When people think of college, parties, schoolwork and romance come to mind.
When I graduated from high school, I felt like I was finally in a place where I was ready to dedicate the time and commitment necessary to being in a relationship. I met a few guys who I liked when I went away. After a few months into my first year of college, I started dating someone who I thought could really make me happy.
At first, everything was going great. I finally felt like I had met someone who actually understood me and cared for me. He always walked me home after a date to make sure I got home safe. We could talk about anything, and it felt like we understood each other completely. It was magic.
Unfortunately, all that changed a few weeks later. We broke up. It turns out he was just like every guy I’ve met thus far in college: selfish and self-absorbed.
I had had crushes on a few other guys before I finally settled into that relationship, but every one of them seemed to have this similar way of thinking that I could not understand. They all believed dating was trivial, and that having feelings for someone was weak. They wanted to hook up with as many girls as possible, and didn’t care about who they were hurting along the way.
It was hard to pull apart and try to comprehend. That is, until one day. I finally realized the importance of each of these people in my life. One failed relationship and many crushes later, I came to the realization that all of the guys I’ve ever been interested in have taught me important lessons about life and relationships.
Here are the five things no one ever told me about dating in college:
1. Not everyone dates exclusively.
In high school, everyone knows everything. Relationships are rarely kept secrets, and couples become obvious when pairs walk hand-in- hand down the hallway. Since these relationships are publicly known, dating exclusively is never a question. It is simply established and assumed.
Once I got to college, each guy I was into made it clear that we weren’t exclusive. So if we were seeing other people, it would just be “whatever.” I wanted to simultaneously pull my hair out and scream.
Everyone says not to overgeneralize people, but the guys I’ve met in college have only wanted hookups. Most of them seem to hate the idea of any type of commitment.
It’s frustrating, and it can seem impossible to get through the never-ending stream of terrible guys. However, I’m optimistic that there are nice guys in college who do want relationships. They can’t all be the same.
2. Dating requires time management.
College is nowhere near as structured and organized as high school is. The day doesn’t start and end at the same time for everybody. Instead, people’s days begin when their first classes are scheduled, and they end after their last classes, meetings or practice.
There’s so much you can get involved in while you’re in college. Having a schedule that complements that of your boyfriend’s is nearly impossible. There will even be days when too much work makes it difficult for you to see each other at all.
You’ll get frustrated and feel defeated. But that time apart can make your relationship grow stronger. It will make your time together feel more valuable. It will get better as long as both people in the relationship try to make time for each other.
3. Some relationships will end up being long-distance.
When you find someone you really like, there is an instantaneous desire to constantly be with that person. College can be such a big, intimidating place that the opportunity to find someone who really understands you may seem like an impossible feat.
Unfortunately, not every guy you truly like and care about will always live in close proximity to your hometown. If he does, then you’re one of the lucky ones. When you meet someone you like while you’re away at school, it’s likely that neither of you will think about the summer that could separate you.
When summer seems forever away, it’s easy to ignore. But once spring kicks in and the final stretch of the year draws near, the pressure of your impending long-distance relationship sets in.
4. Don’t date anyone who lives on your floor.
This seems really obvious, but it can be a difficult rule to stick to sometimes. I have never participated in “floorcest,” but I have friends who have dated people who live on their dorm floors. Their horror stories have become my cautionary tales.
The awkward stares when you walk past one another in the hallway, and the dirty looks that get exchanged when one of you brings another person home for the night are not worth enduring. Just date the cute guy in your Spanish class. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble.
5. Luxurious dates don’t always happen like they do in the movies.
In college, money is an issue for everybody. Most of it is spent on textbooks, classes and takeout. So, while your first few dates with someone new might be really nice, some of your dates will be much simpler, like sitting in the dorms while watching movies, for example.
For those of us who want a whirlwind romance similar to the ones we’ve seen on the big screen, it’s hard not to fantasize about magical dates where your potential new guy will sweep you off your feet with some huge, romantic gesture. This isn’t realistic in college.
Every date should be magical because of the person you’re with. Your happiness shouldn’t depend on whether or not your date took you to some fancy restaurant.
Just enjoy spending time with your guy. If you really like each other, you won’t need the backdrop of a restaurant to enjoy one another’s company.
1. When you make the first move. Even though times are def changing, traditionally, guys are still expected to approach girls and ask them out on dates. That’s a lot of pressure! A casual, “Hey, wanna get ice cream later?” proves that you’re brave enough to knock down outdated gender norms and bold enough to go after what you want, which is H-O-T.
2. When you embrace the things that make you unique. No one else has your exact same freckles or the same cute gap in your teeth or the same throaty laugh — these are the things that make you unforgettable. Your confidence is hot!
3. When you bond over loving the same pizza toppings. This isn’t necessarily a sign he thinks you’re his soulmate, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. <3
4. When you make soda shoot out their nose. With your hysterical sense of humor, of course. Everyone loves to laugh, and who doesn’t want to date someone who makes them laugh all the time?
5. When you nerd out about something that’s really important to you. Whether that’s the YA author you can’t get enough of or the indie band that has only a couple hundred views on YouTube, your passion makes you irresistible. Those quirks transform you from just another girl. to the girl, the dream girl who will totally capture his heart.
6. When you can be silly in front of your crush without fearing his judgment. All those Snapchat selfies where you pull weirdo faces on purpose = you saying, “Hey, I’m cool enough to be myself, no matter what.” And confidence is sexy. Plus, it gives him permission to be himself without fear of judgment. Bonus points if you dance like this:
7. When you aren’t afraid to flirt. Whether it’s complimenting the way that t-shirt makes his blue eyes pop or greeting him with a flirty hug instead of a wave, guys love girls who are bold enough to flaunt their feelings.
8. When their dog loves you. Fluffy’s approval means the world to him. So, get on Fluffy’s good side with lots of head scratches and games of fetch.
9. When you offer to split the bill. Sure, he might like this move because it saves him a few bucks, but more importantly, it means that you like him for him, not the free food.
10. When you speak up in class. Voicing your knowledge and your opinions in class (or any other time!) proves you have a lot going on upstairs, and that you’re not afraid to flaunt it. Hey, it worked for Hermione.
11. When you get really animated while telling a story. Maybe you act out all the specific voices or do an interpretive dance to get your point across or whatever. Bottom line, you aren’t afraid to be you, in all your natural weirdness and excitement. It’s adorable.
12. When you remember the name of his favorite band. Or the name of the pet hamster he had in second grade, or the make and model of his dream car. When he knows you really, truly are listening and caring, it makes him see you in a different light. Everyone wants to feel important — showing him you listen and remember what he says is the most heartfelt way to accomplish that.
13. When you disagree with him. It’s much more fun and interesting to hang out with someone who challenges you rather than just agrees with everything you say. When you take a stand and hold true to your beliefs, he gets to see how passionate you really are and that you aren’t afraid to stand up for your beliefs. So, go ahead. Defend Mean Girls as the funniest movie of all time, even if you know he thinks it’s actually Superbad.
14. When you laugh at yourself. It’s much more fun to hang around someone who has a great sense of humor and doesn’t take themselves too seriously than someone who is so worried about how they look that they’re too afraid to be themselves.
15. When you can beat him at Call of Duty. He’ll never see it coming. and he’ll never be able to forget it, either.
A guy may still talk to other girls when he is already in a relationship because he hasn’t quite accepted the fact that he is in one.
The relationship may still feel very fresh and new to him.
He feels like it hasn’t quite sunk in yet that he is in a relationship.
Hence, his frame of mind is still stuck on how he behaves when he is single.
He still talks to other girls because he just doesn’t feel like he is in a solid enough relationship yet.
As I mentioned earlier, he will typically feel this way if the relationship is relatively new.
He hasn’t quite accepted it for what it is yet.
He may need some time for this relationship to persist in order for it to really hit him that he is in one.
Until then, he continues talking to other girls because he is not used to being in this relationship quite yet.
Another reason why a guy would still talk to other girls when he’s already in a relationship may be because he doesn’t actually take the relationship seriously.
He may feel like the relationship is not that important to him.
He may have gotten into it to make you happy or to simply be able to tell people that he is in a relationship.
There are guys who get into relationships all the time who have no intention of taking it seriously.
He may look at you as someone that he can depend on for sexual intimacy, conversation and dates.
However, he is not looking at the big picture. He is looking at what this relationship can do for him today.
He has no intention of putting in the effort required to make the relationship work for both parties.
Guys like this are looking out for themselves.
They are in a relationship for their own benefit or for their status.
They feel that they can still talk to other girls because they simply have no emotional investment in their relationship and do not take it seriously.
Another reason why a guy would still talk to girls even when he is already in a relationship is because he wants to keep his options open.
He may not want to put all of his eggs in one basket.
He may want to keep himself in the forefront of the minds of these other girls just so that he has some kind of insurance.
In other words, he knows that if things don’t work out with you, he still has all these other girls that he can look to for his next relationship.
He doesn’t want to close the door on his romantic or hookup opportunities just because he is in a relationship with you.
He knows that anything could happen at any moment that may jeopardize his current relationship with you and he is not the type that wants to spend too much time searching for a new girlfriend after the fact.
The more girls he talks to, the more opportunities he has to move on quickly to another girl if his relationship doesn’t work out with you.
A guy like this likes having options when it comes to girls.
He knows that he doesn’t have to invest too much effort into any one girl because he has other options.
He is the type of guy who doesn’t want to put in the time and effort that it takes to get to know a girl on a deeper basis. Thereby, he is most likely the kind of guy who isn’t the best prospect for a long-term committed relationship.
Now, this part of my series on very specific things that people experience with their exes when trying to get back together that cause a lot of frustration and difficulty.
Today, we’re going to be talking about what it means when your ex starts dating someone new right after your breakup.
Often, a lot of people see a situation where their ex is dating someone new and they say to themselves, “My ex is dating somebody new, I just need to bow out and to respect their new relationship.”
And that’s fine. If you truly believe that your ex is better off then that is absolutely fine and that’s absolutely respectable.
If your ex is dating someone new right away here is something important to think about:
If you truly believe that you and your ex are better off together than apart and know you could form a great relationship that would benefit them more than their rebound relationship or dating someone else— then don’t you at least owe them the opportunity to choose to have that better relationship and outcome with you?
I’m not saying you need to nefariously go out there and destroy your exe’s relationship or break up their new marriage or anything like that.
But if you truly believe that your ex would be better off with you then I think that you at least owe them the opportunity to make that choice for themselves rather than to make that choice for them by just giving them no choice, right?
If on the other hand you don’t think they would be better off with you, if you don’t think that they would be happier with you, and they will be worse off being in a relationship with you then yes, maybe you should back off and let them enjoy their new relationship.
But, when your ex is dating somebody new right after your breakup, you need to understand that there is probably something psychological going on there that’s very common with rebound relationships called displacement.
Oftentimes, when people get into a relationship directly after breaking up or ending a previous relationship, they tend to speed that new relationship up very quickly so that it sort of looks like the previous relationship.
They might elevate that new relationship to levels of commitment that were similar to the levels of commitment that maybe they had with you.
For example, maybe it took the two of you six months or a year to move in together but they are moving in together with their new partner after only a couple of weeks.
What’s going on when your ex moves on this quickly?
Is it because their new love is true and it means something more than yours did?
It’s simply that they’re just displacing onto the new relationship the sense of commitment and closeness that they had with you.
Their new relationship looks just like the relationship with they had with you because they have displaced their feelings onto the new relationship.
In that respect, they aren’t really even having a new relationship with this new person.
They’re really having a relationship with you but you’re not in the relationship. They’re actually having a relationship with a different person but it’s really a relationship with you.
How is that for weird, by the way?
When it comes to your ex being in a rebound relationship and your ex is dating somebody new right away, I want you to know that there is a very powerful strategy that you can actually use in order to get back together with your ex and this strategy is called the decoy effect.
The human brain actually has a very difficult time discerning between two very different things.
For example, is it better for me to date this woman or is it better for me to date this other woman?
They’re probably very different women, right?
When it comes to situations like this, I could choose one or the other. Who knows which one I’m going to choose, right?
Say there was a third option inserted that was very similar to one of the other two options.
Then, my mind starts to shift away from the completely different option and suddenly I start to compare the two similar things.
That’s where using the decoy effect to your advantage comes into play.
If you can differentiate yourself now from the version of yourself who your ex broke up with, then they are going to see and start to focus in on the difference between the current you versus the version of you who they broke up with—and exclude their rebound partner from consideration.
This is important and why it’s absolutely critical to demonstrate to your ex that they would not be walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place if they were to get back together with you.
That’s why things like passive no contact and mind games often don’t work to get your ex back.
You have to make a real, substantial meaningful difference in the dynamic between the two of you if you are going to actually demonstrate to your ex and show them that they are not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
This is what really inspires a sense of trust and causes them to want to get back together with you.
So if your ex is in a rebound relationship or when your ex starts dating someone new, what you want to do is you want to leverage the decoy effect so that they can absolutely see the benefits to getting back together with you.
Because of this psychological phenomenon called the decoy effect, they will be more likely choose you than their rebound partner.
To learn more about how to get back together with your ex even if they are dating somebody new, don’t miss my comprehensive online course The Ex Solution.
Thousands of people have used my exact method to get back together and make their relationships even better than before the breakup.
Don’t miss out on your rare chance to make things right with the person you love.
When you’re dating someone new, it’s always fun and exciting in the beginning, but when you hit the two to three month mark, many women suddenly experience what seems as though this new guy is showing less interest, pulling away, and possibly even showing signs of ghosting her altogether.
In these situations, it seems as though the dynamics of your still fresh relationship are suddenly changing overnight, leaving woman after woman wondering what men want and what they are thinking, with no real clue as to how to turn things around and get this guy to fall in love like it seemed he was just about to.
When a man suddenly loses interest at this critical stage in romantic relationships, it’s likely that one of a few common scenarios occurred.
Here are 5 common reasons why guys suddenly lose interest and pull away after dating for 2-3 months (plus how to get him to fall in love with you instead!).
1. You’re on different relationship timelines.
Understanding relationship timelines is critical when you’re looking for a committed relationship. In the first 1-2 months, men are simply just dating to see if they’re keen to pursue the relationship further. Women, on the other hand, will want to turn dating into a relationship right away, especially if they are attracted to the guy. The 2-3 month mark is when he’s likely to decide whether a relationship has potential.
Women tend to fall quickly at the beginning of a relationship but this is typically just infatuation.
It’s important to remember that the people we date at the very beginning are the best representation of themselves. You don’t really know what you’re for until month six. Men generally take longer to decide whether they want a relationship with someone and when you don’t give them enough space to decide, they feel pressured and run.
This brings me to my next point .
2. You don’t give him enough space to decide what he wants.
Building on the previous point, most men need time and space to decide what he wants. Remember that in months 1-3 he’s still deciding whether this relationship should progress. But if a woman is pushing the ‘what are we’ talk too early or making plans about their future (without him agreeing to it), he’ll feel pressured to make you happy.
If he feels he can’t do that, he’ll run. There are ways to ask for the relationship you want with a guy without chasing him away.
3. He’s lost interest but is afraid to tell you.
Some people just hate confrontation. Some guys will go out of their way to be unavailable and undesirable just so you can initiate the break up with him.
You may never get closure as to why he bailed on the relationship. It could be that he found someone else who was more suited or that the chemistry wasn’t strong enough.
4. The infatuation is no longer there.
Infatuation and attraction are what brings people together but what keeps people together are emotional connection and shared values. But the reality is that we don’t get to the emotional connection and shared values till a few dates in.
As you get to know people you may find you and them are only suited for each other short term. I always encourage the women I coach to take their time to evaluate a match before seeing them exclusively. This prevents them from investing in 3-6 month relationships that fizzle.
5. You stepped too far into your masculine energy.
In every relationship there is a balance of masculine and feminine energy, and it can be interchangeable. This means that a guy can hold the feminine while a woman can hold the masculine. Like in dancing, someone must take the lead. In the context of a relationship, when a guy stops leading, the woman may be inclined to pick up the slack and take the lead. Most assume that this is perfectly fine and it is . if a guy wants to be chased rather than the one doing the chasing.
When a woman and man switch roles in a relationship, it can throw the dynamic of the relationship into unfamiliar territory. Once a woman takes that role of the masculine and initiates everything in a relationship, it’s hard for a guy to take his place, especially if he’s used to leading in a relationship.
I’ve seen many women freak out when they haven’t heard from a guy in a day or two, but that’s too soon to be wondering if he’s pulled away.
Resist the urge to take on the role of the chaser. There are ways to receive and be chased without playing games and being manipulative.
Here are a few proactive things you can do before the next time a guy pulls away:
Take care not to become heavily invested too early.
Some women (and men) give 100% to a relationship before a relationship really exists. They’ll do all the things a girlfriend or boyfriend would do and then get disappointed when it’s not reciprocated.
To avoid this, I always suggest matching the level of investment the other person has put into the relationship. It takes two to build a relationship, you don’t want to build it alone only to have no one show up.
Give him a safe space to express himself.
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We often suppress what we really want to say because we’re afraid of being judged. Men often ghost women because the thought of confrontation filled their mind with scenes of you creating drama based on your disappointment, and no guy wants a woman to feel or act that way. They just want to be heard.
If you really want to know why a guy is keeping his distance, you need to let him know that it’s safe to express how he feels from the beginning. Make it known that you will genuinely be fine and accept however he feels about your relationship as it progresses.
If you feel a guy is pulling away, there are a few ways you can talk to him about it:
Acknowledge the distance but put the ball into his court by saying something like, “I have so much fun with you but I get the feeling that you may have other priorities right now. Would love to bring the fun back but I’ll leave it up to you to decide what happens next,” or you can go with something short and cheeky like, “I miss those weekly dinners at our spot.”
Either of these messages should give him enough of a prompt for him to get in touch and explain why he’s been MIA.
Remember that no one can do the work for two people in a relationship.
Set boundaries around the kinds of behavior you will and will not accept from others. We teach others how we want to be treated through the way we treat ourselves.
It’s easy to feel powerless when you feel like the other person is driving the relationship, but you have full control over what you will and will not tolerate.
Elizabeth Molina Ortiz, MD, MPH, is a board-certified specialist in family medicine and is the former medical director of a community health center.
Learning you have genital herpes can be devastating. That’s particularly true when your love life is in flux. When someone is first diagnosed, the thought of dating with herpes can fill them with horrible anxiety. They may wonder if they will ever find love again.
Why is dating with herpes so stressful? After herpes diagnosis, people may worry about being judged. They may be scared they could spread herpes to their partners. They may simply be terrified about how they are going to face the world. Fortunately, it turns out that most of the time dating with herpes isn’t nearly as scary as worrying about it. Here’s why.
Herpes Is Common
People often worry that friends and future partners will judge them if they find out they have herpes. Truthfully, sometimes that happens. People can be quite cruel to someone after herpes diagnosis. However, they’re just as, if not more, likely to be kind.
The truth is that herpes is extremely common. Genital herpes affects one in six people ages 14 to 49.
Because of how common it is, most people already know one or more people with herpes. They may even have it themselves. By and large, no matter how “icky” you may think a disease is, it’s hard to be judgmental towards someone you love if you find out they have it.
As for potential partners, if they start getting mean, you might want to ask them if they’ve been tested. If they haven’t, they may have the virus and not know about it.
When people realize how common herpes is, how often people don’t have symptoms, and that they could be infected without knowing it—it makes them much less likely to throw shade.
You Are Not Your Disease
The next trick is not judging yourself. After you’ve been diagnosed with herpes, it may be difficult to think about anything other than the fact that you have a disease. But that’s all it is—a disease. It isn’t who you are.
One of the toughest things to remember when dating with herpes is that mostly it’s just dating. Dating is an activity fraught with the potential for drama, pain, and heartbreak for pretty much everyone. Herpes is just one factor in the equation.
With few exceptions, people don’t date solely because they want to have sex. They date because they like each other and find each other interesting and attractive. When those other things are true, a herpes diagnosis often doesn’t seem like that big a deal.
If you like someone enough, herpes can be just something you have to work with. Just like you have to work with a partner’s snoring or their affection for mornings.
Be Upfront Well Before You Have Sex
One of the hardest things about dating with herpes is deciding when to disclose your diagnosis to your partner. Although I generally try not to speak in absolutes, it is always a better idea to do so before you have sex. That way, your partner can make an active choice about what risks they are and are not comfortable taking.
If you wait to tell your partner that you have herpes until after you’ve had sex, the revelation may feel like a betrayal. You will have denied them the opportunity to make an informed decision about risk. You may also have implied that your herpes diagnosis is more important than the other things they find attractive about you.
If someone is really interested in you before you tell them you have herpes, they probably will be afterward as well. It just helps to tell them early. That makes it less likely that they’ll feel exposed and/or betrayed.
How early? You don’t have to do it on the first date. The timing really depends on the people involved. If you’re worried about how your partner might react, talk to them about it in a safe place.
You could bring it up over dinner when you’re getting near the going home together phase. Or you could have the talk while you’re out for a walk, and perhaps a make-out session.
When you do have the talk, it’s best to be straightforward about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Example Disclosure of Diagnosis
“I like how things are going in our relationship, and I’m hoping we’ll end up in bed sometime soon. Before we do, I wanted to let you know that I have genital herpes. I take suppressive therapy and haven’t had an outbreak in a while, so the risk of passing it to you is low.
“Still, it’s not zero, so I wanted you to have a chance to think about it before we get intimate. You don’t need to respond right now. When, and if, you’re ready, I’m happy to talk with you more or to just send you some information.”
Many single guys today (and I’m speaking from massive amounts of experience here) are all about making last-minute plans with women. They’ll frame it as “spontaneous,” but I’m here to tell you that nine times out of ten, spontaneous is just a fancy word for lazy. So, next time he springs a plan on you with only a few hours of advance notice, I’m making a case to stop and consider your options.
Now, I know there are a lot of rules, both written and unwritten, dictating how men and women “should” behave in relationships. Men should make the first move. Women should be mysterious. And while these rules that slowly evolved over the centuries may contain a grain of wisdom, what you should really be is . . . yourself (cheesy as that may sound).
Yet, being yourself doesn’t mean you should be an open book from day one or that you should make yourself available whenever the guy you like decides to grace you with a date.
I get it, sometimes you really don’t have plans that evening—and receiving an unexpected text from your crush wanting to hang feels so good. But perhaps next time you should say you’re busy. That doesn’t mean playing hard to get. If you’re actually interested in him, definitely still show some interest—please! But be clear. Tell him that you’d be happy to hang out with him if he plans a few days in advance because you’ve got things going on.
If this sounds like advice culled from that bygone era of “should” behavior—well, maybe it is. But, there are some very modern reasons for denying yourself (and him) these spontaneous hangs in the early stages of the relationship.
01. It’s the right time to put yourself first.
At the beginning of a relationship, your new guy shouldn’t be your whole world. Presumably, you’ve been doing just fine so far without him—managing a busy job, lots of friends and family, and tons of travel and adventures. You’ve created a life for yourself. Until a guy has made some effort and proven himself worthy of being included in your life (and you in his), your plans should always come first. A woman with a full life is absolutely enticing. The right guy will want to be a part of it because it looks so freakin’ fantastic.
02. It’s a healthy reminder that your time is valuable.
Traditionally, narcissistic and self-centered guys are the biggest perpetrators of the last-minute invite. They don’t consider you or your schedule; they seek only to get what they want. But in the age of instant everything, they’re not the only ones. If you want any man to understand that your time is just as valuable as his, you simply cannot make yourself available at his beck and call. By making yourself unavailable to get together at the drop of a hat, you’re showing (not telling) that he has to make an effort in order to see you. And if he’s not interested in putting in that initial effort? You’ve probably dodged a bullet.
Meeting a guy and liking him may be caused by multiple reasons. His appearance, confidence, the way he dresses, how he makes you laugh, how he listens and pays attention to you, the way he talks, his eyes, the way he laughs, his interests, etc. are just on the top of the list of why we can start liking a guy and want to hang around him more.
You may have met this guy that you like because of a friend, an online dating application, your school, and anywhere else possible. You may go and hang around with your common group of friends, go to movies, do various activities together, then start going on dates.
Once you start going on dates, you no longer need to have your friends around to see each other especially if you have reached some level of comfort in being alone with each other.
Then he drops the bomb. He says that he wants to take things slow. In reality, there are different times when he may tell you that he wants to take things slow — either in the beginning or after you have started going out.
Either way, this can become a bit confusing for women even if they are also not rushing things. Just what does a guy mean when he says he wants to take things slow? What does taking it slow mean to a guy?
In this article, we will discuss the different possibilities on what a man can mean when he tells you that he wants to take things slow and how will a guy take it if a woman tells him to take it slow.
What You’ll Learn Today
What Is “Taking It Slow” In A Relationship?
Taking it slow does not necessarily men a code for “let’s not date”. In fact, sometimes it’s quite the opposite! A guy who wants to take your relationship slowly may be doing so because he is in it for more than just the physical side of things, and is interested in really getting to know you. You are far more than a body, aren’t you?
Your man could be saying that he really wants to take the time to get to know YOU, and preventing the relationship from falling into the trap of just being physical. It may be that he is a bit nervous; maybe he has very strong feelings for you and doesn’t want to rush in too quickly.
He could well be enjoying the exciting feelings that a new relationship often brings, and wants to spin out the romance for as long as possible, before you move in together and start watching Netflix together in your pajamas eating takeaway every weekend!
Taking it slow can be a really nice way to start a relationship. You have the chance to find out all about each other, before you rush into any big life decisions. Embrace it!
Women everywhere end up being confused whenever the guy they like tell that they would like to take things slow. While on the surface this can mean a good thing for you if you don’t like to rush things, this can still cause some confusion especially if this is accompanied by his confusing actions.
So what can taking things slow mean when a man says it?
1. Things went too “physical”
While not often, there are some men who may find that having sex before he wanted to can be something that he would want to review first. This is especially true if he was recently in a relationship (or who is separated) and things did not turn out good.
2. He’s not into you
Even if you have been hanging around for some time now, this does not mean that he wants to be in a relationship with you. Maybe he enjoys your company and likes to have fun with you, but he does not like you enough to be in a relationship with you.
Maybe he makes you feels special but it does not mean that he thinks of you as the special girl he will go in a relationship with.
3. He’s confused
Although not often the case, there are also some men who can get confused if he is ready to go into a relationship with you after hanging out for some time. Maybe he likes you for your personality or your looks but he still doesn’t know you that well to want to be with you.
So when things seem like you are in a relationship, some men can get confused and need some time to check his thoughts on the matter.
4. You are becoming too clingy
When women find the guy that they like, they often try to do everything that they can to form a great relationship and keep this man. Even if a woman is looking around for the right man, once she finds someone who stands out above the rest, she will have the tendency to prioritize him over the others.
While this can be a good thing for a woman who is in a relationship, the same cannot be concluded if they are still in the “dating” phase. Some men may find a woman who is doing everything for him, always available, and constantly waiting for him to contact her as becoming too clingy than he would like.
If he tells you that he wants to take things slow, this is a sign for you to back off a little bit and let him be. If he really wants you, he will pursue you and keep contacting you.
5. He just wants sex
Harsh as it may sound, there are men and women out there who would simply like to play around first before having a serious relationship. This is especially true if they feel that they haven’t found the one that they really like.
If you and the guy you like have been going out, having fun, and had sex, you may think that you are getting to the next level of your relationship.
But what if he tells you that he wants to take things slow after the sex? With this, you should think things through. This may mean that he thinks you would like to take things seriously and he is not ready for that because he still wants to be out in the open.
There are even guys out there who may simply want to go for the chase and after he gets the sex, he will move on to the next.
So What Should You Do?
There are thousands — maybe even millions — of times when women all over the world enter a relationship with a man too fast and end up becoming too emotionally attached before she knows it.
There are times when entering a relationship fast can be okay as long as you pace yourselves and not become too committed so early in the relationship. This leaves time for you to get to know each other better.
If you have been having some troubles with relationships and understanding men, maybe it’s time to carefully analyze your past relationships and how have you been with each one of them.
After all, finding the right man means that you have to take the right steps and decisions and not wait for him to tell you whether he should be kept or ditched!
About The Author
My name is Sarah and I am the person behind this website. I truly believe that you can find that special someone in your life. I’ll share my best relationship advice for women here.