, but he still needs to know your way of being, preferences, and values.

13.- Because a man looks at you a lot and doesn’t talk to you: Maybe he’s shy

What does it mean if you stare into my eyes, but don’t speak to me? That makes a very shy person, but so does a resentful person. For greater certainty, you have to observe other signs.

14.- What can you do if a boy looks at you from afar repeatedly

If you like the guy and he’s a bit shy, take the initiative. Going for the man you like is an act of love towards yourself. Show the best of you, your love, and good humor.

Don’t try to pretend to be someone else to please, just keep smiling and highlight your beauty. Even when a boy likes you, it is important that you work on your self-esteem to make him fall in love even more.

In short … what does it mean when a guy looks at you a lot but doesn’t talk to you.

Reasons why a man looks at a woman from afar and does not speak to her

1.- What a man’s gaze really says is expressed by his body language
2.- To know why a man stares at you, observe his way of speaking
3.- To know what it means when a boy looks you in the eyes a lot …
4.- One reason why he only looks at you from afar maybe just curiosity
5.- When a man looks at you a lot, believing that you don’t realize it
6.- How a man looks at you when he likes you: He is very persistent
7.- A man’s glances at a woman can be intermittent
8.- It can be your best friend in love staring into your eyes
9.- If a man stares at you from afar without looking away …
10.- Because a man doesn’t look at eyes to a woman: He is very insecure
11.- There are men who look at a girl from afar and get very serious
12.- A man looks you in the eye from afar and always with a smile
13.- Because a man looks at you a lot and does not speak to you: Maybe it’s shy
14.- What can you do if a boy looks at you from afar repeatedly

Not all men are expressive, outgoing, some are shy. If a shy guy likes you, don’t expect any prominence, he will simply look at you in silence. Many times you won’t even notice it.

What it means when a guy looks at you a lot but doesn’t talk to you is that he can be very shy. A shy person has a hard time expressing his or her emotions and just wants to go unnoticed.

  • He looks at you a lot from afar maybe because he doesn’t know how to talk to you

Why does a man look at you a lot and not talk to you? He may be very closed to new friendships. Maybe he grew up in a family with few friends and hasn’t had any examples of people meeting new people.

There are people who grow up with very low self-esteem and are afraid to make decisions. It could also be that you’re not his type and he just looks at you sometimes as if you’re curious or because you’re always there.

  • They just stare at you from afar, maybe out of fear of rejection

Making decisions when you are afraid of ridicule is very difficult. The easiest thing in this case is to stay in the marguen, making it easier to watch. So, what does it mean when a kid looks at you a lot but doesn’t talk to you?

Some men solve their fear of rejection by being jokers. But maybe he likes you so much that he feels too short even for jokes. If you like that guy, give him a little confidence.

  • If the guy you like has low self-esteem, don’t expect him to take the initiative.

Why does a man look at me so much but not even talk to me? He may have very high taste in women but he doesn’t feel “enough”. He sees you so wonderful and admires you, but he doesn’t feel up to you.

For a person with low self-esteem, the woman he likes is always far away. She would like to hold you in her arms, but does not feel capable of taking risks. He convinces himself that he is not enough and doesn’t talk to you.

  • The reason he looks at you may be because you remind him of someone

There are many kinds of looks from a man to a woman and not all of them mean that he likes you. You might remind him of someone and he can’t help but look at you. He doesn’t want to bother you, just follow his curiosity.

You don’t necessarily remind him of someone he loves. He might see some resemblance to a character he admires. A singer, a teacher, etc. As long as he doesn’t talk to you, you can’t know his motivations.

  • What does it mean when a boy looks at you a lot? He only admires feminine beauty

There are many men who admire the beauty of a woman, but do not necessarily fall in love. In this case, what does it mean when a guy looks at you a lot but doesn’t talk to you? He considers you a lucky woman.

But he may have other plans. It is not his moment to want to know you, but he cannot stop admiring you. That’s why he doesn’t talk to you. He just stops for a moment to admire you.

  • He likes how you lead your life with optimism and how you manage every day

When a man stares into your eyes and smiles, he doesn’t necessarily like you as a woman. He may like your way of facing life, your attitude. And he admires you for it.

You may have a very feminine anatomy and that’s what he admires. Maybe you go to the gym and you have a beautifully toned body and it catches his eye. But he doesn’t think about anything else and doesn’t talk to you.

  • When a man looks at you up and down you may feed his fantasies

Not all men who stare at you are single. That man can be a poet, a writer or a songwriter and you simply inspire him. Not every man who looks at you has to talk to you.

Another thing is that you also like that man and you would like him to talk to you. But if you like him, you have to go to him and talk to him. Remember that relationships are built between two people equally.

  • He may like you but he wants a woman with initiative in his life

What does it mean when a boy looks at you a lot but doesn’t talk to you? He can be a man who knows what he wants in love. He is no longer there to waste time and now he wants a woman with a lot of initiative.

When he simply looks at you and arouses your curiosity, he is testing you. He may want a lifelong partner who is capable of taking initiative. She wants to build a good home between two.

  • If she looks at you a lot and doesn’t talk to you, she may want to ask you a favor.

That man who looks at you a lot but doesn’t talk to you may be a neighbor who wants to order something from you, but he feels sorry for him. It could be a person who has just come to live in the area and has no acquaintances.

He doesn’t know if he should talk to you, so he just looks at you. You imagine things with that look but you never get it right. The best thing you can do is go to him and ask him with all due respect.

Updated on April 16, 2021

13 Signs An Introvert Likes You

Table of Contents

How do introvert guys flirt?

Talking is not something introverts like to do a lot. They would rather listen and keep nodding. They observe and absorb but they wouldn’t want to be heard a lot. But if he talking to you about this and that then it’s an absolute sign the introvert is interested in you and is even flirting with you.

Do shy guys flirt?

Yeah if he’s shy he probably won’t flirt much if at all. One thing you could look out for is for him to be looking at you, then immediately look away as soon as you look back at him. Some shy guys will do that if they think you’re pretty. … Shy guys (Like me) won’t flirt in the way you normally think of flirting.

How do you know if a guy likes you but is scared?

Another sign that someone is nervous is if their acting hyper or weird. So if your man is acting a little hyper and telling weird jokes, keep in mind that he is just nervous because he likes you. Once he starts feeling more comfortable, he’ll come around and start acting normal again.

What are the 4 types of introverts?

According to psychologist, Jonathan Cheek, who teaches personality psychology at Wellesley College, there are 4 types of introverts — social, thinking, anxious and restrained. Cheek further argues that many introverts are actually a combination of all of the 4 types — instead of identifying as just one of the types.

Do introverts fall in love easily?

Do Introverts Fall In Love Easy? Well, yes and no. Introverts, like any other personality type, fall in love at a pace that is subjective to each individual. However introverts, unlike extroverts and ambiverts, don’t share how they feel with everyone around them.

Do introverts cheat?

Extroverts are less likely to go along with the influence of others. Research shows that introverts are actually more likely to cheat because they’re more likely to agree to someone propositioning them. So even if he’s always out there meeting new people, you actually might be safer.

Should I text an introvert first?

Having a more patient approach towards texting an introvert is the key. … This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t text at all because, as mentioned before, introverts appreciate your texts. If anything, they don’t want you to stop texting them first, even though they won’t always respond.

Do introverts get jealous?

If an introvert is jealous, they are more naturally inclined to internalize the green monster. Instead of being outward and upfront about it, they may admire you from afar and copy your work or lifestyle. Ludwig states that extreme copying reveals the individual’s low self-esteem and inferiority complex.

What do introverts hate?

They dislike small talk and would rather say nothing than something they feel is insignificant. Although introverts are quiet, they will talk incessantly if they’re interested in the topic. They also dislike being interrupted when they talk, or when they’re working on some project.

Do shy guys ignore their crush?

Shy guys are more likely to ignore you than to actually talk to you. … Usually, shy guys don’t know or feel really nervous when it comes to talking to their crush, making a good first impression on them, etc. or simply, they really don’t know what to say to their crush.

Are introverts romantic?

Introverts often find themselves in romantic relationships with extroverts, despite their fundamental differences in temperament. Perhaps it’s because they balance each other out. Introverts (or “innies”) ― who gain energy by spending time alone ― are drawn to extroverts because of their easy-breezy social nature.

Do girls like shy guys?

Shy guys are typically considered great listeners when it comes to romantic relationships. That is another reason why girls might find you irresistible despite your inability to approach them. So, don’t always fight it – being quiet and reserved could serve as a bonus for you.

How do introverts flirt?

Introverts show you that they like you, rather than telling you – this is how introverts flirt. Introverts won’t engage in small talk, use pickup lines, or have a particular flirting style that they stick to.

How do shy guys show affection?

How does a shy guy show his love? Shy men show their love by doing what pleases you, even if it deviates from their norm or makes them a little uncomfortable. You may find him mingling more with your social circle, trying new things with you, and talking to you often.

How do you tell if a guy has strong feelings for you?

24 Clear Signs Your Ex-Boyfriend Still Has Feelings For You

He puts your hair behind your ear, so he can have a better look at your smiley face. He pulls you close when he feels endearment towards you because of something you’ve said. He will hug you and kiss you often, and it will be intense.

Do guys pull away when they catch feelings?

Some men pull away the moment they realize that they’re developing real feelings for you. … When you recognize someone that you really like — someone who makes you feel comfortable and good — it’s normal to want to latch on. This often happens without you even realizing it, but it changes your vibe.

What are introverts good at?

Introverts are usually better listeners.

The “quiet ones” really do tend to listen and consider the ideas and feelings of others. In conversation, they may take mental notes and focus intently on what the other person is trying to express — as opposed to simply waiting for their chance to speak.

Are introverts attractive?

Introverts know what they like and don’t like. They are deeply connected with their values and know what they want to get out of life. Such strong self confidence makes one more attractive, sophisticated, and desirable.

What does an introvert want in a relationship?

We want quality time with you.

“When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person’s life, but to keep up with what’s inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings,” writes Laurie Helgoe in Introvert Power.

Do introverts get angry easily?

Angry Introverts are in a sensitive state, and they can easily become overstimulated by too much social contact. Interestingly, Introverts won’t usually respond to their anger by leaving altogether.

How to talk to a boy you admire from afar

If you’re single, striking up a conversation with a guy or girl you don’t know can seem really daunting. Actually, it can seem really daunting whether you’re single or not, but if you’re single and on the prowl, the desire to do so greatly increases. It can strike at any time: at a reading, at a coffee shop, on the subway, on the street. Although it’s true that opening your mouth and saying something absolutely sets you up for the possibility of rejection, it also sets you up for the possibility of a fun conversation. And maybe a date. You never know. It’s a risk, but there’s actually nothing to lose, so — why not?

I remember this first dawned on me when I was single, and I was at a restaurant with a friend. I kept looking at this guy because he looked just like a dude I knew in high school, and I was trying to figure out if it was him. He wound up coming over and talking to me, and I was so convinced that it was this other guy that I was like, “Thomas??” He was like, “It’s Marcello!” And then he turned out to be a weirdo and hit on me. But no worry. I came away from this experience with the realization that it’s all about getting a conversation started. Once it starts, if there’s attraction and chemistry, the conversation will take care of itself and continue on a natural route, as certain conversations are wont to do. If it’s not a good fit, it might be awkward for a moment, but then you can continue on your merry way. So, here are a few possible spots where you might meet an eligible bachelor(ette), and if/when you do, some suggestions as to how to break the proverbial ice. When all else fails, pretend like you recognize the person and be like, “Marcello??”

1. At a reading:

If you know any of the people reading, you can turn to the person you’re into and ask if they know the writer you know as well. If it’s an event where you know no one, you can casually ask them what their favorite book or article by the writer you came to hear is. Remember: It’s just about opening your mouth!

2. At a coffee shop:

If your crush is a barista or waiter at your local haunt, this is tricky, because you don’t want to embarrass yourself and not be able to frequent this spot any more. You probably don’t want to be so brash as to scrawl your number on the bottom of your receipt and write, in big block letters, “Call me!” But there are ways to finesse the situation, and finesse you should do. Ask if they’re doing anything fun this weekend, and see if there’s anything in there that you have in common. If they mention they’re going for a long bike ride and you’re into bikes, you could mention you’ve been looking for people to bike with and ask if they’d like to take a spin sometime. If they’re like, “Nah,” no harm, no foul. You can still order a double macchiato with a straight face.

If we’re talking just a rando with long eyelashes who’s chilling at the next table over, assess the situation. Are they reading a book you’ve read? Tell them you’ve read the same book, and ask if they’ve gotten to your favorite part (without any plot spoilers, obviously). If they’re reading something you’ve never read, never fear: You can ask what it is, because it looks so interesting. It’s all about finding an in.

3. At yoga class:

If it’s your yoga teacher, proceed with the same caution you’d take with your barista, because we all know it’s hard to replace a favorite yoga class. In fact, I’d go with the same technique I’d take with the barista as well: Strike up a conversation, find something you have in common, and see if they’d like to have it a little more in common sometime soon. An added bonus: You already know they love yoga, so you could tell them about a particular class you like or you heard about at another yoga studio, and see if perhaps they’d like to check it out with you sometime. This is all about giving the other person the opportunity to say yes. If they’re not down, they’ll politely say no. But they might be down! You never know.

4. On public transportation:

The best route: Compliment their shirt/backpack/sneakers/nail polish color/whatever. A compliment is a sneaky way to start a conversation, because everyone loves to be told they look good. From there, you can ask where they got their item of clothing or accessory. If they’re not interested in having a conversation, they will politely answer your questions and stop talking. If they’re into it, they’ll ask you something or the conversation will continue to unfold organically.

If they’re reading a book, you can also try the above-mentioned coffee shop book technique.

5. At a bar or a party:

Good news: Most single people at bars and parties want to meet other single people, so half the battle is already won. It can still feel like a tall order to shimmy up to some hot stranger and say, “Sup?” But really, that’s all there is to it. Speaking from personal experience, sometimes it’s as simple as asking a person what they’re doing as they take snapshots of the moon with their best friend on a roof.

6. On an airplane:

This is actually a lot easier than you might think. If you’re sitting near someone you find attractive, ask them to help you with your carry-on luggage, or where they got their suitcase, or what they were doing or will be doing in L.A./Tokyo/Milan, or if they have any extra Xanax (joke). People are bored on planes. If they’re game for a conversation, they’ll bite back. If not, small talk will peter out and you can put on your headphones and enjoy the ride.

7. On the street:

If they have a dog, you’re in. Ask if you can pet the dog, ask the dog’s name, breed, age, etc. Even if the person turns out to be a bust, you get to pet a dog, so this is a serious win-win situation. If the dog is cuddly, your day has already improved. If the person is talkative, even better.

If they have no dog, but are holding a beverage, you could ask where they got it. When I moved to my neighborhood, I’d see strangers walking by with coffees and thought maybe I’d ask them where the coffee came from, since I couldn’t figure out where the coffee shops were at first. (They just turned out to all be at least a five minute walk away.) I actually didn’t ask, because I figured it out and I didn’t really want to start up a conversation with any of them, but if I had wanted to talk to one of them, I would’ve had something to say.

Worst case scenario: no dog, no drink. In this case, approaching a person walking down the street is pretty much impossible, which brings me to my final point: You don’t have to throw yourself at everyone. If the time is right and the connection is there, it’ll happen. Sometimes being single is about summoning your courage, opening your mouth, and not being attached to the outcome. But sometimes it’s just about admiring someone from afar and knowing that sometimes other people admire you from afar, and there’s a certain magic and mystery to that.

Images: Angie Chung/Flickr; WiffleGif (7)

It happens all the time. Girl sees boy across the room. Boy isn’t sure if girl likes him, and girl is too shy to say anything. They admire each other from afar when the other isn’t watching and then leave, going their separate ways always wondering.

Not anymore. You don’t have to be brazenly forward to catch your man, but you also don’t have to sit back wishing and praying that he approaches you.

Here’s how to get him to come to you (without having to utter a word) by doing some eye contact flirting.

1. Glance at Him Briefly and Smile

When you first notice the guy you want to catch, be calm, and be short about it. This isn’t the time for an all-out staring contest. Make eye contact with him for about three seconds, smile, look down shyly, and then turn away.

First, you’ve piqued his interest. He now knows that you’ve noticed him. However, he doesn’t know what you’re thinking yet. It could have been a friendly glance, it could have been a small, hesitant flirt. He has no idea, but he’s curious.

2. Watch Him from the Corner of Your Eye

For a little while, maybe five or ten minutes, watch him out of the corner of your eye and see how often he looks at you. Don’t let him see you watching him, just be cool and continue your conversation with your friends. If he looks at you more than twice, you have the green light to continue.

3. Glance up at Him as You’re Laughing

How to talk to a boy you admire from afar

After you’ve seen him look at you a couple of times, make sure that you and your friends are having a good time and that you can look up at him as you’re laughing. When a guy sees you laughing it gives him the impression that you’re approachable and he’ll feel less “threatened” when he goes to make a move. Happy is ALWAYS attractive.

As you’re laughing, glance up at him. Make sure you give him a “personal” smile before you look away. In other words, stop laughing, continue smiling, and make sure he knows that you just smiled especially for him. This will let him know you definitely noticed him!

4. When He Smiles Back, Give Him “The Look”

If he’s interested, he will smile back. Men who are with their buddies and not looking for a date, men who are gay, men who have girlfriends who would murder them, and men who are otherwise NOT interested will not smile back (unless it’s a quick “smile and look away” out of politeness).

However, when he has been watching you as well, and he smiles back at you, give him “the look.” You know, a sexy, curved grin and a flirtatious “look up and then down and then up at him again” glance. Oh yeah, he definitely knows you’re into him now.

5. Wait a Little While

Continue as you were. Keep laughing and joking with your friends and having a good time. Every now and again look up at him and smile sweetly, but don’t be overzealous about it. Make sure he sees you glancing at him, but don’t stare. It’ll freak him out if you stare (and it’ rude).

6. As You Get Up to Leave, Make Sure He Notices

How to talk to a boy you admire from afar

I cannot stress this enough: Make sure he sees you leave. Don’t slip out with your friends while he’s at the bar getting another drink, or when he’s in the restroom; make sure he sees you leave. If he doesn’t see you get up and go, he’ll wonder what happened. More importantly, he won’t be able to get your number or know how to find you.

7. Smile and Watch Him as You Walk Out the Door

Just in case your guy is a little dense (and I’ll admit, I’ve met some pretty dense men in my day). Not only do you need to make sure he sees you walk out the door, but you need to make sure you look at him one more time as you go. I actually made this mistake the other night at a pizzeria. There was a guy in the corner locking eyes with me all night, and I was hoping he would approach me, but I got distracted with the girls and left without looking back. Rookie mistake. You have to make sure he sees you looking at him as you leave, so that he’s definitely aware you’re interested.

8. Wait and See if He Follows

If, for some unfathomable reason, your guy didn’t notice you giving him “the look” and hasn’t built up the nerve to come and follow you, you can try one last time to get him in gear. As you look at him, raise one eyebrow questioningly. If he doesn’t take the hint that you’re trying to get his attention, then you don’t need him anyway. He’s obviously very shy or very dense (both can be extremely problematic).

However, if your guy takes notice and does (finally) approach you, then it’s time to give him the real test. Sit down and have another drink with your friends, but this time ask him to join you. Get to know him a little before you give out your phone number (he might be gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean he’s not creepy).

It can be difficult to catch a man’s attention without openly talking to him. Have you ever given a guy “the look” or caught his interest with your eyes? If so, how did it turn out?

This article was co-authored by Alessandra Conti. Alessandra Conti is a Celebrity Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and Co-Founder of Matchmakers In The City, a personal Matchmaking firm headquartered in Los Angeles, California. Alessandra is a Matchmaker behind MTV’s, “Are You The One”, and is the go-to Celebrity Matchmaker for shows like NBC’s Access Hollywood, and CBS’s Face The Truth. Her dating and relationship advice has been featured on Forbes, Elite Daily, The New Yorker, The LA Times, and Fox News. For nearly 10 years, Alessandra has worked with clients ranging from celebrities to young professionals and leads a team of matchmakers responsible for hundreds of marriages through their knowledge of interpersonal relationships, body language, and lie detection. She holds a BA in Communications from American University and is a Matchmaking Institute Certified Matchmaker (CMM).

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Do you want a guy to be completely crazy about you, the way you are about him? While you can’t force someone to feel a certain way, you can definitely put your best foot forward and give his feelings a chance to develop. Here are some helpful hints on how to charm a guy, while still being true to yourself.

How to talk to a boy you admire from afar

Highlight your value — and don’t ask to meet for coffee.

We all have professional idols we’d like to meet. Sometimes we might luck into getting to say hello at a conference or having a mutual friend who can introduce us. But often they remain out of reach. Here are four strategies you can try to connect with high-profile strangers: 1) Establish your credibility up front to show that the interaction will be worth their time. 2) Identify a way to offer value. 3) Highlight what makes you interesting (even if it’s not directly relevant to their work). 4) Make it clear that you have no expectations.

Highlight your value — and don’t ask to meet for coffee.

We all have professional idols we’d like to meet. Sometimes we might luck into getting to say hello at a conference or having a mutual friend who can introduce us. But often, despite our suspicions that we have a lot in common with and could even be friends with our heroes, they remain out of reach.

I’ve been on both sides of the equation. Readers have emailed me about wanting to connect, and I’ve done my share of approaching people I admire without seeming like a groupie or a stalker. I’ve found four strategies to be effective in connecting with high-profile strangers, even without the benefit of a warm introduction.

Establish your credibility. When you send a networking request, it’s important to immediately set yourself apart as someone worth knowing. For instance, when I recently wrote to a prominent film director, I started the note by citing our shared alumni affiliation and — because I wanted to inquire about adapting one of his films into a musical — mentioning the prominent shows that had been created by graduates of the musical theater workshop I’m in. He responded, expressed interest in talking further, and noted that a composer friend had told him that “many exciting works have come out of this program.” By establishing your credibility up front, you make it clear that the interaction will be fruitful.

Offer value. To break through your idol’s skepticism (since the person likely gets a lot of random requests), you need to demonstrate that you understand how you can help them. That was certainly the case with one message I received the week before I was scheduled to speak in Denmark. “Copenhagen is known for being a city full of great clothing and interior design and decorations,” my correspondent wrote. “I am a fashion designer with a master’s degree in marketing and international business, and I have over 14 years’ experience working as a stylist.”

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Networking

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She went on to offer to take me on a shopping tour of Copenhagen at no charge, noting that “I have been watching your videos on your website, and I like your clothing style and I am very quick to find clothes you might like.” If I were speaking in the United States, the offer wouldn’t have been quite as enticing (“I can show you the best malls in Dallas!”). But she correctly surmised that the opportunity to tour the city with a local and shop for gifts (the holidays were approaching) was compelling. We ended up spending more than half a day together, and we’re still in touch. By identifying areas where your skills overlap with the other person’s needs, you can go well beyond the typical (and boring) “Let’s meet for coffee” message and develop more meaningful connections.

Highlight what makes you interesting. (Even if it’s not directly relevant to your idol’s work.) Successful people like connecting with other interesting people because it feels like fun, not work. And yet so often they’re approached by people taking the role of supplicants, who only want to ask questions and glean wisdom. It’s flattering at first, but with enough volume, it can become exhausting. So one secret is to position yourself as a peer who is notable in your own right.

One woman who cold emailed me, and who has since become a friend, closed her note to me with the following: “A bit about me: I talk about [subject matter] on national public radio, and starting this fall will be a co-star on [national TV show]… I recently quit a stupid-stressful desk job that was burning me out big time and am returning to my writing roots. I also play in a New Orleans-style brass band that does free public parades every week and whose guiding principle is to have fun and not worry about wrong notes.”

Her expertise was very different from my own, but she sounded fascinating, so I wrote back immediately. If you can identify unusual aspects of your identity — whether you’ve served as a fighter jet pilot or have visited 100 countries or are an Irish step dancing champion — those colorful details will make you memorable and help ensure that your target will want to connect.

Make it clear that you have no expectations. High-profile people get bombarded with requests. For example, Tim Ferriss’s email newsletters contain a caveat that he can’t respond personally to messages because he receives 1,000+ per day. Even if your “pitch” is well crafted, your idols might be in a busy period and simply don’t have time to connect. You get extra points, then, for empathizing with this situation and addressing it up front.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” my New Orleans friend wrote me, “and absolutely no expectations because I don’t roll like that. But I was compelled to reach out to you.” Too many strangers reach out with extraordinary levels of entitlement, asking for free coaching, or a significant introduction, or a review and critique of their work. When you, in contrast, show an awareness of your hero’s circumstances, explaining that you don’t want to take up too much time in their schedule, you set yourself apart in a positive way.

One of the joys of the modern era is that, thanks to the internet, people we admire from afar are tantalizingly within reach — just a tweet or an email away. Many people blow that opportunity by failing to establish their credibility (“Who is this person?”) or going directly to an ask without demonstrating any reason their target would want to connect. By using these strategies, you’ll have the opportunity to stand out and build better connections with people you’ll be proud to have in your network.

How to talk to a boy you admire from afar

There’s always that person in your life you admire from afar—the funny but intelligent co-worker, the admirable boss with a kick-ass routine, or even that friend of yours who can get just about anyone in your office to smile (even on a bad day).

Well, here’s the big secret you’ve probably never thought to tell yourself: That could be you, too. Seriously, being well-liked by others doesn’t involve casting a spell or engineering a great illusion. Gaining respect at work, or making lots of friends, or acting as a great leader isn’t only for some special people. It’s a skill that just about anyone can pick up—and pretty quickly, in fact.

So how do you become “one of them?” These 12 behaviors of likable individuals will change your whole perspective:

  1. Likable people aren’t afraid to ask questions, such as “How can I help” or “What do you think?”
  2. Likable people are inclusive; no matter where they are or what they’re doing, they find a way to include others who seem a bit out of place or could use a friend.
  3. Likable people know when, and when not, to talk during meetings—especially when they are talking solely for the sake of hearing their own voice.
  4. Likable people help out newbies, even new bosses who are still adjusting to being the head honcho.
  5. Likable people apply their seemingly unrelated life skills to work.
  6. Likable people know just what to say at the right time (the most important phrase being “Thank you!”).
  7. Likable people do little acts of kindness every day—all of which are super easy to work into your routine.
  8. Likable people are emotionally intelligent—which means they’re not only aware of their own emotions, but sensitive to other people’s as well.
  9. Likable people have better things to say than “Don’t worry” when another person is upset.
  10. Likable people know how to politely shut down negative people.
  11. Likable people also know how to give criticism without sounding condescending.
  12. Finally, likable people know when it’s appropriate to be the “cool guy,” and when to be a strong leader.

What else do likable people do? Tell me on Twitter!