How to ask a deaf person for a date

Dating is challenging for anyone to navigate. If you’re dating someone with hearing loss for the first time, there can be some hurdles to overcome. Don’t fear, I’ve got some tips for dating a deaf person.

I’ve compiled a brief list of tips for dating a deaf person. It’s important to keep in mind that these tips are applicable to overall relationships with a deaf person (family member, friend, co-worker, etc.).

7 Tips for Dating Someone with Hearing Loss

1) Communicate clearly

Many deaf people rely largely on lip-reading, so it’s important to communicate clearly. This includes avoiding covering your mouth and looking at them when you speak. Similarly, if the deaf person communicates via sign language, it’s an absolute necessity that they be able to see you fully when communicating.

2) Set your TV to show closed captions

If you’re able to do this without being asked, major brownie points! Closed captions help deaf people follow along more closely when watching TV/movies and keep them from missing pertinent details.

3) Let them pick optimal seating

If they wear hearing aids or have a cochlear implant, generally they have a “better” side, or an ear they hear better from. This is a side they feel more comfortable listening from. When dating a deaf person, be mindful of where they sit or where they would prefer you to sit for ample listening and conversation. The same goes for visibility; let them pick which seat at the table is better for lipreading. Avoid sitting in front of a window or direct light source where you’ll be back-lit. Similarly, if the room is noisy, let them determine where seating is optimal.

4) Be willing to repeat yourself

If you find silence following many of your questions, please know that Deaf people are not intentionally ignoring you. If they like you, they probably genuinely want to know what you’re saying.They might just not have heard you! Clarity can be a challenge, so please don’t take offense if you’re often asked “what?” or asked to repeat yourself.

“Deaf people are not intentionally ignoring you and genuinely want to know what you’re saying.”

5) When being intimate, make sure they are comfortable

Intimacy is a sensitive topic for anyone. For deaf people who wear hearing aids or cochlear implants, touching the devices (or even the area around the devices) can be uncomfortable, as it can cause the devices to ring. This can make for annoying feedback that both people can hear, and the moment may be ruined. Some deaf people prefer to take their hearing devices off when getting intimate, so it might be helpful to communicate in advance or figure out signals for when it’s too dark to see.

6) Be patient

Deaf people are learning just as much in this relationship as you are, so please be patient and understanding. Effective communication is key and necessary for all people involved.

7) Don’t be afraid to ask questions

Please do not be afraid to ask questions. Curiosity is appreciated and will only help all of us progress together! While in a relationship with a deaf person, romantic or not, you’ll pick up on things over time. You’ll learn how to work together on all fronts and likely come out learning more about yourself than the other person!

Watch: My Experience Dating with Hearing Loss

Want more insights on what it’s like to date someone with hearing loss? You can watch my video on HearingLikeMe’s YouTube channel.


I hope my tips for dating a deaf person are helpful.

Do you have any tips or advice for dating with hearing loss? Let us know on Instagram!

When you don’t know how to connect with a deaf or hard of hearing person, you can complicate the process—or worse, shut them out entirely. If you need to communicate with a deaf person, here’s what you should do.

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Politely Get Their Attention

With a hearing person, you can call their name or shout something like “Hey!” But that obviously won’t work with someone who can’t hear you. They need to see you.

According to the Deaf-Hearing Communication Centre (DHCC), you have a few basic options for getting their attention that aren’t considered rude:

  1. Move into the person’s visual field
  2. Gently tap on the person’s shoulder
  3. Flick lights at slow/medium pace (doing so at fast pace may indicate an emergency)

If you can, always go with the first option. That way you can look them in the eye—eye contact is super important—and signal your interest in saying something. Eye contact also ensures that you have their attention. Never wave your hand in front of their face! The DHCC also suggests you ask the individual if there are other methods of obtaining attention that he/she prefers, especially if you’ll be interacting with them regularly.

You also need to time your signaling just right. If it looks like they’re actively doing something, don’t interrupt (that’s rude anyway). And when you do begin to talk, always ask if you are interrupting something—just in case. Remember, deaf people can be distracted by things just like anyone else, so don’t assume they’re ready to watch you just because you’ve indicated that to them.

Let Them Take the Lead

Once you’ve got their attention, hand over the reins. As YouTube channel ASL Stew explains in the video above, not all deaf or hard of hearing people can read lips, so it’s vital you let them decide how best to communicate with you. And they’ll be on top of it. Remember, this might be your first time interacting with a deaf person, but they interact with hearing people every single day.

If possible, be prepared for different methods of communication. If you have a deaf coworker, for example, always have a pen and pad of paper at hand. Have it out on your desk and take it with you when you go to talk with them. Also, be aware of excess background noise, and try to remove it if possible, especially if they’re just hard of hearing.

Stay Visible and Speak Normally

The deaf person may be able to read lips. If so, it’s important you stay visible so they can see your lips move when you talk. Kimberly Brown at The Limping Chicken suggests you position yourself in good lighting (no sun or bright lights behind you), stand close enough they can see your lips (but not so close you’re invading their space), and make sure they have their glasses on or contacts in.

When you start speaking, don’t over enunciate, exaggerate lip movements, or mumble. Both make it harder for someone to lip read! Speak somewhat slowly (especially if you’re a fast talker), and always be facing them when you talk and continue to make eye contact. Keep your hands, food, and drinks away from your mouth while you speak, and never talk while chewing food or gum. And don’t assume they understand everything you say just because they’re paying attention. Deaf people get distracted too! So be ready to repeat something you’ve already said. That does not mean dumbing down what you said or yelling at them loudly, however. Just repeat what you said the same way. Give them time to process what you’re saying, and occasionally stop to check if they’re comprehending everything.

No matter how you end up communicating, though, be patient. This process can be difficult for both of you, so give it some time and don’t get angry. Brown says you should never give up out of frustration and blow it off . It’s rude, disrespectful, and it will definitely make them feel unimportant or left out.

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Use Simple Gestures and Body Language

When speaking, a few visual cues can help you get your point across. ASL Stew says it’s a lot like a game of charades, so you should be prepared to act things out a little.

However, Brown recommends you try to keep relatively still while you talk if possible, otherwise lip reading can be a lot harder. Always stay facing them, maintaining eye contact, and keep your mouth visible. Also, they might get distracted by your actions if you’re acting like a weirdo, so don’t go overboard with your performance.

Learn Some Basic Signs for Next Time

You may not interact with the hearing impaired on a daily basis, but it can still benefit you to know some of the most basic American Sign Language signs. In this video, youtuber Ashley Clark Fry shows off 25 essential ASL signs anyone can learn. Phrases like “Hello,” “Yes,” “No,” and “Are you deaf?” are good to know.

In Praise of the Irish Goodbye

There’s no need to make a big deal about leaving every gathering you attend. Just leave—it’s fine.

Bonus: Don’t Ask Them These Annoying Questions

When you do communicate with a deaf or hard-of-hearing person, keep the personal questions to a minimum. That goes double if you’re thinking about asking any of the questions in the above video from WatchCut Video . Keep it classy, people.

This article originally appeared on VICE Denmark

A while ago, I underwent an experiment where I voluntarily locked myself in a completely soundproof room. I got through 48 minutes in this anechoic chamber before I started having auditory hallucinations and begged to be released from that soundless void. The most interesting effect the experience had on me was that for a while after, I had a newfound appreciation for sounds I had always hated – that of dogs barking or babies crying, for example. It only lasted a couple of days, but it made me realise how much I take my sense of hearing for granted.

Caroline Gudme, 39, is one of approximately 4,000 deaf people in Denmark – a small fraction of the 360 million people worldwide who deal with some form of hearing loss. Caroline is also a gold and silver medallist in handball at the Deaflympics, and represented Denmark in both football and futsal in European and World Championships for deaf people.

I spoke with Caroline via email to find out what it was like for her to be deaf her whole life, what her favourite band is and whether she would swap any other senses for the ability to hear.

VICE: Can you describe what being deaf feels like?
Caroline: It’s complete silence. It’s like when you turn the lights off and everything goes dark. I can hear a little bit when I wear my hearing aid, but sometimes I prefer not wearing it because I like the silence.

So, when you wear that hearing aid, what can you hear?
I can hear from a level of about 85 decibels, which means I notice people shouting, or loud, nearby traffic. When I wear it inside the house, I can hear the doorbell or the phone ringing. But if a lot of people are speaking at the same time, I can’t understand a word of what’s being said – it’s like I’m in a chicken coop, or something. And I can’t tell conversations apart from any sounds in the background, so it’s all just white noise to me.

I got my first hearing aid when I was ten. It was the size of a pack of cigarettes and I had to carry it in the front pocket of my shirt. My mum claims I was very upset the first time I heard a sound. Apparently I just cried for ages. I never liked wearing them all that much – I used to get injured playing football because other kids or the ball would hit my ear and the earbud would pierce my eardrum. My hearing aid can also be really annoying for the people around me, because it can play up and make this annoying high-pitched sound. I once got on a train to see my family and when they came to meet me at the station, they told me that my hearing aid was whistling. I felt so bad – the other passengers on the train must have had to sit through that the entire journey.

“VICE” in Danish sign language

When you were still single, how did you used to pick up guys?
Making eye contact is the most importing thing, and then it’s all about your body language and the vibe you’re giving off. But it can be pretty tricky. My husband isn’t deaf, and our greatest challenge as a couple is merging our two cultures – combining verbal communication with sign language, especially when it comes to raising our two children.

What is your favourite band?
I love Safri Duo because their bass and drum beats are so powerful, I can feel the rhythm in my body. When I was younger, I loved Whitney Houston – “I Will Always Love You” is one of my favourite songs.

Can you read lips?
It’s harder if I don’t know the person whose lips I’m trying to read. I often just kind of guess what someone is saying. But my whole family knows sign language, so it’s easy communicating with them.

Watch: 10 Questions You Always Wanted to Ask a Teletubby

How to ask a deaf person for a date

What’s the one thing you can’t do because you’re deaf, that you wish you could?
I’ve been deaf my whole life, so I don’t really know what it would be like to be able to hear. When I was younger I wanted to be a police officer, but that was never a realistic option. In general, I wish more things were translated into something deaf people can understand – especially on the internet. On TV you can usually turn on subtitles, but while some online platforms do provide subtitles on video content, many don’t.

Ten Questions You Always Wanted to Ask a Nun

Would you swap one of your other senses for the ability to hear?
I would hate to lose my sight, so maybe my sense of smell.

What’s your favourite type of visual entertainment?
I really like going to the theatre, but I’m also a big fan of Desperate Housewives.

Do you have any idea what you sound like during sex?
I don’t normally speak in my everyday life, but when I’m having sex, I let go and make sounds. It’s a way of experiencing pleasure and releasing all the tension in my body. I feel the same way when I laugh. What sound would you most like to hear?
I would love to hear the sound of nature.

This article originally appeared on VICE DA.

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While it’s not impossible for people who are deaf to make use of mainstream dating sites, there are many sites out there that cater to those who have hearing impairments.

Just in the same way sites (like BeNaughty or Ashley Madison) cater to people seeking casual hookups, and sites like eHarmony cater to those seeking serious relationships only.

But in this article, we are going to check out some of the most popular dating sites amongst the deaf community.

We will do this by looking at each site in-depth and with the following in mind.

Best Limited Time Offers

So if you are deaf or have some other hearing impairment but are wanting to make use of online dating in your quest to meet people just like you, either for friendship or maybe for love, then you’ve come to the right place.

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Best Dating Sites for Deaf People

How to ask a deaf person for a date

Deafs.com

Ratings

  • Signing up – 4/5
  • Making contact – 3/5
  • Profile quality – 3/5
  • Overall quality – 4/5

Pros

  • Once you’ve signed up your profile is complete as well
  • A well-designed website that’s easy to navigate
  • The website includes a community aspect
  • Lots of features for members

Cons

  • The website is a little bland
  • You need to be a member to contact anyone

Demographic

Deafs.com is aimed at people who are deaf or who have some form of hearing impairment.

In fact, those behind it claim it’s the biggest dating site of its kind in the world.

This isn’t a flash in the pan website either.

In fact, Deafs has been around since 2001 and in that time has built up a user base into the hundreds of thousands.

Here, people not only look for love, but meet new friends too, establishing friendships that last for a lifetime.

Deafs is much more than a website, it’s a community as well.

How to ask a deaf person for a date

Ease of Use “mobile and desktop version”

Deafs provides a simple registration process where you can add your gender, the gender you are looking for (and yes Deafs is gay and lesbian-friendly), age range, level of deafness and location.

At this point, however, you will need to create your account through the webpage as Deafs doesn’t have an app.

You could make the process even faster by using your Facebook account.

Once you’ve provided the initial information there’s a bit more to do before you get access to the site.

This mostly focuses on helping you to create your profile which means you need to provide the following:

  • Age
  • Email address
  • First name (which is kept private)
  • Username
  • Password
  • Location
  • Appearance parameters (height, ethnicity)
  • Relationship status
  • Profile picture
  • Profile headline
  • An “about me” section
  • An “about your match” section

Make sure your address is a valid one because you will be sent a code to validate your newly setup account.

Without it, you cannot continue on the site.

Once you’ve done all that, you can access the Deafs website for the first time.

And while the layout is easy to understand and navigate, on the whole, the site is a little bland.

But that’s not a problem if it works effectively, right?

The best thing about taking the time to fill out your profile during the registration process is that now you can hit the ground running on the site.

A series of menus on the top of the screen are the main way to navigate Deafs and include links to other users, your messages and a community section.

Under that community section, you will have access to Spark.

This is a roulette-style matching game where you are shown other users near you and you can either skip or like.

If you like them and they like you in return, well then that’s a matchup and certainly worth exploring.

Searching for other matchups can be done easily enough with the search engine found on the homepage.

It has limited parameters, however such gender, age-range and location.

If you want more, you are going to have to upgrade to one of the membership options on the site.

That will provide another 12 parameters that you can adjust for your searches.

That will also give you the ability to message anyone you’d like to find out more about as free users can only send winks to other users as a means of communication.

Overall, however, the modular design of the site makes it so simple to use so although it’s not the most attractive dating site in the work, it’s very functional.

Try these ideas for questions to ask on a first date.

There aren’t hard and fast rules about what makes a good or bad first date question. Research has shown that the most effective communication style in relationships is a flexible one. The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas, rather than be interpreted as rules.

The key goals of a first date are to:

  • see if you have a connection
  • find out if you and your date have any major areas of incompatibility

Humans are wired so that once we start to develop an emotional attachment, it’s hard to break away from it. Find out early if there are reasons that “making it work” will be fraught.

Ideas for First Date Questions

Select just a few of these questions, rather than attempt to ask them all on the same date.

1. What sort of vacations do you like to take?

Why: Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility—for example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard idea (or amount) of vacation time.

2. How was your day?

Why: This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining, it’s possible that the person tends to see the glass as half empty.

On the other hand, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in.

3. Tell me about your friends.

Why: When you enter a relationship with someone, you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Plus, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn’t directly about them.

4. Are you a dog person, a cat person, or neither?

Why: If one of you doesn’t like pets and the other has three dogs, that’s likely to be a problem.

5. What do you like to do in your free time?

Why: This helps you find out the person’s preferences. It may also help you establish if the person has any free time in the first place, or if they’re a workaholic.

6. Is there anything you’re really passionate about?

Why: Does the person have strong feelings? Or are they more easygoing, tending to have milder feelings about most things?

7. Do you like your job?

Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes—for example, leave their job to go back to school? What’s their attitude to their work? Do they see it as a calling, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder?

8. Are you a morning or a night person?

Why: This is primarily relevant if you’re either an extreme night or an extreme morning person.

9. Would you like a bite of my dish?

Why: This question shows you’re open to sharing. On a first date, go for a friendly rather than intimate tone when asking this question.

10. Is it too noisy in here for you?

Why: This shows you’re considerate of other people’s comfort. Don’t be afraid to change plans if you arrive at a restaurant and find it’s too noisy for a good conversation.

11. Who do you live with?

Why: Whether they still live with their parents or they live with 10 roommates, their answer will tell you something about how they like to live.

12. Are you close to your family?

Why: Are they very involved with their family of origin? Is this something that appeals to you or not? Is their family intrusive? Do they have a lot of family conflict?

14. Is there anything you don’t eat?

Why: This helps you plan future dates, but may also give you an opportunity to choose not to pursue dating someone who has very incompatible food preferences from you.

15. Do you smoke/drink/do drugs?

Why: You likely have a preference one way or the other.

16. Do you collect anything?

Why: Do they spend a lot of money or time collecting something?

17. How do you feel about. [insert a thing you’re really passionate about]?

Why: If there’s something you’re really passionate about—gaming, for example—do they respect it?

18. Have you seen any good movies or TV shows lately?

Why: This will tell you about your date’s preferences. On top of that, it can indicate whether they’re someone who tends to reflect on experiences and can talk about their thoughts.

19. Have you been to any good restaurants recently?

Why: This tells you something about whether they seek out new experiences.

20. What are your thoughts about the upcoming election (any upcoming election)?

Why: The main point here is not to jump to assumptions about your date’s politics. If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different.

21. Are you dating anyone else at the moment?

Why: If your date is exploring a relationship with someone else, you might decide that you want to push pause at the end of your first date, while offering them the opportunity to get back in touch with you if the other relationship doesn’t work out. Especially in the age of internet dating, people sometimes meet multiple people they’re interested in around the same time.

To take some of the pressure off during first dates, remind yourself:

  • You each have 50 percent of the responsibility for how the conversation flows.
  • You can only control how someone reacts to you to a limited extent. If you try to be too careful with what you say, this is likely to backfire.

The answers to the above questions aren’t necessarily deal breakers. However, it’s good to know what you’re getting yourself in for before you start to get attached to someone.

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John Carew, MD, is board-certified in otolaryngology and is an adjunct assistant professor at New York University Medical Center.

In deaf culture, people use two different spellings of the word deaf:

  • Big D Deaf, in which a person identifies as a member of the deaf community
  • Small d deaf, for a person is deaf but doesn’t identify as part of the community

As arbitrary as this may seem, there is a difference.  

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Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin

Definitions

Generally, the “small d” deaf do not associate with other members of the deaf community. They may strive to identify themselves with hearing people, regarding their hearing loss solely in medical terms.

Some may also be progressively losing their hearing and not yet integrated into the Deaf culture.

In contrast, “big D” Deaf people identify themselves as culturally Deaf and have a strong Deaf identity. They’re often quite proud to be Deaf.

It’s common for “big D” Deaf people attended schools and programs for the deaf. The “small d” deaf tend to have been mainstreamed and may not have attended a school for the deaf.

When writing about deafness, many writers will use a capital D when referring to aspects of Deaf culture. They will use a lower-case “d” when speaking solely about the hearing loss. Some simply use “d/Deaf.”

While some may dismiss the differentiation as semantic, how d/Deaf people identify plays a big role in how they access medical care and social services as well as how they address civil rights abuses in the face of discrimination.

While the purpose of the “big D” and “small D” are different, the designation can direct how an outreach may be conducted, how disbursements of services may be directed, and how to appropriately interact with someone no matter how they identify.

Examples

The d/Deaf community has its own culture, and this is a legitimate subject of debate. There are some scenarios that typically find a person using either “big D” or “small d.”

Three common scenarios can illustrate this.

Scenario 1: A man is totally deaf, cannot read lips, and uses sign language. He’s married to a hearing person and doesn’t associate with other deaf people. This person would probably be “small d” despite total hearing loss and reliance on sign language for communication.

Scenario 2: A woman is totally deaf, can read lips, and communicates orally. She is married to another oral deaf person and socializes primarily with other oral deaf people.

Despite the refusal to use sign language, that person would likely lean toward “big D.” That’s because of the primary association with other deaf people even though the method of communication is not sign language.

Scenario 3: A third person is medically hard of hearing and can talk on the telephone, but chooses to use sign language—ASL—as a key means of communication. They’re also active in the deaf community’s organizations and events and proud to have a hearing loss.

This person would likely be “big D” because of their attitude toward hearing loss and a strong identification with the deaf community.

Personal Viewpoint

Ask any deaf person which they prefer and they’ll likely have an answer. Some are more passionate about it than others and many have changed their views over the years.

For instance, deaf people who grew up oral and went to hearing schools spent their younger years as “small d.” Later, they may have studied at a d/Deaf college, become more social in the deaf community, and begun to lean toward “big D.”

Many people use the larger Deaf community as a gauge for their own identity. Others don’t consider deafness to be a defining feature.

However one identifies, “big D” and “small D” are simply reference points rather than a means of inclusion or exclusion. There’s no right or wrong choice. It’s all about how you see yourself and the connections you make in the social order.

This article originally appeared on VICE Denmark

A while ago, I underwent an experiment where I voluntarily locked myself in a completely soundproof room. I got through 48 minutes in this anechoic chamber before I started having auditory hallucinations and begged to be released from that soundless void. The most interesting effect the experience had on me was that for a while after, I had a newfound appreciation for sounds I had always hated – that of dogs barking or babies crying, for example. It only lasted a couple of days, but it made me realise how much I take my sense of hearing for granted.

Caroline Gudme, 39, is one of approximately 4,000 deaf people in Denmark – a small fraction of the 360 million people worldwide who deal with some form of hearing loss. Caroline is also a gold and silver medallist in handball at the Deaflympics, and represented Denmark in both football and futsal in European and World Championships for deaf people.

I spoke with Caroline via email to find out what it was like for her to be deaf her whole life, what her favourite band is and whether she would swap any other senses for the ability to hear.

VICE: Can you describe what being deaf feels like?
Caroline: It’s complete silence. It’s like when you turn the lights off and everything goes dark. I can hear a little bit when I wear my hearing aid, but sometimes I prefer not wearing it because I like the silence.

So, when you wear that hearing aid, what can you hear?
I can hear from a level of about 85 decibels, which means I notice people shouting, or loud, nearby traffic. When I wear it inside the house, I can hear the doorbell or the phone ringing. But if a lot of people are speaking at the same time, I can’t understand a word of what’s being said – it’s like I’m in a chicken coop, or something. And I can’t tell conversations apart from any sounds in the background, so it’s all just white noise to me.

I got my first hearing aid when I was ten. It was the size of a pack of cigarettes and I had to carry it in the front pocket of my shirt. My mum claims I was very upset the first time I heard a sound. Apparently I just cried for ages. I never liked wearing them all that much – I used to get injured playing football because other kids or the ball would hit my ear and the earbud would pierce my eardrum. My hearing aid can also be really annoying for the people around me, because it can play up and make this annoying high-pitched sound. I once got on a train to see my family and when they came to meet me at the station, they told me that my hearing aid was whistling. I felt so bad – the other passengers on the train must have had to sit through that the entire journey.

“VICE” in Danish sign language

When you were still single, how did you used to pick up guys?
Making eye contact is the most importing thing, and then it’s all about your body language and the vibe you’re giving off. But it can be pretty tricky. My husband isn’t deaf, and our greatest challenge as a couple is merging our two cultures – combining verbal communication with sign language, especially when it comes to raising our two children.

What is your favourite band?
I love Safri Duo because their bass and drum beats are so powerful, I can feel the rhythm in my body. When I was younger, I loved Whitney Houston – “I Will Always Love You” is one of my favourite songs.

Can you read lips?
It’s harder if I don’t know the person whose lips I’m trying to read. I often just kind of guess what someone is saying. But my whole family knows sign language, so it’s easy communicating with them.

Watch: 10 Questions You Always Wanted to Ask a Teletubby

How to ask a deaf person for a date

What’s the one thing you can’t do because you’re deaf, that you wish you could?
I’ve been deaf my whole life, so I don’t really know what it would be like to be able to hear. When I was younger I wanted to be a police officer, but that was never a realistic option. In general, I wish more things were translated into something deaf people can understand – especially on the internet. On TV you can usually turn on subtitles, but while some online platforms do provide subtitles on video content, many don’t.

Ten Questions You Always Wanted to Ask a Nun

Would you swap one of your other senses for the ability to hear?
I would hate to lose my sight, so maybe my sense of smell.

What’s your favourite type of visual entertainment?
I really like going to the theatre, but I’m also a big fan of Desperate Housewives.

Do you have any idea what you sound like during sex?
I don’t normally speak in my everyday life, but when I’m having sex, I let go and make sounds. It’s a way of experiencing pleasure and releasing all the tension in my body. I feel the same way when I laugh. What sound would you most like to hear?
I would love to hear the sound of nature.

This article originally appeared on VICE DA.

ORIGINAL REPORTING ON EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS IN YOUR INBOX.

By signing up to the VICE newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications from VICE that may sometimes include advertisements or sponsored content.

How to ask a deaf person for a date

Editor’s Note: The article was originally published in January 2008. We’ve updated it.

Over the past few years, many social observers have noted that young adults are dating less. Instead, dating is being replaced by “hanging out” with members of the opposite sex. Dating and hanging out are two completely different things.

Hanging out consists of people getting together in groups and doing stuff together. It could be going to a club, a restaurant, or just staying home and playing Wii. The atmosphere is relaxed and relations among opposite sexes never rises above the level of friendship (or friendship with benefits). There is nothing wrong with hanging out, but it is not a replacement for dating.

Dating consists of pairing off with someone in a temporary commitment so you can get to know the person better and perhaps start a long term relationship with them.

Watch the Video

Why date?

A lot of men today don’t seem to believe it, but getting hitched to the right woman is a very desirable thing.

So while there is nothing wrong with hanging out, it’s not a replacement for dating. Dating is the pathway to finding your true love and eventually settling down and getting married. Marriage is a one on one relationship, so you need to start getting to know women on a one on one basis. You might be hanging out with her and your friends right now, but if you don’t take her on date, she’ll forever be just your friend. So, start dating and stop hanging out. It really is not that hard to get a date with a woman. Here are some guidelines to remember as you take hanging out up a level to dating.

How to Ask a Girl Out

So, you’re ready to start dating and stop hanging out. You’re wondering how to ask her out. It really is not that hard to get a date with a woman. Here are some guidelines to remember as you take hanging out up a level to dating.

1. She wants you to ask. Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.

2. Asking is easy. Asking a woman out on a date isn’t rocket science. When you ask, though, do it in person or over the phone.

3. Keep dates simple. Dates don’t have to be huge, expensive affairs. Keep it simple. If you want to keep things informal, ask her out for lunch or coffee. If you want a more romantic date, invite her over to your place and make dinner for her. She’ll be impressed that you know how to cook. The whole point of dating is to get some one on one interaction with a person to find out if she is someone you’d like to start a long term relationship with. Simple and frequent dates will assist you in this.

4. Prepare for rejection. Face it. Not every woman you ask out is going to say yes. Prepare for that. It’s no big deal if she says no. Think about it. You’re no worse off getting rejected than you were before you asked. You didn’t have a date with her before, you don’t have a date with her now. Your situation has not changed.

5. Just do it, damn it. So what are you waiting for? Quit reading this post right now and pick up your cell phone. Call a woman and ask her on a date. Stop hanging out and start dating. Stop being scared of commitment. Commitment is liberating, not confining.

This stuff works. Ever since we originally published this article back in 2008, I’ve received several wedding invitations from men who met their wife to-be by following the advice in this article.

So When Should You Ask Girl Out?

Like getting married, having a baby, or starting a business, there’s never a right time to ask a girl out on a date. If you’re not sure, if she’s interested, learn how to know if a girl likes you. So just go ahead and ask her out if you’re interested. Will she say “no?” Possibly, but you won’t know until you ask.

And even if she says no, you’re no better off than you were before you asked.

Listen to my podcast about the problem with ambiguity in relationships: