How to be cocky

Confidence is one of those horribly tricky things that everyone expects you to have, but no one wants you to have too much of it. It really is the Goldilocks of personal characteristics. Too little confidence and the world can walk all over you without ever giving you the opportunity to speak, too much and you’re just kind of an arrogant ass.

My environment and genetics have enabled and encouraged me to be a confident person. I’ve been called bossy and opinionated my entire life, and I’m so pleased to finally be wearing those labels as badges of honour. Too quick are we to accept other people’s criticism of ourselves. It took me a long time, and ongoing effort, to realise that I don’t actually want to waste my time worrying about whether or not people like me. I have far better things to do with my time. As do you my friend.

But where is the line? How does one become confident without being a jerk? I think that a lot of it is personal and comes down to the individual, but for the sake of the article let’s think generally.

Going with our Goldilocks metaphor let’s break it down into three steps.

You know that horrible little voice that loiters in the back of your mind and undermines everything you do? It’s that really annoying one that stops you from speaking up, even though you have something interesting to add to the conversation. Yeah… you should ignore that voice. It’s full of lies. You do have something interesting to say. Everyone does. You work really hard and have learned a lot and what you say has merit. In academia especially, when we tend to be surrounded by a dozen or more people who are far more intelligent and advanced in their field than we are, it’s so easy to let that voice convince you to be quiet. And while I do advocate for the importance of listening (see next point) that’s not to say that you shouldn’t speak up. Even if you’re the novice in the room you still know things! You’ve worked hard to get to that room and you do have something to add and bring to the table. So step right and plant yourself at that damn table and be a part of the conversation. The worst that could happen is you have a full blown panic attack and pass out in front of a room full of peers and superiors. But a cocky person can come back from that. You can come back from that.

Step 2: Shut up and Listen

Now this is where the fine balance between confidence and arrogance comes into play. You must have the confidence to join the conversation AND the humility to know that you can’t carry both sides of it. To me, a true sign of confidence is someone who listens well and relishes in the power of silence. While you obviously have merit and value and deserve to be a part of the conversation, let’s be frank, you don’t know everything. You have a lot to learn from those around you. And there’s always going to be a benefit to shutting up and listening. There’s power in listening and there’s power in learning, and a true sign of confidence is someone who can listen and listen well. Confidence does not mean you have to be the person always speaking. It means you have confidence in your own stillness and you can stand there, listen with intention, and absorb what is happening around you.

Step 3: Be brave and be bold (and fake it if you need to)

Isn’t it lovely to read advice from someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about? Congratulations if you’ve made it this far. It’s all fine and dandy for me to sit here and encourage you to speak up with boldness and listen with intent but, and I’m well aware of this tricky fact, it is far easier said than done. But that’s where the art of faking it comes in. I’m pretty sure that everyone has days where that little voice wins and you feel completely horrid and useless. But those are the days where it’s imperative to lean into the cockiness. The days where you feel like hiding are the days were it’s vital to stand up tall. Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won’t. But you will fool the fools because no one can hear that inner voice except you. And you have far better things to do with your time than listen to it.

So listen to Marie Curie instead:

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.” -Marie Curie

Now more than ever we need more cocky men!

If you don’t know what “cocky” means, it’s when a man is very confident and playful. It’s like a way to be rude without making anybody mad.

So why do we need more men like this?

Well, because it’s a relief to see a man brave enough to live freely and on his own terms.

It’s very masculine and raw and bold!!

Many many people are living to please others and it’s very inauthentic and depressing to see.

Cocky men remind us all that you can and should do what you want in life!

It’s not attractive when a woman is cocky, but a woman can pair herself with a cocky man and enjoy the thrill of it all safely that way.

Now let’s get into how you can be more cocky and increase your attractiveness to your lover and other women too…

1. Say inappropriate things with a cheeky grin on your face

Make the jokes that everybody else is too scared to make and when you do just smirk at the people who react the most.

So if your lover is asking you if a certain outfit makes her look fat, you’d tell her yes… really fat! Playfully of course.

2. Point out the elephant in the room

Be able to say the things that everybody else is too afraid to say without smirking too! If a topic is serious, be brave and call out the dishonesty you can see.

Please don’t be tight lipped when something widely accepted by others seems stupid to you!

3. Believe in yourself so much that others think you’re crazy

KNOW that your millions are coming or that your business will shape up nicely. Don’t ever be put off by the criticism coming from other (non-cocky) men.

Please never doubt yourself and just keep trying!

4. Go in whatever direction you want in life

If you want to move house or city or job then you do it and your lover will follow you along on your journey.

Cocky men love to rock the boat and live in the opposite way to most people.

5. Never give in to peer pressure

Cocky men don’t care if everybody is doing it, if he doesn’t want to do it he won’t. He will even allow his friends to go one way in life while he goes the other if he disagrees.

He hates lying to himself that is why!!

6. Remember that it’s the man’s job to initiate sex directly

Women initiate sex with hints and subtlety but men initiate sex with firm words and touches.

Initiating sex is naturally a “cocky” thing to do because it’s only implied that your lover wants to have sex with you, so you are cheekily assuming that she does. Never ask if she wants to have sex!!

7. See the opportunities that are everywhere in life

Cocky men see a world of abundance, timid men see a world of scarcity!

Everything that happens to you is an opportunity to take, even if the event seems awful.

8. Know that everything will work out eventually

Cocky men are patient and persistent because they know that they always get what they want, it just takes time.

Their mind is always manifesting and their hands are also building something and they know how to channel their energy to win.

Cocky men get what they want in the bedroom too!

If you don’t feel like you are getting your lover’s best in the bedroom and you’d like to open her up to more, we have something that will help you!

A lot of men struggle to introduce crazy things like anal sex, bondage and rough sex to their lover…

They either try to ask her, which never works!!

Or they just try to introduce it and then get confused and frustrated when their lover tells them to stop.

If this happens to you, it’s because your lover needs tiptoed into new things.

She doesn’t want to jump in at the deep end without having any experience at all of what is to come.

You need to give her slightly bigger tastes of it one after another until you are doing whatever you like without any resistance from her.

She wants to have an exciting and varied sex life just like you do, but she needs to know that you are a man capable of leading her through these things!

If you’d like this whole process extremely simplified and put into an easy to follow step by step process, be sure to take a look at our Complete Submission program by clicking the button below.

Being arrogant is not a disorder of out-of-control confidence. On the contrary, arrogance is a skill you earn.

Boxer Floyd Mayweather was in his dressing room before a championship match. Floyd got word that his friend, wrestler HHH (Or “Triple H”) was in the building and sent for HHH to visit the dressing room.

HHH came in, hung out for a few minutes, then excused himself to allow Floyd to prepare for the fight. Floyd insisted HHH stay and watch TV with him.

HHH hung out for a while longer, until there were less than 15 minutes to go before the fight. HHH got up to leave, once again telling Floyd he would leave to allow Floyd get ready to perform.

Floyd turned to HHH and said, dude, stay. If I’m not ready to win this fight already, nothing I do in the next 15 minutes will get me ready. I’m either going to win, or not – it’s already decided.

Many sports fans would label Floyd Mayweather the poster child for arrogance. What they don’t recognize: Floyd earned his right to be arrogant. You need to do the same, and ditch the humble idea which isn’t working.

I’ll tell you exactly how.

This post is not a metaphor. I’m not using cocky or arrogant in a tongue-in-cheek way, either. I mean it completely literally.

People have a false idea that being arrogant (defined as an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities) is a bad thing. It’s not. [shareable cite=”@DreAllDay “]People have a false idea that being arrogant is a bad thing. It’s not. [/shareable]

    “Humble” means, having a moderate or low sense of one’s own importance. Meaning, your self-belief is at a lower level than your accomplishments. Which means, your reality will adjust itself to meet your moderate self-belief level.

Is this what you want?

Think about it: When people tell you to “be humble,” what are they really saying? They’re telling you to not think so highly of yourself. Lower your ambitions. Don’t believe in yourself so much. What is the benefit of following this advice – other than making people with low self-esteem feel better about themselves?Follow this advice, and your achievements, no matter how great or small, will diminish. Congratulations on your show of humility.
Your achievements in life will ALWAYS match your level of belief in yourself. You may think your success in life is directly related to your ability.

Wrong. Your success is related to your belief. When you think something, you talk about it. When you believe something, you act on it.

Let’s say your achievement is at a level 50. If you follow what most people tell you, your level of belief should also be a 50. Believe in yourself, but don’t think any higher than what you’ve actually done. Otherwise you’re being “cocky.”You think you’re better than you actually are!! Look at all this evidence – you’re clearly 50! Why is your belief at a 75. Be realistic!!

This bad advice is the reason so many people go through an entire lifetime and never see their lives improve. Their belief being a 50, the individual can NEVER exceed that level in achievements, despite their efforts.

THIS is the glass ceiling of achievement you’ve been hitting your head against for years. So, understand…
Your self-belief must ALWAYS exceed your current abilities & accomplishments. Why? Following what I said above – you will achieve at the level you believe – this mindset will keep you striving for more and better.

The subconscious mind constantly works to close gaps between our mental state and our realities. The sad truth is, many people think less of themselves than what reality suggests. Thus, many people spend life not staying the same, but going backwards. [shareable cite=”@DreAllDay “]The sad truth is, many people think *less* of themselves than what reality suggests.[/shareable]

If my achievement is at a 50, and my belief is at a 75, I have to close this gap. Which brings us to my next point.
Be humble enough to know you have work to do. Then do it. Here’s how to actually use humility, in a way which will make you better, not worse. [shareable cite=”@DreAllDay “]

Be humble enough to know you have work to do. Do it.[/shareable]First, set your belief to a level which is higher than your achievements. At this moment, technically, you’re being “arrogant” – you think you’re better than you really are.

Seeing this gap, your subconscious mind goes to work, with two choices for reconciling this conflict.A) Lower your belief.
B) Achieve more to match the belief.

Now, if you’ve been properly brainwashed by the humble-mongers, you may (wrongly) choose option A.

If you listen to what I’m telling you here (or understand how little “humility,” in this sense, will do to raise your game), you will choose option B. Do you know what happens then?

You do the work to go from 50 to 75, earning your right to have a 75-level belief.

Then what? You raise that 75 to a 100 and so on, and repeat the process. Forever.

THIS is how to be humble: Raise your belief first, then step up your skill to match this belief.

Then, continue to raise the bar. Not the think-less-of-yourself BS you’ve been fed your whole life. Perish those useless, self-defeating principles, taught to you by people who didn’t know any better.
Don’t forget to do the work. Arrogance is earned, not taken and not given. The moment you stop doing the work, you are no longer qualified to be arrogant.

Please re-read the previous sentence.

As far as I can tell, very few people have a problem of being too confident. Most of the people who come to me with confidence issues have the problem of being too humble. I happily and diligently cure people of this illness. My book The Super You is a primer to start with, and Bulletproof Mindset is the full course.

I’m talking to those of you who don’t believe enough in your own skills to put yourself out there. Those who charge too little for your services. You, who feels unqualified to label yourself an expert when less qualified people are already doing it, and taking YOUR money.

Bad information about humility got you to this place. Now, let’s do it the right way.

Give arrogance a try.

How to be cocky The Bulletproof Bundle: Mental Toughness, Discipline, Confidence and Persistence.

There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Are these body language mistakes pushing you right over it?

You need to be conscious of your body language. It’s advice you’ve heard time and time again. But, in most cases, you’re warned that your nonverbal cues could be making you look unconfident.

Shuffling feet, slouching, and small gestures–they’re all evidence of a lack of self-assuredness that you do your best to avoid. But what about the exact opposite? Are there any body language habits that could be making you look arrogant?

Yes, there definitely are certain movements and mannerisms that can make you look cocky and big-headed. Avoid these common ones, and you’re sure to send the right message.

1. Avoiding Eye Contact

“But wait!” you’re likely thinking now, “I thought lack of eye contact was one of those things that could make me look unconfident.”

And that’s true. But, depending on your demeanor, avoiding direct eye contact with people can also serve to make you look incredibly arrogant.

Why? Well, to put it simply, it makes it look as though you’re unwilling (and perhaps even too good) to actually engage in the conversation. Whether you’re scanning the room for a better opportunity or repeatedly glancing down at your phone, it can easily make your conversational partner feel unworthy of your time and full attention.

2. Crossing Your Arms

We all know that this isn’t necessarily the most approachable posture. Even if it’s subconscious, this stance closes you off from others. It makes you look inaccessible and perhaps even a little angry.

You don’t want to send the message that you’re uninterested or too good to be there. So open up your posture. It instantly makes you appear friendlier and more willing to engage in conversations.

3. Holding Your Chin Too High

This is another one of those times when you need to walk a fine line. To appear confident, you want to hold your chin up. But, take it too far, and suddenly you seem condescending.

People do not like to feel that someone is literally looking down at them when speaking. So make sure to strike a balance here.

Focus on keeping your head level. That way, you won’t run the risk of muttering to the floor, but you also won’t take this confidence booster to the extreme.

4. Pointing Your Finger

Remember when you were younger and your mom would lecture you to not point? There’s a good reason–it can easily come off as a rude and aggressive gesture.

Unfortunately, it’s a trap that’s a bit too easy to fall into. Whether you’re waving your finger around in a heated discussion or simply trying to direct someone to the appropriate place, pointing often feels natural.

But, if you want to stick to the safe side, do your best to avoid it and gesture with an open hand instead. It achieves the same result, without being quite so combative.

5. Checking Your Watch

This one should be obvious. However, if you’ve ever been engaged in a conversation with someone who continues to not-so-subtly glance at his wrist (or the time on his phone), you know that far too many people do this very thing.

Of course, this gesture immediately portrays a high level of boredom–as if you’re checking the time to see how soon you can escape. It’s another one of those habits that make you appear to think that you’re too important to be there. So do your best to avoid it.

6. Sighing

Yes, letting out a deep sigh can feel good every now and then–but that doesn’t mean you want to do it while someone else is speaking.

While you might not necessarily consider it body language, it’s still a nonverbal cue that can send a pretty strong message. Most people equate sighing with being uninterested, exasperated, or judgmental about what’s being said.

Even if that wasn’t your intention, a heavy sigh will almost always be taken the wrong way.

7. Forgetting About Your Facial Expressions

A completely deadpan face can cause you to look unconfident and unengaged, so you want to make sure to be expressive. But you also need to be careful about what expressions you use.

An obvious eye roll, a raised eyebrow, or pursed lips can all make your conversational partner feel uneasy and self-conscious. You’re better off keeping your facial expressions as neutral (and polite!) as possible.

Much of the advice you hear about body language advises ways to tweak your mannerisms to appear more confident. But you don’t want to swing so far in that direction that you come off as cocky. Stay away from these seven common habits, and you’ll avoid falling into that arrogance trap.

A technologist and writer who shares advice on personal productivity, creativity and how to use technology to get things done. Read full profile

How to be cocky

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How to be cocky

You are a people pleaser. You are someone that doesn’t know how to speak your mind. You are someone that is afraid that your opinion isn’t important. You let people treat you however they want and don’t give them consequences for their actions.

This is the exact same way that I felt six years ago. I couldn’t overcome the debilitating fear that I wasn’t worth anything. I had no confidence. Over the years I did develop confidence and a realistic view of what I am capable of, but I didn’t want to go the opposite way – becoming cocky and full of myself instead of being “sure” of myself.

Here is how you can become confident without becoming cocky.

Know your strengths

This is the exact thing I didn’t know that led me to believe that I wasn’t worth anything. It’s important to be able to identify what you are good at in your life, if only to choose that something as the thing that you devote your time to. When you find your strengths you can accomplish things in your life with much more confidence.

There are a few good ways to find your strengths. A simple way would be to find the things that you like to do and the things that make you feel “strong”; that is, find the tasks and actions you do on a regular basis that make you feel good about yourself. These tend to be your strengths.

More importantly, know your limitations

While knowing your strengths is important, to make sure that you are only confident and not cocky, you have to know what your limitations are.

If you scoff at the notion that you have any limitations, you need more than ever to realize that you do. Everyone sucks as something. In fact, everyone sucks at most things. The thing is that we need to know which ones they are to avoid the “Superman Syndrome” or the idea that everything you do or can do you are instantly good at.

Get a crew

Nothing is better than having people around that can keep you accountable and can speak up when you are becoming too full of yourself. Having people that are honest and not afraid to show you the reality of any situation are some of the best people to have as friends and confidants.

Having others around that only support you and lift you up and don’t show you where you are misstepping is certainly a good way to become cocky. I’m not saying to have people around you that make you feel like crap; you need people around you that aren’t afraid to tell you the truth about yourself and your situations.

Log your successes and failures

A good way to gain instant confidence is to take a look at all of the important things you have accomplished over the weeks, months, and years in some kind of log format. Doing so will further solidify the idea that you are by no means worthless and that you can truly give something to society. On the opposite end, reviewing your past failures will keep your cockiness at bay and show you that you actually can screw up, no matter how awesome your past accomplishments are.

A good way to log these would be in a simple spreadsheet or even two text files (successes and failures).

Be mindful and stay grounded

Being mindful is one of the best ways to stay grounded in reality. The practice of mindfulness will help you see yourself (as well as others around) for who and what they truly are; no more and no less.

You don’t have to be a meditation guru to do this, simply stop every so often and take stock of your current situation by becoming aware of your surroundings, your feelings, and your actions. In fact you could set up small reminders to do this throughtout the day to keep yourself on track. Although that isn’t very “buddha-like”, it will definitely help you to remember to be mindful throughout your day.

Review and repeat

To make sure that you are confident without being cocky in the long run you have to consistently “check yourself”. Take out your success/failure log and look it over, ask your “crew” if you are being overly-confident (or even if you are not being confident enough), and stop every so often to become mindful of reality.

By following the principals above you can ensure that you are confident without being cocky.

Most Helpful Guy

Haha David D’s famous words.

The trick is to just be yourself and not care what the other person thinks about what you’re saying; while trying to be fun and not funny.

Here’s a comparison:

Funny: “I wish my grades would smoke weed; maybe then they would get higher”

Cocky: “My grades are fine, they will get higher by them selves”

Cocky & Funny: “My grades are fine, but if they smoked weed they might get higher”

So what you are doing, is showing the women that you are comfortable with yourself (CONFIDENCE. NOT COCKYNESS). And then showing them that you are so comfortable with who you are, that you can be humorous about anything BUT IN A PLAYFUL WAY (Interactive humor.. you don’t want to be a comedian)

So here’s an example with women:

Funny: (You think she has great eyes, but she has sunglasses on)

Cocky: (You are naturally confident in yourself, thinking that others check you out)

Cocky & Funny response: “Nice sunglasses. I guess if I started wearing those I could discreetly check out other men too *wink*.. Let’s see if they look good on me” *Puts them on* “What do you think?”

This type of approach is a long and enduring process to memorize if you are fighting it; but if you are naturally confident in yourself, and you have a great sense of humor; add the two together and just be yourself.

Women do not like 24/7 Cocky and Funny lines.. They want a casual conversation with a bit of these thrown in from time to time. To reduce your chances of failure, make sure not to open up with a cocky and funny line. Try to start off with some simply conversation starters like “hi I’m john” etc.. Then later in your conversation, incorporate these lines.

The best confidence is quiet confidence. Here’s how to know if you have real confidence — and if not, how you can develop it.

Like most people’s, my confidence level ebbs and flows. I’m what I call situationally confident. Depending on the setting, sometimes I’m extremely assured. Other times I’m shy and insecure.

Since confidence is something we all need — when you feel more confident, your performance almost always improves — I spend a fair bit of time thinking about how to gain confidence.

So what can you do to gain a genuine sense of confidence? How can you become more poised and self-assured?

I asked Dharmesh Shah, co-founder of HubSpot, a guy who has met hundreds of entrepreneurs and invested in dozens of number of startups — and is great at reading people — how he spots genuine confidence.

Here’s Dharmesh:

Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.

Confidence is quiet. Confidence is a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.

As Jeff said, I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, while others are fellow founders of their own startups, some of whom I’ve met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.

It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities. See if the following apply to you.

1. You listen 10 times more than you speak.

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.

So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it, and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more, and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.

2. You take a stand not because you think you are always right, but because you are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right–and they want (actually, they need) you to know it, too.

Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.

Truly confident people don’t mind being proved wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.

Truly confident people often admit they are wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.

3. You duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high-performance team.

Truly confident people don’t care — at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.

They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine–a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.

4. You freely ask for help.

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help, but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.

Saying “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise, you wouldn’t ask.

5. You think, “Why not me?”

Many people feel they have to wait: to be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen — like the old Hollywood cliche, to somehow be discovered.

Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path — they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.

And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.

6. You don’t put down other people.

Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.

The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday–and to the person she hopes to someday become.

7. You aren’t afraid to look silly.

Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes, but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren’t at your best.

(And, oddly enough, people tend to respect you more for this–not less.)

8. You own your mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.

That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter — for others and for themselves.

When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.

They laugh with you.

9. You seek approval only from the people who really matter.

You say you have 10,000 Twitter followers? Swell. Twenty thousand Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.

But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life who truly matter.

When you earn their trust and respect, no matter where you go or what you try, you do it with true confidence — because you know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind you.

How to be cocky

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How to be cocky

How to be confident? How exactly does one accept a gig with confidence or decline without being cocky? We all want to make money and the in gig life there really are no set pay standards.

Are you confident enough to back up the pay rates you’re asking for or do you need a little more time to build up? Nobody likes being called cocky, but hey, if you can back it up, are you really cocky or are you just confident?

I had the opportunity to explore this topic a little more with one of New York’s best singer’s, Valerie Rose, on the latest episode of Always Acting Up Podcast, “Confidence VS Cocky”.

Let’s make sure you book the jobs you DESERVE and don’t miss out on future opportunities.

PS. for those of us living the gig life, or you just want to make or save a bit of $, don’t skip out on this article where I share my fav side hustle tips.

Why is it important to make sure your confidence is on point?

Well, this simple, as artists, we are our own boss. We don’t have a manager telling us what to do and we can’t set up a meeting for a pay raise when we feel like we’ve reached a certain level. It’s important for us to quote our rates so that it it works for not only ourselves, but for our clients.

Ok, maybe this isn’t so easy after all. It’s easy for everyone to forget the hours, days, months, and years it has taken us to learn this skill. The time it takes us to prepare and get to the gigs, sometimes bringing loads of equipment. We need to be paid for that. Our job doesn’t just start when we arrive, it’s likely started with prep time the night before, or sometimes much longer.

There’s often such a struggle between being paid fairly or risk losing the gig altogether and getting no money.

How to Get more Confidence

Here are a few synonyms of confidence just incase you need a little extra reassurance: trust , belief , faith , conviction , self assurance. If you’re not confident in your skills then I’m not going to be, your client isn’t, casting isn’t, the director isn’t and nobody else will be confident in your skills, but don’t worry this takes time.

When you’re first starting out, getting as much education and work experience under your belt is the way to go. Build up your portfolio, take as many classes and smaller gigs as possible. Build up your network. Meet new people in your fields who you can learn and grow with.

Being Confident and Knowing your worth

Trust me, after years of experience, you get to a point where you just don’t want to do certain freebies and hustles anymore. You’ve built yourself up. You’ve reached a new level of expertise and a new level means a higher payrate. You’re no longer a beginner. You KNOW what you bring to the table. THIS is being CONFIDENT .

For example , every artists started somewhere. Remember hearing those stories of bands like No Doubt, Green Day, Blink 182 (am I aging myself, ugh) practicing in their garage doing shows at local rec centers….NOW, many many years down the line they’ve sold out 100’s of stadiums and arenas around the world!

They didn’t just start off selling out arenas, they worked their way up.

There’s nothing wrong with the smaller/lower paying jobs, but after a while, you’ll learn to find that you don’t need those same “personal growths” anymore.

You’re confident, you’re ready!

It’s YOUR decision to decide what’s better, being underpaid or not paid at all?

So, how do you AVOID being cocky?

I know you’re wondering, what exactly is “cocky” after all? Well, according to Urban Dictionary, “someone who thinks they’re better than everyone else and always talks shit”. Hahaha ok ok, I had to.

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, building your skillset and confidence in yourself takes time. How in the world can you expect to be paid if you have no previous work experience or portfolio to prove your worth.

If you think you should get paid just for showing up and being cute, than everyone and their mothers would be there too, including my mom. And she WOULD be there.

BUT.. this my friend.. is being cocky. Believing you deserve to be paid top dollar right out of the gates… think again.

It’s like Valerie said, if you’re showing up to your gig (late) being mediocre, reading your songs off a tablet, nothing bringing anything new each week, maybe you’re not ready for the bigger paying jobs yet.

Also, there is a risk of showing up and not be able to deliver what the client was expecting and paid for. Then, NEVER being asked back again. THAT, will give you a bad reputation.

Conclusion on being Confident and not Cocky

I think it’s fair to say that building your skill set will help you get better jobs AND be more confident. The more confident you are in yourself, the better you will be overall.

I do want to mention that I would 1000% rather be labeled cocky than be insecure. I would much rather “be ballsy” and over confident than sitting at home scared to live my life or fearful of what others may think of me.

Remember, you are an artist, and you are the boss of your life and your career.

SUBSCRIBE to Always Acting Up to stay up to date on latest podcast and blog posts. Also, COMMENT below your favorite tips to gaining more confidence.

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life. Read full profile

How to be cocky

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No one likes to be around an arrogant person since it is a quality that does not attract people. Yet some people may be arrogant and find it difficult to recognize it. Here are 15 signs that you’re arrogant though you might not feel like you are.

1.You are constantly late

There is nothing absurd in being or showing up late once in a while. This may be a bad habit on your part. However when you constantly do this intentionally, this could be a sign that you are arrogant because you seem to feel like your time is more valuable than that of others.

2. You interrupt others a lot

When you interrupt others a lot to show that you have something more important to say than what others are saying, it means you have little regard for the opinion of others and this could be a sign of arrogance.

3. You believe you are better than others

Whether in terms of your looks, intelligence or in your status you believe you are better than others and deserve to be treated better, this means you show a sign of arrogance.

4. You go out of your way to be right

You can’t just accept that you are wrong or that you can be wrong at all. You go to the extreme to offer an explanation for your being right. And after all is said and done you brag about this.

5. You think your status is more important than whatever contribution you make

When you want to take a job or a task you are focused on the title or the status attached to it. You are more interested in how the job will make you feel rather than the commitments involved.

6. When asked, “can you do it?” you always say “yes”

You don’t want to be looked down at. You feel like you are always capable and anytime you back out from a task you demonstrate a flaw.

7. People constantly tell you to give them an opportunity to prove their abilities

You seem to question everyone’s ability to get a task done. You believe you are the only one who can get the job done and thus people offer or plead for you to tolerate them and believe in them rather than stifle them.

8.You despise the weak

You can’t tolerate people who show signs of being fallible. If someone backs out from accepting responsibility and taking charge of a situation, you resent and despise such a person.

9. You have a hard time self reflecting

You find it difficult to stare at the mirror and see yourself for what you really are. You have a hard time to look back at your failures and weaknesses.

10. You love to be talked about

Anytime there is a discussion you like the discussion to be about you. During a gathering you want everyone’s attention to be on you. And if it is about a general subject you want everyone to agree to your opinion.

11. You consider people you don’t like as enemies or threats

Think of the people you don’t like. Do you consider them as threats to your perfect world? Does your blood start to boil when you hear their names or concoct reasons to prove that this person is an idiot?

12. You can’t stand people who are not like you

You want everyone to be like you. You find it difficult to speak positively about anyone who doesn’t measure up to your standards.

13. You have issues building relationships

People find it difficult to flock to you. Most likely the negative quality of arrogance has a way of turning people away. Arrogant people have a way of sacrificing their relationships with friends and other people for the sake of success or self gratification.

14. You shield your inferiority with a superiority complex

Arrogant people always have an Achilles heel, but this they do not want exposed or known by people. Thus they use an invincible front to protect their vulnerabilities.

15. You show false charm but beneath it exists some cruelty

You show false charm as a tool to draw attention to you. But this element of false magnetism can be easily recognized because you cannot sustain it for so long.

When we consider the root word of cocky, which is cock. The noun cock refers to a male bird and often a name used to describe a rooster. Have you ever seen a rooster and how they behave?

We often know a rooster by its crowing early in the morning and they do this to ensure another rooster or really anything or anyone knows this is their territory. Roosters are known for being aggressive, often the can become violent.

They are also considered to be self-confident and never back down from a fight and they stand tall and walk with a self-assertiveness.

98+ Best Arrogance Quotes

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When we add a “y” to the cock tobecome cocky the word is used to describe, in most cases people and sometimes it can be used to describe other animals. The origins of the word date back to the mid 1500’s.

Meaning:

The word cocky is an adjective and is used to describe someone as being arrogant, self-asserted and conceited.

Examples of “Cocky.”

  • I really don’t like your friend Bob, he is so cocky and rude!
  • The new guy in the IT department is really cocky. I think he needs to be taken down a few notches.

Dialog:

Ernie: Hey Bert, how did you do on the exam!

Bert: It was a breeze! I didn’t even study for it.

Ernie: Really? I found it a little tough and I glad I studied for it.

Bert: Well Ernie, I guess that is the difference between you and I.

Ernie: What do you mean?

Bert: Simply, some people have the smarts and other are born without.

Ernie: You know Ernie, you can be so cocky sometimes and downright arrogant.

Bert: Hey, I am who I am and I am not going to hide the fact that I am better at most things than most people. It is called being confident Ernie.

Ernie: There is confidence and then there is overconfidence!

Other words you can create: noun, verb, adjective, adverb, etc. (ex: mug – mugger)

Cockiness, Cockier, cockiest

Collocations:

He comes across as being so cocky.

What a cocky bastard.

She has a cockiness about her.

She is much cockier than her sister.

I think he is much cockier now than in the past.

Related Phrases and Phrasal Verbs:

Puffed-up: this phrase as it relates to the word cocky, means that someone is behaving as they are the best and people are full of admiration of them.

Stuck up: is when someone is thinking and behaving that they are better and superior than other people.

Go after: in the context of cocky, we use this phrase to suggest that someone is over ambitious and will do whatever it takes to be successful.

Know it all: this describes someone who thinks they are better, smarter and more knowledgeable than everyone else and are constantly correcting people.

Loudmouth: a loudmouth is someone who is always talking, usually to make themselves look good and to brag or boast about themselves.

Overblown: this is used as an adjective to describe someone who inflates themselves and is pretentious.

Self-centered: someone who is self-centered only thinks about themselves and is egotistical.

Self-important: in the context of cocky, someone who is self-importanthas an exaggerated view of themselves and their abilities.

Related idioms:

Big-headed: someone who is big headed is arrogant and sees themselves as more important than they are.

Throwing their weight around: when someone is throwing their weight around they are being overly asserted and confident with people.

Too big for one’s britches: we use this phrase to describe someone who has an exaggerated sense of themselves and are generally conceited.

High and Mighty: we use this term to describe someone or a group of people who consider themselves as better, usually because they have power and money.

On an ego trip: when someone is on an ego trip is doing things, saying things and generally behaving in such a way that is trying to show that they are more important than others and/or more accomplished.

Swollen head: is a derogatory phrase used to describe someone who things they are smarter and generally more intelligent than others. Often times someone has a swollen head after an important accomplishment.

How to be cocky

When it comes to your professional life, there are quite a few fine lines you need to learn to walk. You need to be ambitious without being impatient, outspoken without being a steamroller, and polished without being too uptight.

It’s exhausting, really. But, as if trying to teeter on that tightrope wasn’t already challenging enough, there’s one more characteristic you need to try to effectively balance: Being confident and self-assured—without coming off like a totally cocky and pompous jerk.

Let’s face it—this is one we all struggle with. Whether in a job interview or a one-on-one with your boss, it’s tough to talk about your own accomplishments without feeling ridiculously braggy and self-promotional. But, as you already know, a healthy dose of confidence is also a desirable quality.

So, what are you supposed to do? How can you present yourself as successful and put together, without being over the top? Well, here are four times you’re just being self-assured—as well as four times you’re being plain ol’ arrogant.

1. You’re Being Confident When You’re Describing Your Qualifications

Let’s start with an obvious one first, shall we? When you’re straight up asked to speak about your own skills and successes—be it in an interview or even a performance review—that’s an open invitation for you to boast a little bit.

While it still might make you feel unbearably bigheaded, it’s necessary for you to sell yourself and send the message that you’re qualified and accomplished. Because, after all, nobody wants to hire the guy that says, “Gosh, I don’t like to brag,” when asked about his key skills.

But, You’re Being Cocky When You One-Up Somebody Else

Now, let’s just say you didn’t receive an open invite to start ranting and raving about yourself and all of the amazing things you’ve done to this point. Instead, someone else within earshot received a compliment on her own hard work and success.

You? Well, you feel the overwhelming desire to swoop in and top her with an even more admirable and applause-worthy story of your own personal triumphs. Needless to say, if you develop a reputation as a classic one-upper, you’re only going to come off as conceited—and pretty obnoxious, to boot.

2. You’re Being Confident When You Take Credit for Your Work

You work hard, and you deserve some recognition for the pieces of the puzzle that you contribute. Yes, it can be slightly uncomfortable to stand up and accept praise for your work without feeling like a toddler yelling, “Me, me, me!”

But, when you’ve rolled up your sleeves and played a significant role in the completion of a large project, you deserve a few solid pats on the back.

But, You’re Being Cocky When You Take Credit for Everything

That being said, nobody works in a vacuum. And, you don’t want to be that person who accepts all of the glory without ever shifting the spotlight to the other team members involved.

You can absolutely take credit for your own work. But, just make sure that you don’t neglect to recognize and appreciate others in the process—unless you want to run the risk of looking like a brash and unappreciative jerk.

3. You’re Being Confident When You Provide Constructive Criticism

Constructive criticism can be a positive thing—as long as it’s offered in a positive way (ahem, you all know who you are).

And, while doling out suggestions to help other people improve can often feel like a patronizing and snobbish move, I promise it’s the mark of a self-assured team player that’s only trying to help others.

But, You’re Being Cocky When You’re Condescending

However, a friendly word of caution when it comes to offering constructive criticism: You need to tread carefully. Welcomed advice can be a positive trait.

But, if you’re just doling out critiques and eye rolls—or, even worse, insults—left and right, and repeatedly sticking your nose in business where it doesn’t belong? Well, then you’ve definitely crossed the line into cocky territory.

4. You’re Being Confident When You Accept Responsibility

Confident people don’t just hold their heads high when the praise and compliments are rolling in. They also stand tall and maintain their composure when the road gets a little rocky.

It seems somewhat counterintuitive that a confident person would readily accept disapprovals or negative critiques. But, it’s true—if you can manage to handle ridicule (not to mention a healthy dose of criticism) without trying to explain your way out of the situation, that’s the mark of someone who’s poised and respectable.

But, You’re Being Cocky When You Shift Blame

In contrast, arrogant people run the other direction at the first sight of a negative comment. They’ll quickly toss other people under the bus in order to save face and preserve their own reputations.

Shifting blame and trying to distance yourself from the fallout (particularly if you actually played a role in the outcome) is a surefire way to make yourself look like a backstabber—and a selfish and insecure one, at that.

There’s no denying that it can be difficult to navigate the murky waters between confidence and cockiness. However, there are a few different scenarios when it’s obvious you’re crossing the line. Keep these in mind, and you’re sure to strike the perfect balance.

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  • confident He was confident that his approach would work best.
  • assured She gave an assured performance to a packed concert hall.
  • self-assured The interview showed her as a very self-assured woman.
  • self-confident He was self-confident and sure he’d get the job.
  • assertive You’ll have to be more assertive if you want to be promoted.
  • bold He was a bold and defiant little boy.

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  • cheekily
  • cheekiness
  • churlish
  • churlishly
  • churlishness
  • coarse
  • coarsely
  • discourteous
  • ignorant
  • impudent
  • offensiveness
  • potty mouth
  • potty-mouthed
  • presume
  • presumptuously
  • presumptuousness
  • ripe
  • sassy
  • temerity
  • uncivil

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Word of the Day

to behave in a very enthusiastic way about something that you are interested in and know a lot about but that other people might find boring

How to be cocky

Arrogance. It’s the thing that separates the can-dos from the can-do-way-better-singlehandedly-with-my-eyes-closeds, and it’s the quality that rubs you up the wrong way faster than an amorous Edward Scissorhands.

Common perception is that there’s a fine line between being confident and being arrogant, but in fact the gap between them is as wide as the Grand Canyon.

I’m keen for you to walk on the right side of that gap, so here are some simple ideas to help that along.

You Don’t Need to Fake It

Fake it ’til you make it, they tell us, and I couldn’t disagree more.

People who are trying hard to come across as confident, for example, can mistakenly behave arrogantly simply because they haven’t figured out what real confidence is or what it means to them. They’ll talk over someone in a meeting, because that’s what they think confident people do. They’ll voice an opinion without thinking about its impact, because they think confident people make themselves heard. And they’ll steamroll their view forward, because confident people stick to their guns.

That’s BS, of course. Pretending to be confident sees you trying to live up to a heap of half-brained notions of what confidence might be, without ever asking yourself what real, natural confidence looks like for you.

You don’t need to fake confidence, you already have it. It’s there in the times when you’re at your best, the times when you’ve felt most like you, and the times when you felt like everything was flowing. Get to know what that feels like, and you’ll be good to go.

You Don’t Have to Be the Best

I have a confession to make. There have been times when someone’s screwed up or dropped the ball when I’ve been known to say, “Yet another reason why I should run everything.”

The thought that I could have done it better, faster, or with less of the smelly stuff hitting the fan led me to a place of hubris, where I elevated myself to a place of peerless effectiveness and achievement. Here’s the thing, though: I’m good, but I’m not that good, and the simple acknowledgment that other people are way better than me is a strikingly important one.

There will always be someone who’s more experienced than you or more naturally talented than you, but here’s the thing that the arrogant folk don’t get: In no way does that fact diminish your experience, your talents, and your value.

Confident people, on the other hand, are always be ready to see the best in others, and know that doing so isn’t a judgement about them.

You Don’t Need to Hide

Being really seen is a thought that strikes terror into many of us, and we build walls to avoid being vulnerable and to protect ourselves.

The arrogant decorate those walls and use bluff and bluster to try to persuade people that how those walls are painted are who they really are. They prefer to pull the wool over people’s eyes rather than own up to a mistake, they tell stories and point fingers to paper over their own cracks, and they are happy to dodge responsibility until it’s time to claim a victory.

This bluff and bluster is nothing more than hiding behind an edifice of effectiveness out of fear that they’ll be truly seen.

In this way, it’s sometimes the people with the highest opinion of themselves are often the ones with the lowest self-esteem.

So perhaps it’s no surprise that confidence is the foundation that makes it okay to be vulnerable. It’s the layer of self-trust that allows you to take a few bricks out of that wall and know you’ll be okay, to really show up and to show others who you are.

Real, natural confidence is trust rather than second-guessing. It’s congruity rather than compartmentalization. It’s ease rather than resistance.

he’s been argumentative for many years, but lately it seemed to have gone up a notch. he has a new job and says to me he can get away with swearing and talking the same way with his manager.

what i don’t like about him is that he constantly puts others down, rubbishes their viewpoint or makes unneccesary critical comments. he acts like he’s never in the wrong. his language is aggressive. a few years ago i was going through a horrible period of unemployment and all he did was make critical put-downs and saying ‘no offence’ in the beginning of his sentences to make it seem like it’s ok. one day i couldn’t take it anymore and ended up punching him in the mouth which resulted in a fight as he’s physically bigger than me but that didn’t stop me from standing up for myself. he’s increasingly cocky and arrogant and even talks back to our parents this way. he is critical of them too. for example, my dad is a builder and all my brother does is point out the many ways he’s a piss poor builder when he’s doing jobs on his own and i help on occasion. if you ask for help he always begins by making you seem stupid but saying ‘it’s not that hard’ or ‘use your common sense’. if you try and tell him what he’s doing wrong he turns it around and points at what you’re doing wrong (‘well i think you. ‘). he puts words down other peoples throats. he also talks rather loudly and uses more swear words recently. even whilst driving up to dispose of some rubble he admitted in the car how he swears more now than before. i don’t like being around him anymore and if i was bigger he would be different as i think he’s overdue for a brutal lesson in respect. even my parents are rather intimidated in standing up to him even though he lives under their roof.

how do you deal with such a person? i try to minimalise communication but this would only result in another criticism from him in saying i dont talk much, and if i try and speak up he would say something like ‘where did that come from’, ‘abit random, isnt it’, etc. hopefully you get the picture. sometimes i feel like wanting to punch him again but i dont think that would acheive anything, nor would trying to talk to him as he has a sharp, critical tongue in him with leaves us feeling verbally bullied.

Comments

Every time he gets cocky just mention he is thirty and still not living on his own.

Let him overhear you talking about a friend who is 25 and still living with his mum, include phrases such as “mummy’s boy” and “loser”.

Every time he gets cocky just mention he is thirty and still not living on his own.

Let him overhear you talking about a friend who is 25 and still living with his mum, include phrases such as “mummy’s boy” and “loser”.

i live with the folks too. can’t afford to rent out with the pay i get so need to find a way to cope/rectify/dealing with it.

also this last week when i was ill and coughing, he said ‘it’s only as bad as you make it’.

Allow me to clear the situation. I was talking with my professor about a piece of software that I had developed. While we were discussing, I wanted to say something like

I don’t want to sound too cocky, but my code is way much more efficient than what we have right now.

But I didn’t because I thought “I don’t want to sound too cocky” is too informal. What is a formal way of stating such a phrase?

18 Answers 18

To say the same thing, you can say

I hope it won’t be considered presumptuous to say this, but. or

I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but.

Synonyms that you can substitute here for presumptuous are
impertinent, overconfident, arrogant, bold, insolent, impudent, and of course the less formal sounding “cocky”.

To sound deferential, but not say precisely the same thing, you could say

When I compared the code performance, I was surprised to see the degree of improvement my code achieved.

Wording it either way would leave you open to discussing the possibility that your code or your testing may be flawed, while making your point about its apparent improvement.

While we often think that our idea/viewpoint/product is far superior to others we encounter, the needs of the creator or other users may be divergent from our own, or what we think theirs are. We may view precision as the primary criterion, while they think ease of use is paramount. And they may be the deciders.

One approach to acknowledge that another viewpoint may be more controlling is

I may be wrong [mistaken/off-base/not fully aware of all the issues], but it seems that my approach may get us closer to a solution.

Even if you are dead certain that their method sucks compared to your elegant solution, you have a better shot at being heard if you suggest that you may not be correct.

Don’t just assert; support the assertion.

“Testing with the Arcane Blivit dataset indicates that this implementation improves performance of the Deeble function by 20%, which improves our overall performance on that dataset by 3%. I’d be glad to repeat the experiment with other datasets to make sure this isn’t an atypical result.” Or explain why the new version is easier to maintain, or handles necessary cases that weren’t previously addressed, or whatever else its advantage is. If you can’t explain in a few sentences why yours is better, you don’t understand it well enough to make the assertion in the first place.

Then, if you’re told no, politely try to understand why the answer is no. Don’t argue — listen more than you speak.

In other words: If you don’t want to come across as arrogant, don’t be arrogant.

If you wanted to preserve the exact structure of your phrase and only change the word “cocky”, you could say this:

I don’t want to sound too forward, but my code is way much more efficient than what we have right now.

That said, I would highly recommend changing the way you said this in general, but others have given plenty of advice in that regard.

How to be cocky

With all due respect, I would like to say that .

Given the context (discussing your code with your professor) you could opt to support your assertions, and just start your sentence with “I’m sorry but. “ and top it off with “that’s what my tests showed anyway”.

Something along the lines of:

I’m sorry, but I’ve tested both versions. Mine outperformed what we had so far by n%. Of course, if you see anything wrong with my method of testing, I’m open to suggestions.

This phrasing still boils down to your saying: My code is, I think, more performant (which, incidentally, is perfectly fine: not too informal and not cocky at all), and shifts the topic of the discussion to how to better test performance. The latter is a classic debating trick: by changing the subject, if the opposing party then focussses on the new topic, too, will make it seem as though your initial statement (of your code being the better approach) is agreed upon.

Note:
I am a developer, and I’ve had these which code is best discussions more than I care to mention. I found that shifting the topic to how code is tested avoids those rage-filled-foam-at-the-mouth shouting matches quite well. If my code comes under scrutiny, I don’t take offence, even if I felt my code was the better option. I was always able and prepared to defend my work, by suggesting using stuff like unexpected input, sudden loss of network connection, stack overflow and the chances of infinite recursion or data corruption.
Since you’re talking to a professor, I take it you’re still learning to code: TMTOWTDI (There’s More Than One Way To Do It) is something to keep in mind. Give the same challenge to 10 programmers, and you’ll see anywhere from 5 to 10 different approaches come back. The best code doesn’t exist. It’s always the best code in this case, so discussing various approaches is as much a part of programming as testing, flowcharts, debugging, refactoring and writing the actual code.

It’s often said that programmers only spend 20% of their time actually programming. So if you don’t feel confident challenging existing code, I’d suggest, without wanting to be arrogant or patronizing, you go ahead and dace that “fear” head on. Challenge the code. The worst that can happen is you get an edgy response, briefly pointing out one or two things you’ve overlooked. That’s not bad: that’s how you learn.
The best that can happen is that your professor says: “Well, you know what: You’re right, I didn’t see that”, which is a nice thing to hear.

What I’m saying is: Sod the fear of sounding cocky, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

How others see you.

Posted December 19, 2016

THE BASICS

  • Cultivating Confidence
  • Find a therapist near me
  • “Where do you see yourself in five years?” asked the interviewer.
  • “I’ll have your job in three,” replied the millennial applicant.

This is a true story I heard from an attendee of one of my leadership seminars (“Human Connection Strategies for Busy Bosses.”) Confidence is a good thing, but this wasn’t confidence. It was arrogance. Needless to say, the applicant didn’t get the job. In fact, the interview ended right there: “Thank you very much. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

How can you have confidence without being seen as cocky or arrogant? It’s a balance many people struggle with, and it’s a challenge because most people have an incorrect view of what confidence is. They believe that a “confidence scale” would look something like the illustration below.

Without confidence, you’re perceived as a “doormat.” But if you have too much, you’re seen as arrogant or at least overconfident. So the key is to have some confidence, but not too much.

Makes sense, right?

This is not how confidence works. If you think my little back-of-the-envelope doodle is an accurate view of confidence, you may be struggling at work more than you need to. First, get the idea of “overconfidence” out of your head right now. Overconfidence doesn’t exist; there is no such thing as too much confidence. Say this out loud until you believe it. The myth of overconfidence, and the fear of it, are the biggest killers of genuine confidence that I’ve ever seen.

Confidence and arrogance are different things altogether: They are not related to one another, and you can have one without the other. Is everyone who is confident also arrogant? Nope. Is everyone who is arrogant also confident? Not at all. Bullies are arrogant, but deep down we know they aren’t confident in themselves. That’s why they bully others in the first place.

The opposite of arrogance is not a lack of confidence. It’s deference. Here’s another quick doodle to illustrate this concept:

The vertical line is how much confidence you have, and the horizontal line is how much deference you have. Each quadrant has a description of how others see you.

You can have as much confidence as you please, as long as you balance it with an equal amount of deference. Without deference, you’re arrogant (whether or not you have any genuine confidence).

As psychologists Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer write:

“Confidence and deference are not mutually exclusive, and it’s usually a lack of deference rather than excess of confidence that gets powerful people into trouble.”

Donald Trump, for example, is confident, but not deferential. Lincoln was both.

How to be cocky

The way to build deference is through perspective-taking. Seeing from another person’s point of view is essential. Had that job applicant thought about the situation he was in for just a moment, he would have realized how he sounded to the interviewer in the moment: “Have my job in three years? Hey, it took me 20 to get here and I’m not giving it up to some snot-nosed kid who thinks he’s king.”

How to be cocky

Posted April 26, 2019 & –>

Sometimes our nerves can get the best of us. Talking about yourself to others can be uncomfortable, especially when you’re being asked to do it in a job interview. It’s important to remain confident, but never arrogant, and finding that perfect middle ground can be tricky.

No one wants to work with a know-it-all. You could have the perfect background for the position you’re interviewing for, but could be taken out of consideration because of how you portrayed yourself in the interview. Here are some ways to avoid sounding cocky in your next interview.

Stick to the facts.

You’re going to have to talk about why you’re the best fit for the position, but be ready to back it up with figures and success stories. Without facts, stating that you’re the best at something is simply your opinion and you’ll just come off as arrogant.

Be genuine.

Speak about your work history and past accomplishments with enthusiasm and excitement to appear passionate rather than cocky. A good balance is to sound proud of your accomplishments, but also grateful.

Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues.

You should never act better than or above the person interviewing you. Your handshake, posture, tone, smile, eye contact, etc. all matter. Take indications from the listener of how you’re coming across, and switch things up to end on the right note if needed. You should verbally and physically appear appreciative for the interview.

Ask questions.

Go into the conversation with questions about the position and company. Make it a two way conversation throughout the entire interview and not all about you. Show confidence in your ability to connect with others and be sure to listen to the full question before answering.

Answer appropriately.

You want to sell yourself, but it’s not appropriate to go off topic and blab on and on. Oversharing will come off as bragging. Find a way to confidently answer in a short, yet powerful way.

Admit that you don’t know it all.

Admitting that you have a weakness and explaining how you’re working on it shows that you’re human. Mention what steps you’ve taken to learn more in your field, and give credit to who you’ve learned from. This shows that you’re open to new perspectives and learning from others, and in fact, not a know-it-all.

8 Ways to Keep Your Athlete From Getting Cocky

Do you want your kids to act cocky on the court or field? My husband and I were at a local high school basketball game recently and observed a kid who was very cocky, hot-dogging it and carrying himself with a very arrogant air.

  1. Model humility. It always starts with what YOU do.
  2. Teach that there is no “i” in team. No matter how good your kid is, they cannot do it alone. Period.
  3. Show no special treatment. By parents or by teachers. Athletes should be held to same standards as non-athletes, not given favors.
  4. Remind them of their responsibility as leaders. Other kids look up to athletes. It comes with the territory of being athletic. Whether or not they like that, it’s a fact. And because of that, they need to take that responsibility seriously. My husband has always told his football and softball players that he expects them to be leaders and good examples on and off the field.
  5. Offer them balance. When your kids play sports, it’s very tempting for sports to take over the entire household. But that can cause sports burnout. Instead, advocatebalance. Let them grow in other areas of life–other interests, hobbies, adventures.
  6. Praise them and their teammates. Recognize your child’s hard efforts, and point out the hard work of their teammates. This is just another way of instilling the no-I-in-team mentality.
  7. Don’t support the “victim” mentality. According to your kid, there will always be someone else to blame. A blind ref. Selfish teammates. Even the stupid coach. Don’t feed that in your kid. Because unfortunately, that victim mentality will spill over into other areas of his life. Very unattractive.
  8. Teach respect for coaches, teammates, refs. This is the hard part. There are coaches who are clueless, teammates who are selfish and obnoxious, and refs who are incompetent. It’s hard to respect them. But we must tell our kids to respect them as human beings, even if we don’t like the way they do their jobs. It all starts at home, folks. Our kids are like sponges; they will drip out what they soak up. What are you pouring into your kids? Are you teaching them to respect others?

In our house, swagger is done in fun. When my kids come home, they know they can joke about how good they are, and we laugh because we know that they are teasing. But when they head out the door and enter the field or court, they know that the swagger stays home where it belongs; and humble leadership rules.

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Job seekers these days toe a fine line. We’re told to tout our education, work experience and skill set. But when it comes down to actually doing those things, we tend to fall into two categories: too humble or overly cocky.

When you’re interviewing for a job, you want to be neither of these things. Rather, you want to project that you are capable and a perfect fit for the job. You want to make the impression that you can move seamlessly from the interview to your desk in the office.

You want to display confidence in an interview.

So how do you get to this place as an interviewer and avoid common mistakes in the interview, like being too humble or cocky?

An article on AOL.com sums it up quite nicely: “You don’t tell the hiring manager you are great. You tell him about great things you have done.” In other words, don’t brag about yourself — simply state the facts.

Don’t ramble off your resume and list of accomplishments. Keep it conversational. More importantly, provide real examples of ways that you’ve shown your skills and capabilities through your prior work and academic experiences.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, don’t wait to be asked to provide real examples where you’ve shown you’re an accountable and competent employee. You need to bring these up on your own during the interview when it’s appropriate.

When you’re preparing for the interview, write down characteristics that best describe you as an employee: hard-working, motivated, team player, etc. Next to those characteristics, make note of experiences you’ve had proving each one.

Writing these down and studying this sheet will enable you to better bring these instances to mind. This exercise will prevent you from seeming unprepared when it comes to talking about yourself as well as overly cocky.

Practice your body language as well when preparing for the interview. Stand in front of a mirror and simply talk about your list of adjectives and accomplishments. What are you communicating with the movement of your hands or face? Are you perfectly still and simply reciting a list from memory? Or does your enthusiasm and belief in yourself work to move your hands as you speak and come across on your face?

If you need help with your body language, study TV personalities one morning before work or during the nightly news. Mimic their body language when talking about yourself. Their style shows a confidence and enthusiasm for what they’re talking about. You can use this type of body language to your advantage in the interview.

Following these simple tips will prevent you from making some of the most common mistakes in an interview. Your confidence will become a positive factor in the hiring decision rather than a personality trait that could work against you.

Have you found a balance between humble and cocky? Weigh in below!

IMAGE: Courtesy of Flickr by bitesizeinspiration

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Saturday, January 14, 2012

How to attract with your body language

I’ve long heard that the best way to attract women is in the way your move and hold your body.

I couldn’t see and know how to do it, that’s what pushed me to go on a quest to finding the best tricks and tips to tweaking my body language and making it the most attractive possible.

Here is an idea that most people seem to totally ignore about our bodies: they are means of communication too.

We tend to think of our body as a vehicle and not as a communicator.

Let me demonstrate this to you, in one word: buttocks!

Yes! Why do we have a buttock like this?

Very few animals have it.

It’s a mean of communicating sexually with the other partner.

The first thing then is to take care of your buttocks and to look for ways to make yourself attractive in that region.

Yes, I’m serious; you need to have a nice looking, round buttocks that would make women’s head turn when you pass.

How do you achieve this?

You exercise, here is a nice video that shows a great routine you can do to make your buttocks look amazingly great.

The next body language tip is in your smile.

I’m a big fan of an author called Leil Lowndes, she has an amazing book I’ve always advice people to get, and it’s called: How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

If you are serious about body language, please get it as soon as possible and more importantly, read it.

This book presents a great trick I’ve used and liked since.

When you meet a new person or woman, don’t smile at her immediately, instead wait three seconds and then radiate a nice smile on your face.

The author calls it the delayed smile, it works great every time.

The third body language tip is to always maintain your composure.

I’ve done this for so many times, I’d look so serious and credible, then when the first joke came, I’d be on the floor laughing and looking stupid.

With women, this can mean the death of attraction.

Women want guys that are stable and assertive, not guys that are morons and naïve.

It’s not a true body language technique but it will help it a lot.

The next trick is when talking to women.

I see this a lot: a guy talking to a woman and leaning so much on her that she can see the light of the day.

She knows that you like her, so stop getting so close to her and move away a little.

One of the best ways to make a woman like you is to leave her.

It sounds very strange, but it’s true, she will miss you and eventually start liking you even more.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Cocky and funny

Cocky and funny, a small word I’ve heard from David

As I’ve told you some posts ago, David Deangelo is that guy that came up with cocky and funny, I think he should be given the Noble prize for this invention which has led men from darkens to enlightenments!

I borrowed some stuff from a friend of mine concerning David deangelo and among those things was a dvd.

A dvd set, about four discs, they seem to be missing a volume!

Anyway, I went home, and played them only five days later.

Yes, I’m a very lazy guy.

The first dvd was a pain in the ass to watch, I’ve so hated this stuff and so felt horrible to watch it, but on the second dvd, I’ve started feeling great about it and I’ve even begun to notice that I’ve started applying what some guests were advising.

One of the guests was terribly funny, I’ve lost my voice when laughing at his stuff, he said this: if you are going to meet a woman, don’t make her the center of your attention, make fun of her, be cocky with her and make her laugh, she will forget what you’ve said to her when she’ll start laughing!

These are not his exact words by the way, he said it in a much funnier way and more cocky at at the same time.

People are forever confusing cockiness for confidence, and vice versa. In actuality, they’re VERY different. Needless to say, we all want a guy who’s confident – cockiness is usually just a smoke screen for horrible qualities like low self esteem, immaturity and narcissism. But how do you tell them apart? It’s easy:

1. A confident guy will ask you out. A cocky guy will expect you to come to him.

2. A confident guy is honest about what he wants. A cocky guy plays games.

3. A confident guy doesn’t keep tabs on you. A cocky guy thinks it’s his right to know your every move.

4. A confident guy thinks your guy friends are awesome. A cocky guy doesn’t stop talking about how he’s better than them.

5. A confident guy cares about getting to know you. A cocky guy can’t stop talking about himself.

6. A confident guy wants to show you off. A cocky guy forgets you’re even there.

7. A confident guy is proud of your accomplishments. A cocky guy constantly compares your accomplishments to his.

8. A confident guy takes care of his health for his own well-being. A cocky guy has an Instagram full of mirror gym selfies.

9. A confident guy takes no for an answer. A cocky guy pressures you until you give him what he thinks he deserves.

10. A confident guy admits when he’s wrong. A cocky guy argues his (completely indefensible) point until the cows come home.

11. A confident guy wants to hear your opinion. A cocky guy doesn’t even know you have one.

12. A confident guy brags about how great you are to his friends. A cocky guy doesn’t tell his friends you exist.

13. A confident guy writes a few lines about himself on his online dating profile. A cocky guy writes nothing, and thinks the blurry ab photo should speak for itself.

14. A confident guy trusts your judgement and knows you can take care of yourself. A cocky guy will tell you what is best for you.

15. A confident guy is your equal. A cocky guy thinks he’s better than you.

16. A confident guy swallows his pride and just gives you a hug. A cocky guy regularly says “I told you so” when you make a mistake.

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Table of Contents:

Related Stories:

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. This is especially true given both entail a strong belief in one’s own abilities. When it comes to the responses they provoke, however, that’s where the similarities end.

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Confidence gets hired; arrogance is shown the door.

Building confidence takes work; arrogance is simple. In fact, it’s easy to come off as arrogant. Avoid these 12 behaviors so you don’t leave the impression of being a Class-A jerk people would rather avoid instead of the confident leader they want to follow.

1. Drop names out of context

The name-dropper is a character who frequents many local Chamber of Commerce mixers. Name-droppers are a dime a dozen. Completely unsolicited, they will jabber endlessly about who they know, who they met and who they pal around with. As a journalist, I interview many great business leaders, one of whom was Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. Bringing up his name in a presentation about leadership is appropriate; talking about Schultz with a barista at my local Starbucks in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is arrogant.

2. Avoid eye contact

Arrogant people could care less about others. They’re only interested in themselves, and it shows through nonverbal communication. The arrogant person will constantly be looking past you for someone else to talk to — someone they think will benefit them more than you. Confident leaders look you in the eye and make you feel as though you’re the most important person in the room.

3. Arrive consistently late to meetings … and don’t apologize

Arrogant people think their time is more important than anybody else’s. Being late means nothing to them. Confident leaders are timely and quick to apologize when they’re off schedule. If you’re a sales director, you can’t be arriving late to meetings with clients. That’s a key way to make them be untrustworthy of you right off that bat.

4. Use condescending phrases and put-downs

Some well-known business leaders have been known to put down others with phrases like “that’s stupid” or “you’re a bozo.” These particular leaders are supremely confident, of course, but they’ve crossed the line into arrogance. I worked for one famous broadcast executive who routinely demeaned his employees and colleagues. Before long there was a massive brain drain from his department. He was bright; ambitious; and yes, confident. But his arrogance turned so many people off that he lost the loyalty of his team (and ultimately his position).

5. Strut or swagger when you walk into a room

The best way to describe arrogant body language is “dominating.” Examples include pointing a finger at someone’s chest, hands on hips or waving someone off with a flick of the finger. Confidence is open and less intimidating.

6. Interrupt conversations … frequently

Since arrogant people are only concerned about themselves, they’re not really listening to you. Not only are they always on the lookout for someone else to talk to, they interrupt the conversation frequently.

Constantly interrupting during a panel interview would be a huge turn off for most hiring managers.

7. Have an answer for everything

While it’s good to have an elevator pitch prepared when someone asks you about yourself, having an answer for every single question is a sign of arrogance.

Psychologists say that arrogance is a compensation for insecurities and weaknesses. An arrogant person will rarely say, “I don’t know the answer, but I’ll find out.” Confident people admit mistakes and learn something from those experiences.

8. Always one-up the other person

The other day I was speaking to someone who has a reputation for arrogance, and I noticed a common theme in his conversation with me — he always tried to one-up everything I said. For example, when the conversation turned to a documentary that I had recently seen on sharks, this man said, “That’s nothing, I swim with sharks.” This trait in arrogant people is so common that the famous Dilbert cartoon strip has a recurring character named “Topper.” Confident people don’t feel the need to brag. Their accomplishments do it for them.

In one conversation I witnessed a few weeks ago, one participant mentioned that they were a systems engineer at a certain company, and the other person interjected to say that they were a senior systems engineer at another company. Safe to say the conversation ended there.

9. Blast competitors

Arrogant people can’t see the strengths in their competitors, and if they do, they seek to minimize those competitors by bad-mouthing them. This simply makes the arrogant person look even smaller. If you’re interviewing at Aetna, don’t go in and put Cigna on blast.

I recently overheard a woman talking to a recruiter and saying vicious things about her former company as well as other companies in the industry. The recruiter listened patiently. When the woman left, I leaned over and asked the recruiter what he thought. He simply rolled his eyes. Take the high road so you don’t get the eye roll. Those in the staffing industry can see right through your confidence and into your arrogance.

10. Blame someone else

Arrogant people can’t ‘fess up to their own mistakes. Watch “America’s Next Top Model” with Tyra Banks. The most arrogant young wannabes are the ones who blame others for not taking a good photograph — it’s either the fault of the photographer or the makeup artist. Needless to say, they don’t last long, even in an industry that has more than its share of divas.

Some famous business leaders are unquestionably arrogant — people about whom you may have heard or for whom you work. But the vast majority of inspiring leaders are confident, not arrogant. Be a leader people want to follow and not one people would rather avoid.

When it comes to your career, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to blame others, from a failed project to your exit interview. Think twice before you decide to do so.

How to be cocky

Many of the women I support in my coaching practice have a deep desire to feel more confident. At the same time, they also don’t want to come across as prideful.

They unwittingly believe that if they show up fully owning their gifts, they are not being humble. As a result, they dim their light and end up playing far smaller than they are truly capable.

The mistake my clients make, and one I see many women make, is they are confusing confidence with arrogance but they are not the same thing.

It has been my experience that those who come across as the most arrogant often have the most insecurities. Their arrogance is an attempt to mask the profound lack of confidence they feel deep down.

Truly confident people walk into a room with nothing to prove to anyone. They already know who they are. The arrogant or prideful person, on the other hand, often needs to make sure everyone knows how great they are.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Read on for 6 ways you can be confident without being arrogant.

Watch your words

Speaking as if you are better than anyone else is arrogance not confidence. Be mindful of the words you use when talking to others, including yourself. Condescending remarks create a sense of superiority over others, while self-deprecating words undermine your skills and abilities.

Acknowledge your areas of weakness

The truly confident person knows she is not perfect at everything. She willingly acknowledges her weaknesses and feels no shame because she knows how to operate in her zone of genius. Arrogance brushes aside any faults, pretending they aren’t there; confidence shores up areas of weaknesses so they don’t become liabilities.

Own your mistakes

It doesn’t feel good to make a mistake, especially for the recovering perfectionists in the room (raises both hands). But it’s not possible for you to always get it right. So when you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize without making excuses. Dismissing your mistakes makes you seem arrogant. While owning up to your mistakes even when it doesn’t feel good will help to grow your confidence.

Celebrate other people’s successes

Life is not a zero sum game. One person winning doesn’t mean there is less chance for you to win too nor does it make you a loser. When others around you are enjoying successes, celebrate with them because your only real competition is yourself. Your colleagues and friends are competitors only if you perceive them that way.

Notice your body language

Pay attention to how you are showing up in your body. When you walk into a room, hold your head up and walk tall. Stand with your feet firmly planted on the floor and avoid folding your arms in front of you. When you’re talking to someone make eye contact and be fully present. Listen don’t just wait to talk. And remember to smile J. These are small things but they go a long way in you feeling more confident.

Don’t take yourself too seriously

Adulting is hard so give yourself permission to get lost in play like you did when you were a kid. It’s okay to act silly and have fun from time to time. Experiencing the child-like joy that comes from not taking everything so seriously will remind you that you are far more than the sum total of what you do.

True confidence is birthed from within it doesn’t come from outside you. Learning how to deepen your self-confidence is an important part of you stepping fully into your power.

You can download a PDF of these 6 steps as a reminder that it is possible to be confident without being arrogant.

Here’s to you growing your confidence and rising into your greatness!

Are you confident, cocky, grounded, or insecure?

Today find out what these personality qualities mean and how to spot someone who’s got them.

Sometimes there is a fine line between being confident and too confident.

If we are “cocky” or overconfident we might miss important details or assume we have nothing left to learn.

How can we show our confidence?

  • Make good eye contact
  • Use a good, strong posture (this not only helps the way people see us but it changes the way we think about ourselves)
  • Have conviction in what you say. Use your tone of voice strategically. Come down at the end of your phrases instead of asking a question at the end of your statement.
  • Don’t brag too much. It’s okay to talk about your accomplishments but if you sound like you are trying to get attention you will sound insecure. Real confidence is quiet and the actual confidence comes out in actions. Usually people who are talking about the fact that they can do something well tend not to have the highest level of skills.

Vocab words for today:

  • Confident
  • Cocky: This means overconfident. It’s an annoying fake confidence.
  • Hot stuff: We say “That guy thinks he’s hot stuff.”
  • Overconfident: Too confident.
  • Arrogant: An abrasive personality. You think you’re the best. A lot of things fly past your awareness because you are self absorbed.
  • Humble: A quiet confidence. This kind of person has nothing to prove and does not brag.
  • Grounded: Someone who might be successful but is not “up in the clouds.”
  • Down to earth: This means grounded and normal, not arrogant.
  • Insecure: Not confident, not feeling strong about your abilities.

*Listen to the role play with Lindsay and Michelle to see these words being used in a conversation.

What questions do you have from today?

(as) cocky as the king of spades

*cocky as the king of spades

.) He’d challenge anyone to a fight. He’s as cocky as the king of spades. She strutted in, cocky as the king of spades.

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By Amanda Chatel — Written on Jan 12, 2018

How to be cocky

When it comes to unappealing qualities, cockiness is right up there, close to the very top of the list. Cocky people actually make arrogant people look and feel tolerable, that’s just how awful a quality it is.

But while some people deserve to be cocky, like whoever will be the first person to invent the time machine, those who are cocky without any reason to be cocky are pretty much the worst of the very worst.

Since that’s the case, you owe it to yourself to stay faraway from these cocky types. Surely your horoscope will advise you as such. And that means staying away from the five cockiest zodiac signs, because, to put it mildly, ugh.

1. LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Why is Leo cocky? We don’t know! No one knows! But yet, here is Leo, the cockiest of the cocky, strutting around like a damn peacock, chest puffed and feathers all a bloom.

Sure, they may be born under the lion sign, but that lion from The Wizard of Oz had nothing to write home about — and neither does Leo. Faux bravery is nothing of which to be proud or cocky.

2. ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Aries’ cockiness is steeped in their arrogant “I’m always right and you’re always wrong” mentality. While Aries isn’t quite as cocky as Leo, when you throw in the stubbornness of Aries, they’re both equally annoying in their own way.

Don’t even try to get into a debate about anything with Aries, unless you enjoy pulling your hair out, of course. You could be an expert on physics and Aries, in all their cockiness, is going to try to tell you about your expertise and never back down, even if they’re wrong. I’m feeling awkward just thinking about such a scenario.

3. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to the cockiness that’s found in Taurus, it’s one that’s all about looks. Because, of all the zodiac signs, Taurus is the most vain — like, to a fault, most vain.

Taurus could have the body of Jabba the Hutt, the hair of Donald Trump, and the face of The Elephant Man and still be cocky AF. Why? Vanity does that to people. It’s weird and boggles the mind.

4. LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Although not as obvious in their cockiness as Leo, Aries, and Taurus, Libra is still pretty damn impressed with themselves. But the problem here is that Libra’s charm is so strong that you don’t even realize they’re cocky until sometimes weeks or even months down the road.

Then suddenly it hits you! And you see Libra for the cocky little brat they are. You also see that their ability to manipulate is what kept you blind to their cockiness — the cockiness they have zero reason to have — for so long.

5. VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

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Virgo’s cockiness is a cockiness that the rest of us just expect, so therefore it exists. As the so-called virgin of the zodiac signs, Virgo is often perceived to be holier than thou, even if that’s not exactly the case.

But it’s because of this and Virgo’s bad habit of getting overwhelmed too easily by what others think that creates the cockiness. Virgo has nothing to be cocky about, at all, but sometimes it’s just easier to throw your hands up in the air and be like, “Whatever! If you think I’m cocky, then I’m effing cocky!”

Amanda Chatel is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She’s a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper’s Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, or her website.

Musings From the Sage

Nine Signs You Might Be Arrogant

Ask someone who they would rather spend time with, an arrogant person or a self-confident person and their answer will be quick and easy. No one likes to be around an arrogant person.

There are nine easily recognizable clues that you might be arrogant that I have compiled. Follow with me and see if any of these apply to you. I must confess that as I wrote these, more than once I had to pause and admit, Ron, you are talking about yourself. So please, don’t think I am writing these from some ivory tower of confidence – it’s more like I’m writing them from the swamp of real-life-experience.

Clue #1: Your favorite subject is you! You want to be the center of attention of every gathering. You want all eyes on you, all conversation about you, at least as long as the conversation is positive, and you don’t like it when the focus turns on someone else.

You want everyone to agree with you. You want your story to be the best story. You always want to appear in charge and under control, and if something happens that makes you look bad you don’t like it and you cannot laugh about it. You love the people who adore you but loathe those who do not like you.

Clue #2: You have a hard time self-reflecting. Arrogant people have a real tough time facing their own fallacies and weaknesses. To look inward can be very difficult because you do not want to see yourself as you really are.

If someone points out that you are rude, what do you do? In most cases, you either justify your actions or you act even ruder with a nasty retort. If someone argues with your point of view, you take little or no time to listen and consider their argument. While they are talking you are not listening but rather you are formulating your most elegant rebuttal against their stupidity.

Clue #3: You probably don’t have any real friends. In the first instance this is because you don’t need any. After all, you are complete in yourself, right? Why would you need someone when you are perfectly capable of caring for yourself by yourself.

By the way, you need to know that it is really hard to be a friend to someone who doesn’t seem to need other people. When you block out others from entering your little circle of self-indulgence and self-interest , you become an island unto yourself.

Clue #4: You want things to go your way and to be done your way. Why is that? Because you are smarter than other people, that’s why! Your “my way or the highway” attitude frustrates the people around you but that doesn’t bother you because that is the way you want it. At least until one day you find yourself all alone on your own little private highway to nowhere.

Clue #5: You are capable of false charm but true cruelty is at your core. An arrogant person is usually very charming at first meeting. Their over-the-top personality makes them the center of attention and their charisma captivates many. But it does not always last long because hidden behind the charm are stronger emotions such as cruelty, spite, and vindictiveness. Anyone who comes against you or who discovers your fake magnetism feels your wrath.

Clue #6: You see people you do not like as threats to your perfect little world. For an arrogant person, the more they hate someone, the more dangerous that person is to their fantasy world; and so, the bigger the threat, the nastier the critical retort.

Think for a moment about someone you don’t like. Does your blood start to boil? Do you begin to formulate reasons why this person is such a lout or idiot or reprobate?

Clue #7: You overcompensate for your weaknesses. You talk loud, walk with a swagger, brag about your accomplishments, and maybe even over-dress or over-make-up to hide your frailties. You cover up your real or imagined deficiencies and personal or physical inferiority by striving for power or dominance over others.

Clue #8: You are intolerant of people who are not like you. Arrogant people are quick to criticize others and to point out the faults and weaknesses of anyone who is not up to their standards. You have a need to correct the errors of other people and even enjoy setting up others to fail so you can point out their weaknesses and laugh at their failures. It makes you feel smug to see others fail.

An arrogant person talks only to people he thinks are worthy of his presence. His nose-in-the-air attitude is visible as he walks past the “little people” of this world because they are unworthy of his attention or interest.

Clue #9: You have a vulnerability that lies behind your shield of invincibleness. Fact is, you know you’re not as good as you hope other people think you are and you are terrified they are going to find out. So what do you do? You become increasingly arrogant, increasingly isolated, and increasingly unpopular.

A confident person is willing to risk making a fool of himself but not an arrogant person. A confident person will go ahead and grab a microphone on Karaoke night and sing off-key without apology, then laugh with the crowd as they applaud his departure from the stage.

An arrogant person will storm off any stage where he is NOT applauded with vigor. He cannot withstand being seen as a making a mistake and worst of all, making that mistake in the presence of others.

OK, now let’s review these ten signs you are an arrogant person and compare them to a confident person.

  1. An arrogant person must always have the spotlight on them. A confident person can share the spotlight.
  2. An arrogant person has a hard time self-reflecting. A confident person enjoys looking inward to see both the good things he thinks, says and does, but also the things about him he needs to change.
  3. An arrogant person has no true friends. A confident person has an abundance of friendships at every level.
  4. An arrogant person wants everything done his way. A confident person can learn something from others and can adapt to almost any situation.
  5. An arrogant person is capable of false charm and unusual cruelty. A confident person is sincere and gentle in thought, word and deed.
  6. An arrogant person does not like threats to their perfect little world. A confident person can accept change and even thrive in the midst of it.
  7. An arrogant person overcompensates for his weaknesses. A confident person admits weaknesses and turns them into strengths.
  8. An arrogant person is intolerant of people who are different than they are. A confident person sees value in every human being, even those with whom he may disagree on some very serious issues.
  9. An arrogant person has a vulnerability that underlies his arrogance. A confident person is willingly vulnerable and not afraid if others discover he is lacking in perfection.

Do any of these clues ring true with the way you think, act and feel? Pick out the clues that most damage your personal growth and start working on them. No one likes an arrogant person and you want to be liked!

How to be cocky

There’s no denying that confidence is one of the sexiest things a person can wear, yet there always seems to be the issue of where the fine line between confidence and sexy lies. A man who is confident can sometimes be a rare gem, where a cocky man can almost push you out of the dating scene all together.

1. How his comments make you feel

The number one tell-tale way of determining which side of this dichotomy your man lies on is how his comments make you feel. If his demeanor is something that you enjoy being around, then there’s a good chance he’s simply a confident Prince Charming. If his compliments are making your stomach churn, take it as a sign you should run for the hills.

2. How you deal with a disagreement

If he’s the kind of guy who always thinks that he’s right, and has the inability to take a look at your perspective, this is not only a sign of cockiness, but it can also be really destructive to the relationship. There’s a difference between him standing his ground, and being uncomfortably stubborn. If he has a tendency to constantly devalue your feelings in a disagreement, it’s time for you to move on,

3. How your friends feel about him

It may be hard to see for yourself sometimes due to rose-colored glasses, but your friends are always able to see through your man’s bullshit. If his way of presenting himself is actually turning your friends off, then maybe the way he’s carrying himself is more aligned with cocky than confident. Your friends will always be able to tell if you can kick one to the curb.

This may be one of the easier things to pick up on, but the way he says things can really help determine where he stands with between being confident or pompous. If he seems genuinely convinced that he’s better than other people, or even aggressive when someone “challenges” how he feels about himself, then I’d take this as a sign that he’s not so much charming, and actually a tad arrogant.

5. If he can take a joke

If your man is the kind who seems to get offended when you take playful chips at him, then maybe the fact that he takes himself a bit too seriously can show that his cockiness is something to be worried about.

6. How he handles jealousy

We all want a man who is protective of us, but there’s a line between a guy who is confident in himself and your relationship, and therefore is pretty laid back. But then there’s the cocky man who flys off the handle with jealousy, that can almost turn into unneeded rage when you’re out with someone else.

7. How he handles the truth

A confident man can handle being told something that takes him off guard, or even what goes against what he might originally believe. Yet, a guy who’s cocky absolutely can’t stand being told that he’s wrong or in the wrong.

8. How competitive he is

If he’s a sore sport when you beat him at a video game or bet, then I hate to tell you, but it’s time to ditch that sore-loser. Not being able to accept a loss, or getting a tad too intense during something that’s fun and games can be a sign that he may be unnecessarily cocky.

9. How he accepts a compliment

If he’s the kind of partner who already knows and thinks that he’s the best thing since toast, then that really isn’t confidence. A confident man is more humble and modest in his self-assurance.

A cocky guy will leave that major assignment until last-minute thinking that his skills are so amazing that he doesn’t need to worry about any prep work. Yet, a confident guy will put in all the legwork to make sure that his final product shows all his hard work and dedication.

In the end, it can be really hard to draw a fine line between a confident man and one who is needlessly arrogant. A confident man can make for an amazing, supportive partner; where a cocky one can almost turn you off of relationships in total.