How to date a bisexual person

How to date a bisexual person

read the link first, then read what I have to say about it.

First off, their deifnition is fairly standard, but fails to mention a gender other than men and women. However, this is true of most basic definitions. They also make a point to say that bi people are monogamous just like straight people. True. However, the heavy weight on monogamy being better is rather apparent. I’d rather see something say that it is ok to be monogamous and poly, but I do see the point in dispelling the myth. Most of the dating tips simply say “date a bi person like you would date anyone else” good point. Bisexual people are people, and deserve the same treatment as anyone else.

However, towards the end they kind of go back and say bi people might not want long term relationships because of not wanting to be either homosexual or heterosexual, and imply that bi people can escape homophobia by getting married and having kids. This something I have heard from many queer, bi, and straight folks. . . and I tend to disagree. Even if you are functioning in a heterosexual community, you’re married and have the requisite 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, you’re still bisexual. You have still experienced feeling shame for your attractions, you still experience homophobia and biphobia from a heterosexist society. Embodying heterosexuality does not mean you are and therefore experience heterosexuality just as any straight folks do, I think it may even mean that you experience more doubt, shame and confusion about whether or not your feelings for the same sex are ok, and also whether or not you truly belong in your life.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

Like this:

Related

This entry was posted on March 14, 2008 at 7:22 pm and is filed under dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

How to date a bisexual person

Just like Anna Paquin, who tweeted about her bisexuality and marriage for Pride Month, I am a bisexual woman, attracted to both men and women, and I am proudly married to a man who’s only attracted to ladies*. So what’s it like? Awesome, predominantly. Being bi and married to my dude is a wonderful and fulfilling situation, mostly because he is excellent and accepts all my parts, including the bits that like another gender. But together we have discovered that, through no conscious fault of our own, we confuse people. Frequently. Deeply. Sometimes in a way that ends with strange girls trying to break into our room at parties. (More on that later.)

Much of this confusion seems to come from two sources: preconceptions about bisexuality and how it works, and preconceptions about marriage and what it’s for. When our relationship is viewed from the outside, these ideas sit atop it like an incongruous cheap baseball cap and affect how we’re perceived.

Here are the four ideas about marriage and bisexuality that I regularly encounter, and why they’re wrong:

We Are All About Threesomes

More than one person has assumed that bi-hetero relationships must involve threesomes, regularly. In the same way that straight relationships involve, I don’t know, Chinese food, or fighting over the remote. My husband gets fist-bumped rather a lot.

Cute, right? Except that it meant that a drunk girl at a party we both attended, who’d never met me but who had heard that I was bi and therefore “must be up for it,” tried to force her way into the room where we were sleeping for an unexpected menage a trois. Obviously there are many things wrong with that situation. But the underlying assumption, that threesomes are regularly on the sexual menu, isn’t too uncommon. It defines “bisexual” as “can’t be satisfied without both sexes at once,” which is another, entirely different sexual identity.

It also overlaps with the stereotype that bi people are sexually insatiable and will seek out anything with a pulse to satisfy their raging libido. “Is it breathing? Can it consent? Sweet, it’s macking time.” This is. not true. I am not Lord Byron.

It’s The End Of My Queerness

Committing to a lifelong heterosexual relationship when you’ve been a part of the queer community can cause conversations like this:

“Why didn’t I get an invite to your Pride party this year?”

“We just. thought you wouldn’t be interested. Now, I mean.”

Yep. Bi people are in a particular bind when it comes to their dating pool: If they find a partner of the opposite sex, they run the risk of being accused of queer treason. Having a legally married dude partner means that, for some very lovely LGBT friends, I have sadly lost all my gay points, copped out, thrown in the rainbow-colored towel, and can no longer take part of Pride activities because I’m too busy being committed to male genitalia.

It’s also frankly frustrating when anybody, straight or gay, assumes that I have been magically, permanently cured of my (very real) attraction to boobs by prolonged exposure to my dude’s heterosexuality, like it’s musky anti-LGBT radiation. Sexuality is fluid, and it can change over time, but assuming this in another person is a good way to get something thrown at your head.

And then there are the people who decide I was never actually REALLY queer at all, that I was either a L.U.G — Lesbian Until Graduation — dating women because it was fashionable and edgy or because I was just confused.

Nobody’s actually congratulated my dude on “turning me” or “helping me make up my mind” — yet. But I have had a few comments about how relieved I must be that, like Jessie J’s, my experimental phase is over. Nope. Nope nope nope.

People can be very uncomfortable with the concept of bisexuality as a permanent identity rather than a ‘holding pattern’ while you choose which gender you REALLY like. Evan Rachel Wood, who is bisexual, told a journalist for Out magazine, “People like things black and white. It’s less scary. Grey areas make people uneasy.” Marriage seems like a definitive choice, like you’ve FINALLY chosen one team over the other, which is obviously pretty uncomfortable, since I’m still firmly in that grey space.

Mawwage! Twu Wuv! Cop Out!

The LGBT community and marriage have a very fraught relationship, with a legacy of “traditional” gender roles and inherent historical patriarchy to battle. Taking advantage of a right that many gay people still can’t have — and aren’t sure they want — can put a big wedge between yourself and your queer identity and community.

Putting on the dress and the ring and legally binding yourself to a person of the opposite sex can wreak havoc not only on your gay credentials but on your own self-perception. Is this really true to who I am? Am I turning my back on the struggle of a minority? Am I — gasp — taking the easy way out?

Quick answer: No. I’m not. Marriage is never an “easy” decision, regardless of sexuality, and if I’d fallen in love with a lady, I would have married a lady. If anything, the ease with which I could get hitched to a dude, and the sheer happiness that accompanied that act, makes me even more conscious of what it means to deprive other queer people of that right.

Bisexual People + Monogamy = Disaster

And then there’s the concept that a lifetime with only one set of genitals for company is inconceivable for bisexual people. INCONCEIVABLE.

I’ve had some very concerned dialogues go something like this:

“But how can you be happy with just one gender? Forever? Won’t you always be thinking about the other one? Aren’t you unfulfilled? Won’t your partner think there’s a little bit of you he can’t satisfy? IS YOUR MARRIAGE DOOMED?”

Welcome to a contradiction of bi-and-married existence. Critics treat you as if you have taken one of two paths: either you’ve relinquished your bisexual identity, and so seem to have abandoned queer struggle to take refuge in the safe familiarity of the patriarchy, or you’ve kept it and are seen as incapable of dealing with the structures of state-sanctioned monogamy. Whee!

Here’s the thing — monogamy doesn’t mean that your genitals are programmed only to want your partner’s genitals forever more. Attraction to others, regardless of orientation, doesn’t cease because you put a ring on it. That’s a conversation that modern society is only just learning how to have: that commitment to one person is a continued choice, and that it’s OK and healthy to think other people are cute.

I don’t feel any mourning for my access to breasts, any more than I mourn for my access to other dudes. They are, after all, still in the world. If I felt any urge to still be out squeezing them, I would not have walked down that aisle. Being bi and married doesn’t mean perpetually thinking wistfully that the grass is greener elsewhere; it means really, really loving your patch of garden, and working on it ardently. The gardeners are a little out of the ordinary, but the flowers sure are beautiful.

*I don’t refer to my dude as “straight” because he doesn’t like the word. He prefers the term “heterosexual,” or, if you want to be precise, a male-identifying person who is female-attracted.

I’ve seen straight girls say they won’t date a bi guy but guys are usually fine with dating a bi girl.

But if you’re purely discriminating people by who they are attracted to, is it not homophobic?

EDIT: Sorry I meant biphobic.

Not what you’re looking for? Try…

  • Who do you prefer dateing.
  • Dating preferences
  • Ladies, would you date a bi guy? Gentleman, would you date a bi girl?
  • Bisexual but please don’t tell the wife/girlfriend.

(Original post by angelike1)
I’ve seen straight girls say they won’t date a bi guy but guys are usually fine with dating a bi girl.

But if you’re purely discriminating people by who they are attracted to, is it not homophobic?

Sexuality is psychological though.

Let’s say I never date black women and one day I meet this white girl. She looks completely white but following a DNA Ancestry test I find out she’s 1% black. Would it not then be racist to refuse to date her? Or does that fall under ‘preference’?

(Original post by angelike1)
I’ve seen straight girls say they won’t date a bi guy but guys are usually fine with dating a bi girl.

But if you’re purely discriminating people by who they are attracted to, is it not homophobic?

I guess the argument of “It’s a preference” can be made but I mean.. It’s a little homophobic considering the sole reason you wont date them is because of their sexuality, like there’s no other reason for it.

Not dating people based on their race is fine however imo as appearances are taken into account when choosing a partner, you may for example dislike a certain person based on the size of their lips which may just so happen to be linked to their race, this is why I’d say saying you’d not date a certain race isnt racist (however you’re kind of just assuming they all have the one feature you dislike). With sexuality there’s literally nothing that could turn you off them. (Assuming they don’t cheat on you then whats the difference between bi and straight at that point?)

You could argue that stereotypical bi guys talk a certain way or whatever but thats just a stereotype and not a biological fact.

I tried to describe my thought process but yea, thats what I think.

How to date a bisexual person

Originally published on Mic and republished here with their permission.

Dating isn’t easy for anyone.

But few things rock potential relationships more than one partner feeling insecure – and dating someone sexually fluid can feel threatening to even the most secure individuals.

Which is why there’s arguably nothing that scares a date off more than announcing you’re bisexual. (Well, that and “I’m still living in my parent’s basement.”)

That fear often stems from a misunderstanding of what it means to be bisexual.

As Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center, told the New York Times, there are abundant “stereotypes that people believe about bisexuality – that bisexual people are lying to ourselves or to others, that we’re confused, that we can’t be trusted.”

Monosexuals – those who are exclusively attracted to one gender – who have a hard time wrapping their minds around dating non-monosexuals are likely falling prey to such negative misperceptions.

They may spurn them to avoid bi people romantically altogether, or even engage in damaging biphobia.

It’s time we all realized that bisexual people are just as good relationship material as anyone else – and that most of the assumptions about dating bi people aren’t true.

To clear up the myths, here’s what actually true and what’s certainly not – the “facts.”

Myth #1: Bisexual People Aren’t Dating Material

Bisexual people, especially bisexual women, are often sexualized: We’re good for a romp in the sack, the logic goes, but not good enough to take home to the parents.

The sexualization stems from visualizing bisexuality not as a sexual identity on par with heterosexuality or homosexuality, but as a sex act.

But bisexuality is a legitimate sexual identity, and being bisexual doesn’t mean that person is incapable of being in a committed relationship.

There may be other things about your bi partner that may make them undateable. Being bi is not one of them.

Fact: Bisexuals like you for you, not your genitals.

Being attracted to multiple genders allows bisexuals to be attracted to individuals for far more than just their physical appearance. Sure, your “parts” will be appreciated — celebrated, even — but they won’t necessarily be a defining characteristic.

Myth #2: Bisexual People Will Eventually Leave You for Another Gender

As one straight male told AfterEllen, “If you are attracted to people of both sexes, that just doubles the temptation. If you start with the assumption that there are attractive things about maleness and about femaleness (the energy, the body, whatever), and you really like both, who’d want to give up both?”

That’s the logic behind the deep-rooted misconception that bisexual people are incapable of monogamy — or that the bisexual person is actually gay or straight (they’re not), which would cause them to leave you for someone of a different gender.

How to date a bisexual person

This fear is baseless and only causes unnecessary paranoia in the relationship.

Fact: Dating bisexual people can deepen trust.

Honest dialogue that breaks down insecurities will always deepen trust in relationships. Vulnerability is a cornerstone to a healthy and successful relationship. Being able to sit with your potential bi partner and discuss the parameters of your relationship will be an effective trust-building exercise.

Myth #3: Bisexual People Only Date Either Cisgender Men and Cisgender Women

Bisexuality isn’t binary.

Bisexual people are attracted to people of the same gender, as well as people who are not their gender.

Bisexual people can date transgender people, genderqueer individuals, and anyone else on the gender spectrum.

Fact: Bisexual people are always bisexual.

Larry King once asked Anna Paquin if she was no longer a “practicing bisexual” since she is happily married to her husband. That misunderstanding is widespread; as one bi woman who is married to a man told BuzzFeed, “People just assume you’re straight.”

A person’s sexual identity isn’t changed or negated according to the gender of their partners.

Being single and man-free doesn’t negate a straight woman’s heterosexuality, for example. Bisexual people are still bisexual even when they’re in committed, monogamous relationships with a man and/or a woman.

Myth #4: All Bisexual People Are Polyamorous

“It has been scientifically proven, again and again, that bisexuals are indecisive flibbertigibbets who…are so swamped with people they are attracted to (which is, let’s face it, everyone) that they are in a constant state of exhaustion from wild, abandoned sex with multiple partners.”

At least, that’s how Tania Browne jokingly put it in the Guardian.

Just as being attracted to both blondes and brunettes doesn’t mean you need partners of both hair colors to be sexually and romantically satisfied, being attracted to more than one gender has nothing inherently to do with polyamory.

Polyamorous couples come in all different varieties. There are straight, gay, and even bisexual polyamorous couples and individuals.

Fact: Bisexual people do have standards.

Shocking, but true: Bisexual people aren’t lustfully attracted to just anyone that walks by. In fact, many bi individuals are quite selective in whom they choose for romantic or sexual relationships. (That being said, if you’re one of the chosen, you must have it going on.)

Myth #5: Bisexual People Are Cheaters

The distrust of bisexual people often stems from the perceived flippancy of the status.

“I tried [my sexual fluidity], but I was called ‘selfish,’ ‘confused,’ and ‘doing it for attention,’” one bisexual woman told BuzzFeed. But being open to relationships with various genders or identifying as sexually fluid doesn’t mean you have no standards for commitment.

Fact: Bisexual people as a group are just as loyal as any other group.

There’s no proof that bisexual people are more prone to cheating than anyone else. When you date a straight or gay person who cheats on your relationship, you don’t swear off all straight or gay people. You swear off that person because they’re a douchebag.

How to date a bisexual person

Read Next

How to date a bisexual person

How to date a bisexual person

Lighthouse therapist Deanna Richards offers advice for monosexual people in relationships with a bisexual partner.

Bisexual people often occupy a challenging space between gay, lesbian, and heterosexual communities. Despite research that shows monosexual identities — or the attraction to only one sex or gender identity — are becoming less common, bisexuality is frequently written off as “just a phase,” or a stop on the way to coming out as gay or lesbian. And it’s not just straight people who are to blame: research shows that gay and lesbian individuals still hold negative perceptions of bi people as well.

So what happens when a bisexual or pansexual person enters a closed relationship with a monosexual partner, or comes out as bi or pan after they’re already in the relationship? We sat down with Lighthouse therapist Deanna Richards to discuss how both partners can communicate clearly and overcome the challenges that accompany dating someone of a different sexual orientation.

The Double Threat: Overcoming Jealousy with Your Bisexual Partner

Jealousy and insecurity can arise in any relationship, but may pop up more frequently in relationships in which one partner is non-monosexual. This paranoia, says Richards, is typically a product of biphobia, or ingrained assumptions that bisexual people are more promiscuous than monosexual people, which is just one of many myths associated with bisexuality. “There’s this idea that non-monosexual people just don’t have any boundaries,” says Richards. “This can seem scary to partners — there’s a sense that you can’t trust someone without boundaries, and jealousy naturally arises from that.”

Those same feelings of jealousy and inadequacy can fuel attitudes of bi-erasure in the monosexual partner. For instance, if a man who’s in a relationship with a woman comes out as bi, his heterosexual female partner might suggest he’s gay as a means to minimize perceived threat and absolve herself of responsibility or feelings of failure. If he only likes men, the logic goes, then there was nothing the female partner could do to prevent the male partner’s interest in opening or leaving the relationship to explore relationships with other men.

Ideally, the bisexual partner will be open about their identity from the get-go. But many people may not feel safe enough to come out as bi — or even the realization that they might be bi — until they’re well into a heterosexual relationship. “When it comes to exploring bisexual identity,” says Richards, “Women are typically given more room to explore, particularly when they’re in a closed relationship with a man. But when a male partner suggests he might also like men, many women feel scared of the fact that there’s a whole group of people who can offer their partner something — a literal, anatomical something — that they can’t.” The same goes for same-sex female couples in which one partner expresses interest in men.

Monosexual Partners: Practice Compassionate Curiosity

When jealousies or bi-related anxieties arise, Richards suggests that both partners engage in open and honest dialogue. “The monosexual partner should examine their ingrained assumptions about bisexuality and try and turn those assumptions into questions,” says Richards. “Avoid minimizing, avoid invalidating, and above all, avoid thrusting your partner into another identity.”

Richards also suggests that the monosexual partner engage in conversation about the topic outside of the relationship, either with a mental healthcare provider or with communities of people who may be experiencing something similar. It can be overwhelming for the bisexual partner to be the sole source of education, and there are other avenues through which monosexual people can learn about bisexuality. Above all, it’s important to practice compassionate curiosity with their bisexual partner — wherein the monosexual partner does not attack or judge, but simply asks questions about their partner’s identity.

Bisexual Partners: Be Honest And Patient

If you come out as non-monosexual well into a relationship, know that it will take time for your partner to learn about this new facet of your identity. Be patient and honest, and let your partner know that you are there to work through their process of acceptance. “It’s important to be supportive, but also to take space for self care,” notes Richards. “Going to meetups, therapy, or even just talking with friends can help with self-esteem and patience in the context of the relationship.”

If you come out as non-monosexual in the early days and are already comfortable in that identity, you’ll likely have a better idea of what you’re willing to help a monosexual partner work through. “Be straightforward and honest as you’re able to,” says Richards. “While it’s important to be patient and supportive, be wary of partners who make you feel as if you should apologize for your identity.”

How to Move Forward

Just because someone comes out as bi or pan within the context of a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean they want or need to act on it — but they might, and the monosexual partner should be prepared to have that conversation. “It’s important for the monosexual partner to ask themselves, ‘how can I support my partner in the context of this relationship — what does that look like moving forward?’” says Richards. Rather than immediately alienating your bisexual partner or jumping to the worst case scenario, ask yourself whether you’re receptive to the idea of an open relationship. Alternatively, if you’d like to stay monogamous, consider using fantasy as a way to create an intimate space for your partner’s bi identity. No matter what course of action you and your partner decide to take, don’t immediately shut down the idea of changing what your relationship looks like.

Embracing Non-Monosexuality

Research shows that monosexual identities are becoming less common, especially among younger generations. According to a 2016 survey conducted by the J. Walter Thompson Innovation Group, only 48 percent of teenagers identify as completely straight, and over a third of those surveyed expressed an identity ranging between 1 and 5 on the Kinsey scale, indicating different levels of bisexuality, or non-monosexual identities. This increasing normalization of non-monosexual identities will contribute to reducing biphobia and bi-erasure in the coming years, and minimize the widespread anxieties surrounding bisexual identities.

That said, monosexual people still have a long way to go in eschewing misconceptions that surround bisexuality, and working to understand the experiences of bisexual friends and partners. One way to prioritize honest communication in your relationship is by visiting an LGBT friendly therapist with your partner. To book an appointment with Deanna Richards, click here. To visit her website, click here.

I’m bisexual. But I’ve never dated a woman. But I’m still bisexual. Here’s why.

Okay, let’s start with some definitions, just to get some things cleared up. Someone bisexual is a person who is attracted to both men and women. Someone straight is a person who is attracted to the opposite sex, more or less.

So how do you know if you are bi or straight? Well, are you attracted to both women and men, or just the opposite sex? This is where things get complicated for some, including me.

I was in middle school when I first had the urge to kiss my best friend, let’s call her Tara, on the cheek. I had missed her a lot when she was gone and when she walked through the front door, I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. It’s innocent enough, right? It doesn’t really mean anything. But for me, it didn’t feel like an innocent friend peck. There was something else going on.

There was a poignant awkward pause. Then we pretended like it didn’t happen. I spent the next day reminding myself of all the boys I had crushes on before this, and it eased my mind. My preference had to be boys. Because the majority of my crushes had been on boys. This was just an anomaly. That’s “normal” right?

In high school I dated a few boys, only one of whom I actually loved, but found myself again with crushes on two of my best girl friends. I spent my time with them feeling confused about wanting to kiss them when I clearly liked boys. I remember asking my mom if she would still love me if I was a lesbian, and she said no. She eventually changed her answer.

I had learned the term bisexual around this time. Though I can’t remember where I first learned it, I remember my first idea of it was that it meant half the people you were attracted to were male and half were female. Perfect 50/50. And I counted on my fingers how many boys I had had crushes on versus how many girls I had had crushes on, and since the majority were boys, I once again assumed I was straight. I wasn’t bi enough to be bi.

This is called Bisexual erasure. Bisexual erasure is the erasing of the bisexual identity in history, society, academics and even ourselves. It stems from the idea that bisexual people are either gay or straight, and are just “confused” or “slutty.” The underlying assumption is that being attracted to both genders, in whatever ratio, is impossible.

But I wouldn’t learn of this concept until college. It wasn’t until I took a college course specifically on LGBTQIA sociology that I started to understand who I was. It wasn’t until then that I learned of the Kinsey Sexuality Rating Scale, that sexuality is on a spectrum, that I was a Kinsey 2, and that I could identify as bisexual with a preference for men. The Kinsey scale isn’t an exact system, but what it establishes is that there’s more out there than straight or gay. There is, in fact, a spectrum: From mostly liking one gender but being interested in the other, too to only liking one gender to being totally non-sexual. And all are equally real and valid.

By the time I crawled out of the hole of self denial into the light of knowledge and figured out my own sexual identity, I was a senior in college. I was in a serious relationship with a man and at the time it looked like I might never have the chance to date of woman if he and I were going to get married as we hoped. But I still identified as bisexual.

Why? Because I spent a lifetime trying to pretend my desires for the same sex were irrelevant due to my desires for the opposite sex, and it was a lie. Because even though I have not had the opportunity to date a woman, doesn’t mean I don’t want to. Because the actions and activities of my dating and sexual life don’t define my identity; I do. Sexual orientation is based on who you are and how you feel, not what you do. After all, we tend to figure out what gender(s) we like or don’t like based on the first crushes or feelings we had, not based off the first person we officially dated. Wouldn’t that be a strange world? “The first person you dated was your friend’s brother! You have to marry and never like, love, or feel attracted to anyone else, ever!” Yeah, not how it works. Thankfully.

Today I still struggle with my identity; not because I’m denying a part of myself anymore, but because I am a complex human being, and the labels with which we attach to ourselves must be complex as well. I’ve discovered the term pansexual (attraction to all genders) and I’ve taken a liking to it. I still struggle with whether I want to identify as pansexual or bisexual (I currently identify with either label), but the important part is that I get to choose. I get to choose what I identify as based on who I feel I am inside. And that’s a beautiful thing.

A message from the President of Catholic Answers

Dear Members and Patrons of the Catholic Answers Forums

On Thursday December 31 at 5pm PT, Catholic Answers will close the Catholic Answers Forums (CAF). I have made the decision to close the CAF after lengthy consultation with the Catholic Answers executive committee and board of trustees.

Because Catholic Answers has limited resources, we are always evaluating our programs to determine if they provide a good return on investment. I understand that the word “good” is interpreted subjectively. Opinions about the merits of the CAF range more widely than those concerning any of our other works. Some find them helpful, others contentious, others find them addictive, and still others find some of the content not suited to an apologetics apostolate and some of the content better suited to private spiritual direction and sacramental confession.

When we add to the inconclusive value of the forums, the significant cost in financial resources and personnel time to host, operate, and to what degree we can, govern them, Catholic Answers can no longer justify the effort. Our attempt to draw even a tenth of what they cost to operate through patronage was not successful. Some regular users of the Forums welcomed user fees. The vast majority wished to make use of the Forums for free. For our part, we need to make the best use we can of the gifts that donors to Catholic Answers give us to spread the Catholic Faith.

Recurring Patron donations will be discontinued on December 31. If you would like to continue supporting the work of Catholic Answers, you can donate here.

Thank you all for your support over the years and God bless.

Christopher Check

How to date a bisexual person

Originally published on Mic and republished here with their permission.

Dating isn’t easy for anyone.

But few things rock potential relationships more than one partner feeling insecure – and dating someone sexually fluid can feel threatening to even the most secure individuals.

Which is why there’s arguably nothing that scares a date off more than announcing you’re bisexual. (Well, that and “I’m still living in my parent’s basement.”)

That fear often stems from a misunderstanding of what it means to be bisexual.

As Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center, told the New York Times, there are abundant “stereotypes that people believe about bisexuality – that bisexual people are lying to ourselves or to others, that we’re confused, that we can’t be trusted.”

Monosexuals – those who are exclusively attracted to one gender – who have a hard time wrapping their minds around dating non-monosexuals are likely falling prey to such negative misperceptions.

They may spurn them to avoid bi people romantically altogether, or even engage in damaging biphobia.

It’s time we all realized that bisexual people are just as good relationship material as anyone else – and that most of the assumptions about dating bi people aren’t true.

To clear up the myths, here’s what actually true and what’s certainly not – the “facts.”

Myth #1: Bisexual People Aren’t Dating Material

Bisexual people, especially bisexual women, are often sexualized: We’re good for a romp in the sack, the logic goes, but not good enough to take home to the parents.

The sexualization stems from visualizing bisexuality not as a sexual identity on par with heterosexuality or homosexuality, but as a sex act.

But bisexuality is a legitimate sexual identity, and being bisexual doesn’t mean that person is incapable of being in a committed relationship.

There may be other things about your bi partner that may make them undateable. Being bi is not one of them.

Fact: Bisexuals like you for you, not your genitals.

Being attracted to multiple genders allows bisexuals to be attracted to individuals for far more than just their physical appearance. Sure, your “parts” will be appreciated — celebrated, even — but they won’t necessarily be a defining characteristic.

Myth #2: Bisexual People Will Eventually Leave You for Another Gender

As one straight male told AfterEllen, “If you are attracted to people of both sexes, that just doubles the temptation. If you start with the assumption that there are attractive things about maleness and about femaleness (the energy, the body, whatever), and you really like both, who’d want to give up both?”

That’s the logic behind the deep-rooted misconception that bisexual people are incapable of monogamy — or that the bisexual person is actually gay or straight (they’re not), which would cause them to leave you for someone of a different gender.

How to date a bisexual person

This fear is baseless and only causes unnecessary paranoia in the relationship.

Fact: Dating bisexual people can deepen trust.

Honest dialogue that breaks down insecurities will always deepen trust in relationships. Vulnerability is a cornerstone to a healthy and successful relationship. Being able to sit with your potential bi partner and discuss the parameters of your relationship will be an effective trust-building exercise.

Myth #3: Bisexual People Only Date Either Cisgender Men and Cisgender Women

Bisexuality isn’t binary.

Bisexual people are attracted to people of the same gender, as well as people who are not their gender.

Bisexual people can date transgender people, genderqueer individuals, and anyone else on the gender spectrum.

Fact: Bisexual people are always bisexual.

Larry King once asked Anna Paquin if she was no longer a “practicing bisexual” since she is happily married to her husband. That misunderstanding is widespread; as one bi woman who is married to a man told BuzzFeed, “People just assume you’re straight.”

A person’s sexual identity isn’t changed or negated according to the gender of their partners.

Being single and man-free doesn’t negate a straight woman’s heterosexuality, for example. Bisexual people are still bisexual even when they’re in committed, monogamous relationships with a man and/or a woman.

Myth #4: All Bisexual People Are Polyamorous

“It has been scientifically proven, again and again, that bisexuals are indecisive flibbertigibbets who…are so swamped with people they are attracted to (which is, let’s face it, everyone) that they are in a constant state of exhaustion from wild, abandoned sex with multiple partners.”

At least, that’s how Tania Browne jokingly put it in the Guardian.

Just as being attracted to both blondes and brunettes doesn’t mean you need partners of both hair colors to be sexually and romantically satisfied, being attracted to more than one gender has nothing inherently to do with polyamory.

Polyamorous couples come in all different varieties. There are straight, gay, and even bisexual polyamorous couples and individuals.

Fact: Bisexual people do have standards.

Shocking, but true: Bisexual people aren’t lustfully attracted to just anyone that walks by. In fact, many bi individuals are quite selective in whom they choose for romantic or sexual relationships. (That being said, if you’re one of the chosen, you must have it going on.)

Myth #5: Bisexual People Are Cheaters

The distrust of bisexual people often stems from the perceived flippancy of the status.

“I tried [my sexual fluidity], but I was called ‘selfish,’ ‘confused,’ and ‘doing it for attention,’” one bisexual woman told BuzzFeed. But being open to relationships with various genders or identifying as sexually fluid doesn’t mean you have no standards for commitment.

Fact: Bisexual people as a group are just as loyal as any other group.

There’s no proof that bisexual people are more prone to cheating than anyone else. When you date a straight or gay person who cheats on your relationship, you don’t swear off all straight or gay people. You swear off that person because they’re a douchebag.