How to apologize to your older sister

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How to apologize to your older sister

Saying or doing something hurtful to a sibling can cause you to feel a whirlwind of emotions, including guilt and shame. It’s important to take responsibility for hurtful behavior by offering a sincere apology. Expecting to be forgiven for hurtful behavior should not be your sole reason for offering an apology – regardless of the way your brother or sister responds to an apology, it’s best to genuinely address any wrongdoing you may have caused a sibling.

Step 1

Choose the right time and place to make an apology. Vice dean for faculty and administrative affairs at Penn State’s College of Medicine, R. Kevin Grisby, D.S.W., says that most apologies should take place in a private setting out of respect for the individual who’s been wronged. This allows your brother or sister to deal with a sensitive matter away from others. Furthermore, offer your apology at a time that’s convenient for your sibling.

Step 2

Acknowledge your sibling’s feelings. Be sure that you understand how your sibling feels after you hurt her, and clearly address these feelings. Clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst and author Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., suggests that you refrain from using the words “if” and “but” when acknowledging your sibling’s feelings. For instance, a statement like “I’m sorry if you were hurt by what I said, but you hurt me first” diminishes the sincerity of your apology by devaluing your sibling’s feelings and justifying your hurtful behavior.

Step 3

Take responsibility for your actions. Speak honestly about your behavior and apologize to your sibling for causing him harm. Use a statement such as “I apologize for my behavior last night – I realize that I was out of line, my behavior was hurtful and I am truly sorry for causing you pain,” because this both acknowledges your sibling’s feelings and allows you to take responsibility for your actions. Resist any urges to mention your sibling’s behavior – focus only on your role in the conflict.

How to apologize to your older sister

The sorry messages for sister are sent for seeing apology for hurting the sister. Often many misunderstandings or fights occur between siblings like sisters or between sister and brother, where a sister may get hurt. As such, the other sibling can send sorry messages for the sister and seek forgiveness for his or her mistake. The sorry wishes should be written with beautiful words which would automatically melt the heart of the sister into giving forgiveness for the mistake. Some of the samples of sorry messages for sister examples sent in different ways are given below:

Sorry Messages for Sister in Law

A sister in law is a new addition to the family related in terms of marriage with one’s brother. Misunderstandings between sister in law and siblings of the husband might happen due to certain reasons for which sorry messages should be sent through text messages. Though it is upon the nice sister in law’s decision to forgive, a good sorry message can make her forgive quickly.

“For my beautiful sister in law, I am sorry that I have hurt you yesterday with the serious misunderstanding. It was a shameful act on my part and I seek forgiveness for my mistake. I hope you will forgive me soon.”

Sorry Messages for Elder Sister

The elder sister is a close person for any sibling with whom the secrets, thoughts and dreams are shared. The relationship with the elder sister is close love and protective one as she always looks down upon her younger siblings to protect them and care for them. For any misdeed, the sorry wishes can be sent through text messages.

“My lovely elder sister, I am sorry that I fought terribly with you in the morning and hurt you badly with my harsh words. I ask for apology for my mistake and hope you will forgive me soon.”

Sweet Sorry Messages for Sister

Sweet sorry messages for the sister are written with chosen sweet words to make her feel good on getting the message. The wishes are sent through funny text messages for the sister and would make the sister heart melt to give forgiveness to the guilty sibling.

“I am really very sorry my sister for that I have hurt you. You are the best protective and the special person I could always look up to. As such hurting you was the worst thing of my life which I did and I seek apology for the same. I hope you will forgive me for my mistake.”

Sample Miscellaneous sorry messages for sister:

“My sister, I am sorry for the mistake I did by hurting you. I am ashamed and seek apology from you for that. I expect you will forgive me soon.”

“Dear sister in law, I am sorry for the misunderstanding I caused yesterday which has hurt you. O hope you will forgive me and I seek forgiveness for the same. “

“To my dearest elder sister, I am sorry for hurting you and seek apology for that. Being the elder protective sister, you always are by my side caring for me and I made a real mistake by hurting you. I seek apology for that and hope you will forgive me soon.”

My sweet sister, I am sorry for causing you hurt by my harsh words and I seek apology for the same. I hope you will forgive me with all your heart.”

This article was co-authored by Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California.

There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

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Maybe you ended up pushing your older sister over a favorite item or maybe you said some hurtful things when you were having a bad day. You may get into fights with your older sister often and be unsure how you can repair your relationship. Apologizing to your older sister may feel challenging, but you can let her know you are sorry by making a heartfelt apology and by taking actions to show her you are apologetic. [1] X Expert Source

Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. You should also consider how you can avoid conflicts with her in the future, so you won’t end up having to apologize to her all the time.

Sorry Messages for Sister: Siblings has the most unique relationship ever. They are like best friends again they can be their worst enemies sometimes. There are so many emotions connected in this relationship. Love, friendship, care again fighting, and misunderstanding. But most of the time one apology can make up everything. Sometimes it is not easy to say sorry to your close ones, especially when it comes to siblings. Here are some sorry messages for sister that will help you make up with her after any fight, argument or misunderstanding.

Sorry Messages for Sister

I’m admitting my faults. Please forgive me, sister!

I am really sorry for hurting you. Please don’t be angry with me for long. I love you.

I am sorry for hurting you, my dear sister. I didn’t understand that my actions would hurt you so much. I will keep that in my mind from now on.

How to apologize to your older sister

Dear sister, I am really sorry that I used such harsh words towards you. I didn’t mean any of it at all. I am really sorry.

Nobody is perfect, neither you nor me. But, I’m the one who hurt your feelings. Please accept my apology!

We have never said sorry to each other, so this is kind of awkward but I am really sorry. You really mean a lot to me. Please forgive me.

My sweet sister, I know you are angry with me and you have all the right to do that. But now that I am saying sorry to you, Can’t you forget all those things? I am really sorry. Please forgive me.

Dear sister, you know I can’t spend a single day without talking to you. I am sorry for what I said earlier. Please pick up my call.

Hey, I am really sorry. I just realized that I was being so annoying to you. I know It’s my fault. I won’t do it again. I am serious.

How to apologize to your older sister

Please forgive me. I will be good to you from now on. Let’s go for pizza. I will buy it and let’s drop all the misunderstandings here.

My caring sister, I was so foolish that I treated you like that the other day. I know you won’t pick up my call but please reply to my text. I am sincerely apologizing to you.

My dear sister, you are so precious to me. You know that I didn’t hurt you intentionally. I hope that you will understand and forgive me.

Emotional Sorry Messages for Sister

Dear sister, don’t forget that, “to err is human” and I’m not an alien. I’m sorry.

Deep inside my heart, it’s leaking and bleeding since the moment I hurt you. Please fill the holes with your care and forgiveness. I am sorry, sister.

My lovely sister, I am repenting for what I did to you earlier. I wasn’t myself. I am really sorry; you know I didn’t mean anything at all.

You know, I have always felt blessed to have a sister like you. I love you so much. Please forgive me this time. I am sorry.

How to apologize to your older sister

You are the one who is always with me during my hard times. But I am a fool that I hurt you. I am really sorry. Please don’t be upset.

My sweet sister, since childhood, you are one of the closest friends of mine. I don’t want to hurt you even in my dreams. I am really sorry for hurting you, it wasn’t intentional.

Sister, I love you and always thankful to you. You have always loved me and cared for me but sometimes I hurt you. I am really sorry for my behavior. I love you.

Sorry Message for Sister from Brother

My dear sister, as a brother I was never good to you. But the things I said yesterday, I am regretting saying those now. I hope you will be able to forgive me.

Dear sister, your brother isn’t a fool to say sorry. I will prove that I’m really very sorry for hurting you. Please accept my apology.

You are the most expensive treasure of my life. I know it was my mistake. I shouldn’t have done this. Please forgive me.

How to apologize to your older sister

There is no one who can understand me as you do. And, I know I’ve made you cry mistakenly. But I promise I won’t do this kind of mistake anymore. Sorry.

It is so logical of you being angry with me. I never listened to your suggestions and I know it was a mistake. Please don’t get angry, I will listen to your suggestions from now.

My lovely sister, I am sorry for always letting you down. I will try to work hard and will make you happy. I am sorry and love you.

My dearest sister, I want to finish all our misunderstandings. Now that we are mature enough, let’s not fight over silly things and be friends forever. I am sorry and always love you.

Apologizing to your dearest one is simple yet this is the greatest gesture one can do to save their relationship. Sister is the most precious person in our life. We grew up together. We have our good times and bad times together. They are the person who was always with us. And they will be always with us for the rest of our lives. Only those who have sisters know what it means to have a sister. Also, fights between siblings are not rare. It happens often. But if you really hurt them, or any misunderstanding happens between you two, you should always say sorry. Cause she is important to you. These messages will help you to break the ice between you two.

Last Updated On September 10, 2018 By Letter Writing Leave a Comment

Most people having sisters had their ups and downs in their relationship, especially while growing up. Having a sister can sometimes be a disturbing nightmare that is driving you mad. When it all boils down, sisters stick together. Your sister can become your best friend and also a wonderful person that inspires you. She might even be your other half who makes you whole—the person who will always be there for you whenever you have an issue. Siblings not only share beautiful and lovely childhood memories, but they also do know each other inside out, through and through.

This kind of sorry letter is written to your sister, be it real or cousin for the mistake that you have made and hurt her. Writing a sorry letter to sister is essential for expressing a sense of good faith to avoid any uncertainties in the future. This would signify just the essence of regret from the bottom of the heart. After all, one would never want to be distant from one’s sister for long.

Table of Contents

Sorry Letter to Sister Writing Tips

  • The letter should be written.
  • Words should set the tone to be gentle and apologetic.
  • The language used should be simple and precise.
  • The reader should be able to understand the feelings of the writer.

Sorry Letter to Sister Template

Use our free Sorry Letter to Sister to help you get started.

_____________ ( your address)

_____________ ( address of the person the letter is addressed to)

Date: _________________ ( Date of which letter is written)

I am very grateful to God who gave me a wonderful and understanding sister like you who is loving, caring and always considerate. You are a gift to me from God. We are so close to each other that we share everything about each other. You are the only one with whom I share my secrets. We speak to each other almost daily and share everything that is going on in life. You have always been the guiding star of my life.

I know what I did last night at the party is something that I shouldn’t have done. I accept my mistake, and I am extremely sorry for that. I am unable to understand as to what came upon me that I screamed at you for no concrete reason. I am extremely sorry for my misbehavior.

Your loving brother

Sample Letter

123 Wincy Towers

3098 Columbo Apartments

I am extremely sorry for being snappy at you all the time; I should have realized it before that you are elder to a mother of two and me and you know your job perfectly. I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart to point out things which were unnecessary and did not make any difference; I understand that this behavior of mine has led to a glitch in our relationship. Sister Ruby, I am your younger loving brother and please forgive me for the mistake that I committed. I will not make such a mistake again and will respect the decision you take for yourself and the family.

I also want to apologize for my behavior at Robin’s party where I ignored you because I thought you had complained about me to mom. I am very sorry that I did not ask you even once about what the fact was and directly took a decision of not talking to you. Please forgive me. I accept all my mistakes, and I promise I would not repeat them. Even after so many mistakes, you did not get angry with me or stopped loving me.

I am so lucky to have you as an elder sister, and I thank God for this. I have learned a lesson of appreciating the love you get from the family. Also that your family loves you the most and is by your side always.

I love you, and again, I’m sorry.

Email Format

Apology letter to one’s sister can also be sent over email describing the guilt and asking for forgiveness.

Email: Receiver’s email address

Subject: Apology letter

I am extremely sorry for being snappy at you all the time; I should have realized it before that you are elder to a mother of two and me and you know your job perfectly. I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart to point out things which were unnecessary and did not make any difference; I understand that this behavior of mine has led to a glitch in our relationship. Sister Ruby, I am your younger loving brother and please forgive me for the mistake that I committed. I will not make such a mistake again and will respect the decision you take for yourself and the family.

I also want to apologize for my behavior at Robin’s party where I ignored you because I thought you had complained about me to mom. I am very sorry that I did not ask you even once about what the fact was and directly took a decision of not talking to you. Please forgive me. I accept all my mistakes, and I promise I would not repeat them. Even after so many mistakes, you did not get angry with me or stopped loving me.

I am so lucky to have you as an elder sister, and I thank God for this. I have learned a lesson of appreciating the love you get from the family. Also that your family loves you the most and is by your side always.

Most Helpful Guys

A few points:
Genuine sincerity.
‘What can I do to make things right?’ Most only transmit sadness over the offense. Few attempts of an apology go the extra mile of putting actions in making right between the offender & the offended.

But even if both are used, to forgive if ultimately the prerogative of the offended. All your responsibility is sincerely & genuinely attempting to mend relations and pro-actively trying to fix things between you & her. What she does next is on her & her alone.

Like telling the truth, you can speak as truthfully as possible, even citing sources and providing proof, as well as ensuring your body-language supports (or, at least, ‘fails to contradict’) your verbal messages. Still, that does not make impossible the possibility of the audience not believing you, considering you a (at worst) blatant liar or (at best) inadvertently mistaken/ignorant/deceived.

Just do your duty to the best of your ability. If you are religious, leave the rest to God. Perhaps, she will make the right decision in due time.

Last Updated On August 17, 2018 By Letter Writing Leave a Comment

Sorry is the word we use to express our remorse over guilt and to apologise for causing inconvenience of some sort to another person. Acknowledging one’s mistake is never easy, especially, in a close and personal relationship, it requires a lot more courage to accept your mistake and apologise for it as personal relationships are often taken for granted by us. In formal relationships, it seems much easier to offer apologies and make amends than in personal ones. One such difficulty arises when apologising to one’s sister.

One doesn’t write letters for trivial matters, and that makes it even harder to compose a perfect, sorry letter which can convey one’s sincere remorse. Writing to a sister can be both easy and difficult. It depends on the mistake one is apologising for. Though confessing in person is the best way to ask for someone’s forgiveness, sometimes the person may lose their nerve or feel oo vulnerable to be able to compose their thoughts properly. In such cases, writing a letter is the best solution as the person can express all the feelings through words.

Table of Contents

Sorry Letter To Sister Writing Tips

  • The letter should be written with genuine remorse so that it can touch the heart of the reader.
  • It should be written in a simple language.
  • The feelings of the writer should be clearly expressed in the letter.
  • The letter should sound sincere.

Sorry Letter To Sister Template

Use our free Sorry Letter to Sister to help you get started.

From,
_______
_______
Date: (Date of writing the letter)
To,
_______
_______
Dear _________( name of your sister),

I was writing this letter in continuation of our conversation last week. I am only concerned about your health, and when you said that you did not bother to visit a doctor, I got irritated and shouted at you. I did not mean to hurt you. It was anger that made me yell at you. I am a very impulsive person, and you know that better than anyone else. I later regretted the words I used to scold you, and since I am unable to reach you through any other way, I am writing to tell you how sorry I am.

I hope you understand that my anger was born out of sheer love and concern for you. You have several responsibilities on your shoulders, and you have to take care of your heath if you want to do justice to your endeavours. I’m very sorry for my behaviour, and I promise not to upset you again. I love you.

____________( Your name)

Sample Letter

From,
Angelina Dorr,
Anna-Str, 5
Cambridge, USA
February 12, 2002
To,
Elina Reis
Garching 34,
Cambridge, USA
Dear Sis,

Hope things are fine with you. Last week when I called you, I did not mean to hurt you. I am genuinely concerned about your health, and I was a bit harsh in explaining things to you. I am sure you must have got hurt through my words. But hurting you was never my intention. Our parents have grown old, and now the responsibility to take care of them lies on our shoulders. Firstly, we have to take care of our health, if we are fit, only then can we support them. I wanted to convey this, and in the flow of words maybe I sounded harsh to you.

I am sorry if I have broken your heart. I hope you will understand my feelings and I do not hesitate to apologise for how many times you may want. My only concern now is about your health. Please do not neglect this aspect. You are always busy with your office and house work and have responsibilities to take care of your children and in-laws.

Convey my wishes to Rahul and my love to Meera and Varun. You know how much you mean to me, I love you.

Email Format

The following is the email format to be followed for Sorry Letter to Sister.

Subject: _____________ ( Main purpose of writing the mail, i.e., apologizing for your mistakes)

I am sorry for not attending your wedding as it was the same time when my medical exams started. I know I had disappointed you by my absence, but you know that this is my final semester and I can’t miss my exams. Even I was feeling very bad about it as I had many plans for your marriage.

I still remember the day when I got the news of your wedding, I declared myself the bridesmaid, and I even started planning for the wedding party. Do you remember the shopping that we did for your wedding and all the planning for the evening party? But my exams have spoiled all my plans, and I have to go back to the hostel.

Though I thought to escape for the wedding day in any way but I had a paper on the same day, and when you were dressed in that fairy wedding gown of yours and stepping towards a new start of your life, I was banging my head with the anatomy paper and now and then thinking about you.

Merry, I am sorry because I know that at that moment you were nervous and you needed me the most. I promise you that as soon as I’m done with my exams, I will rush to you and then we will share all your thoughts and anxieties and I will listen to the complete story of your wedding day. I hope you will forgive me.

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How to apologize to your older sister

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When you are the younger child in a family you have to listen not only to your parents, but to older siblings as well. A younger sister will often complain about being treated like a baby, or being bossed around by her much older sister when they were younger, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for big sis either. There are a bunch of things that your older sister never really complained about or feel the need to tell you about, knowing that you will come to understand such things when you get older.

1. She spent years as a single child and lived under stricter rules

When your parents had her they didn’t really know what they were doing and they felt incredibly protective, so your sister ended up living under very strict rules. By the time you came along, they had already learned to be a bit more lenient. Your sister essentially paved the way for you, and there were times when she wished you appreciated that fact a bit more.

2. She was put up to higher standards because she was the older one

Not only did she have to take the full brunt of your parents’ attention before you came along, but she was actually held accountable later on, because she was the older one who needs to know better. She’d take a bullet for you from time to time, and while it was frustrating it helped her become a more mature and responsible person, and having a successful older sibling can be beneficial for you as well.

3. More often than not, she’d find herself trying to be a good role model

Since your older sister was forced to act a lot more mature than other kids her age, she’d end up thinking about her choices and actions, because she knew full well that you looked up to her. Although she might have wanted to be a bit irresponsible and have fun, at times she had to use self-control and try to set a good example.

4. She made things easier for you by giving you her hard-earned bits of wisdom

When she went through rough times, got in fights with mom and dad, had trouble in school – she had to figure it all out for herself. She had to take a few hard falls in order to get back up stronger, but she was more than happy to give you all the little tips, tricks and gems of wisdom that she learned the hard way. The advice might have seemed as nagging at times, but she just didn’t want you to go through all the troubled that she did.

5. She knew you’d have to make some of the same mistakes, but couldn’t talk you out of it

While she did her best to give you some pointers and guidelines, some things you just have to experience for yourself to truly appreciate. There were times when she watched you make mistakes, and she knew that you wouldn’t listen, but she was still there to comfort you afterwards.

6. She also gave your parents tips and helped them deal with you

Of course, it is inevitable to have a few stern talks with your parents and get punished, but what you didn’t appreciate when you were younger was the fact that your older sister gave parents some insight into how you felt and helped them find the best way to approach you in that situation. She took up the role of mediator when it was necessary, and even sided with you when you were clearly in the wrong.

7. It both excited and frightened her when you became old enough to start dating

When you have a much older sister you are always the baby in the family, but as you grow older there comes a point where you can speak to each other as friends as well. It’s usually about the time you start dating. She gives you tips on how to deal with the confusing mess that is the teenage girl’s psyche, and you can also learn some useful tips on makeup and what to expect from boys.

Talking with your parents about sex is a weird experience, but your older sister can provide some much-needed guidance without you feel too uncomfortable. On one hand your sister was glad that she will be able to share such things with you, but on the other hand she was worried that you might get your heart broken.

8. When she critiqued you or teased you, it was so that you would become a better person

Sometimes your older sister would seem mean, like she didn’t care about your problems or like she just wanted to tease you for the fun of it. However, a lot of the time it was used as a means of motivating you to do better or to toughen up – wanting to prove someone wrong or “show them” is the best source of motivation. If things go a little too far, it’s easy to make a sincere apology and make up, so this tough love tends to become a common strategy.

9. She had to act as teacher, caretaker and bodyguard, and she didn’t always know what she was doing

An older sister will stand up for you, help you out with bullies, feed you, help you out with homework and teach you valuable skills. The thing is, she didn’t receive any formal training and she didn’t really know what she was doing a lot of the time. However, that didn’t stop her from trying her best to keep you safe and help you out with anything you needed. An older sister’s boyfriend is also a great influence and can have “the talk” with your new boyfriend.

10. She knew that she’d be the first one you call in an emergency and was ready for anything

An older sister has to be ready for literally anything. Driving you home wasted from a party, helping you sober up and cleaning up the mess so the parents don’t find out? Check. Taking you shopping? Check. Borrowing you cash so you can go to a concert you’ve been waiting for? Check. Your sister used to get into all kinds of trouble herself and understand that she has to be ready to help you out with similar problems, and perhaps even some unique ones that she never came across. It’s not a big surprise to her when you come to her in a panic, but she will make sure that you know how big of a favor she is doing for you.

These are just some of the things that a much older sister went through, but never really wanted to mention. At the end of the day, she loves you like no one else in the whole world, and while she did help make you into the person you are today, she is aware that you, in turn, had a big positive effect on her life as well.

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How to apologize to your older sister

Arguments with family members can lead to disconnection in communication and support. This can leave you feeling alone, isolated and emotionally insecure, especially since the strong emotional attachments between siblings provides comfort when you need it. In addition, social supports can increase your self-esteem and reduce feelings of loneliness, explains the Mayo Clinic in its article, “Combat Stress With a Strong Social Network.” Getting over an argument with your sister, therefore, isn’t just about moving on. It’s also about moving back to the comfort of support of a special relationship.

Step 1

Accept and express your feelings about the argument. Feelings are intrinsically attached to how you behave, explains the University of Illinois in its article, “Experiencing and Expressing Emotions.” Express your anger, frustration or whatever you continue to feel regarding your sister and the argument and express it openly. This provides you with the opportunity to process what you feel and you can be more objective about your perception of the argument. Monitor your feelings over a period of time after the argument to continue to identify how they change and affect your perceptions.

Step 2

Forgive your sister for whatever has transpired between you that led to the argument. Forgiving isn’t just letting go of resentment, it’s also a choice to relinquish the need to be right, explains the Mayo Clinic in its article, “Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness.” Holding onto a grudge only serves to prevent you from moving forward. In the case of an argument with your sister, holding a grudge can also affect your relationships with other members of your family.

Step 3

Reach out to your social supports, including friends, family members and coworkers. Social supports stick with you through positive and negative experiences and can provide you with an objective opinion about your argument. While it may be painful to hear, honesty from your support system can let you know what portion of the disagreement is your responsibility. Social supports also help reduce feelings of stress related to your anger, explains the University of Buffalo School of Social Work in its article, “Developing Your Support System.”

Step 4

Apologize to your sister. An apology is more than saying you’re sorry, according to UMass Family Business Center in its article, “How To Give A Meaningful Apology.” Instead, it’s a statement that you regret the part you played in the argument. Apologize by being clear about what you did and accepting responsibility for your behavior without also placing blame on anyone else. Finally, explain to your sister that you want to make things better by not repeating your behavior and by taking steps to prevent it from happening again. The steps toward prevention can include seeking professional intervention such as a counselor or therapist.

CANDICE COLEMAN

While phone calls, text messages and emails are the primary modes of communication these days, a handwritten letter to a sibling can also help you express your feelings. When disagreements and hurt feelings abound, a letter helps you reflect on your feelings before you contact the other person. While there are no guarantees that a letter will smooth things over between you and your sibling, it may help heal a rift.

Explore this article

  • The “I” Statement
  • Thinking it Out
  • What to Avoid
  • Sample Letters

1 The “I” Statement

In a dispute, people often make assumptions about what the other person is thinking when they wronged that other person. Including “I” statements, which focus more on your feelings rather than on what the other person did, can increase your odds of reaching a solution with your sibling. Instead of writing, “You’re always a jerk about my girlfriend,” you might instead write, “I felt hurt when you said that I could do better than Jill. I love and care about her, and I hope in the future that we can keep our discussions away from my choice of partner,” according to GirlsHealth.

2 Thinking it Out

Before you bring pen to paper, think about the disagreement. Did a small upset lead to a huge rift between you and your sibling? You may find that the original disagreement is not worth the hassle of explaining how you felt and trying to get an apology from your sibling. After thinking about it, you might also realize that you were partly to blame for the problem. If that is the case, you might choose to write, “I realize that the last time we spoke, we each said hurtful things to each other. All I can think about is how what happened is not worth losing our relationship. I’m sorry for what happened, and I hope we can move forward,” according to the Hallmark article, “How to Say Sorry.”

3 What to Avoid

If you are penning a personal letter to address a problem, be certain that you are not doing so just to stir up the conflict again. If you played a role in the problem, address it, because ignoring it or blaming the situation on your sibling is unlikely to get you anywhere, according to psychologist Tamar Chansky in the “Psychology Today” article, “How to Apologize.” Attempting to conceal your role in the situation such as by writing, “I was only defending myself” or “You started it” should also be avoided.

4 Sample Letters

If a small, one-time disagreement has driven you and a sibling apart, you might write, “I felt hurt when you made that joke about my weight on Thanksgiving. I realize you were trying to be funny, but I hope my weight won’t be a target for the holidays next year. I love and care about you and look forward to seeing you in a few weeks.” In a more serious disagreement you might write, “I felt angry when you told mom and dad about what I said, because comments like that are supposed to be between you and me. I hope from now on that we can keep some things to ourselves. I wanted you to know that I still care about and love you, and I don’t want something like this to affect our friendship,” according to GirlsHealth.

How to apologize to your older sister

You’ve screwed up. Bad. We all do it, but you’ve got some serious apologizing to do. You need to be careful because you can easily dig yourself into an even bigger hole than you were originally in.

Apologizing can be a seriously sticky situation. It can get ugly really quick. So be very careful when planning an apology.

Each person has different reactions. Some jump to anger, some cry, some give you the silent treatment. Be prepared. You can’t go in with all your emotions swinging.

The first step is to mean it when you apologize. If you’re not genuine, you’re not going to get anywhere with your apology.

Then you have to approach the situation based on who you’re apologizing to. Whether it’s your girlfriend, boyfriend, mother or friend, you’ve got to approach it differently.

Every zodiac sign reacts differently when you approach them to apologize, so take caution.

You may be approaching someone angry or hurt, so just be genuine and serious.

And if you’re still not quite sure if you’ve got this under control, here’s how to apologize to each zodiac sign when you’ve messed up bad.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Be ready to kiss some serious butt, because Aries will never let you get away with anything less. Also be prepared for some yelling from Aries’ aggressive side, because it’s likely to come out the moment you start to apologize.

Let her release all that anger because as soon as she’s done, she’s ready for a serious conversation about what you both can do to make the situation better.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Taurus loves to have productive and responsible conversations, so don’t even bother beating around the bush. She will likely listen to what you say, but really she just wants to talk about how she feels and why she’s right, because she’s about as stubborn as they come.

Don’t even think about trying to compromise, because she won’t. Just say you’re sorry, she’s right, and move along!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Don’t leave Gemini hanging too long — she hates being alone.

The silent treatment won’t work at all on this one, so get to apologizing as quick as possible or she will likely be having a nervous breakdown while waiting for your apology.

She will change how she feels a million times during your apology, but don’t lose patience or they may break down again. Be gentle with this softie!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

It won’t be too difficult to apologize to Cancer; she will probably accept any apology you give her.

As long as you don’t make her cry, she’ll always forgive you. Don’t take advantage of this, because Cancer is so loyal, she often doesn’t know when someone is walking all over her.

Be kind and mean what you say, because you may end up hurting her more in the end with empty promises.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Let Leo run the show when you go in to apologize or you better watch out. This girl has a feisty attitude.

She will really push your buttons and probably make you feel really crappy about whatever it is you’re apologizing for. The best advice is to do what she says or pay the price, because this one is seriously savage.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Virgo will probably make you feel really bad, so your apology will probably be as genuine as they come.

She has a tendency to be overly critical of herself and others, so her self-esteem will definitely be a topic of discussion during your apology. The best thing to do is make her feel loved and appreciated despite whatever it is that you did.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

This may be the easiest apology of a lifetime. Libra loves to cooperate and is incredibly diplomatic, so she’ll be right there with you throughout the entire apology making sure you both are on the same page.

Be careful, because she carries a grudge like no other, so get on her good side or you will definitely regret it later.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Step one: physical touch. A hug, a hand-hold, whatever it is, that physical closeness makes apologizing to a Scorpio a million times easier.

They also have a pretty bad temper, so be prepared for some dramatic slamming of doors before she comes back and cuddles next to you. She’s quick to anger but once she simmers down she’ll open up for you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

As long as you didn’t make her jealous, Sagittarius is the easiest to apologize to. She’s pretty understanding about everything. She takes life lightly, so you have to seriously mess up to piss her off!

Just be as sincere as possible, make her laugh and you should be set.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

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She is about as unforgiving as they come, so the moment you screw up, they pretty much hate you. It’s worth a shot trying to apologize, but best of luck to you.

Be cautious, expect to apologize, like, at least 100 times, and you should probably bring her some sort of gift to make up for it.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Get ready for some passive-aggressiveness, because that’s what Aquarius knows best.

She’s pretty stubborn and uncompromising, so start out firm with your apology and don’t give her the chance to storm off, because she probably will. She runs from emotions, so it’s less about her forgiving you and more about her hiding from her feelings.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Pisces is a dreamer and an artist, so when you hurt her feelings or make her mad, she tends to go silent. She enjoys time alone, but when it’s charged by an argument, she lets herself wallow and play the victim.

Don’t let her run from you or write broody poetry alone in her room; corner her and force her to listen to your apology. Once she actually hears you out, maybe she’ll be a bit more understanding.

Don’t go too far though, obviously. If she needs her space and isn’t budging, let her be on her own for a bit until you try it again. Honestly, she’ll probably be appreciative of you taking real time to make things better.

There’s a difference between a sibling rivalry and a truly toxic situation.

How to apologize to your older sister

Families are taught from the beginning that “blood is thicker than water,” but it isn’t always that simple. What happens when one sibling’s passive-aggressive behavior threatens the emotional wellbeing of the other, resulting in a complicated estrangement?

Although siblings grow up together and have a shared family history, there is no guarantee that they will be close as adults. Personalities clash and rivalries occur, especially if one child is perceived as the parental favorite.

There are multiple factors that can trigger sibling estrangement: emotional abuse, competition for attention, a long-festering grudge, the death of one or both parents, or something less dramatic such as diverse personalities that have little in common.

Add brothers or sisters-in-law to the family dynamic, and estrangement can easily occur if the in-law has conflicts with the spouse’s siblings. A strong sense of betrayal has the potential to damage family unity once the battle lines are drawn.

Cutting off a toxic relationship with a sibling doesn’t mean that you’re giving up. It means that you’ve come to terms with a problematic situation that cannot be resolved, and have found the courage to walk away for your own self-preservation.

How do you decide if estrangement is right for you, and how do you cope with your decision once it is made?

1. Stop justifying your sibling’s negative behavior

It’s not uncommon to let a sibling’s hurtful behavior slide for the sake of keeping peace with the rest of the family. If the behavior is so harmful that it’s ruining your sense of wellbeing, it’s time to let your sibling know what you are feeling and why you need your distance.

2. Ask yourself if estrangement is the only solution

Take time to evaluate the situation before choosing to distance yourself. Was your decision made in the heat of the moment, or was it based on something that had been building up for a long time? Make sure that you’re leaving the relationship for the right reasons and not out of spite. Be aware of the emotional ramifications this will cause — your decision will affect not only you but other members of your family.

If your sibling is the one who has chosen to alienate themselves despite your efforts to make amends, understand that they have a different perception of the situation — something that is out of your control. Then ask yourself if the relationship is worth fighting for, or if it’s time to let it go. Recognizing the toxicity of the situation and how it makes you feel will empower you to do whatever is best and to find peace with your decision.

3. Decide if you want a temporary or permanent separation

Is your rift something that can be resolved after a cooling-off period, or is it so damaging that you need an indefinite amount of space from your sibling? Think about a future without them — does it bring relief or deep sadness? If you do decide to patch things up, be prepared to listen to your sibling’s side of the disagreement and to take your share of the blame. Acknowledge your part and apologize.

If you’ve chosen to end the relationship permanently, understand that you may never know the truth behind your sibling’s anger or the trigger that caused the alienation. In extreme cases, the only way to mend a toxic situation is to walk away. Never feel guilty for doing what is best for your mental and emotional health.

4. Don’t expect an apology or a change of heart

Even though you may be able to forgive and forget, that doesn’t mean it will be easy for your sibling. They may not experience the same family loyalty or bond that you do, and they may have little interest in making amends. Accept their decision and move on.

5. Communicate your feelings

It helps to voice your opinion to a close, trusted friend (not a family member), a therapist, or someone who has faced similar circumstances. Expressing yourself to an outside party will help clarify the root of your anger and validate what you are feeling.

6. Refrain from involving other relatives

It’s unfair to expect other family members to choose sides. The problem you’re dealing with is between you and your sibling, no one else. If you force your family to choose sides, you risk being alienated by all of them.

7. Handle family gatherings with tact

Whether the estrangement is your choice or your sibling’s, it will make family gatherings a bit award. If it is absolutely necessary to attend a function where your sibling will also be present, remain cordial, even if they try to bait you into an argument.

See also

Be the better person — ignore their hostility and turn your attention to something else.

If birthdays and holidays are routinely celebrated together by the family, you can lessen the stress by suggesting a separate celebration with them on a different day. Example: celebrate with your family on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day when they gather with everyone else; take your parents out to dinner before or after their actual birthday. Start new traditions by creating your own memories with other family members and friends to avoid feeling left out.

8. Do not gossip or seek retaliation against your sibling

Never play the “he said, she said,” game, even if your sibling is spreading rumors to undermine your family connection. Gossiping or going out of your way to hurt them only puts you on their level and gives them the perfect opportunity to blame you for their grievances.

9. Accept the change in family dynamics

If your relationship with your sibling is truly over, understand that even though the estrangement might bring you relief, it will be difficult for the rest of the family to accept. Depending on the situation, they may think less or more of you, and that will affect how they treat you in the future.

10. Focus on moving forward

Once you’ve made the decision to distance yourself from your sibling, don’t dwell on what might have been. It’s essential to let go of the person they once were to you and accept the reality of who they’ve become. Focus instead on the emotional burden that has been lifted and be happy with the friends and family you have.

Life is too short to carry a grudge; letting go of the anger allows you a sense of closure and relief, and only then will you be able to heal.

A good apology can save a marriage.

THE BASICS

  • The Importance of Forgiveness
  • Find a therapist near me

Key points

  • For many men, apologizing can make them feel diminished, as if it’s a concession of power. By contrast, women often apologize to reconnect.
  • In many modern heterosexual marriages, the woman is angry at her male partner more often than the reverse.
  • The first step of a proper apology is to admit wrongdoing with no caveats.

Although this blog is essentially devoted to the subject of divorce, every now and then I will discuss some aspect of marriage that leads to divorce, and suggest ways to reduce the damage.

Having mediated domestic disputes for 30 years, it has occurred to me that men and women regard apologies very differently. And simple as it may seem, these different views of apology have extensively damaged many marriages.

In short, most men don’t know how to apologize. In intimate relationships, an effective apology can quickly heal an inadvertent injury. Similarly, an ineffective apology — or the complete failure of an apology — can cause an inadvertent injury to be experienced as a major wound in the relationship.

For women, apologizing is a way of reconnecting with someone whose feelings you have hurt, however inadvertently. When a woman gets feedback that something she has done or failed to do has left another feeling offended or injured, she is usually quick to apologize. A breach in the relationship is avoided and the relationship continues undisturbed. Neither the woman offering nor the woman receiving the apology regard it as unusual but rather see it as a routine aspect of relationships.

For men, apologies are very different. Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss of face. Scholars of gender communication have observed that for men, verbal communication is tied up with their concern for the way their status is perceived by others. Men are more conscious of the impact of what they say on how others perceive their power position or lack of power. So, for a man to acknowledge that he has done something wrong, it often means that he feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology.

Thus, a woman apologizes to maintain healthy relationships and feels no sense of loss. But when a man apologizes, he does feel a sense of loss, if not humiliation. The result of this difference is that men are reluctant to apologize, and in many cases, do not know how to craft a sincere apology.

It is this lack of knowledge I seek to address here. Most of the women in the couples I see for divorce mediation complain that their marriages suffer from a terminal lack of intimacy. The wives report that their husbands are unable or unwilling to respond to their feelings. They say their husband’s tendency to stonewall when presented with a complaint leaves them feeling disconnected and alienated from him.

It appears that in most modern marriages, the woman is angry at her mate more often than the reverse. Women express anger at their husband’s sins of commission as well as sins of omission. And the most common sin of omission is his failure to apologize when he has offended. So here is a brief tutorial for men on how to apologize.

6 elements of an apology

There are six elements of a proper apology. If you don’t want to waste your time, you must include all six:

1. Acknowledge the Wrongful Act

You need to begin by saying, ” I was wrong and I am sorry.” There are no substitutes for this admission. If you say something dumb like, “I am sorry that you think I was wrong,” you might as well spare yourself and not bother. There is no getting around it. You were wrong, so plead guilty and get on with it.

2. Acknowledge That You Hurt her Feelings

Understand that your wrongful act has hurt her feelings and made her feel disconnected from you. You cannot reconnect without attending to the feelings piece. So you say, “I was wrong and I am sorry that I have hurt your feelings.” Once again, you cannot wimp out by fudging and saying, “I am sorry that your feelings are hurt.” You have to connect your wrongful act to her hurt feelings.

THE BASICS

  • The Importance of Forgiveness
  • Find a therapist near me

3. Express Your Remorse

An expression of remorse and regret is the way you demonstrate your ability to feel an appropriate response to her hurt feelings. So you say, “I was wrong. I am sorry that I hurt your feelings, and I feel terrible that I have done something that has hurt you.” (It will help here if you actually look remorseful.)

4. State Your Intention Not to Repeat It

This may be difficult — particularly if you are a repeat offender — but it is an expression of your acknowledgment of your need to reform. “I know that I am sometimes insensitive to what you need, but I am going to try my hardest not to do it again.” If you smirk at this juncture, you’re going to have to go back and start all over.

Forgiveness Essential Reads

Guilt and Power

The Cost of Self-Forgiveness

5. Offer to Make Amends

If you don’t know what would help, then ask her. “What can I do to make it up to you?” The particular act of contrition may be negotiated, but the important thing is to express your willingness to do something to compensate for it. Of course, once you commit to doing something, you need to do it, lest you render the entire effort useless.

6. Seek Forgiveness

Forgiving is an act that liberates the forgiver from anger — so seeking forgiveness is not as self-serving as you may think. A simple, “will you forgive me?” will usually suffice, but if you want to avoid appearing presumptuous, or if your offense was particularly odious, you might want to first ask, “Can you forgive me?”

As you get better at it, you will feel more comfortable creating your own sequence for these elements and adding embellishments that give it your own stamp of individuality. Master this simple skill, and you will find your domestic life ever more peaceful.

Having a sister is definitely a gift, even if you drive each other crazy every now and then. But, how well do you know your sis? We’ve come up with 25 questions you should ask your sister in order to really get to know her, and bring you closer to one another.

Sure, some of these might be a little too personal, or goofy or even totally random, but what’s the point of having a sister if you don’t know everything about her? Okay, we know there are a few things better left unsaid, but these questions will definitely help you bond with your sis and make her your BFF for life — in case you aren’t already on that level.

What are you waiting for, let’s get started!

1What’s been the best day of your life so far?

This is something you should ask everyone in your family, because the answer might surprise you. Who knows, maybe it’ll be the time you did something for your sis, which would be adorable.

2How many kids do you really want to have?

It changes throughout your lifetime, so there’s no right or wrong answer here.

3If you could meet anyone in the world, alive or dead, who would it be?

It might sound like a typical ice-breaker question, but we bet you have no clue what your sister would say. Lunch date with Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer, anyone?

4Who was your first crush?

Everyone loves a good crush story. Plus, if it’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Joey Lawrence you can laugh about the ’90s together.

5What about your first love?

Crushes can be someone you actually know, or someone famous, but a first love is much more sentimental and sacred.

6When, where and who was your first kiss?

You might think you know this answer, but you could be wrong. Either way kissing stories are usually sweet and nostalgic, which is great thing to share between sisters.

7What is one thing you’ve never told me?

It can be goofy, or serious, as long as it’s the truth. Prepare yourself, because this question could unleash something you never saw coming.

8What’s something our parents don’t know about you?

This has to be different than the last answer. By asking about your parents, sisters can bond over things they either both told their parents or kept secret, which is pretty cool.

9What was a moment in college or high school that you’d never want to relive?

Drinking stories are always encouraged, but this question is when the truth comes out about those terrible moments you’ve blocked out over the years — and made you who you are today — whether you know it or not.

10Is there something you can’t live without?

You can make this more specific if need be, like an object, food, person, etc.

11How did you really feel about the last gift I bought you?

Truth time! Don’t be offended no matter what the answer here, it might be interesting to know if you’ve been able to capture your sister in a gift version or not all these years.

12Who would play you in a movie? Okay, now who should play you in a movie?

These are two very different questions, both equally as telling. The first is who you would want to play you in a movie, which reveals who you think you are most like. The second is who should actually play you, which means admitting which celebrity is really your spirit animal.

13If you could go back in time, would you change what you wore to prom?

Fashion faux pas questions are a must. This is a light-hearted question, but can bring up more throwback style memories, which is always a good thing to talk about.

14What’s your most prominent childhood memory?

You might’ve grown up in the same house, but kids remember events completely different so this is a unique way to talk about childhood through your sister’s eyes.

15Is there something I did that you’ve never gotten over, or forgiven?

This is another serious question for all you ladies. There always seems to be a grudge holder in every family, is your sister the one in yours?

16On a scale from one to 10 how uncomfortable are you answering these questions?

It’s always a good idea to make sure your sister is comfortable when you talk to her, especially if you asking her a million deep or personal questions in one sitting.

17When did you tell mom and dad that you started drinking? When did you actually have your first drink?

Again, two very telling and different questions. Was your sister a rebel, who lied about her drinking and you had no clue, or did she tell your parents right away and then go from there? Did you do the same?

18Which of our siblings is actually your favorite?

Okay, this might be like walking into a trap, but if you have more than one sibling, haven’t you always wanted to know the answer to this?

19What’s one piece of parental advice that you’ve held onto?

Your mom and dad could’ve given each of you completely different advice along the way, so it’s interesting to see what your sister has kept with her as she’s grown up.

20What is your guilty TV pleasure?

You can tell a lot about someone based on what they watch on TV. Plus, if you watch the same thing it opens up a whole other lane of discussion for you guys.

21Have you ever had a night you couldn’t remember? If so what led up to it?

Party stories are usually something siblings hide from one another, especially if your sibling is older. They’ve lived a life you probably had no clue about because you weren’t old enough to see it.

22What’s your greatest fear in life?

This might be hard to admit, but knowing someone’s fears can definitely bring people closer.

via giphyWhat questions would you want your sister to answer?

There are times when you just can’t stand her, and at times, just are thrilled to bits at the sight of her. But, there’s some part of you that feels incredibly lucky and blessed to have her as an ally for life. Who else but a sister can light up your life like a firecracker lights up the sky. Melodyful does it differently, by coming up with a list of songs about sisters, about growing up and bonding with them, and so many more surreal emotions.

How to apologize to your older sister

There are times when you just can’t stand her, and at times, just are thrilled to bits at the sight of her. But, there’s some part of you that feels incredibly lucky and blessed to have her as an ally for life. Who else but a sister can light up your life like a firecracker lights up the sky. Melodyful does it differently, by coming up with a list of songs about sisters, about growing up and bonding with them, and so many more surreal emotions.

You must have probably heard it a trillion times, but where would we be without sisters, eh? For many people who can relate to this, having a sister, younger or older, is one of the best things that could have happened in the world. A built-in BFF, a role model, someone who’s honest, protective, and who’ll be there for life.

If you are looking to thank your sister for being there, for being best friends, but aren’t good with words, songs can come to your rescue; songs that will convey your truest, deepest, and heartfelt feelings. You can make a collection of some of the best songs and dedicate it to your sibling, you can post it on her Facebook wall, the choice is yours. And you don’t need a rhyme or reason to do so. Melodyful presents a list of good songs about sisters; leaf through and take your pick.

By Alex Alexander — Written on Nov 05, 2021

How to apologize to your older sister

She may be your blood and perhaps even your only sister, but that doesn’t mean the two of you are ready to ride off into the sunset like you’re twin sisters in a gum commercial.

The fact is, sisters aren’t always best friends and even when you deeply love and care for your sister, there may still be some ugly, competitive, or resentful feelings between the two of you that are impossible to let go of.

Sometimes, though, it’s hard to confront or face this bad blood because the tension your sister may emit when with you may be so incredibly passive-aggressive.

This means there will never, ever be a sit-down discussion about the two of you, nor will she ever whisper a word about the real ugly feelings that lie beneath your sisterhood.

Here’s how to know for sure you and your sister are toxic siblings.

1. She doesn’t cheer you on.

If your sister never roots for you or calls to say “Congratulations” when you’ve accomplished a big goal, guess what? She’s most likely jealous of you and harbors ill feelings towards you. Sad? Yes. Your sister should be on the sidelines, but sometimes our sisters simply won’t be there to cheer us on.

2. She always has something to say about your life choices.

My sister comments on every single one of my life choices and it’s usually to tell me how it’s wrong. Or in an extremely passive-aggressive manner, she will tell some “story” of how someone she knows did exactly what I chose to do and how it blew up in this person’s face. But of course she’ll add, “I’m sure it will be different for you.”

Yeah, sure. Sisters that harbor bad blood will be inspecting your life as if you’re right under her personal microscope. From my social media statuses to my expenses, “Sister” has something to say and it’s usually negative.

3. She blames your success on pure luck.

When your sister is forced to acknowledge something you’ve done well, it will never be because you put in the hard work and elbow grease; no, it’s because of luck. Of course, your dear sister is never lucky.

4. She’s constantly complaining about her own misfortunes.

If your sister is constantly talking about her misfortunes and comparing them to your life repeatedly, she’s resentful of you and is putting her anger about her situation onto you. Oh boy, is this toxic! Been there, been through that.

5. You’re rarely seen together.

Does your sister ever show up at events, holidays, your birthday, or go out with you anywhere? If the answer is no, then why? Is she really that busy or does she simply not want to be around you? You know the answer and it hurts.

6. You’ve been fighting since you can remember.

Have the two of you fought since childhood? This is a battle that will never die. It doesn’t matter that the two of you are related: you simply don’t mix and no genes or DNA will let this battle die.

7. You scoff when people say you look alike.

When people say the two of you are similar in any manner, do you or your sister choke on your spit and gasp, “Absolutely not!”? There’s no doubt about the bad blood between the two of you.

8. She only speaks about herself.

When you two do spend time together, does your sister go on and on about herself, never pausing to ask how you are? She doesn’t care how you are, and if she does care she doesn’t want to hear it because your life may make her feel bad about hers.

9. You’re always competing with one another.

Is it a competition between the two of you? Is everything and anything a game to win? From how you raise your kids to how much you weigh, do one of you or both of you find yourself running to a metaphorical scoreboard? If you said yes, the two of you are sister with some serious bad mojo.

Sisterhood isn’t all daisies and tampon-commercial happiness. Sisters can be wonderful but they can also be the first person to figuratively push you down the cliff when you’re down or to throw stones at your trophies when you’re excelling in life.

Whether it’s due to her own feelings about her life or old childhood battles gone wrong, bad blood between a sister and you can be emotionally painful.

Hi I’m so glad you took this quiz. Awwwww you’re so nice I love you, cuddle. Just call me at my number I guess I will pick up to your stupid sister or something.

Are you a fat butt, well I know your mom is haha. oh my god you actually laughed geez I can’t believe you laghted over that stupid thing holy crap you retard?

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How to apologize to your older sister

It’s one thing to recognize examples of gaslighting abuse in a relationship, but it can be difficult to know how to respond. Part of the problem with gaslighting abuse is that if it were easy to spot, it wouldn’t be so effective. The reason these abuse tactics are so insidious is because gaslighters expose themselves gradually, but not without first discovering what makes us tick. As gaslighting abuse targets, we need to understand why and how gaslighters work to get us under their thumb so we can figure out how to respond. You will learn some examples of gaslighting abuse and how to respond to it if you keep reading.

Stages of Gaslighting Abuse with Examples and How to Respond

Examples of gaslighting abuse are best organized into stages of a relationship. According to the book, Why Is It Always About You by Sandy Hotchkiss, there are three distinct stages of gaslighting.

1. Idealization

The idealization stage is when a gaslighter does everything possible to earn your trust. He will put you on a pedestal and make you feel you can do no wrong. The gaslighter will encourage you to be vulnerable and offer a shoulder to cry on, money, shelter, and anything else you need. This stage alone does not make for an abusive relationship, but the early idealization can be quite extreme (Early Warning Signs of Verbal Abuse).

Examples of gaslighting abuse in the idealization stage:

  • “You don’t need to worry, I’ll keep you safe.”
  • “I can’t imagine you ever making me unhappy.”
  • “You’re so perfect.”
  • “I’ll give you everything you want and need.”
  • “Here, have these beautiful flowers/expensive jewelry/champagne as a token of my love — and expect many more.”

How to respond: Remind your partner that you are a human being with flaws, and you are most certainly not perfect. Try not to rely on someone you don’t know very well, and keep your money/home/employment separate if possible. Be careful what you share early on in a relationship, especially if you suspect someone could be a gaslighter: abusers prey on vulnerability, after all.

2. Devaluation

The devaluation stage is where the gaslighter starts to break you down. He or she will repeatedly criticize you and undermine your self-esteem. You will be made aware you’re doing something wrong, but it will be difficult to tell exactly what that is. You may be given extensive rules to follow under the guise that they are “in your best interests” and the gaslighter will make you feel like you’ve lost your mind.

Examples of gaslighting abuse in the devaluation stage:

  • “You’ve really disappointed me and I think you should feel disappointed with yourself.”
  • “Why do you do that? Are you trying to make me unhappy?”
  • “You’re so stupid sometimes.”
  • “I never said that. You must have imagined it.”
  • “That didn’t happen — you’re crazy. You’re exaggerating it to make me look bad.”
  • “If you can’t change, I can’t be with you. You need to try harder to please me.”

How to respond: Try to create boundaries in the relationship and take back some control. If someone repeatedly criticizes you or undermines you, tell him it’s not okay and to treat you with more respect. If you’re made to feel like you made something up or didn’t happen, don’t fight back. Calmly explain that your version of events is how you remember it and change the subject. Create distance between you and the gaslighter wherever possible, and if you can, leave.

3. Discarding

Once the gaslighter has eroded your self-esteem and convinces you you’re crazy, he will eventually discard you. This could happen after many years, and it’s important to note that it doesn’t always mean breaking off a relationship. A gaslighter can discard you in other ways by telling you that you’re not important, having an affair, ignoring you, withholding, coming and going, or keeping you in limbo about the future of your relationship.

Examples of gaslighting abuse in the discarding stage:

  • “You’re pathetic. I deserve someone better.”
  • “I’m leaving now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”
  • “You keep making me unhappy and you obviously don’t care, so I’m leaving. It’s your own fault.”
  • “I don’t care about you anymore.”
  • “You’re a waste of space.”
  • “You disappointed me.”

How to respond: Try to resist begging him to stay — that’s what he wants. Get out now before your dignity is destroyed and don’t look back. Change your number, delete him from social media, and if he comes crawling back (which he inevitably will) don’t fall for his charms — he will undoubtedly revert back to the idealization stage if he thinks you have moved on (How to Recover From the Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse).

What If You Don’t Want to Leave Your Gaslighter?

Not everyone can (or even wants to) leave an abusive relationship. However, if you stay with a gaslighter, you must be genuinely sure that person can change, and that you can develop abuse coping strategies for when the abuse returns. Tell him you’re done with the games, and he needs to learn to treat you better. He should be getting help for his own issues before he can hope to have a healthy relationship with you.

Reference

Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss, Simon & Schuster Free Press, 2008.

Disclaimer: I realize that both men and women can be victims of abuse; my pronoun choices are merely reflective of my own experience.

How to apologize to your older sister

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”—Positive Outlooks

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

I repeated the mantra in my head over and over again. I set it to a tune. I hummed it in my mind. But it still wasn’t sinking in. It felt like it was about me. In fact, it felt like I was under attack. Being falsely accused of something I didn’t do.

But, it didn’t matter.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

It wasn’t about me. There was a larger story at play. The one of my family, especially my children, suffering the consequences of an argument that I didn’t start, and couldn’t seem to end. It had gone on for years, and my attempts to get anyone to even acknowledge my viewpoint, were futile.

David struggled with this as well. In Psalms 69, he calls out to God in the midst of his accusers:

“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.”

He was forced to restore what he did not steal. Accused of things he did not do.

Relationships are messy. And Jesus clearly understood. In fact, he specifically instructed us on what to do should we find ourselves in a disagreement with others. In Matthew 5:23-24, He said:

“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

I love how this doesn’t specify who is at fault. To God, who is at fault is not the question. It is about making things right, regardless of who is at fault. It doesn’t mean that we are taking the blame, but instead, taking the initiative to live in peace with that person. I know—it seems impossible. But, as believers, we are called to a higher standard. Called to love others as we would like to be loved—not as we are loved. A much different thing.

The truth is, there is an art to disagreeing. And, like most art, it’s not always easy to understand at first glance. The meaning, and the methods used, may not be clear in the beginning.

Knowing When it’s time to apologize:

  • The relationship with the other person is one that has lifelong potential, such as a family member, spouse, or long-time friend, and you value the relationship in spite of the disagreement.
  • You have approached them in love, and been refused.
  • You have tried to find a common ground, willing to give in, and been refused.
  • When you approach the person who has offended you, there is a rehashing of what happened—as if it just happened—instead of a willingness to find resolution.
  • The matter is affecting other people who were not part of the original disagreement.
  • You avoid gatherings where the person might be.
  • You have prayed about the situation and don’t feel the need to create a permanent boundary (you should not compromise in situations that involve physical or mental abuse of any kind).
  • You feel certain that if you apologize, the matter will end.

How to get your mind around apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong:

  • You can show regret for the feelings the other person has incurred as a result of the situation without taking blame for the situation itself. This assumes that you did not intend to hurt feelings, or that the original action was intended for good and had unforeseen consequences for which you were not responsible. When doing this, make sure that you apologize with no caveats. Instead of “I’m sorry if you were offended by something I said” (putting the reaction back on them), say something like “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you” (putting the responsibility on you).
  • Decide what you are apologizing for, and state it plainly. An open-ended apology that makes you feel exposed to accepting something you did not do, will not end the disagreement. More than likely, it will cause bitterness that may escalate it. Instead, you can show grace to the person who offended you, and apologize for the part you played in the situation that followed the offense (such as: isolation from that person, bad feelings towards that person, etc.)
  • Don’t dwell on the truth. In many cases, the truth will lie between you, the offender, and God alone. In long standing disputes, the truth doesn’t matter as much as the separation it has caused.
  • Don’t make excuses for the person who caused the offense. Instead, offer mercy, knowing that you are freeing yourself as much as you are freeing them. They don’t have to answer to you for their actions, but you do have to answer to God.
  • Agree not to discuss it again. When both parties have been hurt, and an agreement of wrongdoing cannot be settled, it is best to let the situation go. In order to move forward, both parties need to agree that it is forgiven, and that it is best not to discuss it for the sake of the relationship.

In long standing disagreements, it’s not really about who is right or wrong, but who is willing to listen to the other person, and show understanding toward them. Most people don’t want conflict between themselves and others, but pride keeps them from admitting wrongdoing.

Often, the person who suffered the mistreatment will be the one who is forced to end the argument with no apology from the other side. Showing grace and mercy to another who has offended you is not only an incredible gift to that person, but a living testimony of how your Savior would treat you. And, that alone, sisters, is enough to break the silence.

How to apologize to your older sister

You screwed up. Now it’s time to own it. Knowing how to apologize is a crucial life and career skill. But when you write an apology letter, creating a permanent record of an event and your response to it, it’s all the more important that you get it right.

Why is writing an apology letter so hard?

Apologizing is an art form few of us seem to master. We don’t want to admit our mistakes because we think that making mistakes reflects badly on our character. But the truth is, not apologizing, or making a feeble non-apology, is often worse.

There are a few reasons you may struggle with apologies:

  • You assume that making mistakes means you’re a bad person. When you feel ashamed, you have a hard time recognizing that one goof doesn’t reflect on your character as a whole.
  • You get defensive. No one wants to feel ashamed. But a defense is not an apology.
  • You worry that you’ll have to own all the responsibility, or that you’ll open the floodgate for more accusations. It could happen, sure. But not apologizing builds resentment over time, and that’s toxic to personal and workplace environments.

The good news is that when you put your apology in writing, you have the luxury of polishing and editing your thoughts so that they say precisely what you mean to convey.

The Elements of a Good Apology Letter

Sorry does seem to be the hardest word, but if you can master these steps in the apology process, you’re sure to make a good impression. These guidelines apply whether you’re apologizing for a personal error, or you’re writing an apology on behalf of a team or business.

  • Say you’re sorry. Not, “I’m sorry, but . . .” Just plain ol’ “I’m sorry.”
  • Own the mistake. It’s important to show the wronged person that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions.
  • Describe what happened. The wronged person needs to know that you understand what happened and why it was hurtful to them. Make sure you remain focused on your role rather than deflecting the blame.
  • Have a plan. Let the wronged person know how you intend to fix the situation.
  • Admit you were wrong. It takes a big person to own up to being wrong. But you’ve already reminded yourself that you’re a big person. You’ve got this.
  • Ask for forgiveness. A little vulnerability goes a long way toward proving that you mean what you say.

It’s as easy (and as hard) as that. No minimizing, no shifting blame, no defenses. Now, let’s take a look at some apology letter examples that follow this format.

Apology Letter Examples

Before you begin writing, there are a few pointers to keep in mind. First, keep your letter brief and to the point. Don’t ramble on about what happened—distill it to the essentials. Don’t exaggerate, either. There’s no need to fall on your sword. But do keep your language respectful, sincere, and professional.

The Third-Party Apology

If you supervise an employee who made a mistake and find yourself apologizing to a customer or client, it’s important that you take responsibility without dumping all the blame on the employee. After all, what your employees do reflects your leadership.

On behalf of ABC Office Equipment, I extend our sincerest apologies for the bad experience you had with our sales associate, James. I understand that James made unprofessional remarks when you visited our storefront to inquire about a new copier. You came to us in search of information, and instead were subjected to a pushy salesperson.

At ABC, it’s our goal to help you make an informed purchase decision without having to deal with aggressive sales tactics. James is a new employee that I’ve been training. I take full responsibility for his behavior. He has received a written reprimand and will be shadowing one of our senior sales associates until he has a better understanding of the ABC Office Equipment approach to customer service.

I’m grateful that you brought this issue to my attention and I ask your forgiveness. We’d love to earn your business. I’ve included a voucher for 20 percent off your next purchase in our store as a thank-you, should you decide to give us a second chance. We hope to see you again soon!

Jennifer Smith Equipment Sales Manager

The Personal Apology Letter

Sometimes, you have to own up to something you did that hurt or inconvenienced another person. We’ve all been there. Keep it simple. Don’t make excuses. Show that you’re trying to improve.

I apologize for not arriving on time to pick you up from the airport yesterday afternoon. I have no excuse for keeping you waiting and wondering when your ride would show up.

It’s important to me not to let people down when they’re depending on me. Next time, I’ll make better use of calendar alerts so I’ll be sure to leave in plenty of time to arrive as scheduled, or even ahead of schedule.

I humbly ask your forgiveness. I hope my mistake won’t prevent you from seeking my help in the future. I’m always happy to be of service.

The Mass Apology

It’s horrifying to think about, but sometimes you end up upsetting a group of people rather than just one person. As with all apology letters, It’s important not to say, “I’m sorry if anyone felt offended.” (That’s like saying, “It’s too bad some of you don’t know how to handle my personality.”) Instead, say, “I’m sorry that I offended anyone.”

I owe you all an apology. When I planned my costume for our annual company Halloween bash, I clearly wasn’t thinking. I now realize that what I wore was offensive to some of you, as well as to your families.

It was never my intention to cause anyone distress. Looking back, however, I can clearly see that I didn’t think things through before I decided on what to wear. Next time, I’ll be sure to weigh my warped sense of humor against my sense of propriety and choose something that isn’t controversial.

I hope you’ll forgive me for making you uncomfortable. Please accept the cupcakes in the breakroom as a sincere peace offering.

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  • How to apologize to your older sister

    • Aug. 24, 2017

    Expressing condolences to a grieving friend or loved one can make the most articulate of us feel tongue-tied.

    It often feels like an obstacle course of etiquette and taste: What should you say? Should you send a card or meet in person? Is an email or Facebook message acceptable? The answers to those questions often depend on your relationship to the grieving party, but here are some tips that are applicable in any situation.

    Digital Condolences

    Experts were divided about the use of social media to express sympathies.

    In the case of someone you know mainly as a friend on Facebook, sending a Facebook message or an email could be “right on,” Sheila K. Collins, the author of “Warrior Mother: Fierce Love, Unbearable Loss and Rituals that Heal,” said in an email, adding: “Like the birthday wishes — short and to the point — ‘My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.’ ‘Sorry to hear of your loss.’ ”

    April Masini, who writes about relationships and etiquette for her website Ask April, said in an email that offering sympathy via social media can fall short. Many people post comments primarily to be seen publicly expressing condolences, she said, and comforting the bereaved becomes a secondary goal.

    If you do leave a message on a grieving person’s Facebook profile, be sure to follow up with a phone call, or maybe a note or card in the mail, experts said. You want your condolences to be personal and direct, so taking time to treat the grieving party to coffee or to send them a personal note means more than a quick “I’m sorry for your loss” via Facebook message or text.

    Also, only offer condolences on social media if the person has posted the death and personally publicized it, said Michelle P. Maidenberg, the president and clinical director of Westchester Group Works, a group therapy center in Harrison, N.Y. The last thing you want is to force your grieving friend into an unwanted public conversation about the death.

    Experts differed on the use of emails, but Ms. Maidenberg recommended against them.

    “It puts the burden of responsibility on the other person to respond, and if they don’t have the time or wherewithal to answer, they could be left feeling regretful and guilty,” she said.

    Coping With Grief and Loss

    Living through the loss of a loved one is a universal experience. But the ways in which we experience and deal with the pain can largely differ.

    • What Experts Say: Psychotherapists say that grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be lived through, in whatever form it may take.
    • How to Help: Experiencing a sudden loss can be particularly traumatic. Here are some ways to offer your support to someone grieving.
    • A New Diagnosis: Prolonged grief disorder, a new entry in the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual, applies to those who continue to struggle long after a loss.
    • The Biology of Grief: Grief isn’t only a psychological experience. It can affect the body too, but much about the effects remains a mystery.

    How to Get Started

    As soon as you learn your friend has lost someone, send a note or condolence card. It can be difficult, but put yourself in your friend’s shoes and consider how helpful it would be to have someone to lean on during a tough time. Ms. Masini acknowledged that writing a condolence card can be a challenge, but she warned against procrastinating.

    “Schedule some quiet time to compose a heartfelt message,” she wrote. “Chances are the person you’re writing to is going to value this card way more than you realize and will reread it several times, especially if you knew the person who died.”

    You can start with “I’m sorry for your loss” or “My thoughts and prayers are with you.”

    Draw on Your Memories

    If you knew the person who died, talk about how what you loved most about that person.

    “Your written memories are going to be like Christmas ornaments on a tree,” Ms. Masini wrote. “Help the bereaved grieve and remember fondly the one they’ve lost with your detailed anecdotes, memories and compliments.”

    Ms. Collins said sharing something positive is a “very powerful action” that reminds the bereaved of how others interacted with the person who died.

    “You want the person to get the message that you care, that they are not alone in their grief,” she said in an email. “You want to offer support, comfort and encouragement.”

    Offer Concrete Ways to Help

    “Making general offers of help such as ‘Let me know if I can be of help’ will go nowhere, so be specific when you offer your help,” Mr. Alpert said in an email.

    Similarly, “I’m here if you want to talk” or “I’m around if you need anything” puts the onus of action onto the grieving party, who’s already struggling emotionally and may not have the energy to reach out. Instead, be proactive and spend that energy so they don’t have to.

    He suggested: “I’d like to bring you dinner on Tuesday evening” or “I’m going to the grocery store and would like to bring you food. What can I get you?” The goal is to be helpful and offer comfort during a difficult time.

    What Not to Say

    Don’t make it about you. Avoid referring to your own experiences with the death of a loved one, Ms. Masini wrote, adding that those references can be saved for a future conversation.

    “For now, comparing the loss of your beloved pet to the loss of your uncle’s brother diminishes the death at hand,” she wrote. Similarly, don’t try to empathize so much with your friend that they wind up feeling like they have to console you.

    Avoid clichés, and do not use expressions such as “It happened for the best” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

    If you are stumped about what to write or say, look for inspiration in sympathy cards or search online for sample condolence messages.

    Just Being There Matters

    Linda Fite of Kerhonkson, N.Y., emphasized the importance of reaching out. Don’t avoid sending a note because you are unsure of what to write, she said in a Facebook posting.

    “Honestly, when my mother died, I was so touched and lifted up by ANY and all the expressions of sympathy,” she wrote.

    Ms. Collins, who had a son die of AIDS at 31 and whose daughter died of breast cancer at 42, emphasized the importance of reaching out.

    “It is often difficult to know what to do in situations like this, and everyone feels a bit unnerved and intimidated,” she wrote.

    She said she was “deeply comforted” by cards, phone calls and visits, adding: “As supporters we always think, ‘I don’t want to bother them now.’ The truth is that grieving people need bothering so they don’t spend all their time grieving.”

    How do you comfort your grieving sister after the death of her husband? These five ways to help a family member grieve are inspired by a brother’s comment. His sister’s husband died several months ago, and she hasn’t been coping well with the grieving process.

    “Thanks so much for writing about feeling scared to grieve on She Blossoms,” said Gary on What to Do When Grieving Feels Scary and Overwhelming. “My sister lost her husband, it was a tragic death at home that is very painful for her. It’s been several months, and she’s still overwhelmed with loss and grief. I want to help and comfort my sister but I don’t know how to offer emotional support. I don’t know what to say or do. Could you give me some advice on how to help a grieving family member? Thanks, Laurie.”

    First, I’m so sorry to hear about your family’s loss. I can’t imagine how painful it is for your sister to lose her husband to a tragic death (he took his own life). I don’t know what your sister is going through or feeling. My sympathies to her, you, and your whole family. I’ll share what I have, but I encourage you to get more in-depth help. It’s important to get all the support you can, as you walk through the grieving process with your sister.

    If you call an grief support line or attend a family grief group, you’ll get specific suggestions. Your family dynamics will change how you comfort and support your sister. Some families are open and expressive through the grieving process, while others are more sedate and quiet.

    How you help you sister through grief also depends on her relationship with her husband. I encourage you to call a suicide hotline and/or a grief counselor. Consider getting in-person guidance and support; this type of grief isn’t something you can get fast tips or quick online help for.

    5 Ways to Help Your Sister With the Grieving Process

    My articles — especially the ones on loss and grieving — are broken up into five different categories. This offers a holistic approach to life and relationships. I write about the whole woman: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. And, the separate Blossom Tips help you identify which works best for you.

    1. Spirit – Sit in silence with your sister

    How to apologize to your older sister

    Ways to Help Your Sister With the Grieving Process

    The Holy Spirit of God brings peace, love, and strength when we need it most. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, take time to sit in silence. Open your heart and mind to God’s presence. Listen for His still small voice — for He will give you wisdom and guidance. He will show you how to comfort your sister after her husband’s death.

    If you seek Him with all your heart and mind, God will show you specific ways to help your sister through the grieving process. Take a deep breath, and allow your spiritual self to overcome your anxious mind and tense body. Bring a calm, relaxed, peaceful presence to your sister. Bring a sense of God’s peace and presence. This will help her cope with the grief of her husband’s death more than anything.

    2. Heart – Allow healing to be ongoing

    Grief is an emotional wound that never goes away. It lightens and the pain fades, but the loss remains. Your sister’s husband’s death was a painful and traumatic shock, and she will live with it forever. Don’t expect her to “get over” the grief, and don’t assess (or judge) her grieving process. Allow her to grieve at her own pace, in her own way.

    It’ll take a long time for your sister to recover and start to feel normal again after her husband’s death; let her go at her own pace. When I say a “long time,” I mean years. Death isn’t something we ever really heal from, and a husband’s decision to take his own life is traumatic. Allow her grieving and healing process to be an ongoing part of her — and your life.

    Need encouragement?

    3. Soul – Look for creative ways to grieve

    I recently interviewed a bereavement counselor for an article on helping family members through the grieving process. She said a “family lantern” is one of their grief group activities. Family members create a collage of photos, stickers, and mementos for a lantern that commemorates a loved one’s death.

    If your sister is artistic, consider finding a creative way to express her grief. Do an internet search for “grief art activities” or even “expressive arts therapy for the grieving process.” Considering looking for whimsical, light-hearted activities that will help her through the pain — if this fits with your sister’s personality and interests. Sometimes creative people need encouragement to pick up the paintbrush, pen or knitting needles to help them when they feel overwhelmed by the grieving process.

    4. Body – Invite her for walks, hikes, sails

    Keeping active is one of the healthiest ways to cope with the grieving process; physical activity increases natural “feel good” endorphins and happy hormones. Going for walk, bike ride, or even a sail around the harbor won’t erase the grief your sister feels after her husband’s death…but it may give her a different perspective.

    How can you incorporate movement into your time with her? Consider taking a yoga class together, or even a dance class. Grieving widows don’t always have energy or motivation to get out of the house and get a different perspective, so one way to help your sister through grief is to encourage her to get physically active.

    5. Brain – Learn about the grieving process

    Widows and other mourners typically want to talk about their death husbands and lost loved ones. So, don’t be afraid of bringing up your sister’s husband, habits and memories. Many widows feel alone and isolated, and don’t have anyone to talk to about their lost spouses. People aren’t comfortable talking about death, which leaves widows alone in their grief. Talk to your sister about her husband, his death, and her feelings. More importantly, listen to how she feels. Let your sister talk about how her husband died. Let her cry.

    How to apologize to your older sisterRead books about dying, death and the grieving process. This will help you understand the grief a widow feels after her husband dies.

    Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant is a popular, valuable resource that will help you learn about the grieving process. Your sister may benefit from this book as well, especially since Sandberg wrote it in response to her own husband’s death.

    And, remember that your mere presence is extremely valuable to your sister. You don’t have to “do” anything but be there, with your arm around her.

    For more insight into your sister’s grief after her husband’s death, read The First Valentine’s Day After Your Husband’s Death.

    What do you think? Your comments – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do about how to help your sister through grief after her husband’s death. It’s your turn to talk.

    Remember: You have a source of wisdom that goes far above me, and you’ll listen to His voice when you’re ready. Then, your faith will give you the strength and courage you need to walk beside your sister into the next season of life.

    By Malia Wollan

    • Sept. 11, 2018

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  • How to apologize to your older sister

    “Remember that it’s not about you,” says Telaina Eriksen, a creative-writing professor at Michigan State University in East Lansing, who wrote a book about her daughter’s coming out as a lesbian. No matter what kind of relationship you have with the person, don’t immediately turn the conversation to yourself by saying something like “I knew it all along!” or “How could you do this to me?” If you are in a position of authority — a parent, teacher or coach — be extra careful; what you say will be imbued with that power differential. “Whatever you do,” Eriksen says, “don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ ”

    Eriksen learned what not to do as a preteen in rural Michigan in the early 1980s when her mother raged against and demeaned her older sister when she announced she was a lesbian. “To be so utterly rejected and threatened by the person who has brought you into the world profoundly impacts your sense of self,” Eriksen says. If someone comes out to you, make that individual feel heard, seen and respected by saying something like “Thank you so much for trusting me and telling me that.” Reiterate your care and love. Ask what you can do to provide support. Protect the person’s privacy; before the conversation ends, ascertain whether it’s O.K. to tell other people. If you have religious beliefs against homosexuality, this is not the time to bring them up. “Judging people isn’t loving,” Eriksen says.

    If you say something you regret, apologize right away. “Most people are pretty open to sincere efforts to try to get it right,” Eriksen says. While it is true that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people suffer more stigma, violence, prejudice, depression and suicide, don’t tell the person coming out how worried you are. Eriksen’s daughter came out 10 years ago, when she was 12, and Eriksen still frets about her emotional and physical safety. “My responsibility isn’t to tell her, ‘Don’t hold hands with your girlfriend in public,’ ” Eriksen says. “My responsibility as a straight person is to work to change our society so that my daughter can walk down the street safely holding her girlfriend’s hand if she wants to.”

    Trimming your guest list can be one of the toughest tasks on your to-do list. A variety of factors influence the size of your wedding, from your budget to your venue and your overall vision. Since it isn’t always feasible to invite everyone you know, here’s how to politely tell someone they aren’t invited to your wedding especially if they assume as much. Distant friends or acquaintances might put you in an uncomfortable position if they ask for an invite when you weren’t planning on extending one, which is why we recommend preparing a few responses.

    Whether you’re working with a strict budget or you only want immediate family and friends at your nuptials, it’s OK that you’ve limited your guest list. When it comes to invitations, you should include people you genuinely want to celebrate with. One caveat to consider, though, is that anyone who’s contributing to your wedding typically has a say in the guest list, according to traditional wedding etiquette rules. If your parents or in-laws are helping foot the bill, it’s necessary to collaborate on the guest list.

    In the months leading up to your nuptials, people who aren’t included on your list might insinuate that they expect to attend. While it might feel awkward, there are ways to politely tell someone they aren’t invited. Below, we’ve highlighted a variety of reasons someone might not have gotten an invite, along with examples of exactly what to say if they ask why. Read our tips to seamlessly handle awkward guest list conversations like a pro.

    The Reason: They’re a distant friend

    It’s not uncommon for distant friends and acquaintances to reach out after you get engaged. They might comment on Instagram pictures or send well-meaning messages about your upcoming wedding, expressing their interest in catching up. They most likely mean well, but the conversation might get awkward if it feels like they’re getting in touch solely for an invite to your wedding. You’ll often be able to tell if a person is sincere in their well-wishes or if they’re trying to land a spot on your guest list.

    When it’s time to politely tell them they’re not invited to the wedding, stick with the simple truth. Tell them you’re happy they reached out to you, and you’re excited to get back in touch. Fill them in on your life since you last spoke and ask them questions about theirs. If they ask you about the wedding, tell them about the budget and space constraints. If you do want to see them, suggest catching up over coffee or dinner after the wedding. Here are some ideas of how to navigate this tricky conversation.

    “It’s great to hear from you! We hope you’re doing well since we last caught up. We’re keeping our guest list limited to immediate family members and close friends, but we’d love to catch up with you after the wedding.”

    “Thank you so much for your well-wishes, it means the world to us. We’re sticking to a small guest list due to budget constraints, so we hope you’ll understand. We’d love to grab dinner with you soon to catch up.”

    “It’s great to be in touch again! Due to our venue capacity we have a small guest list, but we really appreciate your well wishes.”

    The Reason: They’re a boss or coworker

    You’re likely going to see your boss and coworkers on a fairly consistent basis leading up to your wedding. They might ask questions about your planning process because they’re genuinely interested to know, and this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re looking for an invitation. But as your date gets closer, they may start to hint that they want to come. You don’t have to invite anyone from work, but you can if you want to—especially if you’re close friends with some of your colleagues. Plus, inviting one person from work doesn’t mean you have to invite everyone.

    How to apologize to your older sister

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    How to apologize to your older sister

    PeopleImages / Getty Images

    It’s always difficult to know what to say when someone loses a sister, but you still need to offer condolences. A few simple words can provide a lot of comfort to her siblings.

    As soon as you hear about the death, start thinking about what to say, but don’t let much time pass before you express your sympathy. Call or send a message as soon as possible, but be brief.

    Be intentional, show sympathy, and offer a listening ear. Sometimes it’s best to say a few words and then stop talking to listen to the survivor.

    Remember that this is a very emotional time for the family members. So don’t expect to “cheer them up.” Nothing you say or do will remove the heartache from their loss. Instead, focus more on providing comfort and showing kindness.

    Offer Comfort

    Instead of trying to come up with the perfect words, express your sympathy with a simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Then be quiet and truly listen to your friend.

    She’s probably dealing with quite a few conflicting emotions that may range from sadness to anger and perhaps even some guilt. This is a normal part of the grieving process.

    Show Kindness

    Even if you’ve sent a sympathy note, call to express your condolences. If you are close friends with the survivor, visit and bring food.

    Offer to do something helpful. If the person is involved with making funeral arrangements, offer to babysit, help with a chore, or do something to take some of the pressure off.

    What to Write in a Sympathy Card

    After a friend loses a sister, there will be a void in her life that no one else can fill. Avoid the temptation to say it will get better over time. That won’t provide any comfort at a time when she’s hurting the most.

    Here are some examples of what to write in a sympathy card:

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. If you need to talk, I’m a good listener.
    • Even though I never met your sister, I felt as though I knew her through all the wonderful things you told me. I am so sorry to hear what happened.
    • You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this time.
    • I’m heartbroken about the loss of your sister. She was so sweet, and I know she loved you very much.
    • Your sister always had such a soft heart for those less fortunate. She will definitely be missed.
    • I know this is a difficult time for you. If you feel like talking, please give me a call.
    • If you need any help with babysitting or running errands, please let me know. I’ll be glad to help in any way I can.

    What Not to Say or Do

    When someone loses a sister, avoid the temptation to give a pat comment. Here are some things you should never say:

    • She’s in a better place.
    • Try to smile. [Sister’s name] wouldn’t want you to cry.
    • You might be sad now, but time heals. You’ll eventually get over it.
    • Let this be a lesson. If she’d taken better care of herself, she’d still be alive.

    You shouldn’t say anything negative about the person’s sister, no matter how you feel. It doesn’t help the survivors to hear bad things about the person they just lost.

    Don’t try to force your friend to have fun or get back to her normal self any time soon. No matter how down she is, it’s up to her to decide when she’s ready to laugh and joke with her pals.

    At the Funeral

    Speak to each family member and offer your condolences, but don’t spend too much time talking. This is the time to show up to the funeral, show that you care, and give the family some space if they need it.

    However, if you’re good friends with one of the surviving family members, she may want to talk to you a little bit longer. Be there for her but don’t put pressure on yourself to say the perfect words.

    If you’re not sure what to say, don’t say anything. It’s often best to listen or simply give her a hug to show that you care.

    After the Funeral

    After the funeral, give your friend a few days to grieve with her family. Then call and ask if she’d like to talk. Listen to her and accept her answer. If she’s not ready to chat, don’t take it personally.

    In a couple of weeks, send her a card to let her know you’re thinking of her. Once again, offer your help and willingness to listen. So many people are swarmed with condolences immediately after the death, but it often stops shortly after the funeral.

    Things to Remember

    A person who loses a sister will probably feel intense sorrow. After all, many people consider their sisters to be their best friend, and turn to their sisters first when they have good news or bad news. She may have been the person your friend went to first for advice, and it will take quite a bit of time to come to grips with her death.

    Regardless of what you say or what you do, you can’t “fix” the loss. The survivors will feel pain and heartache, no matter what words you use. Whether you’re writing a sympathy note or talking to family members, keep your message short but heartfelt. The kindest thing you can do is show that you’re thinking of them and that you care.

    Are you searching for a good apology template for your daughter? Here we are providing you with some good ideas for writing an A pology letter to daughter. Write to your daughter with love and patience so that she could not resist her to talk to you again. Hoping you will like it as these templates for an apology to your daughter will be beneficial for you. Keep reading this article and get an idea for writing to your daughter.

    There is the apology [Sorry] template to your daughter. This is the templates that can be used by mother, father, aunt or uncle.

    A pology Letter Sample to daughter with Example

    Sample Apology Letter to my Daughter

    Dear Annie,
    Hope you are fine. How are you doing? I am sorry as I am writing to you after so long. I was busy with my meetings in the office and I couldn’t find time to talk to you dear. I know you were also tensed with your exams from the last few days and also didn’t give you time. That was the time you need me to be there with you to support you in your hard times. But I was not available for you, this is my entire fault. Please forgive me as I hurt you and didn’t give you much time and didn’t talk to you. I’m really sorry for this behavior. Please talk to me and write to me as soon as possible and give your best in the remaining exams too. I know you will do surely well as usual and do not take the stress. I am always there for you. My blessings are with you. Do well. I love you.

    Your loving,
    (write your name)

    Apology Letter to Daughter from Mother

    I was thinking to write to you again as you were not replying to our previous letters. Are you all right dear Jennie? Your father was also worried about you. How are you doing in your exams and when will you come to the home? I am very sorry for hurting you and we actually wanted to come to meet you. But your father was so busy with his office work so we were not able to come to you. I am really sorry as I promised you but I didn’t come to you. Please forgive my dear I will come to you for sure. I love you. Meet you soon and stay blessed. Good luck for your exams.

    With lots of love,

    Letter to My Daughter for Asking for Forgiveness

    I owe you a huge apology for not fulfilling your wishes. I have always loved you and have made you my first priority. But from last few days, I was not talking to you properly because of my own issues and got mad over you. I was suffering from high fever and I didn’t tell you about my health. Please forgive me for this. I know I made you feel bad by my words and hurt you even though you were always there for me whenever I needed you. I am not a good mother still you love me much more than I deserve. I promise I will take care of my health. Please do not get angry over it and talk to me properly. Waiting for you, please come early.

    Love you a lot dear and take care of your health and studies.

    Apology Letter to Daughter From Dad

    How are you doing dear? Hope you are fine. I love you a lot, my dear Aelia. I missed you very much last days. I know I didn’t talk to you on a regular basis as I am too much busy with my work. But you should understand that I have so many responsibilities on my shoulders. I have to look after the whole family and these days your grandma is also not well. I couldn’t find much time for you and didn’t come to meet you. Please take care of your health and we will meet soon. Hope you did well in your finals. I wish you a successful life ahead and sending you my wishes and blessings for happiness in your life.

    We love you and miss you here.
    Much love,
    Dad.

    Apology Letter Template to Daughter in PDF and Word Format

    How to apologize to your older sister

    How to apologize to your older sister

    Apology Letter Template to Daughter in PDF Format

    Apology Letter Template to Daughter in Word (.Docs) Format