No one has the right to discriminate against or bully another person, or to hurt them emotionally or physically. There are several things you can do to help stop homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia:
- Don’t ever use negative or offensive language to describe LGBTQ people.
- Be careful of how even casual language — such as saying “that’s so gay”— can hurt others.
- Don’t believe stereotypes about LGBTQ people or make assumptions about them.
- Be a vocal supporter of the LGBTQ community, regardless of your own sexual orientation and identity. This is called being an ally.
- Let the LGBTQ people in your life know that you’re a friend and ally.
- Educate yourself on LGBTQ issues.
- Respect LGBTQ people’s decisions about when and where to come out.
- Remember that being LGBTQ is just one part of a person’s complex identity and life.
- Show as much interest in your LGBTQ friends’ or family members’ partners as you would show in a straight person’s partner.
- If you feel safe doing so, speak up when other people are being homophobic or biphobic, such as making offensive jokes, using negative language, or bullying or harassing someone because of their sexual orientation or identity.
When addressing homophobia in others:
- Decide if it’s safe to address the issue. Some things to consider: Will you be confronting a stranger in public? Or a friend or family member in private? Do you want to speak up now or save it for later, when you’re alone with the person? Would it be safest for you leave it alone and walk away?
- Ask questions and stay calm. Often, people don’t know that the language they’re using is insensitive. Avoid insulting them and tell them why you find their words offensive.
In western countries there is a strong tradition based on discrimination against homosexual people . This cultural characteristic (which also appears and has appeared in many other societies) has not only been embodied in laws that discriminate against this minority, but has also had an effect on the mindset of the majority.
In fact, even today it is not strange that homosexuals are criminalized and discriminated against, taking advantage of the most far-fetched excuses: from the appeal to a supposed “human nature” that coincidentally coincides with the description of what one believes should be love and family, even biblical quotes interpreted as oneself interests you, going through myths about homosexuality that are not backed by scientific consensus .
Abandoning homophobia, step by step
In short, homophobia remains a reality even in the most affluent societies and with greater access to university education. In fact, many people experience a kind of cognitive dissonance when they understand that there is no reason to discriminate against homosexuals and at the same time be surprised by falling into beliefs or thoughts based on homophobia .
But all thought schemes can be modified, and this too. These are some keys to stop being homophobic, based on the principles of cognitive-behavioral psychology.
1. Consider the usefulness of your mental schemes
A mental scheme is the set of ideas and beliefs that acts as a matrix to interpret reality. It is what makes, for example, that some people relate the concept of “chemical substances” with technology, pollution and processed foods, and others relate it to almost everything that exists (and that is composed of atoms and molecules) .
In the case at hand, it is worth considering first whether the cognitive scheme that is being applied when thinking about the idea of homosexuality is useful to understand this concept in the best possible way. This involves questioning whether stereotypes that were related to homosexuals are in themselves indispensable to understand these people. After all, you can be homosexual without meeting them
It also implies questioning the idea that homosexuality is an ideology and at the same time a sexual orientation, something that is logically impossible. Many of the ideas used to defend discrimination are based on criticism of ideological groups that are against homophobia, not homosexuality itself.
2. Consider the degree to which you believe in equality
The idea that all human beings are equal implies believing that, in the absence of very solid arguments based on scientific consensus to the contrary, all individuals must enjoy exactly the same rights .
Thus, a good way to perform a cognitive restructuring autonomously is to reflect on the reasons why it is believed that a minority such as that composed of homosexual people should not have the same rights as others. Are those beliefs well-founded? Is there a scientific consensus on the reasons why the treatment of these people should be different in certain aspects?
3. Write down the habits that feed homophobia
A person is what he thinks, but also what he does. That is why one way to stop being homophobic is to reflect on habits and habitual thought routes that fit with homophobia stay alert to prevent its appearance .
For example, think of homosexuality as an insult, or consider that all members of this minority fulfill the stereotypes that some people associate with the LGTB movement.
4. Learn to argue before homophobic comments
Reverse engineering against homophobic beliefs of others it is a good way to detect its faults and its logical cracks. This, in addition to being very useful to externalize your change of perspective, is very intellectually stimulating, because it involves discovering new reasonings that open up through the old beliefs that you previously held.
What Putin thinks about gays – BBC NEWS (June 2021).
A series of apps sponsored by a non-denominational ministry called Setting Captives Free claim to cure you of any sins through faith and prayer alone. They have apps for depression and alcoholism and gambling, but by far the most popular one, called “Door of Hope,” will fully cure that pesky moral disease called homosexuality.
In only 60 days, no less!
Disregarding all evidence that the ex-gay movement is incredibly damaging to more than 90% of those who undergo “treatment” (because they clearly just didn’t believe in God enough), Setting Captives Free wants you to know that you were not “born this way.” Homosexuality is a sin that you need to purge from your system, and the only way to do it is to follow their three-parts-a-day program.
While the app is only downloadable from Google Play (iTunes and the 69,822+ people who petitioned them don’t believe in conversion therapy for some reason), there is an abridged version available on the ministryвЂ™s website. I skimmed through 10 days’ worth of their cure, and this is what I learned you need to do to heal thyself:
1. But Honest About Your Sin (But Not TOO Honest):
Admit that you have homosexual tendencies, but donвЂ™t say anything else about it. Anything “graphic or overly detailed” is just giving attention to Satan.
We don’t want you to actually think about your experiences or emotions, we just want to hear you say that you’re wrong and you need help.
2. Stop Calling Your Homosexuality an “Alternative Lifestyle”: It’s “Wicked,” “Evil,” and a “Sin”:
These are the only things you should ever call it from now on, preferably in hushed tones. Even better, feel free to refer to your homosexuality with water-based metaphors: It’s a “broken cistern” that will never satisfy your thirst. ItвЂ™s also “like drinking out of a sewer and expecting to take in cool, clear spring water.” Is that what you what?
3. Change For the Right Reasons (the Glory Of God):
After all, homosexuality is nothing but “lust, porn, and sexual immorality,” sins that are applicable only to gay people and never to straight ones. But don’t change to make others happy or to save your family. Change only because we (a group of random people) are telling you that that’s the only way for you to “become normal, and acceptable to God.”
4. Always Read Scripture, But Only the Parts We Tell You to:
Who knew curing homosexuality could be so much like doing high school homework? We’ll provide you with a few carefully-selected verses every day and follow it up with our interpretation. Read only this over and over until you have fully embraced our reading of the Bible.
5. Remove Yourself From Anything Even Remotely Gay:
Don’t watch porn (again, it’s only a gay thing), don’t go on gay websites, and most of all, certainly don’t associate with gay people. Any of those things might make you feel like your homosexuality is a natural part of your identity and can be accepted by those around you.
6. Realize That Being Homosexual Makes You Feel Alone
Forget that we told you to shut yourself away from most of the world, and ignore the idea that maybe gay people feel so alone because of the discriminatory and hateful attitudes that they face, helped by people like us. Feeling alone? Try not being so gay.
7. Reconcile With Those Who Tried to Help You Stop Being Gay:
All those people who called you “faggot” and told you that you were going to Hell? They really had your best interests at heart. Apologize profusely.
8. Always Remember:
Because this phrase hasn’t been overused at all.
9. Imagine Yourself as “Broken”:
Only when you are “utterly broken” will you find God and freedom. Ignore the fact that 90% of people leave conversion therapy feeling broken in a very real, psychologically damaging way, or that many attempt suicide. Reduce yourself to nothing so we can shape you how we want.
10. Know That You Will Be Saved If You Believe
This is the most important lesson of all. If you truly believe in God and want to change your sinful ways, God will remove all homosexual urges from your mind. But if at the end of this 60-day therapy, you still have homosexual tendencies, then you didn’t really believe and you didn’t really want to change. Rinse and repeat.
Tackling Ideas About Gay Marriage, Gay Parenting, and Gay Sex
At some point or other you are going to encounter people who want to argue with you about being gay. Maybe they are claiming that gay sex is “gross.” Or that gay marriage is unnatural. Possibly they want to convince you that same sex parents are bad for kids and gay parenting should be banned, or they feel that you must be convinced that your sexual orientation is a choice.
So how do you deal with these blowhards who seem to think it is fun to get down in the mud about something that may be not be a personal or emotional issue for them, but sure is for you? Here are a few suggestions.
Agree to Disagree
Just because you are queer, this does not mean you have to constantly be the communities spokesperson. You do not need to engage in every argument out their, nor do you need to be well verseed on every issue related to the GLBT community, just because you are part of it. It is perfectly fine for you to say, “You know what, it seems like we feel differently about this, so let’s just leave it at that.”
If you do decide to engage, you will fare better if you actually know about this issues. Arguments like, “the Bible says it’s wrong to be gay,” can be refuted pretty easily with just a little knowledge of what the Bible actually says (if you aren’t a reader, check out the great documentary, For the Bible Tells Me So.) Similarly, arguments against gay marriage, or gay parenting, assumptions about HIV risk can all be dismantled pretty easily if you just know a few key facts.
Come Up With Some Quick Responses to Common Arguments
Here are some ways you can reply to common homophobic arguments. If someone says:
It’s not natural. You can remind that person that same sex behavior has been documented across history among a wide range of societies. It has also been found among a huge number of animals. You might also want to add that legal unions, whether it is a gay marriage or a straight, are not inherent parts of the human condition, but rather rituals we have invented. And that while it is true that two men and two women can not “naturally” have a baby themselves, in a world of adoptions, foster parents, single parent households and assisted reproductive technologies gay parenting is no less natural.
It’s gross. Look when someone says it is gross to be gay, they are often thinking about what two men do in bed and imagining anal sex. You can alway explain that a) not all gay men have anal sex, b) plenty of heterosexual couple do have anal sex, and c) most people who regularly have anal sex do it because it feels good for both people and with a few basic nods to hygiene and safety is no “grosser” than plenty of other sex acts most people don’t freak out about. But really, anal sex is actually besides the point. There are loads of things that gross one person out that are completely acceptable to another. That’s just life.
The Bible says it’s wrong. Now even if you are a religious person, this argument doesn’t hold a lot of weight. If someone tells you, “The Bible says its a sin to be gay,” You might want to ask them if they also think the hundreds of other proclamations (don’t eat shellfish, do marry your dead brothers widow, don’t work on the Sabbath, do leave a sacrifice at the temple, don’t touch a woman who has her period, do cut off the hand of a thief) are sins that should be met with the extreme punishments described.
Think of the children. Has anyone ever told you that gay men are child molesters and peodphiles? A lot of people seem to think this, but this is not based on any reality. In fact, the vast majority of pedophile identify as heterosexual men, regardless or the gender of their victim. Oh and to those who say that gay parenting or gay marriage is bad for kids, please check out this article, Hey Conservatives — Gays Are Better Parents Than You.
Whether it is an argument against legalizing gay marriage or criminalizing gay parenting, a rant about gays in the military or a lamentation over how “hard” it is to be gay, dealing with someone who is trying to argue that an aspect of who you are is wrong can be maddening and painful. You sure don’t need to engage, but it is wise to have a plan for these situations!
May 17, 2016 · 4 min read
Perhaps the greatest debate of our time is the debate concerning who should be allowed to love whom. Let me put this across simply — I don’t think anyone should get to choose who we love, be it in a marriage, about your friends or the sexuality of the person you’re loving. There’s only one thing that matters in this perspective and that is consent. Without consent, nothing works. But, I digress.
Today is International Day A g ainst Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. The cause calls for everyone around the world to pay heed to the discrimination that the LGBTQ community faces on a consistent basis. How can we stop this? It’s not easy. And it takes more than just one person. But everything that we believe in, our value systems by themselves, are a product of the views society has impregnated within us. To prove this point, I’d like to introduce you to a video that I came across by chance on Facebook.
This video addresses just a few of the issues that gays and lesbians in India (and probably around the world) face every day. Do you notice how every single one of the silly questions that straight people ask gay men are an exaggerated view of how normality is supposed to be based, which in this case compares a gay or lesbian relationship to a “normal” relationship. But let me ask you — what really is a normal relationship? By trying to impose our views of what normal is onto a relationship between two people of the same sex, we are telling them that their relationship is probably improbable. Think about it. Why should there even be a man and a woman in any homosexual relationship?
By telling them that there needs to be a hierarchy in terms of the partners roles and duties, we are instilling within them the requisite for a patriarchal system, which is what our society runs on, which is where our society stands wrong.
And you can see this even in the classification of homosexual relationships among straight people. Lesbians are seen as inherently hot and over-sexualized. Bisexuals are the perfect middle group, the ones who will sleep with both sexes, who will probably be getting into threesomes, or sometimes, the ones who can’t really decide who they want to fuck, so they go about doing both until they see the light. And gays are the ones everyone (and I mean, everyone) hates and is really disgusted by.
And let’s not even get started on how transsexuals and transgenders are viewed in this country. Historically, transsexuals and transgenders were said to be magical and highly esteemed individuals with powers and value beyond our knowledge. Where did our respect for them go? They’ve been reduced to hiding within their violent and sometimes, murderous communities for the sake of protection. Because they would much rather stay in a community that is savage but accepting than in the larger community that abhors them. I had the privilege of meeting a small group of transgenders fighting against their injustice during my postgraduate days for a paper on feminism studies. They told me stories of how men would come to them for sex (prostitution is a common job profile among the transgender and transsexual community) and at the end of the ordeal, would send them away, disgusted at them. What baffles me is that they are not disgusted with themselves for actually indulging in (what could possibly be) any extra marital affair or relationship, or even disgusted at themselves for hiding their true orientation (which is also common among the customers they they receive), but instead they are disgusted with the partner whom they have slept with. Again, why are these men acting out this way against these people? Perhaps it is the sound reasoning that has been ingrained into them which tells them that women must be degraded into nothing, because they are only worth that much.
My intention is not to sound preachy, but to bring to view how our entire flawed perceptive rests upon the way society views us, the way society wants us to be, how society will continue to treat the “weaker” sex. And we can rise against that. I urge you to think outside this box you’ve grown up in.
You may believe that you are supportive of the LGBTQ community and are fighting against what they face, but how many times have you used the word ‘gay’ as a synonym for stupid or weird in the last 24 hours? How many times have you looked at a transgender and shown them a face of utter disgust, rudely asking them to move out of your way? How many times have you called a girlfriend ‘bi’ for affectionately kissing another girl? Every time we subject someone to any of these orientations as adjectives, we are unconsciously reminding ourselves of the beliefs that society has rooted within us — this is unacceptable, this is wrong, this is insupportable. Worse still, you might be telling someone who has no voice in the matter, who has been hiding under the covers, but is fearfully looking forward to letting someone else understand their plight — this is unacceptable, this is wrong, this is insupportable. Don’t be that person. Try your hardest to never be that person.
As a conclusion, I would just like to say this — gender is a scale, and people vary across miles on that extent. Much like the flexibility of gender, we must also be flexible. Flexible enough not to question someone’s feelings for another person, because they know what they feel. Flexible enough not to try and reduce a person because of their sexual orientation. Flexible enough not to ruin the moral compass of anyone. Rise against the the flaws that our society insists we follow.
The most widely debated topic about homophobia is the question as to what can be done to stop it. Well, there are several things that can be done to stop homophobia in terms of culture as whole, homosexuals can do something to stop it themselves, and lastly the media can contribute to putting an end to these continuous homophobic hate crimes. Firstly, in terms of culture, we all need to pitch in to help put an end to homophobia starting with the higher authorities. In 1998 the Supreme Court of Canada stated that someone cannot be discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation. Through this law, homophobia has become one step closer to becoming diminished. Through this law they are allowed to express themselves freely without fear of discrimination. Homosexuals can do several things to put an end to homophobia as well. As of 1998 several Gay Straight Alliances have been created to put an end to the social injustice that is homophobia, including the LGBT association which targets lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transsexuals and attempts to allow them to coincide with society creating a more versatile environment. This affects not only homosexual people but the community as a whole as it may lead to the end of homophobia within our society. Media is another area that can contribute immensely to put a stop to homophobia. Media discourages homophobia in several parts of the entertainment world with one of the greatest being in the music industry. Several members of the media industry have contributed to the stoppage of homophobia in their own ways, whether it was coming out and saying “it’s okay to be homosexual”, with Adam Lambert recently admitting to being a homosexual, or by developing campaigns or songs to promote homosexuality, such as Lady Gaga’s new song “Born This Way”. Through these media campaigns homosexuals are being affected in a positive aspect as they now feel more comfortable with their sexuality. Before artists like these in the media began to support their sexuality, homophobes remained hostile towards this issue until they saw their role models become educated and open to it thus changing their perspective on the matter. Homophobes are also now seeing these campaigns and discovering that if their favorite artist says it is okay then it must be okay, in turn helping to put a stop homophobia, and creating less of a negative environment for homosexuals. Together, we as a society can put an end to homophobia!
It’s 2021, bruh! Homophobia is illegal.
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“It’s 2021, bruh! Homophobia is illegal.” How we wish saying just this was enough to shut homophobic folks up. Especially those who are young and Internet savvy. But, homophobia is so deep-rooted that we can’t just ‘bruh’ people out of it! If we want to make a real dent in a homophobic culture, we have to be patient. But also clever. Facts and figures, and educating oneself about sexuality are crucial. But sometimes, our biases keep us from changing our point of view even when we have been shown proof that we are wrong. In cases like this – and for homophobes like this, who know about different kinds of sexuality, etc – one has to put on that manipulator hat. Change their behaviour by changing their environment.
Homophobia is a dislike or prejudice or negative bias against homosexual individuals. In simple words, a homophobic person doesn’t like or gets uncomfortable around someone who is gay or lesbian, or bisexual.
Homophobia is rampant in our country, and despite the decriminalisation of same sex relationships, the LGBT community continues to face harassment and isolation. Below are a few injustices that homophobia leads to:
- Forced marriages – Many people believe that marriage will “cure” homosexuality. It doesn’t, because homosexuality is not a disease to begin with. But, these forced marriages are inevitably unhappy marriages.
- Conversion therapy – Like marriage, conversion therapy is torturous for homosexual individuals. You can’t “convert” someone’s sexual orientation. If sexuality worked like that, then that means straight people can also be “converted”.
- Bullying and harassment – From playgrounds to offices, the LGBT community faces a lot of bullying and harassment. This takes a toll on their mental health.
- Having to live a closeted life – Very few people in our country are able to come out to their families. They live a closeted life where they have to hide their relationships from their loved ones. This can’t be easy for anybody! This hiding is not limited only to family. In many professions, homosexuality becomes grounds for discrimination. Many people don’t want to rent housing to individuals from LGBTQIA+ community. There are too many struggles the community has to face, because of homophobia!
Here are 5 simple ways to deal with homophobic people without getting into a futile argument:
Don’t laugh at their homophobic jokes
People make jokes because they like making others laugh. When someone laughs at one type of joke, they will come up with other jokes of the same type. If no one laughs at their jokes, they will eventually stop making those kinds of jokes. So, f*#k politeness or whatever it is that makes you think you owe a homophobic joke a laugh.
Make them hang out with your queer friends
The best way to normalise different types of sexuality for someone is to humanise it. If the homophobic people in your life don’t have any friends from the LGBTQIA+ community, then that’s a huge problem. One learns to accept different ways of living only if they see it. Otherwise, it’s all words and no action. Next time you’re casually hanging out, have your “different” friend/family groups together in one room and make it a pleasant experience for everyone.
Pro-tip: If you’re inviting your queer friends to hang out with a homophobe, you have to be the gatekeeper. It’s your responsibility then to make sure your queer friends don’t get uncomfortable. If something inappropriate is said, you should nip it in the bud.
Recommend TV shows and movies that have totally loveable queer characters
Of late, there have been many shows and movies with realistic and relatable representation of the LGBTQIA+ community. Next time a homophobic friend or family member asks you for a recommendation, suggest something with a queer character they’ll like. Some examples of recent movies or shows that are truly inclusive when it comes to sexual orientations are Made in Heaven, Schitt’s Creek, The Married Woman, Geeli Puchi, Supernova. Also, check out this list of Indian TV shows and movies with queer characters we love!
Casually tell them successful queer stories
Next time you’re having a gossip session with that homophobic person about someone’s love life, drop in a story about a happy, or madly-in-love same-sex couple. Talk about it in the same breath as a heterosexual couple, with the same excitement and happiness for them. Avoid using labels and focus on the love that the two share – this will make it very difficult for the homophobic person to pass any judgements, and even if they do, it will be easier for you to push back. But more importantly, people are more receptive to new ideas when they are in their comfort zone, and in a language that is familiar to them. So, when they’re talking about love, you also talk about love – just between two people of the same sex.
Also casually tell them how people from the LGBTQIA+ community suffer because of lack of inclusion
Sharing stories of oppression is a crucial step toward changing the status quo. Next time there’s a conversation about all the suffering in the world, make sure you mention that queer friend who struggled with depression, had to keep their sexual orientation a secret from the landlord, and was disowned by their parent(s) for being gay or lesbian. If all your queer friends are well-adjusted, then you can always remind them that isolation and bullying hurt everyone, including people from the LGBT community.
Dear Gay People,
Check out the following 10 ways to deal with homophobic people that will upset them more than they will upset you!
1. Glare at them like they are retarded
2. Tell them to get a life
3. Piss them off by being even more fabulous than you already are
4. Tell them to shut it
5. If they still won’t shut it, shut them off yourself
6. Roll your eyes at them
7. Keep rolling your eyes at them till they get dizzy
Source: Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com
8. Bitch slap them
9. Bitch slap them one more time just cos it feels good
10. Walk away with style
Ok in all seriousness, homophobes aren’t worth your time so just treat them as noise pollution.
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