Wow, I accidentally came across articles which are each called some variation of “How to Talk to Girls on the Street.” I’m going on the assumption that these are real articles… From one of them:
“…One of the most challenging things for men in the dating scene is approaching women on the street. Like any learned skill the more you practice approaching women the better you will get. So the easy solution in learning how to talk to women on the street is to simply approach more of them. But this is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes you might be walking in one direction and she is walking opposite and toward you. It can be very awkward because she’s going one way and you’re going the other way so it’s not very natural to just walk up and say something. Or is it? The reality is that you can approach anyone, anywhere, and virtually at any time…”
A friendly smile or hello from a stranger of any sex can often lift someone’s spirits. I also recognize that strangers can and do meet in public and form relationships, be they one night stands or lifetime commitments. What bothers me about these articles is the assumption that any girl/woman (preferably attractive, right?) on the street who is not already with a man is publicly available for a man’s attention and he is free to approach any and all of them if he just gets up the courage and learns how to do it well.
I’m reading Sue Wise & Liz Stanley’s book Georgie Porgie: Sexual Harassment in Everyday Life (published in 1987) and something I read today relates exactly to these articles.
“As marriage is taken to indicate a woman’s perpetual sexual consent to the desires of her husband [when this was written rape was still legal within marriage in many places], so womanhood is taken to indicate a woman’s perpetual consent to the attentions of whatever man: unless a particular man owns the property in question it’s taken to be public property” (Stanley and Wise, 176).
Let me try to explain further why I see these articles as being misguided.
Raise your hand if you mostly are harassed when you are alone or with female friends! In my informal, anonymous survey I conducted last fall, female respondents said they were harassed the most when they were #1 alone and #2 when they were with female friends. The absence of men seems to imply women are sexually available and just dying to be approached on the street. I’ve learned from several women’s stories that wearing a wedding ring or being with one’s children doesn’t always prevent harassment either because the men who “own” the women and/or children aren’t actually present.
Side but related note: I’ve found that when men do harass women who are with other men, it’s often directed at the man about how lucky he is to be with a hot woman, or something along those lines. This even happened to me two years ago when I was out with my boyfriend and a man started talking to him about me like I was a car he was admiring. We were both stunned.
The men writing and reading the articles don’t seem to care to take into account that – depending on the time of day – most women are out in public because they are traveling to/from work or school or stores or out getting exercise or walking a dog and they have no interest whatsoever in being detained by men testing out pick-up lines or trying to improve their game or improve their confidence at approaching women by “hitting” on them. No matter what their reason for being in public, many women who are not looking for a new romantic or sexual relationship are not going to be interested in having men approach them this way. These articles also assume that all women are heterosexual; what about women who only date women? They really don’t want to be approached by men in a sexual way. And the articles don’t adequately address how unnerving, scary, or annoying it can be to be approached by unknown men in public, particularly in isolated areas or at night.
So these men would be better off following advice like this on how to talk to girls/women on the street:
1. Don’t assume a girl or woman is single, heterosexual, and/or interested in being “hit on” or picked up just because she’s in public.
2. Instead of whistling, honking, touching, or saying something about the way she looks as a way of saying hi, treat her like a normal human being and actually say hello and smile or nod.
3. If you want to engage her in conversation, see #2. If she says hello back and doesn’t hurry away or look away, then you can try to politely and respectfully start a conversation about something inoffensive and preferably not about her body parts. Take cues from her whether to continue the conversation. If she looks busy, distracted, or nervous, leave her alone ! She may not have the time or inclination to talk. Or you may be the third or fourth man to approach her that day – even if it’s done politely this is wearisome and annoying. Don’t be rude if she doesn’t talk to you. You don’t know her personal history or what’s on her mind or her schedule. Be respectful of her as a human. Don’t force her to be rude to you in order to get you to leave her alone.
4. Never approach her in an isolated area or at night because that makes most women nervous or scared.
What’s your advice to men who want to talk to girls/women on the street?
One of the biggest reasons guys avoid approaching attractive women is that many guys simply don’t know how to approach a woman they’ve never met. But guys who take the time to learn the fundamentals on how to approach a woman no longer have that issue, and therefore have an easy time approaching women wherever they go. If you like to master those fundamentals and learn how to approach a woman you’ve never met, read on.
How to use eye contact in approaching a woman
Approaching a woman you’ve never met is always easier if you have an invitation to approach. And the way to get that invitation is with eye contact.
When you see an attractive girl you want to approach, the first thing you want to do is make eye contact. If she looks up and catches your gaze, holds that eye contact and give her a relaxed smile. This will help you make a good first impression on the girl by showing you’re a confident, friendly guy.
Now, if she holds that eye contact (or looks away and then back at you) she’s giving you a sign she’s interested and it’s an invitation to approach. Don’t wait for any other invitation, as this is likely the most obvious indicator of interest she will give. However, if she doesn’t hold your gaze – or never looks in your direction to make eye contact, don’t worry. There is still plenty you can do to start a conversation with a woman you don’t know.
Best way to approach a woman
A good approach comes down to having the right body language. So as you approach a woman, keep your head up, back straight (like there’s a string from your lower back pulling you up through the crown of your head), shoulders back, and smile. Approaching a girl in this way will show her you’re a confident, friendly guy right off the bat. As a result, she’s going to be much more receptive and willing to engage in a conversation.
Now, a good habit to have in approaching women is to always walk up to the woman you’re interested in right away. Lots of guys don’t do this. Instead, they get anxious about approaching a woman and insist on waiting for “the right moment” (which never comes). But if you have any approach anxiety when walking up to a woman, waiting around for “the right moment” is only going to make that anxiety worse. Plus, you don’t want to be the guy who is seen hesitating – or worse – the guy who hovers around a girl. Girls notice that and are instantly turned off.
Instead, here’s what to do when you see a girl you’re interested in: Obey the “two-second” rule and simply go approach the girl within two seconds of seeing her. Walking up to a girl without even thinking about it will not only make you look more confident, it will prevent that approach anxiety from taking over.
How to stop a girl on the street
There’s no reason to limit the women you approach to just bars and clubs. You can approach women absolutely anywhere. Even if a girl is simply walking down the street, you can stop her and engage the woman in the conversation right then and there.
Of course, stopping a girl on the street is going to look different than walking up to a girl at a bar. If you’re interested in stopping starting a conversation with women on the street, here’s how to do it:
Put yourself directly in her path, about 6-10 feet in front of her. This way you won’t startle her, and can stop her momentum
Face her and look her right in the eye. Make it clear your looking to get her attention
Raise your hand about in foot in front of you (put it around the height of your belly-button). Putting this sort of barrier between the two of you has a way of easing the tension.
Stop her with a simple “Excuse me” and get the conversation started (more on this next)
In the end, stopping a cute girl on the street is no different than stopping someone if you were lost and needed directions. The only difference is that instead of looking for directions, you’re just looking to have a friendly chat (which just might lead to a date).
What to say to a woman you just met
The trick in how to start a conversation with a woman you don’t know is to keep things positive, light, and fun. This can be done in a variety of ways. One of your best bets to start things off with some playful banter (for detailed explanation on how to master banter, check out these episodes of Pickup Podcast, as well as articles here and here).
If you don’t feel comfortable jumping into banter with a woman right off the bat, then just say whatever you feel comfortable saying. A genuine compliment or a simple “Hi, I’m _____” can start a conversation with a woman off just fine.
Lots of guys think they need to dazzle a woman right away with an amazing opening line. The truth is, they don’t. These guys would be surprised at just how to effect this kind of authenticity can be.
How to win a girl over with your attitude
In the end, what you say to a girl really doesn’t matter. After talking to a girl you just met, she’s probably going to forget most of what you said within a few hours (maybe even minutes) anyway. What she won’t forget though, is the way you made her feel. And that doesn’t come from the words you say, it comes from your attitude.
Attitude can trip a lot of guys up. Lots of guys who interact with a girl have an attitude of “I hope this girl likes me” or “I hope I get a number”. Guys who are approval-seeking and outcome-dependent come across as lacking confidence and that attitude can rub a girl the wrong way. Instead, you want to keep a warm, positive vibe throughout the interaction. When meeting a girl, you want to have an attitude along the lines of “I’m awesome, you’re awesome… everything’s awesome”.
Having a fun, care-free attitude is going to get her to start feeling that way too. If you can get a girl to feel good when she’s talking to you, then she’s going to want to have you around more often.
Did you know the Art of Charm has new online coaching programs to overcome approach anxiety Click Here to Learn More
Posted under Health Guides. Updated 2 June 2021.
- Pay attention to your surroundings, especially while walking in new neighborhoods.
- Don’t share personal information with strangers.
- Create a safety plan – just in case you need it.
You may have a new kind of freedom during your teen years. Your parent(s) or guardian(s) may give you more responsibilities and the chance to spend more time with your friends. You may find that you are in new or different social situations that are in unfamiliar neighborhoods. You now have the important job of making more decisions for yourself and keeping yourself safe while you are still having fun. If you forget about your safety, your fun can quickly turn into danger.
How do I keep myself safe at a party?
New social settings such as parties are a fun way for you to spend time with your friends. Most of the time parties are a safe way to hang out with your friends, but sometimes things can happen that can make a party a dangerous place to be. It’s important to think ahead and know what to do if a party gets out of control.
Here are some very important tips on how to stay safe at a party:
- Never leave a party with someone you don’t know very well. There will probably be people that you don’t know at a party. Stick with a group of your friends you know well. When you’re talking with new people, get to know them and decide whether or not you can trust them. It’s always safer to go home from the party with the friends you went to the party with!
- Never be alone with someone who has been drinking or taking drugs. Alcohol and drugs affect people differently, so someone that you know well could act very differently and be a threat to you.
- Always get your own drink. You should always get your own soda and open it for yourself. That way you know exactly what you’re drinking, and you can be sure that no one put any drugs or alcohol in your drink.
- Never put your drink down. It’s important that you always keep an eye and a hand on your soda, bottle of water, or cup. If you set the drink down or get it from someone else, then there’s a possibility that a person could put alcohol or a date-rape drug into your drink. These drugs dissolve (come apart) leaving no taste or color, so you wouldn’t even know if a person were trying to use them on you. The effects of these drugs are extremely dangerous and often lead to rape situations. If you do set your drink down and walk away, just go and get yourself another one and leave the first one on the table or pour it out.
- Avoid alcohol and drugs. Taking drugs or drinking alcohol puts you at risk. You may be taken advantage of because your judgment will be impaired.
- Tell your parents and friends where you are going. It’s important that your family and friends know where you are. They may need to contact you, or, more importantly, you may need to contact them if you find yourself in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
- Never get in a car with someone who has been drinking. You’ve probably heard that you shouldn’t drink and drive, but also never get into a car with someone who has been drinking. Drinking and driving puts your life in very serious danger, and it also puts other drivers on the road and other innocent people, such as children playing near the road, in danger too. Call your parents to pick you up or get home with someone who has NOT been drinking at all. Even one or two drinks can affect a person’s judgment, reaction time, and ability to drive safely.
What can I do to develop a safety plan for different social situations?
No matter what the situation is, you can develop a plan to help keep yourself safe. Read the following list and create your safety plan right now!
- Tell your parents where you’re going, who you’ll be with, and when you’ll be back.
- Carry a cell phone in case you need to make an emergency phone call. Don’t forget to keep emergency numbers and the phone number of a taxi service in your wallet or backpack, or program them into your cell phone.
- Stay in well-lit public places.
- Stick with another person or a group of your friends.
- Be aware of strangers. If you talk to them, don’t volunteer information about yourself.
- Pick code words with family and friends – words that you can say when you are concerned so that you can let your parents know over the phone that you are uncomfortable and want to be picked up from wherever you are. (Make sure you talk with your parents ahead of time so they know the signal – so when you call you can get picked up right away.)
What do I do if I am walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood?
There are certain things that you can do to keep yourself safe until you are near home. Here are some tips:
- Walk with another person whenever possible. There’s always safety and comfort in numbers, so the more the better. It’s important that you’re aware of your surroundings – look up and down the street on both sides and even behind you. Walk on the sidewalk of main streets and stay where it’s well lit. It’s better to watch and listen to what’s going on around you rather than talking on your cell phone, texting, or listening to music with earphones on. Walk quickly and confidently to your destination.
- Trust your feelings when you are walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood. If you’re worried that you are being followed, cross the street to see if the person does the same. Do not be afraid to start running if you need to – don’t wait until the person is very close to you to begin running. Go to the nearest store, restaurant, or police station.
- Don’t fight with someone who tries to take your belongings. If an unfamiliar person grabs your purse or bag, just let go and do NOT struggle with them. If you fight, you risk getting hurt. Money and other belongings can be replaced – your safety is the most important thing. Run in the opposite direction of the person and go to the nearest police station or business to call for help. Don’t forget to use your voice. Yelling for help is a sure way of getting the attention of people around you.
What do I do if I am out and someone that I don’t know comes up to me?
When you were younger, your parents probably taught you never to talk with strangers. This is a good rule for children, but in your teenage years that rule doesn’t always seem to fit. There are lots of times when it is necessary to talk to someone whom you don’t know. Most strangers turn out to be nice people, but it’s important that you don’t trust everyone that you meet right away.
This article was co-authored by Tami Claytor. Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.
There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Some people think that elegance is a lost art, but young women can still express a gracious air. Such behavior comes from using good manners and acting like a mature adult. By learning proper etiquette, you will become more generous, polite, and graceful. How you treat others is equally important. An elegant and mature young lady helps and treats others in a non-judgmental way. It is important to speak and stand with proper decorum. Even if you have not had etiquette training in the past, you can still act like a lady by learning some basic rules.
Ten hours of walking around New York City, 100 catcalls and one huge problem.
Rob Bliss of Rob Bliss Creative makes viral videos for a living and decided to use his craft to shine a light on street harassment, a pervasive issue affecting females around the world. Partnering with actress Shoshana B. Roberts and Hollaback, a nonprofit movement launched by activists to end street harassment, Bliss packaged his production as a PSA and offers viewers a different perspective on the problem.
“I felt like no one had ever really shown what it’s like to experience street harassment, more or less,” Bliss told The Huffington Post. “No one has — from a third-party perspective, on the outside looking in — been able to step back and look at it and watch it happen in front of them.”
His intent, he said, was to offer an “unbiased” look at what many women experience on a daily basis. “No messaging. No judgement. Let people view it as it is and talk about,” he added.
During filming, Bliss attached a GoPro camera to his back with a chest strap; he wore a yellow backpack, sunglasses and earbuds to look unassuming while walking five to 10 feet ahead of Roberts, who held two microphones in her hands. The actress wore simple clothes for the shoot: jeans and a black, crew-neck T-shirt.
“It was completely intentional that she wore what she wore,” Bliss said. “I wanted to fight back against the ‘Oh, she’s wearing blah blah blah.’ I didn’t want to give ammunition to anyone who may detract from this video. If she wanted to wear something that showed more skin, I definitely think that guys would have been louder and more vocal about this.”
In 10 hours of walking, Roberts faced more than 100 instances of street harassment. Responses ranged from catcalls — “beautiful,” “sexy,” “God bless you” — to angry remarks.
“Somebody’s acknowledging you for being beautiful. You should say thank you more,” one man said.
“You don’t wanna talk? Because I’m ugly? We can’t be friends, nothing? You don’t speak?” another persisted.
Multiple men walked with Roberts for extended periods of time. One remained silently at her side for five minutes.
“I was going in blind without expectations, especially as a guy,” Bliss told HuffPost. “I was very surprised that we had so much interaction, some of it being as aggressive as it was, [like] the stalking that was involved repeatedly from different groups. That blew my mind. It made me sick to my stomach. I felt something I had never really felt before, almost feeling as if I were in her shoes. I didn’t experience it personally, but I was in such close proximity to it.”
Roberts was not immediately available for comment when contacted by HuffPost, but she told Hollaback, “I’m harassed when I smile and I’m harassed when I don’t. I’m harassed by white men, black men, Latino men. Not a day goes by when I don’t experience this.”
Hollback notes that Roberts’ experience in the video is not uncommon:
Street harassment disproportionately impacts women, people of color, LGBTQ individuals, and young people. Although the degree to which Shoshana gets harassed is shocking — the reality is that the harassment that people of color and LGBTQ individuals face is oftentimes more severe and more likely to escalate into violence. These forms of harassment are not just sexist — but also racist and homophobic in nature.
If you’ve ever wondered what to say when approaching an attractive girl, this is your guide. Learn how to get dates with attractive women anywhere in public.
No more dating apps, no more bars or clubs. Once you learn these skills you’ll be able to meet women confidently.
- Approach women in all situations
- Start conversations at coffee shops, the street, while shopping and more
- Learn what to say in a conversation and ask women out confidently
- Build your confidence (overcome your shyness)
- Avoid being “creepy”
- Get a relationship with a quality woman
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Thank you for this very helpful guide on how to approach women and the tips and suggestions are very effective indeed. I will give this post a go and I may turn out to be lucky this time.
People advise me to keep trying … keep falling down and being kicked in the heart by women I thought cared about me … but keep trying, they say. As a severely introverted man, I am completely invisible to women, and to get them to even acknowledge my existence takes all the energy I have – and then they reject me, literally every one I’ve ever tried to get to know. The fact is, men have to compete for women’s attention against other men and guys like me stand zero chance against other guys who *can* be confident around women, because to become confident, a guy needs at least a modicum of positive experience. I have zero experience because no woman has ever said yes to me. Women are not interested in me – and there is no evidence to the contrary.
You will always find evidence for the beliefs you hold. Self defeat becomes an identity for far too many guys, and this makes it easy to make excuses for failure instead of finding out WHY things aren’t working then changing them.
You don’t need a “modicum of positive experience” to start. You need the desire to make your love life better, and you can’t hold onto any excuses.
If nobody has said yes then maybe you haven’t asked enough women, or maybe (and likely) you are doing it the wrong way.
I’ve gone through more rejections than you could possibly imagine. A lot of the time it was extremely embarrassing, but I persisted, which is why I am where I am now.
Chances are you’ve given up way too early and haven’t put in enough effort to figure things out, and build your confidence.
Confidence with women is not a given. You have to build it. But if you have self defeating mindsets like the ones you project in your writing, then you will not get it.
If you really want to learn then reach out to me on the contact page. I’ll put together an action plan for you to start on your own so you can get on the right path.
Hi Eddy – I’ve never approached a woman in my life because I’ve been told again and again that I need to look for body language that invites (or at least is open to) me doing so. Since I have never seen a signal that is clear enough for me to go up and say hello, I’ve never done it. I’ve gone out with my woman friends many times and they’ve all told me that women do give me signals all the time, but I miss every one. I try to see what they tell me are extremely clear signals, but I honestly never see them, even in hindsight when they tell me what a woman did – often (apparently) to try to get my attention. I’m 42 and am pretty much of the view that I’ll never get this. I’m not going to approach without a clear signal because I’m sure the woman would be offended. But I never see the signs.
Doug, the idea of waiting for “signals” to approach is a fear based rationalization. You don’t avoid approaching because women don’t give you signals, you avoid approaching because of fear and a lack of know-how.
You need balls to do it, not signals. This is one of the most common excuses that men make.
To overcome this fear you have to stop making excuses and take ownership of your emotions. There’s nothing wrong with fear, but you can’t improve if you hold onto this idea.
A big part of coaching is helping guys overcome their fears of starting conversations with women. Both by giving them accountability/a push, and by showing them how to do it.
If you want to get unstuck then reach out to me.
I never approach women for two reasons: rejection is always guaranteed because no woman is / could be interested in me; and, because of this, approaching any woman would likely get me accused of harassment. I am fundamentally unattractive and nothing can be done about it.
Your mindset is fundamentally attractive. What have you done to make improvements to your a) Personality b) Social skills c) Fitness/appearance ?
What’s the best place to meet girls? We get asked that question all the time at The Art of Charm. And while it’s true that there’s no one best place to meet girls, there are some places that are better than others. For men who are into getting out there and making the most out of their night, here’s a list of five places that we love going to meet women.
Bars / Clubs
Obvious, of course, but for a reason: This really is one of the best places to meet girls. There are tons of girls here and a lot of them are out there looking for men to meet. That’s great. It’s also a great place to meet women who have shared interests with you, especially if you like going out to bars and clubs for their own sake. But you probably already know that bars and clubs are a great place to meet girls. Where else is there?
The Art of Charm likes to call coffee shops “the thinking man’s bar.” There are tons of women here and while they’re not necessarily there to meet guys, they definitely won’t mind if a charming man such as yourself approaches them. You can talk to women while you stand in line to get your coffee, the girl at the table next to you or the woman across the room. The same basic social skills that you would use at a bar apply here.
Book stores is arguably the best place to meet girls. What’s more, they have the built-in thing for you to talk about: Books. You can approach a woman and ask her to pick three books that have meant a lot to her; one from her childhood, one from her teen years and another from adulthood. People love talking about themselves, so don’t be afraid that she’s not going to be interested. How many women make lists of the things that they like on social media? The same basic concept is there: Talk about yourself, because I’m interested.
Pretty much every city of any size has an arts night at this point. You go to an area of town, walk around, check out what the local arts community is doing and hopefully meet some girls. These are somewhere between a coffee shop and a bar. Women are going out and if they’re there alone or with other women, they’re probably down to meet some guys. You can chat them up either by appreciating the local art or taking a light and playful swipe at some of the weirder stuff there. Either way, there are usually tons of people there so don’t be afraid to chat girls up.
Walking Down the Street
Why wait for a particular situation to meet women? Why not talk to them wherever you meet them? The Art of Charm is really into the idea that the best place to meet women is wherever you happen to find yourself right now. So make it happen wherever you might be.
You’re walking down a street in your city and you see her. The most beautiful woman you’ve seen all week. Those legs. That body. Her face. She’s stunning.
She is your dream girl.
She’s walking in YOUR direction.
You find yourself feeling nervous. Your mind begins to fantasize about what a life with her would be like…
What it would be like to have a girl this beautiful be your girlfriend…
What it would be like to go on adventures with her…
To have her hugging and kissing you excitedly when you come home after work…
And then she walks straight past you. You never see her again. You spend the rest of the day fantasizing about her. Then you get back to your every day life.
What if it didn’t have to be like this?
What if when you saw your dream girl, you knew EXACTLY what to say to get her attention, get her laughing, get her to come on a date with you, fall in love with YOU and become your girlfriend?
For the past 10 years, I’ve been helping men like you achieve just that. How? Using what I call, “Daygame”.
What is Daygame?
Daygame is the art of meeting and attracting amazing women without going to nightclubs. It could be while you’re walking down the street, in a clothing store, at the train station. It usually happens during the day, hence why it’s called Daygame.
The reason Daygame works so well is because it bypasses the negative response a beautiful woman would usually have if you tried to talk to her in a nightclub.
Women Fantasize about Meeting a Great Guy During The Day
When women go to nightclubs, they expect to be hit on. They get approached by drunk guys all night so they’ve had to learn to put up a shield.
This shield makes it really difficult to get a great girl to like you.
Besides, no girl wants to admit to her friends and family that she met her boyfriend on a night out.
However, when you strike up a conversation with a woman during the day, you create a situation she’s been fantasizing about her entire life.
The reason women watch romantic comedies and read romantic fiction novels is because it plays into their fantasy of how they’ll meet the guy of their dreams.
In any classic romance story, the woman meets the man by some spontaneous moment and it’s almost always during the day.
Yet no one ever approaches a beautiful woman when she’s going about her day, apart from the occasional wolf whistle from a construction worker.
Once you learn how to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman during the day, you’ll play into her fantasy of randomly meeting the guy of her dreams just like in the movies.
She’ll believe that YOU are the guy of her dreams.
This is the secret to getting the kind of women that usually wouldn’t even give you a second glance in a nightclub.
I want to show you exactly how. When you enter your email address below, I’m going to send you the exact techniques I use to attract the most beautiful women, despite not being a great looking guy.
I’ll tell you the 7 word sentence that stop models in their tracks every time and gets them intrigued by you.
I’ll also show you a simple trick for never running out of conversation when talking to a beautiful woman.